Chapter 1 – Snark
“Horse apples!” Came the irritated cry of one Princess Twilight Sparkle. “That didn’t work at all! I’ve spent all night wasting my time!”
A groan came from the bottom of the stairs as baby dragon with light purple scales and a green belly came staggering up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “What’s going on Twilight?”
“What do you think?” She replied, a little more harshly than she intended, “I’ve spent the last seven hours studying and reviewing nearly every book about quantum and theoretical physics in the royal library, all in an attempt to create an instantaneous teleportation spell which could revolutionize magical theory as we know it, and what are my results? Go on, guess. No, seriously, guess!”
“Uh…”
“TWO INCHES!” The sleep-deprived princess exclaimed, “I’ve moved all of two inches, and the only other notable distance is that I’m facing the door instead of the window! Well, whoop-dee-doo! Hooray for me!” And with that rant out of her system, Twilight released a long, irritated sigh and collapsed on her haunches.
She was back in the observatory at Canterlot Castle. Princess Celestia had asked Twilight to move back in temporarily for her own convenience, as she would spend the next several weeks studying Equestrian law and history in great detail, as well as taking lessons in royal etiquette. It had only been a week since her studies began, but Twilight was already very homesick and missed her friends terribly. She hadn’t been able to spend much time with them before they had to go back to Ponyville.
Celestia had given them a few days to spend with one another in Canterlot before she threw her favorite student headfirst into things, but once the lessons started, they had really hit the ground running. Twilight had no trouble adjusting to the workload; she had learned to handle heavy workloads back in school. The real problem was there wasn’t anything for her to do to help her relax when the day was done. True, she could go into the bustling city at the foot of the mountain, but Twilight would rather avoid being mobbed by the general populace. She had her books, as she always did, but since she met the five most amazing ponies in Equestria, even those had lost some of their appeal.
So the newly coronated princess had decided to fill her spare time researching and developing new spells. Though unsure if her endeavor would yield any results worth writing how about, Twilight desperately needed a distraction from her boredom. For the past three days, she had been trying to modify Princess Celestia’s teleportation spell to allow for instant travel to any destination. Even with her powerful magic, the sun monarch still experienced a delay ranging from a fraction of a second to nearly five seconds depending on the distance she had to travel. Twilight thought she might be able to perfect the spell with aid of her newfound power, but as stated in the tirade above, the spell, while successful, had only managed to spin her around 180 degrees and move her two inches forward instead of all the way to the courtyard.
“Twi, not add insult to injury here,” Spike stated, “but you already revolutionized the world of magic a week ago when you invented a spell that could change ponies’ destinies around! I don’t think anyone’s expecting you to perform another miracle like that so soon. I know you just want to keep yourself busy until you have a little more time to hang out with the others again, but at this rate you’re gonna burn yourself out!”
“You’re right,” Twilight sighed, “I guess got carried away…again.” The pair chuckled and embraced one another. “Hey,” Twilight said, releasing her assistant, “speaking of burning things, where’s my toast?”
“Your what?”
“You know, toast? Bread that you heat up until turns all dry and crunchy?”
“I know what it is,” Spike retorted, “What I want to know is why are you asking me?”
“Because I sent you down to get me some just before I cast the spell!” Twilight responded, “Wait a minute, how’d you get back here so quickly anyway? That was like, two seconds ago.”
“Twilight,” Spike inquired slowly, “how long have you been at this?”
“Apparently too long,” she answered, rubbing her right temple with her hoof. “I’ll just go down get breakfast myself. I’m going to be late for my first lesson today if I don’t hurry.”
“Okay, I’m going to try to squeeze in a little more sleep before breakfast. See you later!”
“See you after lunch, sleepyhead!” Twilight called back, gliding down to the floor below and exiting the room. She greeted the guards and servants she met on the way to the dining hall, wherein she found her mentor sitting at the table biting into a blueberry muffin.
“Good morning, Twilight!” Celestia greeted her cheerily, “How did last night’s experiment – oh…” The elder princess paused upon seeing Twilight’s exhausted expression, “Rough night, I take it?”
“You have no idea,” Twilight replied. She then related her tale as she buttered her toast and poured herself a glass of milk.
“Well, I believe Spike was right,” her teacher said once the story was concluded, “What you’re attempting is difficult even for Luna and myself. Perhaps you should search for another hobby. Besides, the spell did work, even if it wasn’t the way you intended.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks, Celestia.”
“Of course. You shouldn’t push yourself so hard. This was supposed to help you relax after all. There's no reason for you to…” And Celestia paused again, “Twilight?”
“Mmmphf?” came the lavender alicorn’s reply as she dug in to her toast.
“What did you just call me?”
“Cwaweshtia.” Twilight quickly realized her faux pas and swallowed, “I mean ‘Celestia.’ Your name, of course. Or did you have it changed last night?” she answered with a cheeky grin.
“Twilight, are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Celestia asked apprehensively.
“Yeah, why? You’re acting like I’ve never called you that before.”
“You haven’t.”
“What are you talking about?” Twilight inquired somewhat irritably, “I’ve been calling you that all week! You told me I didn’t have to be formal with you anymore now that I’m I princess!”
“Yes, and you said you it still didn’t feel appropriate.”
“No that’s what I said when you told me to call by your name at the party after the we defeated Discord.”
“I never did that!”
“Oh, and I suppose next you’re going to tell me that you didn’t accidentally sing the happy birthday song to Twinkleshine at Moondancer’s fifteenth birthday party?”
___
“Now look, I don’t really see the need for all this!” Twilight exclaimed as an orange doctor with a light blue mane telekinetically strapped her down to the CAT scanner, “I’m fine!”
“No, Twilight, you are not.” Princess Celestia insisted, “That spell obviously has addled your brain somehow. Your memories are confused and you’re acting very strangely.”
“But my memory is fine!” Twilight responded as the table moved into the scanner, “I asked you to come to Moondancer’s fifteenth birthday party and sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her because she said she always wanted to meet you! But when you showed up you sang to Twinkleshine by mistake! Don’t you remember?”
“No, because it didn’t happen.” Her teacher answered sternly. "Doctor Edelmane, how does she look?”
“We’ll know in a minute.” Answered the stallion. “But so far, everything appears normal.”
“That’s because I AM NORMAL!” Twilight shouted.
___
Meanwhile, back at Canterlot Castle:
“Horse apples!” Came the irritated cry of one Princess Twilight Sparkle. “That didn’t work at all! I’ve spent all night wasting my time!”