//------------------------------// // A New Kind of Nothing // Story: Morning Slice // by toastman //------------------------------// As Pinkie eyed the box in front of her, she contemplated her next attack. She wanted to try something new for breakfast today, but this stupid box was harder to open than it should have been. After fruitlessly trying to get her hooves under the pull tab(Why do they even have those things? It's not like ponies can use them...), Pinkie had tried hitting the box, throwing it against the wall, and sicking Gummy on it, only to find the the only thing she might have accomplished was breaking all the cereal pieces inside. She couldn't even be sure of that, because in order to see the damage, she'd have to get the box open first! Pinkie had opted for bran flakes this morning, picking up a box from the market about an hour and a half ago. She had no idea what bran meant, but she was eager to learn. She propped the now deformed cardboard container up against a wall and picked up a spoon with her teeth. She wedged the end of the spoon under the pull tab and lifted. Pinkie squealed in delight at the sight of an open mess of a box sitting in front of her. She pulled out the bag of flakes within and ripped it open with her teeth. Surprisingly, they didn't look too damaged! She dumped the whole thing on top of a bowl she had set on the counter. Next, she poured out some milk over the heap of cereal that completely concealed the bowl. She knew she was making a mess and that she'd have to clean it up later, but she didn't care. She had been trying to get that box open for an hour, and nothing would stand in her way now! Pinkie tried to awkwardly hold the spoon between her hooves, but soon found that this was not going to work. She decided to just shove her face into the pile. Pound Cake did it all the time, and she thought it was just adorable. As she rammed her head into the mass of flakes, she got her first mouthful of cereal. A lot of suspense had built up to this moment for her, and she wondered about all the mystical flavors contained within the fabled flakes. She chewed slowly as she tasted a whole lot of... nothing. These didn't taste like anything! It had to be the most bland thing she had ever experienced, and she used to live at a rock farm! It not only tasted of nothing, but it seemed to even detract from the flavor of the milk! She couldn't tell if she was tasting the bran or if it was just her own saliva. And she loved it! Never before had her taste buds experienced such an... emptiness. Her brain could so easily keep up with the nature of the flakes that even sped ahead of her sense of taste, coming up with something, anything to fill the gap that was left by a food with no flavor. She thought it tasted like cotton candy for a second, but that didn't seem quite right, so it changed to chocolate chip cookies. That wasn't quite it either. Her brain searched through its extensive library of tastes, trying to find something that matched up with this abnormally sensation-less breakfast. It was weird. By not tasting like anything, the bran flakes began tasting like everything! That's what bran must mean. Everything. Because that was the perfect embodiment of this cereal. She was already halfway through the entire pile, even seeing some of the bowl peeking out from beneath. She couldn't wait to tell her friends about her discovery. They would be overjoyed. Imagine how useful something like bran flakes could be! Why, with bran flakes, who needs anything else? They already have every flavor one could possibly imagine, so what was the point in eating anything else? Fluttershy would never have to worry about Angel not liking his food. Spike wouldn't have to eat any more gems, and they could be used for other things. Derpy may never have another muffin again! But... Derpy loves muffins... Pinkie couldn't imagine what it would be like for Derpy if she didn't have any more muffins. And the Cakes would go out of business, because everybody got all of their fulfillment out of bran flakes. Suddenly, the bran flakes started to lose some of that flavor they had never actually gained. By now, all that was left was the cereal that actually made it into the bowl. Pinkie looked down into the now soggy cereal. She wouldn't be able to make anymore treats. She would never be able to teach Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake the ways of the baker. Her hair began to droop ever so slightly. The Apples might lose their farm, as well as the Carrots. Bonbon would have to stop her candy making, and even Colgate, while delighted that everypony was eating less sugar, probably wouldn't get as much business, seeing as cavities would occur much less frequently. This was becoming more and more depressing by the second, and these bran flakes didn't seem so great anymore. Pinkie knew now why everypony didn't just eat bran flakes all the time. They were a sort of rare treat, not to be overdone, as the results would be catastrophic. She decided not to tell her friends about it. They probably already knew anyway. She dumped out the rest of the cereal, and got out a rag to clean up the mess she made. The Cakes would be really upset if they saw it, and Pinkie hated seeing them upset. As she wiped away the milk and crumbs from the counter, Pinkie thought about tomorrow's breakfast. She figured she wouldn't get too adventurous next time. Breakfast usually wasn't that big of a deal for her anyway. Some ponies went all out with their breakfasts, but it meant almost nothing to her. She ate so many different things throughout the day that it just sort of blended in with the rest. She wouldn't forget about today, though. She had been greatly upset by the potential of the sacred bran flakes, but she also learned a lot about them, too. As long she she did so sparingly, maybe it would be okay to have a bowl every now and again, or a heap in her case. She knew now not to underestimate the smaller things, whether it be the integrity of a stubborn box, or the consequences of feeding such incredibly bland bits of food to the masses. They had been amazing while they lasted, though. Every flavor had assaulted her all at once, even when there were no actual flavors to be found. She was astounded by how so much could come from something so... nonexistent, and she was hard to astound, which was even more impressive. She figured bran couldn't mean "everything" anymore. She was pretty sure she knew what it actually meant now, though: nothing.