The men stared.
And the ponies stared right back.
But Ed would not let this stand, he had to maintain authority and professionalism. It was part of his job.
"Hello, I'm Captain Edward McQuinn, pleasure to meet you." He got down on one arthritic knee, requiring some effort and internal cursing on his part, and extended his hand to the peach-coated pony, who was quite short compared to the tall upright human, although not much more so than the griffons.
He cleared his throat and extended his foreleg to meet the man's shake. "Well it is a pleasure to meet you as well! I'm Mayor Cobbler, but you can call me Peachy!"
Ed was keen to notice the lack of horseshoe and he briefly wondered what kind of dirt from the cobblestone floor of the docks he was currently touching. He wasn't sure how to perform a proper 'hoofshake,' but he assumed a firm grip would still be part of the recommended method. Peachy flinched only slightly upon having his hoof encircled by fleshy fingers. Ed judged that this was only because of the awkwardness of meeting a human for the first time, after all, he felt about the same meeting a pony.
"And this is my assistant Note Scribe," Peachy gestured over to the slim white mare with the curly golden hair.
She silently kept her distance, not at all frightened, but still remaining wary of these strange newcomers.
The young deckhand Pete leaned a little to his left and said quietly to John, "I could get down with that," as he looked at the mayor's assistant.
John's eyes followed Pete's gaze to the young, shapely mare. His eyes returned to Pete, giving him a look of disgust. "Are you saying you'd shag a horse?"
"She ain't exactly a horse…" Pete replied skeptically, his hands held out, palms up.
John scowled at his friend, "What do you mean? She's got four hooves and everything!"
"Don't flip yo wig man. I'm just saying." He shrugged.
The city's well-fed mayor finished his long-winded introduction and looked beyond Ed to address his remaining crew. "Gentle…colts, welcome to Baltimare!" He held a hoof out to his side as if to present his glorious city, but all the humans could see were dingy dock buildings.
Pete couldn't help but snicker, while all the others were thinking this pudgy gray-haired pony mayor had simply mispronounced 'Baltimore.'
"Well, let's get you gents some lunch! I know a swell restaurant, you'll love it. I'll show you the sights while we're about town!"
Jake McAvoy patted his large stomach and nodded in approval. "I could go for some grub."
As the mayor and his assistant led the way, old Ed took one last glance at the docked ship that had rescued his men and himself. A big iron freighter, with a simple paint scheme of black on the lower half of the hull, and white for the upper, but with a tiny gold stripe separating the two colors. It didn't exactly have the same, more efficient layout as most of the freighters he knew from his world, like the Fitz, but it seemed like it got the job done anyhow. Scratchy had told him that out of all the ships he had ever helmed, this one was his all time favorite ship, despite how old and overused it was…
Ed squinted at the lettering denoting the ship's name… The G.S.S. Gildash.
Captain McQuinn felt like he was eating a slice of home. He brought the silver fork to his mouth and bit down on a piece of meaty goodness. Although he couldn't help being painfully aware that the peach-colored, very much vegetarian stallion sitting across from him was the only equine in the entirety of the griffon restaurant. Even his secretary had abandoned him, not daring to venture into the establishment. And he looked just a tiny bit uneasy.
"I'm sorry, is it bothering you?" The captain glanced down at his juicy steak.
"Ah, don't worry about it, I'm used to it," Peachy lied, and continued to take careful bites of his salad straight out of the bowl. "So tell me, where exactly are you from?"
"Ha. Ohio."
"Can't say I've heard of it."
"Hmm," Ed merely mumbled with food in his mouth.
"So about how far away is this 'Ohio'?"
Ed looked up from his plate to a small, oddly-proportioned, peach-coated pony eating a salad, who was seated at a table in a restaurant (that happened to be staffed by mythical creatures), the mayor of a city of ponies, with whom Ed was carrying on a conversation. "Pretty damned far, I'd say."
"Stallion of few words, are we? It's alright if you don't want to tell me, I understand. International diplomacy can be tricky when you're in a more… casual setting." Peachy feigned insult.
Ed sighed and put down his fork. "I don't really want to talk about it in front of my crew," he said quietly, and glanced over to his men. They were laughing and enjoying their free feast, courtesy of Baltimare's taxpayers.
Mayor Cobbler gave Captain McQuinn a knowing look and nodded his head off to the side. Ed took his hint and the two left the table and found a corner near the restrooms to talk in private.
"I'm sorry about that. We're a long, long way from home, and I just don't think it's quite sunken in for them yet." Ed sighed. "You're not going to find our home on any map. Believe me I checked."
"Well… perhaps it's uncharted territory," Peachy theorized with an air of intellect and a swirly hoof gesture.
"I'm afraid you don't understand. Your whole world is different. We humans, we've charted our whole planet, and this place? It is definitely not on the map. Not on our map."
"What are you saying?" Peachy asked incredulously. "Weren't you shipwrecked?"
"Yes. In a freshwater lake. Not an ocean. Go figure that one out."
"I see… Well then… the only possible explanation… is magic."
Ed cracked a little smile, "Ha ha, very funny."
And so the whole concept of magic was explained to the old man. Who then passed on a word of caution about unicorns to his men. After lunch, Peachy lead the humans on a brief sightseeing tour of Baltimare. The big industrial harbor made the city look a lot larger than it actually was. The sights didn't go far beyond Town Hall and a few statues and fountains. Then the time came to say goodbye to Baltimare's mayor and his introverted assistant, who had conveniently rejoined them after lunch.
They stood on a train station platform awaiting the train that was just pulling in now. But before it came to a halt, a gold-coated griffon wearing a bandana descended from the sky and landed right in front of the humans.
"Ahoy mateys-"
"Hey! No flying allowed near the platforms! You'll have to-"
"Oi you! Shut your mouth! I'm only deliverin' a message, savvy?"
The bespectacled train station worker just opened his mouth a few times before backing down and walking away.
"Howdy Doubloon," Vern greeted the gold griffon.
"Fellas." The pirate wannabe tipped an imaginary hat. "As I was sayin', Cap'n Scratchy wanted to give you lot a message. 'e said good luck gettin' 'ome, and if you don't 'ave much luck, we'll be makin' port every week in 'orseshoe Bay for the next three months. So if any of you lot need a job, 'e'll help you out."
The men all nodded grimly at this, considering the possibility, for the first time, that they might not return home.
"Thank you for the message sailor. Doubloon was it?" Captain McQuinn asked.
"That's me. I best be off, I've got plunderin' and pillagin' to be doin'!" He took to the air. "Another time, gents!"
The crew bade him farewell, and took notice that a purple pony flanked by two gold armor clad ones was approaching them.
"Princess Sparkle!" Mayor Cobbler hurried over from behind the humans and bowed before her.
"Mr. Mayor, please skip the bowing, if you don't mind…" She protested.
"Of course, of course! Gentlecolts, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle!" Peachy then began to mouth the word 'bow' and gesture with a hoof for the humans to do so.
Twilight smiled in embarrassment and shook her head. "Please don't bow."
"I'm Captain Ed McQuinn, and this is my crew." Unsure about royal formalities, Ed sheepishly offered his hand to shake.
"It's such a pleasure to meet you! I can't wait to…"
"Hey," Robert Stein whispered to his shipmates as the pony royalty and his captain made introductions. "Hey guys. L-look at her. Notice something off?"
"Yeah," Pete began sarcastically, "She's a talking fucking horse…"
Vern leaned back and cut in, "Can it wise guy. These ponies are taking us in. Show some goddamn respect."
Pete threw his hands up defensively, "Hey I'm just sayin'."
"No, look," Robert sheepishly pointed to the purple pony princess. "She has wings and a horn. I've been looking, none of the other ponies have both."
"Man… you probably weren't looking hard enough." John casually commented.
"While we're at it," Jake cut in, "What's up with the Romans?" He pointed a thumb at the guards.
"…I'm just so excited!" Twilight was practically jumping up and down from whatever her and the captain were talking about. "Oh! I almost forgot, this is my assistant, Spike." She moved aside, exposing a shy pudgy purple reptile who smiled and waved his claw nervously.
"Hey dude," Pete leaned over and whispered to John, "is that some kind of lizard?"
"I dunno man, looks more like a dinosaur to me," John responded.
Pete shot his friend a dirty look. "Dinosaurs are lizards man!"
"Naw, they're extinct!"
Pete put his face in the palm of his hand.
Robert moved in between them, "Actually dinosaurs are more related to birds."
"LAST CALL FOR BALTIMARE TO CANTERLOT! ALL ABOARD!"
"Canterlot?" John commented.
"Now that's a ridiculous name…" Vern added with a cocked eyebrow.
"Hey what happened to respect, man?" Pete huffed at Vern.
On the long journey to Canterlot, much was explained to both parties. Twilight understood now that these humans were not shipwrecked ambassadors on their way to make peace and trading arrangements (or war) with Equestria, as Twilight had heard it. She had a feeling that her mentor's lack of advice for this particular situation might have been Celestia's way of teaching her former student a new lesson in leadership: tales grow taller on down the line.
But nevertheless, the newly crowned princess of friendship was even more ecstatic when she found out she was dealing with extra-dimensional sailors instead of a bunch of boring politicians from her own world. She made them a promise to do all she could to find them a way home.
Although Ed was skeptical as to whether or not anything would come from her research on the reality-jump. To him this seemed all seemed to be a huge fluke of the powers that be. A mistake of God himself… or perhaps all part of His grand plan. But he refused to get too philosophical about this, even within the confines of his own mind, because he knew there was only one conclusion he would inevitably settle on. And he refused to believe he was dead.
Still, the rest of the crew seemed optimistic enough about Twilight's endeavors to find them a way home. All of them… except for Jake. To the 62 year old first mate, it seemed pointless. He was once the happiest man aboard the mighty Fitz, his smile would brighten anyone's day. But after tragedy struck him he had lost his spirit. The poor man had been miserably depressed ever since he lost his beloved wife and daughter to a car accident two years before. The thought of just ending it all had crossed his mind, but his recent brush with death had instilled in him a new desire to live. There was nothing left for him back home except trying to find another crummy job so he could put food on his plate. Here, strange as this new world was, everyone he had met so far was kind and giving. And happy. To him, this seemed like a nice place to retire, even if he would have to start from scratch.
And so they arrived in Canterlot. Names were exchanged, places seen, things explained, and, of course, a welcome party thrown. Courtesy of the bounciest pink pony the crew had ever met.
"What?! You eat meat?!" The pink creature gawked in surprise at the humans.
"Yeah… is that bad?" John asked.
"Bad? Of course it's bad! Nopony told me! I would have had the party catered for it!"
"Ha ha! Don't worry Pinkie, I'm sure we'll survive off cupcakes and cookies for one day."
"I wish we had some beer though," Vern suggested, swirling the fruity punch around in his glass.
"Beer? One sec!" Pinkie smiled and dashed out of the castle ballroom, stirring up confetti from the floor in her wake.
"Honestly it's probably for the best that Pinkie didn't have the party catered to your… special diet." Rarity said as she approached the snack table. "I don't think any of us ponies would be comfortable being around dead animal carcasses."
"Meh," Rainbow Dash interrupted as she casually leaned against the snack table, "Gilda used to eat meat around me all the time. Never bothered me."
"Oh how uncouth," Rarity spat.
Peter butt in, "Oh, lighten up lady. It’s not like we eat bleeding dead animals."
Jake wandered over to the snack table. "Hey guys. Ladies." He gave a polite nod. "Hey John. What d'ya 'spose they're talking about over there." He pointed a cupcake towards Robert and Fluttershy, both sitting on the floor and chit-chatting about something.
"I don't know but they seem to be getting along good."
"Huh. Fluttershy's like the last pony I'd expect to make friends with a big scary monkey-monster," Rainbow added, much to the displeasure of her human company. "Not that I'm scared of you or anything. I mean, I could totally take you on," she said smugly.
The humans kept silently staring at her until Rarity politely cleared her throat.
"Oh, I mean… uh… no offense?" Rainbow bashfully shrugged after finally taking the hint.
John rolled his eyes and asked no one in particular, "What do you think the captain and the royalty are talking about?" He looked over to his captain and three pony princesses.
"Probably boring princess stuff," Rainbow scoffed.
"I'm quite sure they're talking about serious political issues, having to do with your arrival," Rarity politely stated.
"Yeah, like I said, boring princess stuff," the colorful pegasus repeated.
Just then a loud rumbling noise was heard coming their way. Everyone looked to the ballroom doors that swung open, and in came Pinkie, rolling a large wooden barrel into the room… by walking backwards on top of it with her hind legs.
Applejack trotted over and helped Pinkie stop the barrel from rolling. She took a quick glance at the stenciled letters on the barrel, and casually leaned on it. "Well, I'll be. Y'all sure are gettin' the royal treatment now! This here's the best darned cider in all of Equestria!"
"I couldn't find any beer but cider's just as good! Maybe even better!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"The best cider, you say?" Vern asked.
"Yes sir! I know because I make it. This here's Sweet Apple Acres cider!" She said proudly.
Peter inspected the barrel, "Cider?" He shrugged. "Alright! Let's get this party started!"