“So…these are called…saddlebags, huh? And ponies wear them to carry things? Kinda like purses back home, I suppose. Dammit, does this mean these ponies are trying to make me more effeminate? I’LL KILL THEM FOR THIS! I LOOK RIDICULOUS!”
Trotting away from Sugarcube Corner twenty minutes later, Josh’s thoughts continued to linger on what had just taken place in the colorful bakery only an hour prior. He had nearly been given a heart attack by Pinkie’s surprise party. He harshly chewed her out and made the earth pony sad. He had gone crazy and devoured a lot of tasty food. He read a letter that reduced him to tears when it made him think of his biological father. He forced himself to apologize to Pinkie. The two ponies had danced together, played pin the tail on the pony together, and ate some more food together. Finally, Josh and Pinkie had shared a great ending to the party by bursting open the pink, heart-shaped piñata.
After Josh and Pinkie had gotten ransacked by mountains of candy, which Josh wondered how it was feasibly possible for that much to fit inside a small piñata, Pinkie had generously given Josh his first saddlebag so he could carry his candy along with him when he left. The party pony showed Josh how it fit, and even though Josh loudly complained about how it made him look girly, Pinkie ultimately won out and got him to wear it. So, when he had been overloaded with candy, Pinkie had given the stallion another big hug and sent him on his way. He felt her slip the letter into his mane, but he decided to keep it secret that he had felt it.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid…this saddlebag is really doing a number on my hips!” Josh whined, squirming a little bit as he awkwardly trotted through Ponyville, unsure about his next destination. “I really should’ve paid more attention in weight training. But, no way was I gonna let that obnoxious pink brat get all that candy. The piñata did have MY name on it, after all. I deserved this candy, so there!”
“Yo, Josh!”
“Oh dear God, already?” Josh’s eyes scanned the area for the location of the voice, but was unprepared for yet another surprise assault by her assailant. As with Pinkie Pie tackling him down, he received the same treatment from a certain cyan Pegasus a split-second later from behind. The powerful tackle resulted in Josh face-planting into the ground and having his candy go flying out of his saddlebag. He felt a flutter of wings somewhere over his head, and soon was met with hooves pressing down onto his back. He realized who it was right away.
“Heh, gotcha!” Rainbow Dash giggled, sitting down on Josh’s back and crossing her forelegs as she proudly kept her prize pinned. “You’re really slow, you know that? It’s probably a good thing you can’t really use your wings. I’d fly circles around you and make you crash in ten seconds flat.”
“Speaking of flat…I’m gonna flatten your FACE if you don’t get your blue butt off me this instant!” Josh snarled, trying to buck the rainbow Pegasus off his back, but froze up when he saw that his spilled candy was being scooped up by eager passerby ponies. “HEY! PUT THAT DOWN! THAT’S MY CANDY!”
“Like, not anymore!” a small filly around the age and height of Apple Bloom sneered. “These were on the ground, so that means they’re MINE now! Finders keepers, losers weepers.” It was at this moment that Josh got a better look at the ponies scooping up his candy. He realized that they were all young ponies. Fillies and colts very similar to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. There was only one older pony in the group. Josh figured he was either looking at a large family, or a class of students.
“Oh, hey there, Cheerilee!” Rainbow Dash laughed, waving her hoof to the magenta mare that was watching the fillies and colts around her eagerly pounce on the spilled candies. “You and the class on a field trip or something?”
“Yep, that’s right!” the pony known as Cheerilee said cheerfully, trotting over and showcasing a very bright smile to the blue mare. “Today, I’m taking the class to see an exclusively new area that just opened up near the Everfree Forest! It’s already been examined and cleared by safety professionals, so there shouldn’t be any cause for concern. This is a great chance for the class to broaden their horizons and…oh? Who’s this?” She just noticed that Rainbow Dash was sitting on a rather annoyed stallion. “Oh, I remember you! You’re the colorful and interesting alicorn stallion that Apple Bloom and her friends dragged off to Applejack’s home yesterday! It’s so lovely to meet you!”
“Likewise. Believe me, when I looked in my first mirror, I said the same exact thing.” Josh’s sarcasm made Rainbow Dash slap her forehead, but Cheerilee just giggled and didn’t seem to mind.
“Well, I’m Cheerilee, and I teach classes over in the Ponyville schoolhouse,” Cheerilee explained, bowing her head and politely offering her hoof to Josh.
Frowning, Josh was about to make a loud statement about how he wasn’t in the mood to shake hooves with a bratty mare sitting on his back. But, given that he was in the presence of young ponies, he decided to keep his temper cooled. He struggled momentarily to lift a hoof with the heavy Pegasus on his back, but soon wrapped his right foreleg around Cheerilee’s extended hoof. “My name is Josh. One of the best names in the universe, I know. Feel free to gush over it, but try not to get drool on my face.”
“Oh, you’re a funny one! I like that in a pony.” Cheerilee gingerly shook Josh’s foreleg and hoof, and when she was let go, the earth pony sat down in front of the stallion. “I have so many questions I’d like to ask you, Josh. But…um, why is Rainbow Dash sitting on your back?”
“Believe it or not, it’s my calling in life! You see, at a young age, my mother always thought that I was just perfect for sitting upon! I was quite tall, and my body was very soft. The only problem was that there was not enough meat on my bones, which worried my mother, since she knew I would be sat upon by much heavier people later in life. As it turned out, through all my years of being pushed around and used as a seat, I’ve grown used to it and my body has been able to sustain damage and punishment to great extent. So, what you see before you today is nothing more than a walking cushion for any and all ponies to take a seat on. Go ahead and try me! Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash all seem to approve, and I’m sure you will, too!”
As soon as Josh was through with his speech, he noticed that Cheerilee’s entire class had gathered around her. All of the young ponies, including Cheerilee herself, were giving Josh assorted expressions. Some ponies looked amused, some ponies looked apologetic, but most of them looked downright confused. The little filly that had sneered at Josh had a disgusted look on her face, as though Josh was nothing more than a piece of garbage. On the stallion’s backside, Rainbow Dash was slowly shaking her head back and forth, her hoof resting upon her forehead in complete and utter exasperation.
Easing her head down to Josh’s ear, the Pegasus whispered to him. “Josh…dude…it’s incredible how far you’ll stoop to display sarcasm, you know that?”
“It’s a gift, Rainbow Dash. Besides, when you ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer. That’s how the world works.” When Josh finished whispering back to his unwanted back-sitter, he noticed that he was now surrounded by Cheerilee’s entire class. The rude, stuck-up filly still stood in front of him, while Cheerilee was now giggling off to the side.
“Josh, Rainbow Dash? Could you both please tend to my students for a moment? Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo still haven’t caught up to us yet. They were busy with some kind of project and promised that they would hurry to catch up with the class, but I fear I must go back and check on them.” Cheerilee held a hoof over her mouth as she tried to suppress her chuckles. “Besides, I think my class is very interested in what Josh had to say a moment ago.”
“W-W-W-WAIT, WHAT?!?!” Josh’s jaw dropped to the ground, which was only a few inches to fall, since he was still pinned to the ground by his resident Pegasus sitter. He tried to protest, but the grinning and curious faces of Cheerilee’s students made him nervous and uneasy, and his words got lodged in his throat and were never spoken.
“Can do, Cheerilee.” Rainbow Dash agreed before Josh could properly get a response out. “Joshy boy and I have this covered. Go and get Scoots and her friends and we’ll make sure your students don’t go anywhere, okay?”
“Thanks very much! My students, please behave while I go and get your three missing classmates. Don’t give Rainbow Dash or Josh any trouble, you hear me?” With a little wave to her nodding students, trying to all make themselves look like angels, Cheerilee trotted off. “Tootles!”
How do I get myself into situations like this? Josh sighed, banging his head into the ground, Or, more importantly, why did I have to be raised to never strike a girl? Rainbow Dash is seriously asking for a butt-whipping! I wish I could just buck her off…damn my weak lower body. And just what the hell is THIS brat doing? The same filly with the light purple and white mane continued to stand in front of him. Josh noticed that she wore a tiara on her head, while also sporting a tiara cutie mark on her flanks.
“So…Josh, right?” the filly smirked, casually taking out one of Josh’s candies and dauntingly unwrapping it before tossing the piece of caramel into her mouth. “Mmm…tasty. Thanks for the candy. You WERE the one who dropped them, right?”
“Yes, I did, and they belong to ME! You and your greedy little friends give them back!” Josh growled, not enjoying this filly’s attitude in the least. He deduced that, by her smug expression, her beautiful and carefully-styled pink body, and the tiara on her head that she was either a bully or a queen bee. This was actually new to Josh. Through all of his years of school, most of the girls he encountered actually found him to be hilarious and usually respected him; it was the males that always abused him. He had never really encountered a bratty school female in his life before coming to Equestria.
“Like, sorry, but as I stated before, what I find belongs to me!” The filly sat down on the ground and stuck her muzzle into the air, proudly displaying her arrogance and disregard for Josh’s feelings as she very slowly pulled out yet another candy. It was clear she was trying to rile him up. Before he had time to scream at her, however, the rest of the class began their bombardment of questions and comments to the strange alicorn that they had never seen before.
“Thanks for throwing the candy to us! Did you get them from Pinkie? They taste really good!”
“You’re a…uh…oh, an alicorn! Just like the princesses! Are you related to them?”
“Dark purple is a very pretty color! Ooh, and did Sweetie Belle do your mane? It looks wonderful!”
“Can you show us some of your magic?”
“Is it honestly alright if we sit on you, like you said we could? You do look very comfy.”
“Hey, Diamond Tiara, look! He has no cutie mark! He’s a blank flank, too! Can you believe it?”
This last comment snagged Josh’s attention. Since Rainbow Dash seemed to be amused with the attention Josh was getting and made no attempt to remove her rump from his back, Josh was forced to strain his neck to see who had spoken. The filly who had mentioned that he had a blank flank had a dark gray body, a long light gray ponytail mane, and wore a blue-beaded necklace with blue-rimmed glassed covering her violet pupils. Her cutie mark was a silver spoon.
Whoa…is this girl all about the color gray or something? Wait…actually…it kinda looks more silver, than gray…I guess. Josh tilted his head and stared harder at the filly. Plus…interesting glasses. She looks kinda cute…in a way. But, judging from the tone of her voice…and her appearance…she must be friends with this brat in front of me. I really shouldn’t talk to losers, but…
“Ooh, are you serious, Silver Spoon? Let me see, let me see!” the filly apparently named Diamond Tiara grinned, her smile not very friendly. As she walked towards Josh’s rear, something which greatly annoyed him, he noticed she walked very neatly and precisely, almost like Rarity. This intrigued Josh. The more and more he studied these ponies, the more diverse and different they were turning out to be. Even though he hated them all, this was the first time he had encountered actual rude ponies who were being rude just for the sake of it.
So…their names are…Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon? Wow…LAME names! Josh snickered to himself, even as his bare flanks were admired and soon mocked by both fillies. I REALLY shouldn’t let them get to me. I’m bigger than they are, after all. But, why isn’t Rainbow Dash doing anything about this? So much for trying to be a friend. Hey, Pinkie Pie, knock your friend upside the head for me!
“Yo, girls, leave Josh alone!” Rainbow Dash scolded, glaring down at Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon and shooing them away. “Yeah, so Josh doesn’t have his cutie mark yet. Big deal! You both gonna start picking on him like you pick on Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle? You think that makes you look so much cooler?”
Huh…she actually DOES care…that or she’s just making herself look good in front of me and these stupid, mindless little students.
“Er…sorry, Rainbow Dash…” Silver Spoon slowly backed off, hanging her head and adjusting her glasses with her hoof. “I suppose you’re right. C’mon, Diamond, let’s not be mean.”
“Like, why not? Isn’t he older than us? Shouldn’t he, like, HAVE his cutie mark?” Diamond Tiara argued, casting Rainbow Dash a dirty look of disapproval at being shooed away. “I think it’s positively hilarious how an older stallion, and an alicorn at that, is a blank flank! Hey, Josh, are you a Cutie Mark Crusader, too?”
Don’t lose your temper, Josh…otherwise, you’re no worse than her. She’s just a filly, after all…she doesn’t know any better. Kids are no smarter than rocks. Just let it go…don’t let it get to you…she’ll stop eventually…you’re better than that.
“Ugh, and just LOOK at your mane!” Diamond Tiara whined, trotting back in front of Josh’s enraged face and admiring his hair, “Yeah, it’s totally obvious that Sweetie Belle did this. Only a talentless blank flank could make a mess like THIS!”
Count to ten…nice and slow now. One…two…three…four…
“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” Diamond Tiara’s smug sneer was pushed into Josh’s face. “I don’t care how old you are or what type of pony you are. I’ve never seen you before, you’re a blank flank, I SAW you hanging out with Apple Bloom and her dorky friends, AND you have a hideous coat. Plus, where did you get a name like ‘Josh’ anyway? I think Lame McGee would be a better fit, don’t you think?”
“Hey! Knock it off, right now!” Rainbow Dash angrily got up on all fours on Josh’s back, then stomped up to the stallion’s neck so she could attempt to glare into Diamond Tiara’s face. “Stop being so mean to Josh! He didn’t do anything to deserve that!”
“Like, all I’m saying is the truth,” Diamond Tiara shrugged, taking a tiny step away from Rainbow Dash out of respect for who she was. “Besides, if Lame McGee can’t speak up to defend himself, I think I’m totally justified in…”
“THAT…DOES IT!” Josh roared, bursting up using all of his strength and throwing Rainbow Dash from his body. The Pegasus went flying, while Josh was seething. “YOU!” He pointed a hoof right into the scared Diamond Tiara’s face. “YOU WANT TO HEAR ME SPEAK? FINE, I’LL SPEAK! YOU READY, YOU LITTLE BRAT?”
Terrified out of her mind now that Josh was actually getting serious, Diamond Tiara let out a pathetic whimper as she backed away, her frightful blue eyes locked on Josh’s enraged green ones. “P-p-please, have m-mercy…I-I-I didn’t mean it, I swear!” She tried to jump behind two little colts and use them as a shield, but they quickly pushed her away back towards Josh. The rest of the class, including Silver Spoon, all began to back away from the enraged stallion. Diamond Tiara couldn’t escape.
“I’VE GOT SOMETHING I WANNA SAY TO YOU, AND YOU’RE GONNA SIT YOUR STUCK-UP ASS DOWN AND LISTEN!” Josh raised his left foot and brought it down with a loud crunch in front of Diamond Tiara, scaring the filly even more and making her drop to her rump out of pure terror. “NOW THEN! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I TRULY, TRULY THINK OF YOU?”
“N-n-no…” Diamond Tiara sobbed and curled up into a ball, feeling the breath of Josh’s snarl breathing down her neck as she glowered over her. She didn’t like pain, and she wasn’t going to like this, either.
“WELL, DIAMOND TIARA…I think I love you!”
“I-I-I’m sorry! P-p-please, if you’re g-g-going to hurt me, just not in the…w-w-wait, what?”
Diamond Tiara lifted her head, expecting to see Josh ready to strike her with his hoofed fists, spear her with his horn, cast a powerful spell on her, or in the very least ready to continue his verbal assault. Instead, she found the stallion giving her a wide-rimmed grin. “You heard me. I think I love you!”
Cheerilee’s entire class was in complete shock at the news. Rainbow Dash, who had managed to pick herself up and fly over to try and break up what she had assumed was going to be a fight, was frozen with her mouth wide open as she heard the words she never thought she’d hear from Josh’s lips. All the colts and fillies surrounding Josh were staring at him with blank stares and dumbfounded expressions; they were sure they hadn’t heard him correctly. Silver Spoon, moments ago being scared for her friend, now looked just as confused as the rest of her class. Diamond Tiara herself was probably the most confused of all.
“You see, my dear, it’s very true that you are an insufferable, unbearable, rude, obnoxious, stuck-up, annoying, irritating, egotistical brat,” Josh explained, sitting down and wrapping his left forearm around the pink filly, “I would love nothing more than to fire you out of a rocket launcher at 100 miles per hour and watch you splat against a brick wall, turning you into a filly pancake. Then, I would crush your flat body into a tiny little ball of pain and hurl you over the side of the biggest cliff I could find and listen to the wind carry you down…down…down…until you met your demise at the very bottom.” Josh closed his eyes and sighed, a dreamy look lost in his eyes for a moment as he considered the fantasy. “But…I actually like you, so I’m not gonna do any of that to you.”
“Um…t-t-thank you?” Diamond Tiara, having been scared before, was possibly even worse now at hearing Josh’s deadly threats and fantasies of what he’d like to do to her. Her entire body was trembling as she stared up at the now-menacing stallion. But, his hoof on her back wasn’t cold and forceful. It seemed like he was actually trying to convey his true feelings to her, at least in his own way.
“The thing is, Diamond Tiara, you’re an ornery little brat…but you’ve got spunk, and I really like that. You remind me a lot of myself, but you’re a stuck-up rich girl…at least I’m assuming you’re rich. Me, I’m far different than you, in so many ways. But, what I find interesting…and what I’m continuing to learn more and more the longer I stay on this hellhole of a world…is that you ponies remind me a lot of my real home, and even a bit of myself.”
“Uh…so…you’re not…from around here?” one of the two colts from before asked, tilting his head and giving a dumb expression. His voice instantly irritated Josh; it sounded like a cross between Canadian and a mental patient in an insane asylum. Josh immediately hated the combination.
“That’s right, you silly little fillies and colts.” Josh casually pulled the scared Diamond Tiara even closer to himself, soon pulling her into an unwilling tight hug, as he sat and admired the curious stares he was getting from Cheerilee’s class. “You see, I came here through…a wormhole, I’ll call it. I come from a planet named Earth, which is a very stinky and horrible place. There, I was a human being. But, thanks to our resident zebra hiding in the forest, I was changed to a pony. Okay…it wasn’t exactly her fault…but, since I like blaming others, I’ll just accuse her anyway.”
“That’s not very nice,” the second colt from before scolded, giving a little frown. Just like his cohort, Josh immediately hated his voice. It sounded like a rusty drainpipe fused together with the common cold. Josh seriously wondered why the males in this world were so pathetic.
“But…you’re from another world?” a white filly with curly red hair and big purple glasses gasped, “Thath…tho cool! I’ve never heard of anything like that before!” Josh noticed that this little filly had a lisp, which he immediately sympathized with. When he was little, he had a lisp as well, and it hadn’t gone away until he had gotten to high school. Those were some of the most embarrassing years of his life. He felt sorry for the filly.
“Um…and…why should…we believe you?” Diamond Tiara whimpered, looking up at Josh and pausing her weak struggles to get free from his hug, which had gone completely ignored.
“Because I was there when he appeared, that’s why!” Rainbow Dash walked up and gave Josh a little grin. “Believe me, brat, Josh is who he says he is. We even saw him as a human before he got this COOL pony body.” She put an emphasis on ‘cool’ to signify to Diamond Tiara that she was wrong in saying that Josh looked ugly.
Huh…she’s…she’s really sticking up for me…wait, what was her so-called “element” again? Josh mused, glancing at the blue Pegasus sitting beside him, I really thought she didn’t like me…not that I can blame her. I still hate her and the rest of this world, and I highly enjoyed throwing her off that cliff with Applejack. But…still…instead of sticking by her fellow Equestrians…annoying or not…she’s sticking by me. Weird…very weird.
Diamond Tiara was about to timidly protest again, but her pleas were drowned out by the mob of students that were now gushing over Josh and asking him thousands of questions. Loving the attention for once, Josh began answering any and all questions from the curious and excited students, all the while continuing to hold the squirming Diamond Tiara in his forelegs. Rainbow Dash stayed seated nearby, throwing in random remarks now and then that were either meant to bring Josh up, or were meant to make herself look good for knowing such things about Josh.
Ten minutes later, Cheerilee came trotting back into sight. Behind her was Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, all three looking a little guilty and embarrassed. “Sorry for taking so long! These three insisted on finishing their little project. They made me promise to not reveal what it is, but…” Cheerilee glanced back at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, then glanced to Josh. “…it wasn’t really any of my business to begin with.”
Cheerilee is kinda hot…but her perkiness and her smile really grates my nerves and gives me migraines. But, then again, so do most of these ponies. Josh chuckled to himself as he stared at the school teacher.
“Aww, it’s so very nice to see you all getting along!” Cheerilee gushed, noticing that Josh was still holding the exhausted Diamond Tiara, “Oh! Josh, you and Diamond Tiara became close friends already? That’s super! I’m thrilled just how you’re fitting in with Ponyville and my students!”
“Save…me…please…” Diamond Tiara croaked, but once again her pleas were drowned out by her cheering classmates.
“Joshy? We…we made somethin’ fer ya,” Apple Bloom said shyly, trotting forward while carrying something on her back. Josh observed the object and saw that it was a small wooden box, crafted out of tree branches and rather poorly put-together. The Cutie Mark Crusaders must’ve been in a hurry.
“Yeah, but don’t open it up until we leave, okay?” Scootaloo warned, trying to look tough in front of Rainbow Dash.
“We worked hard on it…we hope you like it,” Sweetie Belle added, sliding an envelope off her back to add to the wooden box. Together with both presents, Apple Bloom presented herself to Josh and held the box and envelope out to him.
“These…are really for me?” Finally letting Diamond Tiara go, the stallion eagerly reached out and grasped the fragile box with the envelope on top. Diamond Tiara gasped in relief, then quickly hobbled over and cowered behind Silver Spoon. She kept her eyes locked on Josh the entire time, most likely to make sure he didn’t try to snatch her up again. Silver Spoon just giggled.
Sitting in the middle of the small mob of ponies, clutching the two presents in his hooves, Josh’s eyes narrowed. His heart was acting up again, pulsating madly inside of his chest. For some reason, he really wanted to cry. Was it because of getting free gifts? Was it because he was the center of attention? Was it because he was finally getting the respect he deserved and hungered for? Or…was it something else? The more Josh thought about it, the more his brain began to hurt. When he lifted his eyes, all he saw was smiling faces around him. Cheerilee, Silver Spoon, the two dorky colts (they had spoken their names were Snips and Snails), the filly with the lisp (she told him her name was Twist), Rainbow Dash, and all the other students. They all…were smiling at him. Just sitting there and smiling at him.
I…I don’t…why? They’re not looking upon me like I’m a freak…except maybe for that cutie, Diamond Tiara. They’re…they’re looking at me like…their equal…or their…friend? No, that’s impossible; you can’t just make someone your friend after one freaking day…or after ten minutes of blabbering about random nonsense! There’s no such thing as a friend. All these ponies care about is my story. They’re fascinated by me…since I’m an alien. It’s like the scientists back home. They could act friendly to an alien, but all they care about is where it came from and what’s inside it. Humph…they don’t care about me…all they care about is my story. No one cares about Josh Schwartz.
“So…yeah…don’t open them now, please,” Sweetie Belle explained, “It’s…kinda embarrassing.”
“Believe me, my dear, if I had wanted to open them, I would have done so already.” Josh’s sarcasm always played a key role in any form of speech he spoke, it seemed.
“Well, I’m afraid we’ve wasted enough of your time, Josh and Rainbow Dash,” Cheerilee said, turning around and glancing towards the Everfree Forest, “We’ll get out of your manes now, alright? But, Josh? If you ever want to visit the schoolhouse, you know where it is, right?” Josh nodded, and Cheerilee gave a little cheer. “Wonderful! Well, do have a good day, okay? Let’s get going, class!”
“BYE, JOSH; THANKS FOR THE CANDY! BYE, RAINBOW DASH!” the entire class shouted at once, save for Diamond Tiara. All the other ponies waved to Josh and the famous blue Pegasus and began to trot away towards the Everfree Forest.
“Goodbye, all of you…have fun, if you can!” Josh called back, snickering to himself.
“Take care!” Rainbow Dash added.
Heh…they weren’t so bad…especially that little Diamond Tiara, Josh smirked to himself, She’s a firecracker! Such a cute little brat. It’s almost like looking in a mirror…hmm? He stopped his usual train of thoughts when he saw that Diamond Tiara had stopped to look back at him. The filly’s eyes, once so filled with fear, were now filled with curiosity. The stallion and filly stared at one another for a few moments, the young girl frowning slightly and the stallion continuing to smirk. Eventually, Diamond Tiara muttered something to herself, adjusted the tiara on her head, then quickly followed after her class as fast as she could.
“I can’t believe how NICE you were to all those students, especially Diamond Tiara!” Rainbow Dash said, laughing and shaking her head as she eyed Josh, “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head or something?”
“Yes, but if you don’t shut up, a certain Pegasus head is looking mighty fine for a bashing instead.”
“Try it, bub! See where it gets ya!”
“Oh, you!” Josh gave a little growl as, for the first time, he decided to do the tackling. He quickly lunged at Rainbow Dash and tackled her down, inciting a squeak of shock and indignation from the Pegasus. Thinking quickly and hurryingly planting his hind legs on Rainbow’s wings to make sure she couldn’t fly away, Josh used his forelegs to pin Rainbow’s as he sat on her chest. “Ha! Gotcha!”
“No fair! Cheater! I totally wasn’t looking! You blindsided me!” Rainbow Dash whined and struggled, trying to throw Josh off, but he weighed more than her and was just as difficult to remove as she was from him. She may as well have been trying to throw a boulder off her stomach.
“It sucks when the tables are turned, doesn’t it?” Josh snickered, slowly leaning his face down to Dash’s. This was possibly the first time he had gotten so close to her, besides the moment when he had crashed down on top of her from Applejack’s face-bucking she had delivered to him. The stallion noticed that she really had beautiful eyes, and her rainbow mane was actually quite stylish. “I think you need to be punished for sitting on me so much and not doing a thing to get my candy back from those students.”
“Oh yeah? And just what are you gonna do to me, HUH?” The cyan mare glared up at Josh, sporting her usual confidence and fiercely trying to intimidate the stallion. She kicked her hind legs as hard as she could, her tail flicking back and forth in irritation as well, but Josh stayed firmly seated on her chest. Her wings fluttered helplessly under his hooves and her forelegs didn’t match the strength of Josh’s.
Rainbow Dash is basically like my brother, Jeremy, from back home. Very slowly, Josh’s grin stretched even wider, an evil glint in his eye as he removed his right hoof from Dash’s left foreleg. She really does remind me of him, in so many ways. Josh lifted his hoof to his mouth and slowly slid it inside, lathering the bottom with his tongue and getting it good and moist with his saliva. So, how do you deal with an arrogant little brat? Why, you fight fire with fire, of course! Josh dragged his hoof out of his mouth and held it off to the side, his sticky saliva oozing over the edges as he had coated the entire thing.
“Er…Josh? What…what are you doing?” Rainbow Dash gulped as she saw Josh’s drool-based hoof. Even though she had one of her forelegs free, she still couldn’t push Josh away.
“Dash…do you know…what a wet willy is?”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened in fear, and her struggles maximized to a violent thrashing. “NO, NO, NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I NEVER LET GILDA DO IT TO ME, AND NEITHER ARE YOU! LET ME GO, NOW!”
“Say your prayers, Dash!” Josh cackled in glee as he eyed the squirming Pegasus’ left ear. “Oh, and while you’re at it, you may need a tissue. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Rearing his head back and letting his evil, maniacal cackle ring through Ponyville, Josh rushed his wet hoof straight into the left ear of Rainbow Dash. As he crammed his slick and slimy hoof deep into the Pegasus’ pointed earlobe, he couldn’t help but sigh in delight over the shrieks of discomfort and agony of defeat coming from the mare beneath him. It felt so good to be on top for once. Rainbow Dash’s ear wasn’t too big, but he managed to shove a bit more of his hoof inside. He wanted to make sure she got the full result of his attack.
Hey, sometimes it’s perfectly fine to be evil! Whoever says otherwise is a liar.