She wanted to tell them she didn't she did she didn't she did she didn't
In the morning she tumbled out of bed, head reeling from the nightmares again. She trotted to the mirror and attempted to push her hair into the normal curls before going downstairs.
As she trotted out the door, she pushed the normal enthusiasm into her voice as she asked everyone how they were and remembered all the minor details of their lives.
You could say what you wanted about Pinkie Pie, but everyone knew that she was a good listener when you needed her to be. She listened as Daisy began rambling about how Lily and Rose kept refusing to try her new recipes,but her mind kept wandering to the same images of her friends. Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack..then the laughter echoing through her mind.
It had been happening for longer than one might think- since that fateful day where she had looked around at her friends and realized how much they meant to her. How much it hurt seeing them with others.
I love them, she had thought. At the time she had been shocked, though her first reaction was to want to blurt out the words floating through her mind: I love you all so much. She couldn't bring herself to say them aloud. She knew how adamantly Rainbow Dash insisted that she was straight (she wasn't) how Twilight refused to date until she was finished with her studies, how Fluttershy blushed when Big Macintosh looked at her, how Rarity had that desire for her prince and fairytale ending, how Applejack insisted she was too busy with the farm to even think about being in a relationship.
And it made Pinkie cry when she let herself- when she was alone in her room after the Cakes had left or gone to bed, where nopony would ever hear her, with the curtains shut so not even a pegasus could see in. She couldn't be seen- that would be letting the curtain down, ruining the illusion for everyone, destroying their image of Pinkie Pie, the happy-go-lucky party planner.
Quite honestly, that pony had died the day she realized how they would react- how they would just reject her. She was the pony to go to for playing games or eating sweets. Not the pony they could ever see as anything more than their friend Pinkie Pie. good for a laugh, always there with that big smile on her face.
She reasoned with herself. Rainbow Dash wasn't straight, Pinkie knew what had happened in Flight School with Gilda. Twilight may want to focus on her studies, but surely she might make an exception for her bestest, bestest friend Pinkie? And maybe Fluttershy did like Big Macintosh..but Pinkie knew she loved her, too, didn't she? And Rarity..Pinkie could be a prince for her if that's what she wanted. And Applejack may be busy, but with Mac and Apple Bloom to help out surely she could take off enough time to see Pinkie if she knew how much Pinkie loved her.
No. No, she wasn't, and she wouldn't, and she didn't, and she couldn't, and she wouldn't. They might let those things happen for others, but not for Pinkie Pie, silly friend. Comic relief. That's what she was to them, really, wasn't she? Always there to lighten things up, make them feel a little better between all the dramas of the real world. She wasn't anything more than that.