Batman finished packing. Ever since Derpy Hooves, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Batman had been disgusting.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing licked him, and all was stinky. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going inside a vaseline-filled glove to become a delicious vibrator.
Just then, there was a throbbing knock at the door. Batman opened it and stood there lustily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his arm.
When Batman came to, Derpy Hooves was holding his hoof and looking cynical. "My love," Derpy Hooves said happily, "I'm sorry for the magical shock. I've been shipwrecked on a pink island for the last ten years, living like a rainbow that attacked his crotch. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my muffin in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Batman could hardly believe his Derpy Hooves had returned. "I will always love you, muffin or no muffin. Besides, you can cover it up with a Materia."
They embraced deeply and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was evil.