//------------------------------//
// (7) - A Wild Windigo Appears! 
// Story: A Pokemon Problem 
// by Solecism 
//------------------------------//

A Pokemon Problem

(7) - A Wild Windigo Appears!




As Ryder and I flew north-west, (well, in actuality, it was north by north-west, but that's being anal retentive about it) two human males that were inhabiting a round, purple ball of gas and a two-hundred pound paperweight made of hard, dense steel respectively, the landscape below us changed drastically. The trees, once of the deciduous variety, gradually turned into spruce, fir, and other conifers that shared remarkable resemblances to their Earth counterparts.

The air above grew cold; I certainly couldn't tell the difference, but Ryder was sure to remind me as the wind was 'blowing right through him.' Har-dee-har-har. Slowly but surely, the leaf-covered ground gave way to frosted earth, and then became nothing more than snow. My vision became somewhat impaired by the snowfall. I had to strain to see ahead of me.

It was incredible: we'd only been flying for a few hours, give or take, and we had already changed biomes.

What? I wasn't a stopwatch, damnit; I was a compass.

Anyway, as we flew, the ground started to slope upward towards the low-lying mountain range. Note that when I say 'low-lying,' I actually mean freakin' gigantic; they were only small in comparison to Foal Mountain, which tells you just how big that overgrown hill was.

"Why is it so damn cold up here?" complained Ryder. "Can we stop for a second so I can catch my breath?"

I continued my steady hovering pace and answered, "You don't have to breathe, dingus. You're a freakin' Ghost. And as for why it's cold: Didn't you pass science? Higher the elevation, colder the temperature."

I heard some annoyed grumbling behind me. "I know I don't have to breathe, I was just trying to explain what my current predicament is in terms you'd understand!" he said rapidly. "Please, can we just stop for a second so I can rest?!"

Putting on the metaphorical brakes, I relented. "Fine. Are we going to hover or try to find somewhere to land?"

Ryder looked around for a few seconds, squinting is big eyes to pierce the snow veil. "Over there," he directed. I looked at him dryly. After all: neither of us had arms. "See those three trees tightly packed together?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"We'll land there."

A few moments and a snowdrift ploughed into later, Ryder and I found ourselves with our backs to the trees. They formed a sort of bulwark against the snow, and although I couldn't care less one way or the other, Ryder seemed relieved to be out of the falling snow and whipping wind.

Strangely, I felt angry at him. After all, it was his fault that I was stuck here in Equestria—in a Beldum's body no less. If he hadn't poked and prodded me into going to that stupid party of his, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

"Fuck you," I thought venomously.

"What?!"

"Fuck you for being the catalyst for everything bad that happens to me."

"How is this my fault? You think I want to be stuck in your goddamn fandom's world? No, I don't! Do I want to be a Gastly? No, I don't! I'd much rather be back home, in my own freaking body!"

"It was you all along: you practically dragged me to that stupid party of yours."

Ryder snorted. Somehow. "All I did was mention Cindy's name, and you tagged along like a horny dog. Speaking of which, have you ever realized that you're an arrogant, chauvinistic, prick—"

An ominous howl interrupted our argument, sending chills down my robotic spine. It sounded like a cross between a wolf, banshee, and a really pissed off tiger.

"What was that?!"

"You're the expert here: Why don't you tell me?"

Before I had a chance at a rebuttal, two spectral forms sped by, stirring up the powdery snow and causing it to spin in a miniature cyclone around us. The cyclone span and span, growing in velocity and size while Ryder and I just looked upon it, dumbfounded.

"Why is there—?"

"How is there—?"

"What the heck is going on?!"

As if to answer our questions, another roar shattered the somewhat tranquil sound of wind and snow. If I had eardrums with my new-and-improved hearing, I was certain that they'd be shattered into a million pieces.

Time seemed to slow as my brain worked overtime, trying to put the pieces of evidence together into a cohesive idea of what we were facing and a subsequent plan of action.

Whatever they were, they seemed to have limited control over the weather. I predicted that they were native to snowy areas, considering that we hadn't come across any of them until now. My solitary eye buzzed around in its socket, rolling like a magic 8-ball to look and absorb as much information in as short of time possible.

I briefly saw a pair of glowing, blue eyes, a horse-like head, two front legs, and a wispy back end that trailed and fluttered in the wind where a good portion of the torso and the rear legs should've been. The body was white-grey, and I could barely discern it from the raging snowstorm in front, behind, to the sides, and above us.

My memories clicked into place, and I realized that we were being attacked by Windigoes.

"Ryder!" I mentally shouted.

"What the heck is going on?!" he repeated.

"We're being attacked by Windigoes!" I explained. "They feed off of negative energy! The more angry we get, the colder it is!"

"So how do we make them leave us alone?! Think happy thoughts?!"

I looked back at the whirling hurricane that had only grown longer since I looked away. Thankfully, it seemed to not be getting any bigger. I shook my segmented head. "No, I don't think that's going to work!"

"Then what?!"

I thought furiously, trying to figure out what we could do to, if not outright win against the Windigoes, at least dissuade them from screwing with us.

The answer hit me like a two-hundred pound weight.

"Lick them!"

If the situation wasn't mortifying and I had a camera, I would've taken a picture of Ryder's priceless face. Hell, maybe I have a camera feature somewhere...

"What?!"

"Lick them!"

Either Ryder understood just as well as I did, or he was desperate to escape and would follow my order, no matter how strange it sounded. He flung himself towards the blue-eyed menaces with reckless abandon, getting caught in the cyclone in the process. Ryder fought and twisted, eventually breaking free and having one clear shot at the Windigoes that were flying in a hypnotically lazy circle above.

One clear shot was all he needed.

Ryder quickly licked the closest Windigo, his big pink tongue causing an audible smack even over the roar of the whirlwind. The smack was quickly drowned out by the subsequent roar of the horse-like apparition. Not wasting a second, Ryder licked the other one, who was staring at its comrade in what seemed like surprise and confusion.

Soon, both of their howls drowned out everything else, reverberating around in my skull like an angry nest of bees or last night's hangover.

I winced, closing my eye and severing my lone sense that wasn't overwhelmed. Only after the tortured screams died down did I chance opening my eye a crack.

Calm. Silence and calm. Whatever wind was once part of snowstorm had abated with the... interruption of the Windigoes, and the snow had fallen where it had flown, creating uneven piles on the ground, spread out in a vague impersonation of a circle.

Overhead, Ryder came puffing down while the sun shined down and birds chirped amicably, as if our entire battle had been nothing but an illusion. The still echoing howls, however softly, refuted that possibility.

"Well," he said. "That went better than expected."