A Ballad of Eeyup and Nope

by ambion


Stitchin' Time

Big Macintosh did his best to be unobtrusive and useful. He was better at it than many ponies would have expected of him, big and strong stallion that he was. He was a guest in a mare’s home, and while he may well be not one to get out often, he certainly knew what did and what did not constitute the social graces in this sort of circumstance.

He stayed resolutely to the downstairs, more open area of Rarity’s home. Her white cat, its name unknown to him, eyed him warily, following from room to room. Big Mac realized he was ambling about restlessly and got himself a glass of water, just to force himself to stop wandering the halls.

He knew he should try to relax, and for the most part he was calm, but true peace of mind perpetually eluded him. There was just too much going on today, both within his head and in the world at large. Opalescence came to her own conclusions, ignored him utterly, and set about washing herself in the doorway.

Rarity’s home was so very different from that of the Apples. It was a difference that started, quite literally, from the foundations. The unicorn had reclaimed the old disused pavilion in the heart of town, seeing a potential there nopony else had. She’d really done a number and a half and maybe even a fraction on the place, finding in the curved walls and reclusive corners space for home, workshop and store, all in one neat package. Everything from the cutlery to the curtains suggested her personal touch, her preferences and vision of what she wanted to have, and to be.

It was made to be welcoming but Big Mac, heavy hooves and shaggy coat that he was, felt self-conscious in this sanctum of soft colours and softer couch cushions. He rested for awhile, thinking, and petted the cat when it eventually came to him.

“Ah, there we are, much better for a proper greeting, don’t you think?” Rarity, all bouncy curls and lashes, pulled him from his reverie. Her eyes were bright, herself standing tall in a ready to face the day kind of way. She looked stunning, and she knew it. The beleaguered mare of earlier was obliterated or, at the least, obscured. She relaxed, completely and utterly, then lifted the cat to herself in a pale cascade of magic. “It looks like you’ve made a friend, Big Macintosh,” she said warmly.

He just nodded, mindful of his flapping gums today. “Reckon I have.”

She shushed him with a wave of her hoof before he could go further. “Think nothing of it, my good sir. We may not be the most well acquainted of Ponyvillians, but that only stands as something to be improved upon, don’t you think? You’ve always been such a gentlecolt, if I do say so myself.”

She set Opalesence down and strode across the room, a queen in her castle. He stood up, like a soldier called to attention, whereas the poofy cat could not have cared less. She curled up on a cushion by the wall, just under a shiny clock. “Thank you mightily, miss Rarity.”

She lowered her eyes on him and smiled easily. “You really don’t have to call me ‘miss’, you know.”

“If it’s all the same to you, miss Rarity, it’s just my way. I don’t mean nothing by it.”

“Of course not. It is rather endearing. If I’m honest it puts me in mind of gallantry and chivalry and all that sort of thing.” She tapped hoof to chin. “Though I suppose it would be dame Rarity...” She laughed like wine glasses being touched together, a fine crystalline note. “I’m prattling, do pardon me.”

As perfectly as the unicorn could hide her tiredness physically, no makeup could brush up the sleepy wits of one. Mac felt guilty for taxing her so, but she spoke before he did, and he realized that even as he observed her, she observed him right back. Apparently what she saw made her smile. That was pretty nice, and he smiled too.

“So, “ she said, slipping sumptuously to the sofa opposite him, “how’d it all start?” Somewhere along the way she’d gotten another coffee, and nursed it now.

How had it started? He had to ponder that one a moment. “Simply enough, I ‘spose. Applejack knows me too well for my own good. I thought this’d be easy.” He shuffled his legs around on the couch. “Or easier than this anyway.”

“And where does Rainbow Dash fit into all this?”

Big Mac rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck. The cushions really were quite pillowy. “She caught wind of it, and she don’t want Applejack to win. Thinks I need her coaching me,” he added with some affronted pride, quite to his own surprise.

“Forgive my saying so, but doesn’t it all seem a bit...unnecessary?”

Big Mac didn’t immediately say Eeyup, nor Nope, on the honest principle that he didn’t quite know where his sentiments lay. “I reckon it may well be,” he cautiously settled with. “But a bet’s a bet, and an Apple’s an Apple. I don’t plan to give up or nothing.”

Rarity tossed her mane, the luscious locks falling as if gravity itself should feel grateful to hold them. “It’s just one of those things I guess."

Big Mac sipped at his water. “Eey-ppbth!” He was very fortunate that the fine spray fell short of the unicorn. As his cheeks burned red, she burst into dainty giggles. “‘m sorry,” he mumbled.”

“It’s quite alright,” she said through the laughter. “Oh, I shouldn’t laugh!” she said, unable to reign in her mirth. Rarity put a hoof to her chest, forcing herself to calmer breathing. “Applejack certainly is wily. And this little contest goes all the way until midnight, you say? Just nod,” she added quickly, and a giggle slipped out.

He did so, thankful and throat-sore from his stint of choking on equal measures water and Eeyup.

“It is so like Rainbow Dash to butt her nose into any kind of challenge she isn’t part of.” The lady unicorn gave him an understanding look, and he nodded. Rarity clapped her hooves together and stood, swishing her tail. “Well, Mr. Macintosh, something I think would do us both a treat is a nice brunch. I absolutely refuse to get back to work until I’ve had some time to unruffle my feathers, so to speak. Would you care to join me?

It was an utterly pleasant surprise, how un-crazy Rarity was. Particularly so considering all the times Applejack, fuming and venting her frustrations, had portrayed her friend to be. “Yes,” he said, his voice hardly quavering at all on the inhospitable word, “that’d be good.”

What could possibly go wrong?


Nothing, actually. Rarity lead on to a corner cafe, where she ordered a salad, one done up nicely with thin slices of strawberry. At her light insistence, the stallion ordered something for himself larger than their smallest sandwich. It was, she insisted, her pleasure to treat friends. Amiable chatter and warm sunlight filled the air of the open cafe lending a vibrant, lively atmosphere to the whole thing, one that drew in customers like honey and sweetness, through which the waiters flitted like busy bees.

Pinkie Pie bounced out the door the waiters used typically, humming a made-up ditty to herself. She was still wearing the catsuit, but now it had tears in it as well, leaving ribbons of fabric to trail behind her in the breeze like streamers. “Hi Rarity, hi Big Mac!” she called. Had she just been in the cafe’s kitchen? a part of Big Mac wondered bemusedly.

Rarity took one look at the mare. You could almost hear her recite the adage of ‘Pinkie Pie is just being Pinkie Pie’ in her head before she spoke. “Hello, Pinkie. Has something happened?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright now,” she said with cheerful enthusiasm, stealing a slice of strawberry from the bowl. “Opalescence sure doesn’t like being woken up!” she said, wiggling the tattered fabric hanging at her hooves.

“Oh yes, she can be—were you in my house?

“See you later! I got everywhere to go still. Tik tok, tik tok tok!” she called over her shoulder, bouncing and bounding away before anypony knew just what had happened or what to do about it. She slipped into the next shop along the street and vanished from sight.

Rarity poked at her salad and sighed. “She’s like that.”

“Mhmm,” Big Mac managed. It was a poor substitute, particularly so when a right proper Eeyup would have been so resounding, so fitting. “She’s harmless.” Honesty, being somewhat endemic to the family, added its two bits. “Mostly harmless,” he amended. Crazy, but good hearted.

The pair ate their meals in quiet contemplation.

The unicorn cocked her head to a side. “You look so very thoughtful, Macintosh Apple. Whatever could be on your mind?”

He looked up slowly from his reverie, which had comprised mostly of letting his eyes stare at whatever they pleased whilst his thoughts roamed elsewhere. “I’d meant to speak to Rainbow Dash today.”

“Oh?”

The stallion met her eyes and nodded. “But with how fixated she’s gotten about this whole thing...”

Rarity gave a dainty shrug. “I know a thing or two about handling her. I could talk to her for you.”

It was a tempting offer, but what he’d wanted to discuss with the brash and abrasive pegasus regarded the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their latest exploit. Rarity had a sister in that trio of havoc, and Big Mac felt it best to spare the mare the details of that particular incident for now. He’d just have to weather that blue winged storm himself. “Nnnah, it’s alright, I know what I want to say to her. Don’t you worry.”

An idea struck him, and because he was not one to often ask for favours, it had to strike him quite firmly. “There is something you could do for me though, begging the pardon.”

Rarity tilted her head the other way and smiled. “Oh? and what would that be?”

“I know you’re in well with Twilight Sparkle, and I don’t mean to be a bother but she’s been kind of...” something in the way his brow furrowed and mouth frowned conveyed what his words failed to.

Rarity blinked, her eyes opening all the wider, then blinked again for good measure. “Ah. I see. Yes, it’s certainly best that I handle this one. Of course I’ll talk to her.”

“She said something about me and Caramel, and that just didn’t add up,” Big Mac muttered, still fretting over the confusion the errant prodigy had saddled his morning with. Rarity watched keenly, filing a certain tidbit of that away for later scrutiny.

“Oh dear,” she said to the air in general, hiding her face in her hoof. “This wouldn’t happen to be part of, as she calls them, her extra studies? On relationships?”

“Those are the ones, Eey-mphmph!” Big Mac thumped his chest, drawing the confused gazes of ponies all around him. Rarity couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m sorry,” she wheezed daintily, “I really am. But it’s just so funny when you do that!” Her smile made him smile, and that made it alright by his reckoning.

“Thank you, Miss Rarity,” he said as he bowed his head. “I’m much obliged.”

“Nonsense, it was my pleasure. As regards Twilight, like they say: a stitch in time saves nine. Considering this is Twilight Sparkle we’re talking about, maybe somewhat more than nine at that.” She glanced aside. “And speaking of time, has it passed so quickly? Oh, how it flies. I’ll see you around, Big Macintosh.”

He turned to look as well, at a clock that hung just by the door. Had it been the better part of an hour already? It certainly hadn’t felt like it. Still, he felt bolstered, ready not just to face the next challenges of the day, but to go and seek them out. So it was that, parting company with the fair Rarity, he went to seek out Rainbow Dash and have a word with her.