Close encounters with the annoying kind
Ow my head, what happened? His mind flashed back to the basement and the explosion. And light? Am I dead, that explosion should have killed me and everything in a ten-mile radius. But I am here. He opened his eyes and saw… green grass?
“What the fuck?” Grass is normally brown and when it’s green its in a bio-dome. But there was grass real fucking grass in front of him. He got up and looked around, he was in some kind of forest but there were healthy green trees and bushes everywhere. He looked up expecting a glass dome to be over his head but there was none. Ok this isn’t a bio-dome so I must be dead. What else could it be?
He looked around once again, everything looked weird like a kid recolored everything with markers. He then looked at his armor and blinked in shock. The bloodstains were gone and all his ammo and equipment he used up were there. His armor also changed it look also like the environment it was still its pure black color but it looked like a kid drew over it with a marker like the forest. He stared at it in shock for a minute then focused on his surroundings. He noticed the shotgun he took from the guard was on the ground a yard away from him.
He walked over to it and picked it up and for the first time noticed what type of shotgun it was. It was a spas-24 with slug-frag rounds and a 3x sight. It had shotgun rounds taped to the side. He guessed with that rounds inside already he had about twenty-five rounds for it. He then checked his M516B. He had seven forty shot magazines plus the one inside the gun making a total of 320 shots.
After checking all of his equipment he found he had five M-421 frag grenade and bricks of C4. He also had several flashbangs and door kickers (its causes a small explosion that brakes the lock of a door). Some nerve gas grenades and eight customized throwing knifes. Two caused an explosion on impact, two set targets on fire, two caused a shock of electricity and the rest were regular throwing knifes. His G-W21 had twenty in the chamber and five extra magazines. He had some food pills and several deployable cameras and motion sensors. His medical kit was full and he had both his combat knifes one strapped to his chest the other hidden in his boot. Look out hell here I come.
“Somepony help!” His ears went into full alert it sounded like a kid crying for help. He looked around trying to find where the voice came from. “Somepony please help!” Somepony? What the fuck, I must be hearing things. But I know for a fact there is a kid in danger and it is my duty to protect all civilians. He started running towards the cry for help. He then heard a roar coming from the direction he was facing. He then cloaked and continued moving in the direction of the roars and cries of help. “Somepony please help us or we’re going to be eaten.” That came from just through those bushes. He peaked through them and what he saw made his right eye twitch.
There were three small ponies in a clearing and a beast that looked like a lion but had wings and a scorpion’s tail. For the ponies one was yellow and had a red mane with a bow in it. The next was a white pony with styled bluish mane but it had a horn! A fucking horn! The next was orange with a purple mane but it had wings freaking wings! Then to question his sanity even more they all spoke in unison.
“Help!” There were many things wrong with this picture. First ponies went extinct a hundred years ago after getting eaten by both humans and mutants. Second was the fact they can talk. Even scientist can’t make an animal speak. Third was the yellow one had a big bow in her mane like she was a person. Who put that there was it the pony? Nah. Fourth the white one had a horn was she a unicorn. Nah. He laughed mentally there were no such things as unicorn must be fake or something. Fifth was the hardest to explain the orange one had wings sure they looked too small for it. But wings! He thought of how he could explain it. An animal that has been extinct for a hundred years was standing right in front of him and it had wings. Must be some escaped science experiments, they all must be and that thing is here to bring them back to the lab. Makes sense.
He was about to walk away and he looked at them again. They were huddled in fear seeming to be waiting for death. The horned one even wet it’s self. But they weren’t his problem, but he saw the fear in their eyes. The same eyes of fear he saw civilians had when facing death. Oh fuck it.
He pulled out his G-W21 and switched the fire mode from single to burst fire and ran out of the bushes. “Hey asshole, leave them alone!” he shouted. The creature turned around and roared at him trying to intimidate him. Ezra then threw his arms and in the air and made a fake roar showing he wasn’t afraid. The creature then charged at him, Ezra crouched down and aimed down the pistol sights and aimed where he thought the creature’s heart would be he fired once making a three shot burst. He ignored the feel of the recoil and watched as blood came out of the creature’s chest.
To his surprise the creature just stared at the wound and gave him an angry roar, which he guessed translated to “Nice try bitch”. It then charged at Ezra, he jumped out of the way with the creature running past him. Bullets barely scratch this thing, I wonder what a knife in the neck would do. He then holstered his G-W21 and pulled out both his combat knifes. Unknown to him the three small ponies were watching his every move. He then cloaked, becoming only a shadow and earning a gasp from the ponies and a confused look from the creature. It’s head was moving around searching for him it failed to notice the shadow was slowly moving to its neck. The creature then flicked its tail sending Ezra flying against a nearby tree causing him to decloak. A wave of pain that started from his spine spread throughout his body, he ignored this. Great it can smell me, which makes my cloak useless. He looked back at the creature that was waiting for him to get up.
“Ok whatever you are no more mister nice guy.” He said while taking out his new spas-24. The creature backed away a bit seeing the danger. “Oh getting smart are we, this baby here…” he patted his now drawn shotgun. “Makes that pistol look like a water gun.” He then aimed the 3x sight directly at its right eye. He fired the shotgun making a loud boom. The round flew was the barrel from the gun right into the creature’s right eye which exploded on impact. The resulting explosion killed the creature in a bloody show of blood and brains.
Ezra then walked over to the creature’s corpse. “Say down.” He said to it, he then reached for its mouth and pulled out a tooth. Then he took the tooth and made a small hole in in it using a needle from his medical kit. He attached the newly obtained tooth on the necklace around his neck. He then turned his attention to the three scared young ponies still hugging each other in fear. He slowly walked towards them their eyes widened as he did this. He stopped when he was a yard from them and crouched down until he was at their eye level (they only stood up to his knee).
“You should go before more come after you.” He said in an emotionless voice. The ponies stopped looking afraid but confused. For the first time he could see them up close their face didn’t look like what he read like a normal pony’s face should it looked slightly more… human like? Finally the orange one spoke.
“W-what do you mean?” Its voice indicated it was female and very young.
“Run before more come and take you back to the lab of which you came from.” Their faces were now devoid of fear and instead filled with confusion. He facepalmed mentally. Escaped science experimens, what was I thinking?
“What are you talking about mister?” Said the white one with the styled mane it also sounded young and female.
“Um… never mind I thought you were something else.” He replied.
“What have yah never seen a pony before?” Said the yellow one that was once again a female though she had a strange but familiar accent.
“No I haven’t actually.” He said getting a gasp from the three of them. He then moved closer to them but they backed up in fear. “I promise I won’t hurt you.” He said.
“Pinkie Promise?” said the white one. How do they do pinkie promises if they don’t have pinkies?
“Um sure.” This seemed to relax them. He then held out his right hand pinkie getting a confused looked from the trio.
“What are you doing?” Said the orange winged one.
“A pinkie promise, why am I doing something wrong?” They all nodded.
“Yea yah do it like this.” Said the yellow one. She then raised her right hoof and did a bunch of weird motions while saying “Ah cross mah heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in mah eye. Now you do it.”
“sigh I cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye I promise I won’t hurt you.” He said while doing the motions. He could of sworn for a second everyone and everything he ever killed was laughing at him. But the ponies seemed to relax.
“Thanks for saving us mister what’s your name and what the hay are you?” Said the orange one.
“My name is Sergeant Major Ezra Allen Smith ID#125-23-3690 of the New Union Special Forces and I am a human.
“Whoa is that really your whole name?” Said the white one.
“Kinda that is my full name plus my rank and ID but you can just call me Ezra.” He replied.
“What kind of name is Ezra? And what does it mean?” Said the orange one.
“It’s just a name it doesn’t really mean anything. Speaking of names what’s yours?” he asked them.
“Mah name is Applebloom.” Said the yellow one.
“I’m Sweetie Belle.” Said the white one.
“And I’m Scootaloo.” Said the orange one. What the fuck? Who names their kids that?
“And together we’re the CUTIE MARK CRUASDERS!” They shouted in unison. Ezra then quickly brought his hands to cover his ears but the damage was already done. He felt blood coming from his ears.
“Never do THAT again!” He said while ignoring the ringing in his ears. “And what the fu- I mean hell is a cutie mark?” He said careful to not curse in front of them because they were just children. Their mouths hit the ground (literally), which caused him to stare at the sight.
“HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A CUITE MARK IS?!?” His hands were still covering his ears so it wasn’t as bad as last time but his ears still bled more.
“Wait look! Gasp He has two different cutie marks!” Said Sweetie Belle while pointing with a raised hoof at the patches on his shoulders.
“How do ya have two cutie marks?” Said Applebloom. He looked at his shoulders all that was there were his normal patches.
“What these?” He said while pointing to his patches on his shoulders. The three ponies nodded. “These are just patches sewed into my armor. Also WHAT THE HELL IS A CUTIE MARK?”
“A Cutie Mark is a mark that appears on a pony’s flank when they find their special talent. We didn’t find ours yet so we thought it would be fun to find them together.”
“So a cutie mark is a tattoo that appears on your ass when you find when you are good at?” He said still confused by the concept of ass tattoos.
“What’s a donkey have tah do with anythin’? Said Applebloom. Ezra facepalmed.
“Moving to my next question are we dead, and is this hell?” The young ponies once again stared at him in confusion.
“Nooooo. Why did you ask that? Are you crazy like that pony that always talks about some species that doesn’t exist?”
“No I am not crazy. I asked that… well because I should be dead.” This got another gasp from them.
“What do you mean?” Asked Scootaloo still with a look of confusion on her face.
“Well to put it simply… I was caught in an explosion that should have killed me (and everything in a 10 mile radius). I woke up in a clearing over there…” He pointed to the bushes from where he came. “I came running when I heard you crying for help.”
“Whoa that’s quite a story mister Ezra.” Said Applebloom, she then looked at her friends and continued. “Hay maybe Twilight can help ya, she’s really smart.” No way am I getting helped by someone named after the WORST book series in the history of the world.
“No thanks I’m good.” He wanted to get away from them asap for several reasons. The first they were too trusting and he learned in the past if someone’s too trusting they are trying to make you feel comfortable until you drop your guard. Second he needed somewhere quiet so he could think about his current situation. Lastly they were just plain annoying. His thoughts were interrupted by Sweetie Belle.
“Then is there something we can do for you, after all you saved us.”
“No it’s fine.” He said trying to get away.
“Pleas there must be somethin’ we can for ya? Come on please” Said Applebloom. Then their eyes widened and started to water it was the most adorable sight he ever saw. He tried to say no but what came out was “Yes there is something you can do for me.” What the FUCK! How did they do that. Mind control?
“What?” They said in unison their eye’s no longer watering but still big.
“I just need a place to stay for a night or two while I get my things sorted out.” He said.
“Well ya can’t stay at mah farm, mah family would get mad if ah brought home a strange creature again.” Said Applebloom.
“My sister would freak out about what you’re wearing, so you can’t stay with me.” Said Sweetie Belle. He then looked at Scootaloo.
“You can’t stay with me, the orphanage doesn’t allow guests.” She said while looking down at the ground sadly. Sweet I can’t stay with any of them. There really is a God, a merciful one.
“Wait ya can stay at the clubhouse.” The others nodded. Fuck!
“Fine lead the way.” The three ponies looked at each other with nervous faces.
“What?”
“Our clubhouse is own the other side of town.” Said Sweetie Belle.
“Town? You mean there is more talking ponies?” said Ezra in disbelief.
“Yeah that’s why it’s called Ponyville.” Said Scootaloo like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Once again under his gas mask Ezra’s right eye twitched.
“Come on lets go then I want to reach it before its night?” He said while his eye was still twitching.
“But the other ponies would freak out if they saw ya.” Said Applebloom.
He chuckled “No problem, watch.” He then cloaked, getting an amazed look from the three ponies. Applebloom looked at his shadow and frowned then whispered something to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Which caused them to stop looking amazed.
“Ah can still see yar shadow.” Said Applebloom. The other ponies nodded.
“What, but I turned fully invisible. You could see right through me!” He said offended by their reactions.
“When a unicorn casts an invisibility spell it gets rid of their shadow too.” Said Sweetie Belle. Spell? As in magic, fucking magic.
“Well as long as you stay by us nopony would notice.” Said Scootaloo.
“Fine lets go.” The three ponies and one cloaked human followed the path out of the forest. They asked him annoying questions along the way, which he answered as wrongly as possible.
“… and that’s why the point of life is 42.” He said getting a gasp from the three ponies.
“Me next! Me next!” Shouted Scootaloo. He sighed.
“Fine, what’s your question?”
“What do the patches on your shoulder mean?”
“Good question. The one on my right shoulder says I am part of New Union Special Forces and th…”
“What’s that mean?” Interrupted Sweetie Belle.
“It means I am an elite operative in the army and them send me missions where there’s no real record of those missions.”
“Like a spah?” Said Applebloom.
“Kind of but I’m in the army.”
“So you’re in your world’s royal guard. That’s awesome!” Said Scootaloo. Royal guard? Must be their army’s name. “Then what does your other patch mean?”
“I was awarded it after I did a certain thing one hundred and fifty times.” He said in his normal emotionless voice.
“What was it that ya did?” Asked Applebloom. He didn’t want to tell them that he killed 150 people to get it.
“Just work stuff, boring really.” He lied they seemed to buy it. “Hey I got a question for you now. What type of ponies are you?”
“I’m a unicorn.” Said Sweetie Belle.
“I’m a Pegasus.” Said Scootaloo.
“And ah’m an Earth Pony.” Said Applebloom. Earth?
“Ok next question what is the name of this land?” The ponies stared at him in shock for not knowing.
“We in Equestria.” Answered Applebloom. As Equest as in horses?
“Mister Ezra, I have another question” said Sweetie Belle. “How old are you?”
“15.” He deadpanned.
“15?”
“15.” The ponies stopped walking and looked at his shadow.
“THAT MEANS YOUR ONLY TWO YEARS OLDER THEN US!” He fell to the ground with his ears bleeding. He picked himself up of the ground pretty sure he was deaf now in one ear. There were out of the forest and he could see a village in the distance.
“Is that Ponyville?” he asked they nodded. “Good lets go.”
There were many ways that Ezra could describe Ponyville primitive, colorful, peaceful, strange, and boring very boring. The ponies just were walking calmly, not noticing the three fillies and the shadow following them.
“How much longer until we’re there?” Whispered Ezra while watching some pegasi push a cloud around. What the fuck. Do they even know how many laws of physics they are breaking?
“Our clubhouse is on the other side of town. We just need to cut through the market then it would be only a bit more.” Said Sweetie Belle.
“Ok lets hurry and remember do Not drawn attention to yourselves or me.” They nodded. As they walked though the marketplace he noticed they were using gold coins as currency. Do they have any idea of what gold is really worth? Then passed a shop that looked like a gingerbread house. Really? Stranger there was a store that only sold quills and sofas.
“Five credits that store goes bankrupted in a month.” He whispered to them getting a strange look in return. They kept walking until they stopped in front of an apple stand.
“Hi Applejack!” Said Applebloom to who was operating the stand. She was female he guessed was big orange, and muscular with a blond mane. On her ass there was three apples and just to push his sanity even more she was wearing a cowboy hat.
“Hi Applebloom, what y’all up tah today?” she asked.
“Oh we’re helping our new friend mister Ezra out by leading him tah the clubhouse.” Ezra facepalmed, which for some reason didn’t decloak him. What part of ‘do not drawn attention to yourselves or me’ did they not understand?
“Oh then where is he?” Asked Applejack.
“He’s invisible.” Deadpanned Scootaloo. Getting a weird look from Applejack. “He is also from another world and in that world he is in the army.”
“Yeah he even saved us from a manticore in the Everfree Forest.” Wait that was a manticore and who is the idiot who named that forest.
“Ya were in the Everfree Forest! What were y’all thinking?” The three fillies then hung their head down in shame.
“We were trying to get our cutie marks.” Said Sweetie Belle. She then looked at the setting sun. “Oh we have to get going, bye.”
“Bye big sis.” Said Applebloom
“Bye.” Said Scootaloo.
“Bye.” Said Ezra while still cloaked.
They walked away leaving a confused orange pony behind them. When they were far enough away. Ezra yelled at them.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” He screamed witch caused many ponies to look around for the cause of the harsh language.
“What? All ah did was say hi to mah sister”
“And tell her I was there! Its dumb moves like that, which causes deaths.”
“How can telling her that hurt you!” Said Scootaloo trying to defend her friend.
“Did you ever see Planet of the Apes?” They gave him a confused looked which read ‘whaat?’ “If you did you would understand. Come on the sun is almost setting.”
They continued on to the clubhouse, the sun already set by the time they got there. The clubhouse was really just a painted treehouse with a rope ladder.
“Here it is.” Said Applebloom proudly. Ezra looked at it. Well it is better then nothing but still… He decloaked and started to climb up the ladder he looked down at the three fillies.
“Hey thanks for everything but I want to ask you a question. Why?”
“Why what?” Asked Sweetie Belle confused.
“Why did you help me after I killed that manticore. I could see from the peacefulness of the town you aren’t use to see that kind of thing you must think I’m a monster or something.’
“No you saved us. Sure it was very scary when you… killed it but you saved us. And you looked like you needed a friend after that. Your not a monster you’re our friend.” He looked at them in shock under his gas mask his eyes watered but they couldn’t see this.
“I’m… your…friend?” he said after a moment of disbelief.
“Yeah what’s wrong with that?” Asked Applebloom.
“It’s just before I came here… all my friends were killed in front of me.” The three ponies started to cry and not little tears, but a river came from each of there eyes. How can they cry that much that fast it’s impossible. Then again everything else I saw today I thought was impossible before. He looked back at the ponies now there was a small pond by their feet. He just ignored them and went inside the clubhouse.
It was messy with papers and drawings on the floor. On the wall was a chalkboard that read.
Tomorrows crusading plan
Farming
Book writing
Swimming
Sleeping
Hiding
Cooking
He walked to the wall and sat down against it. He looked at his WMC air toxin levels were zero. That’s impossible even filters at the N.U. HQ don’t make air that clean. But here I am outside with perfectly clean air. He then took off his gas mask showing a young and extremely pale face with short brown hair and brown soulless eyes.
He that thought about Equestria and the events leading up to it. Ok I was standing next to a teleporter and there was a explosion I caused then I woke up in the forest. Ok really where am I? I could be dead and this is the afterlife it’s possible and likely. This could all be a dream and I’m really in a coma possible but not likely. This all could be real and maybe the teleporter mixed with the nuke sent me hear possible but unlikely. Well one thing for sure I’m here now. Yawn I’ll think about it in the mourning. He then closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.