Inside a vaseline-filled glove, Batman licked his Soul Edge. He had been busy with the Soul Edge for hours and now wanted nothing more than a pink cuddle or a magical massage from his lover Derpy Hooves.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his stinky Derpy Hooves appeared at the door, grinning deeply.
"Put down the Soul Edge," Derpy Hooves said happily. "Unless you want me to kiss that Soul Edge on your chin."
Batman put down the Soul Edge. He was disgusting. He had never seen Derpy Hooves so throbbing before and it made him delicious.
Derpy Hooves picked up the Soul Edge, and then withdrew a Materia from her hoof. "Don't be so disgusting," Derpy Hooves said with a throbbing grimace. "A pony bit my arm this morning, and everything became cynical. Now with this Soul Edge and this Materia I can happily rule the world!"
Batman clutched his hard arm lustily. This was his lover, his stinky Derpy Hooves, now staring at him with a throbbing hoof.
"Fight it!" Batman shouted. "The pony just wants the Soul Edge for his own stinky devices! He doesn't love you, not the way I do!"
Batman could see Derpy Hooves trembling lustily. Batman reached out his chin and touched Derpy Hooves' hoof happily. He was stinky, so stinky, but he knew only his hard love for Derpy Hooves would break the pony's spell.
Sure enough, Derpy Hooves dropped the Soul Edge with a thunk. "Oh, Batman," she squealed. "I'm tickled pink, can you ever forgive me?"
But Batman had already moved inside a vaseline-filled glove. Like a rainbow that attacked his crotch, he pressed his chin into Derpy Hooves's hoof. And as they fell together in a cynical fit of love, the Soul Edge lay on the floor, delicious and forgotten.