//------------------------------//
// Bad Cliffhangers 
// Story: Wild Card 
// by Barrel-of-fun 
//------------------------------//


Iron and the rest of the Guard stood completely still as Summer lit her horn. They remained thus, some not even daring to breath, as they heard various shouts coming from below, followed by the distinct twang of crossbows being fired. A couple of minutes later they released their held breaths in an explosive exhalation of relief as the shouts moved off into the forest, hunting down the distraction.

Summer let go of her magic and turned to her fellow Guards, assessing each of them in turn with a quick glance. Iron was, as ever, stoic and prepared, whatever rage he might have towards the pirates buried deep down, ready for when it would be needed in battle. Truffles and Shivers stood near each other, heads slightly bowed as they contemplated the violence ahead. Summer knew that ponies were not a naturally violent race and often, when violence was forced upon them, the herd instinct would kick in and they would band together against anything they perceived as an outside threat. She also knew that she would have to break them of this habit as, at the moment at least, their instincts were telling them to stay well away from the more racially diverse members of the Guard, which was unacceptable. The Guard couldn’t be fragmented at the moment, they were far too small an operation to survive any infighting.

Speaking of racial diversity, Biter was nearby, bright eyes, twitching ears and sharp nose focused on the forest below. It was well known that diamond dogs had some fierce senses about them, perhaps even good enough to locate pirates from almost across the island. For a moment, Summer considered if she had made a mistake sending Ace out without any backup. Surely the vicious bipedal canine would be able to help her friend? After a moment she quashed the thought. There was no place for emotions here, she couldn’t let herself get distracted from the mission because of worry over a friend. Like Ace, her mind coldly considered the statistics from a purely pragmatic standpoint. Ace could handle himself, that much she had witnessed, and stealthy enough to run circles round the pirates. She would have to just trust in him.

Finally, she came to the most ridiculous looking member of the group. Private Dread still clutched onto his crossbow, which he had become strangely attached to considering the short amount of time he had owned it, but this wasn’t what almost made Summer burst into laughter. What provoked that reaction was the giant oversized pair of goggles that he was wearing on his head. Summer wasn’t sure what race they had been designed for but it clearly wasn’t griffins. The huge lenses seemed to focus his eyes, making the usually threateningly sharp hawk eyes pop out to the point of hilarity. In addition, wrapped hastily around his beak was a bright blue piece of cloth, which was currently serving as a makeshift bandanna but made him look more like he had been muzzled. Naturally, the griffin wasn’t exactly feeling like the proud warrior of the sky that his people were reputed to be.

“Private Dread, are you ready?” She asked, rather unnecessarily. The griffin was ready to get the job over and done with so he could get out of his ridiculous getup. He didn’t give voice to this opinion however, his fear of a scathing rebuttal from the unicorn being slightly too high, and chose instead to respond with a tight nod.

“Alright then,” Summer grinned, “Let’s do this. Oh, by the way, if you drop me then it’ll be the last thing you ever have time to regret.” She warned with a sweet smile.

The nervous griffin responded with another nod, knowing that the goggles he was wearing no doubt enhanced the look of intense fear that had just shot across his eyes. He carefully shouldered his crossbow, swinging it onto his back by the sling it was attached to and, with a single flap of his wings, rose into a hovering position just above the quadrupedes below. Hesitantly, he moved over to his boss and, claws trembling with fear of both her and the large minotaur who was casting him dirty looks, grabbed her around her barrel. With his grip secured, he lifted the mare into the air, barely managing to restrain the grunt at the effort needed to lift another being. The last thing he wanted to do was accidentally insult his boss’s weight.

Summer lit her magic as she was lifted, causing another strip of blue cloth to rise into the air and bind itself around her muzzle, covering her nostrils quite effectively. With her mouth covered, she tapped twice on one of the claws the held her, the pre-arranged signal to begin the mission.

Flapping his large wings rapidly to compensate for the extra weight, Dread began to fly over to the large hole in the ground that the Guards had been hiding next to. The mine’s chimney continued to billow smoke into the air with complete disregard for the safety of the group trying to fly down it and infiltrate the mine, hence the masks and goggles. Dread gulped in as much air as possible before beginning his descent, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to breath in for the entire journey down.

Just before they entered the black plume of acrid smoke, Summer took one last look over at Iron, seeing the concern and worry in his eyes. She wished she could say something, anything, to comfort the big lug of a minotaur, but both the protective muzzle and her uncertain thoughts prevented her from doing so. Her eyes were forced shut as she entered the dark pillar of smoke, but in her head she could still see the her friend’s concerned gaze.

Once this was over, she swore to herself, they were going to have a very long talk.

But for now, the mission came above everything else.

Dread let himself descend swiftly through the smoke, using only carefully wing flaps to keep himself balanced and, other than that, letting gravity do the work of getting them to the ground. He made sure to remain in control of the decent however, knowing that, somewhere at the bottom of this hole, there was very likely to be whatever was causing all this smoke.

He would very much like to avoid becoming fried griffin today.

After what seemed like an age of travelling down the smoke shaft, the walls changed, solid stone becoming blackened metal. Judging from the slight change of scenery, as well as the drastically increased heat, Dread guessed that they were now inside the actual chimney of the mine. One of his claws tapped his boss twice on the barrel, signaling to her that the next part of the plan was ready to go.

Below him, Summer strained to keep her eyes closed against the pervading smog and began to go against every magical instinct she had. Performing magic whilst blind was one of the many things that her instructors had drilled into her. It was dangerous, it was destructive and it could very likely end up with somepony dead, maybe even herself. However, in this particular situation, she would have to make an exception. Swiftly she channeled her magic, knowing they didn’t have much air left, and focused it into one of her most used spells, the lightning bolt. However, rather than the destructive beam of electricity that she usually used it for, this spell was adapted into a tightly focused line of energy, barely thicker than a pencil. Summer lowered her head and fired the spell directly forwards, trusting Dread to do the rest.

The griffin watched in quiet amazement as the beam shot from the unicorn’s horn and impacted the metal, which quickly began to glow red hot under the magic’s ministrations. Shifting himself about, he began to aim the unicorn, as well as the beam she was firing, so that it made a large circular hole in the chimney, cutting through the metal as though it were butter. He gave Summer another tap to indicate her job was done, at which point she shut off the beam, and moved forward himself. Having his claws full of pony at the moment, he resorted to simply pecking the circle of metal with the point of his beak, causing it to slowly fall backwards and into the furnace room.

Cries of alarm went up as the metal fell, pirates inside the room being alerted to their presence. Swiftly, Dread flew inside and, with one final tap, indicated to his Captain that it was all clear. Summer opened her eyes and ripped off her bandana, throwing it to one side as Dread flew low over the first two guards. Just as she had instructed him to, he let go of her in mid air, sending her barreling down towards the surprised pirates. They barely had time to react before three-hundred pounds of pissed off pony slammed into them hooves first, knocking them out cold immediately. Picking herself up, Summer could see why pegasi favoured the dive bomb tactic. Not only was it effective at taking down targets but it was also hilarious and a lot of fun.

One pirate remained in the room who, upon seeing his companions taken down by a makeshift living bomb, attempted to flee. His frightened hooves were no match for the speed of a flying griffin and he quickly found himself yanked up into the air and slammed into a wall, where he stayed for a moment before slowly sliding down and into a heap on the ground.

Summer surveyed the room once before looking up at the griffin she was proud to call her fellow Guard, “Good work,” She stated, getting a grin from the usually moody Dread, “Now get the others down here.” His grin disappeared and he muttered under his breath, flying back up the shaft at breakneck speeds.

It didn’t take too much longer for Dread to get all of the others down, although he needed the help of Truffles just to shift Iron Will and getting the huge minotaur down the smoke shaft was a feat of almost herculean proportions. Eventually though, the entirety of the current Guard were assembled in the smelting room, each of them ready and eager to go.

“Iron, you’ll be taking Privates Dread and Shivers down that way with you,” She indicated a tunnel leading right out of the room, “I’ll take Privates Truffles and Biter the other way with me. This place is too big and we don’t have much time so we’ll have to split up. If you come across any hostiles, take them down before they can sound an alarm. If you come across any Guards, release them and explain your mission. They should join you. Any questions?”

There was only obedient silence.

“Good.” Summer nodded. “Let’s get to it then.”





As arrows and bolts of magic slammed into the rocks around me, accompanied by the distinct flapping sound of approaching pegasi, I had to admit that this could have gone much better.

The chase had started off fairly simply. Pirates chased me whilst being loud and obnoxious, I avoided them whilst being stealthy, cunning and handsome. Easy stuff. The problem that really arose was simple mathematics, which has never been my strong suit. I’m much better at stealing money than counting it. That doesn’t really excuse my ignorance though, considering the ease of the math involved here.

Mainly, there was a lot of pirates but only one of me.

This equation got even more skewed when I factored in the fact that the pirates had both wings, magic and crossbows on their side whilst on my side I had a knife, my deck of cards and my own stunning wits. If it weren’t for that last item then they might have had a distinct advantage over me. So far I had managed to lure another six pirates into various traps, at one point even managing to get a particularly jumpy unicorn to knock out his ally with some sort of force spell. Hilarious.

It was whilst I was running along trying to figure out how to take out a couple of the pursuing pegasi that I ran slap bang into another problem. I mean that literally. The problem was a large vertical cliff face that I had just ran directly into. After stumbling back and muttering some choice curses towards the powers that be, I assessed my new position. As well as being the dubiously proud owner of a bloody nose I was now facing down a wall was almost two hundred metres high, a daunting prospect for someone who has never rock climbed before. I quickly looked around for alternative means of escape but the thick forest concealed any other paths. In addition I could hear the pirates, clumsy fools that they were, slowly closing in on my position, the noises of their approach seeming to come from a semi-circle around me.

Did they just flank me and box me in? Wow, maybe I’ve been underestimating these guys.

I turned back to the wall and began to grab bits of vines that extruded from its surface. Thankfully the overgrown state of the forest meant that the wall was practically covered in natural handholds, various vines and plants that grew from the the rock like determined and slightly confused gnomes. Gnomes grow out of rocks right? I’ve never been very good at mythology either. Mythology and mathematics...I wonder what other areas of study I’m deficient in.

Oh yeah, upper body strength. I would have failed Physical Education if I’d ever bothered to take it. Kinda wish I had now. The rope climbing exercises would have made this vine climbing much easier.

I was about forty metres up when the first arrow smashed into the rock face below me. It wasn’t nearly close enough to hurt me, the pirates having apparently attended the Stormtrooper school of shooting, but it was close enough to worry the crap out of me. I began to grasp at the handholds with even more intensity, hauling myself up as fast as I could. A couple of seconds later another bolt impacted below me, followed swiftly by a third that went just to the side of me. Judging by the time between the last two shots, there were now two bow-ponies taking potshots at me. That’s just great, shooting at me just became a team sport.

I wonder if there are bets going...I wonder if they’ll accept one from me.

I was sixty metres up and rapidly ascending when the pirates drew first blood. A bolt skipped off the rocks by my face, sending shards of shrapnel at my head. Instinctively I turned my head way, which may well have been the only thing that saved my vision as razor sharp splinters of rock cut into the side of my head. I repressed the instinct to clutch the wound, as letting go of my handholds now would be a foolish and fatal mistake. Instead I gritted my teeth and forged onwards, ignoring the blood that began to roll down the side of my head and mat at my hair.

A few more shots skipped around me, not having as much luck as the previous one. That is until one of the pirates decided to try a neat little trick called ‘aiming’ which was great for them but not so great for me. The first I learnt of this new development was when a flash of horribly intense pain shot through my body, causing my hands to spasm and almost lose hold of the wall. I barely managed to retain my death grip as I looked down and saw what had caused my misfortune.

There, sticking straight through the meaty part of my thigh, was a crossbow bolt. Naturally I looked down at it with some shock, barely managing to believe that there was an actual arrow stuck through my body. You know in action films when the muscled hero takes a gunshot wound and just grunts before using his manly testosterone to overcome the pain and carry on in the name of sheer bloody-minded bravado?

Yeah I didn’t do that.

“AHHHH!” I screamed eloquently. “HOLY SHIT! AGGGHHH! THIS REALLY FUCKING HURTS YOU BASTARDS! I’LL KILL YOU!”

Shakespeare himself couldn’t have put it better.

I wasn’t usually an angry person. In fact there is only a few things in the world that can damage my calm and provoke a violent reaction from me. It turns out that getting shot is one of them. I ranted at them for at least a minute, channeling all the pain I was feeling into anger. The arrows eventually let up, the archers evidently deciding it was more fun to listen to my wide range of curses and threats than continue to shoot at me.

“-WITH A RUSTY FORK!” I finished.

Down below, there was a stamping of hooves as the pirates applauded my rant, something I found both flattering and disturbing. Or I would have found flattering and disturbing if I wasn’t in such terrible pain. Even more disturbing was the fact that the applause from below was joined in with by more clopping of hooves from just behind me. Considering I was about seventy metres in the air at the moment, that could only mean one thing.

Freakin’ pegasi.

I looked over my shoulder and spotted my winged pursuers, who most have been hovering there for the whole rant considering the impressed looks on some of their faces, as well as the slightly green-tinted sickly look on the face of one of the younger fliers.

“Very impressive.” The lead pegasus said in a surprisingly calm and educated tone of voice. He sounded more like a professor than a pirate. Not just any professor though, the sort of professor who loves to talk down to people and flaunt his education in their faces. The sort of professor who would use the term ‘plebeian’ in a non-ironic way.

“Fly closer so I can strangle you.” I spat at him, still quite angry at this point.

“I’m afraid that won’t be happening. As you can see, you’re surrounded with no way of escape. You should give up now.”

I gritted my teeth and pressed my uninjured leg against the wall, bracing it firmly. “Is that so?” I replied, “Well you should know something about me. I never give up.”

With that I threw myself boldy through the air, hands outstretched as I headed directly towards the posh sounding pegasus. His eyes shot wide open as I flew at him, my face twisted in a vicious roar of pain and rage. For a moment, I emulated the greatest warriors in history as I flew myself recklessly at my enemy, ready to take him down with all my power.

Or I would have been, if the posh bastard hadn’t given one powerful flap of his wings and swayed out of the way.

My heroic leap quickly turned into a suicidal fall as I missed the pony and began to head towards the ground. The pointed trees of the forest and the hard ground beneath rushed up to meet me as I fell. A scream was torn from my throat and tumbled off into the wind that was whipping past my face. The anger drained out of me and was replaced by fear as the unstoppable force of gravity became my greatest enemy. There are only a few things in the world that can damage my calm; today I’ve added getting shot and falling from great heights to that ever expanding list.

Like I said, this could have gone better.