//------------------------------// // Socialism at large // Story: Error's Vanguard // by Stalin the Stallion //------------------------------// Scratching his head, Lucian looked out at the swarm of ponies filling the plaza and carrying all the essential supplies and angry mob needed: anger, pitchforks, and torches. At the far end of the plaza was a very happy, and now very rich, pony, who probably always knew selling only pitchforks and torches would be his ticket to wealth. “Wow,” he whistled. “You’d think they’d be a bit more forgiving of me for flooding half the town to kill a monster, but no.” Lucian waved at Mr. Fish. “You’d doing a great job holding the mob back, buddy!” Twilight glared at him. “So, I’m going west,” he concluded. “What in Celestia’s name are you doing that for?” she asked, trying to ignore the yells from the crowd. “You destroyed my store!” “The bakery is gone!” “This is what we get for non-socialized healthcare!” At the last remark, the crowd paused, staring at the speaker. “What?” he asked with a shrug. “I missed the actual disaster and just wanted to be part of a riot.” The crowd turned its attention back to Lucian and Mr. Fish, suddenly remembering that they were still enraged. As if on queue, the roars and shouting resumed in full swing. Lucian sighed. “Because that thing went west, and so I must follow it.” Twilight shook her head. “Do you even know where you’re going? You’d be surprised just how uncivilized that land is—just forests and mountains.” He snapped his fingers with one hand, tugging at his shirt collar with the other. A tiny smirk forced its way onto his face as he looked at her. “Why, my dear Twilight, no hide nor horn nor bullet nor blade could stop me on my quest for vengeance, that most worthless of emotions. To the west will I go; to the west my destiny will I find; to the west... Aw, dammit. I was trying to be poet there.” He kicked at the ground. “By Babylon the Great’s syphilitic knickers.” Jaw slowly opening, Twilight shook her head. “No. I can’t let you do that.” “Since when have you been my handler?” She stamped a hoof. “Since Princess Celestia put me in charge of you.” “And what kind of matron can’t keep charge of her ward, hmm?” he countered. Twilight gave Lucian a flat look, deadpanning, “You’re a giant alien who uses impossible fighting monsters in his pocket. You go out there, you’re going to just get yourself killed.” “Exactly. I’m, like, invincible.” He leant forwards, shoving his face into hers. “I am—you lose, little pony.” She only gave him an icy glare. “How adorable,” a sleek, feminine voice commented. Lucian jerked his head in the direction, only to see an azure mare with thick,snow-white braids leaning against the nearby wall. “Oh, did I interrupt?” “You!” Twilight gasped. “Azure Knowledge? Is that really you?” “And hey to you, Twilight.” She looked over Lucian. “I zee you made a friend.” Lucian frowned, quietly asking Twilight, “Does she have a funny accent?” Twilight elbowed him in the knee, whispering, “It’s a speech impediment, you brute! Don’t make fun of it.” “Fun, fun.” Lucian looked up at Azure. “You know each other?” Azure smirked. “It was a while ago, during one of the many crizes that befall this nation.” “Like the Rhine Crisis of eighteen-forty?” Lucian asked, glancing over his shoulder. “Don’t annex the Rhine Valley! Got it, Mr. Fish?” Mr. Fish nodded. “Uh, well, a rather irkzome ztallion tried to create zynthetic antithezes to the Elementz of—” She shook her head. “Never mind that, xenomorph. Just know that I’m from the Cerchens, and that I’m the Commizzar for the Duchy of Whitetail.” Lucian gave her an oblique look, titling his head. “I’ve seen enough movies and played enough video games to safely assume not to trust you.” Before Azure could reply, he turned to Twilight. “Twilight, is Equestrian an absolute monarchy? I mean, the theocratic, fascist kind? The Sieg Heil kinda place, I’m talkin’ about.” The mares just stared, exchange glances, then continued staring. “So, back on topic,” Lucian continued, “I’m goin’ east. You can try to stop me, but I don’t care to make any sort ot clichéd speech right now explaining things.” “Yez, that iz zort of what I wanted to zpeak about,” Azure offered hesitantly. “Did any of you happen to zee an—” “Eldritch nightmare from the ninth level of hell, composed of a swarm of malevolent particles?” Lucian offered. “Yeah. It went west, which is where I’m going.” He turned to look at the mob, only to see that the angry ponies had all settled down and were now talking. “But how does socialized healthcare solve our current problems?” “See, hospital bills are rather pricey these days. Often ponies gotta got to the ER, and often pones can’t pay. These lost profits are passed onto patients who can pay. In the long run, we’re losing more money without healthcare than without.” “That’s a load of horse apples! Everypony knows it’s the law to pay for things you buy.” “Hospitals work differently. You incur a debt with them, and under royal law you cannot be arrested for debt, since it’s a civil matter.” Lucian called out, “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to an angry mob?” “Shut up!” they all replied in unison. Shaking his head and turning back to the mares, he muttered, “Sorry I asked.” Azure looked mildly bemused. “We were able to track the energy zignals of that monzter you zaw, track it to here.” “Wait,” Lucian said, holding up  hand. “You can track that thing?” “In a manner of zpeaking, yez. We can track itz former locazation, ztaying one ztep behind it all the way.” He looked over her shoulder. “I would zay it went wezt.” “Ha! Twilight, I told you it was goin’ there. I’mma go there myself.” Twilight facehoofed. “Azure, please don’t encourage him.” The azure mare shifted her weight. “Perhapz it would not be unwize to allow him hiz adventure.” Jabbing a finger in he direction, the trainer commented, “Her I like. Twilight, make room—she’s replaced you.” “Actually,” Azure went on, “the Cerchens had noted that these things, whatever they are, zeem to have zome connection to the xenomorph.” “I have name, you know. It’s Lucian.” “We believe that Luzian iz a cauze of many of theze attacks. Not of his volition but of hiz mere prezenze. In short, they are following him. And thuz it might be prudent to get him away from any zenters of population.” “They’re pretty kickass. So, can I go now, Twilight?” Twilight just glared at Lucian. After a long, long pause, she spoke. “Fine.” Lucian blinked. “Say wha’?” “Look, arguing with you is clearly futile, and whether I say no or not, you’re going to do it. So I might as well get my metaphorical leash and keep track of you. And aside from that, if by keeping you were I actually might—” she glanced to the crowd now discussing Equestrian socioeconomics, “—have endangered my friends in Ponyville, then it’s in my interest not to keep you around them.” “Huh. Just... huh. Did not expect that.” Lucian slumped slightly. “Azure, I’m sorry, but Twilight’s getting her old position back. Better the devil I know then the devil I don’t, yeah?” Rather than responding immediately, the Commissar looked surveyed the town. “What in Equeztria’s name did you do to thiz plaze?” “Flooded it by summing a tidal wave out from the ether to destroy that para-dimensional fop,” Lucian said as casually as one discussing the weather. “I ain’t fixin’ it; it’s their fault for not having... whatever it is that that communist out there is arguing for. And because hard labor is for under-paid, under-privileged minorities.” Azure nodded. “Right. Zo, you two meet me by Lament Hill thiz evening, alright? And pack well. I zuzpect a hardy trip before you.” *** *** *** “Twilight is late,” Lucian groaned, staring up at the moon. He shifted his weight, his back up against a tree. “Tell me about it,” Azure yawed, looking down the grassy hill, to Ponyville. “Wasn’t she supposed to be with you?” He held up a suitcase. “Girl takes too long to pack up, so I just sorta went here on my own. Truth be told, I don’t think she even realized I’d left.” Lucian gestured this way and that with a hand. Then, in a poor imitation of Twilight’s voice: “We’ll need this thing, and that thing, and tell Celestia what’s going on, defeat the dragon, prove my superiority in a game of chess, pack this, not have any underwear or bras and other girl stuff ‘cause I’m a pony, and funny final thing.” “Huh.” “You get the idea.” “And if she freakz out becauze you left without zaying zo? He looked over his shoulder, to the other side of the tree, to where Azure was sitting. “More time for me to sit here and assert my further convince myself of the righteousness of my quest, staying as I might in thought, sondering morbidly any thoughts of backing down.” The mare cocked her head to the side. “Iz that Twilight?” “Where?” She pointed down the hill. “Zee the figure there? The one zpieling the hill with all those bags.” Lucian leaned over, peering to the indicated pony. “Oh, yeah. Probably is.” “You want to help her?” He scoffed. “That harlot? I think not.” Lucian paused. “I think I’m getting too poetic; I must have eaten too many Generic-O’s this mornin’, or somethin’. They’re good for the brain and pretentious poetic alike, as I understand.” Looking at the nearer of the mares, he commented, “Did you know that you remind me of the Geheime Staatspolizei?” “Excuze me?” Azure asked, cocking a brow. “Means ‘Secret State Police’. You Cerchen bastards have that evil aesthetic about you. So, tell me: is Equestria a police state?” “What’z a polize ztate?” “Well, y’all feel like one. I mean, I hear the trains run on time ‘round here.” “They... do. Why?” “‘Cause trains running on time is the first sign of a police state.” Azure stared at Lucian, confused beyond words. “You!” Twilight half growled, half huffed. “Howdy, tiny pony female,” Lucian chirped, waving at her. “You left me with all these suitcases!” “Yes, I did,” he said so fast that it all sounded like one word. “I can carry everything I need to survive in my pockets. Why would I need suitcases?” “They were for me, you—!” Twilight stopped herself before she said anything else, resorting to just panting as she reached the top of the hill, half a dozen suitcases floating behind her. “Why are you so outta breath?” “I was running all around, looking for you!” She put the bags down by the tree and dropped to the ground. “Should have known you’d be here.” He grinned. “Twilight, are all those cakes you’ve been eating finally catching up to you?” The tired mare shot him a glare so fierce Lucian actually flinched. “I. Am. In. No. Mood.” A heavy flapping sound drew all their attentions skywards, in the direction of the moon. There, at dot at first that was quickly growing in size, was a pony flying down at them. It was traveling faster, faster than any pony should logically be able to, and it was on a direct course to them. “Oh, look—trouble,” Lucian sighed, fingering his pokeballs. “Who do you think I should summon for it? I”m thinking Blacknight.” Twilight held a hoof up in his direction, narrowing her eyes at the pony above. “Hold on... I, I think I know who that is?” He looked at her. “Who?” Before Twilight could even apply, a massive form slammed down into the ground, knocking one of the bags over and kicking up a small cloud of dirt. Lucian heard a heavy, heavy panting from the cloud, and it sounded masculine. By comparison, Twilight’s pantings were peanuts. “Hail to y’all, from Her Majesty’s court,” the black pegasus gasped, forcing huge gulps of air down his throat. Lucian, with some amusement, noticed he was wearing hat with the emblem of an envelope, upon which was a large red number six was inscribed. “Who are you?” Azure asked, stumbling backwards. Twilight rubbed her eyes, a disbelieving look on her face. Just as Lucian saw it on the first mare’s face, Azure got the same look in her eyes. The human just shrugged it off, looking back at the pegasus. The stallion smiled. “Crimson Thunder, sixth royal courier for Their Majesty’s Royal Courriel.” He took his hat off for a second, bowing. “I’ve a message from Princess Luna.” “Speak,” Azure said, forcing the previous look from her face. “Right, then. Odd things are up in Canterlot, and Princess Luna wanted to keep you up to date, as it were.” He produced a letter from his messenger back, somehow holding it out in his hoof long enough for Lucian to snatch it up. “In short, Cerchens investigating the capital all aged by tens years when some crazy wizard showed up and fixed the... temporal time thingies.” “What?” Twilight asked. “I don’t pretend to understand it, but the specifics are in the letter. Princess thinks that wizard might be after the—” he hesitated, looking at Lucian, “—strange alien you’ve been wandering around with. You know, I’ve seen his face on all the papers and magazines.” “R-really?” Lucian said, eyes going wide with awe. “Heck yeah, dude. You’re like a dang celebrity—strange alien with unknowable powers shows up, does a thing, and the nation is thrown into chaos. Everypony’s talkin’ ‘bout ya, mate.” He leapt into the air, wings flapping hard. “Auf wiederseh’n, dudes! Princess needs me to give reports to other.” Lucian, a gleam in his eye, waved him off. “Au revoir!” Just like that, the courier darted off into the night, out of view almost immediately. “Problems in Canterlot,” Twilight mouthed slowly. She looked to Lucian. “What’s with that look in your eye?” He stamped a foot on the ground. “I’m famous somewhere! Yeah! And not for doing criminally dumb things like my mom always said I’d be famous for, but because I’m awesome! Hell yeah!” The mares facehoofed. And as Twilight was about to ask for the letter, but was interrupted. Clapping his hands together, Lucian continued. “So, I’m all game for a kickass quest of vengeance now. Y’all good? ‘Cause I am.” He glanced around. “Hey, where’s that dragon-type of yours, Twilight?” Twilight just stared. “I just wanted to see him in action, dragon-y and all, you understand. The tyke’s different from you guys.” “He’s... in the library,” Twilight finally managed, and the trainer frowned. “Damn, I’m getting bored with you guys.” Lucian spun around. “I mean, you ponies all look like palette swaps of the same one, just with minor differences, like your hair styles. At least the tyke’s got a unique body type. And is it just me, more are most of you ponies girls? Aside from those soldiers, I’ve hardly seen any boys—and the fact that most those guys were soldiers is, like, highly sexist, in my opinion.” He rubbed his chin. “Come to think of it, I think all that snacking’s starting to show on Twilight, so she looks a bit different. Bit heavier. Bit more distinguished.” The mention mare’s eyelid twitched, but she, to her own amazement, remained silent. Azure, noticing Twilight’s reaction, said, “If you inzizt on provoking Mizz Twilight Zparkle, then, in the wordz of a zertain philozopher, your remaining exiztence will be nazty, brutish, and short.” Twilight cocked a brow, but pointedly did not dispute Azure’s claim. Lucian felt a sigh of wind blow past it, more humid that he’d have thought it’d be at this late hour. “Geez, calm down. I’m just trying to lighten up the mood; you guys looked all dark and brooding after that messenger showed up.” “Um, hello?” a soft voice piped up from behind Lucian. Looking over his shoulder, he saw it was Fluttershy, black bags under her eyes and a large bag hefted over her shoulder. With a mild drop of alarm, he saw something in the bag move. He unconsciously shifted his stance, preparing for the worst. “Fluttershy?” Twilight asked. “What are you doing here? And... why do you look so tired?” The pink-maned mare chirped an obligatory greeting to Twilight. “I’m glad I managed to find you. I really didn’t know who else to turn to.” She reached into a pocket in her bag, pulling out a note in her teeth and offering it to Twilight, who gingerly took it up in her magic. “Dear Fluttershy,” Twilight read, using her horn’s magic light illuminate the letter, “I thought this might be of interest to you. Plus, I didn’t know whom else to give this to. Don’t eat it. Seriously, don’t do that. I’ve seen feral oxen do it to other animals; and, in case you somehow went feral, wanted to tell you upfront that eating it would be a major no-no. It was pretty uncomfortable to watch, but then I figured out a way to make a sport of it—but none of that matters, really. Do hold onto this for me. “Your friend, —Discord.” Twilight’s brow furrowed. “Discord? He was at your cottage. When? And what’s this thing he gave you?” “You should really see for yourself.” Fluttershy took a deep breath as she unzipped her bag. With a gasp, Lucian saw a small, blue, bird-like creature asleep in the bag. “A Swablu!” he whispered in awe. A hard look on his face, he crouched down and glared into the mare’s eyes. “Where did you find this?” “Well, I’m not sure I found it, just came across it,” she replied. “The note, tied around the hoof of an unusually angry ox, was thrown at my door something during Lucian’s fight with... whatever it was, I think. A-and this little bird was in the bag I’m carrying now, only that bag was also attached to that furious ox.”    Without warning, Lucian reached into the bag and extracted the bird, cradling it in his arms. “It’s injured,” he noted, his tone more professional that it had even been before. “How long has it been in that bag?” A hand felt into the bag. “The temperature is not squelching hot, so that’s not the problem.” “I, I found it in the bag like this,” Fluttershy said, her tone more rigid, like a nurse trying to help a doctor. “I tried feeding and helping it, but it, it didn’t seem to be able to eat.” “Potions?” “It wouldn’t drink, either.” He cocked a brow. “Drink? Are you daft, girl? You don’t drink potions.” “Wha—?” Fluttershy tried, only to he shocked silent as Lucian produced an ice cream cone from the ether.    “How the hay was that in your pocket? And why’s it still frozen?” Twilight demanded, but Lucian ignored her. Instead, he rubbed the ice cream against the Swablu’s beak. Almost immediately the little bird perked up, its eyes fluttering open. With a sudden rush, the bird gobbled the ice cream. As the treat was finished, Swablu chirped with pleasure. “And they told me waiting in line for an hour just for twenty cones that cure poke-ailments has wasting my time,” Lucian chuckled. “Shows them. They’re probably dead, too. So, really, I win that way too.” The Swablu began flailing around, at least until Lucian pulled out a spray bottle and sprayed the bird with it. It immediately fell silent, looking also serene as it stared upwards, still held in Lucian’s arms. “Now then,” Lucian cooed, “how’d you get here, little guy?” “Um, excuse me,” Fluttershy said. “What is the animal?” “A swablu, a native of my world. Question is, the hell’s it doing here? I didn’t bring it, so the only logical conclusion is that—” He froze. “What iz it?” Azure prodded. “That means that he must have entered this world from mine. Which means that he was in my world recently, and I know it was recently because of the mechanics behind the sleep condition. Only certain Pokemon moves and, I guess, drugs could inflict a sleep condition like this, so that’s that. What I know of Discord is limited, but if my suspicions are correct, he’s a common thread linking this together, since he clearly found the Swablu.” Lucian bit his thumb, his eyes prowling around as he thought. “You seem to know a lot of the animals of your world,” Fluttershy commented. “Gotta be,” Lucian threat, still gnawing at his thumb. “How can I be the very best, in such a way that none before me have ever been, without knowing absolutely everything about Pokemon, eh? Our entire culture is so obsessed with them that even if I didn’t care about Pokemon, which I didn’t up until mom kicked me outta the house, you’d still learn tons about every aspect of them.” He looked up to Fluttershy. “Say, you seem to want to know about them, don’t ya?” After a moment’s hesitation, Fluttershy nodded. A toothy smirk slithered across the human’s face. “How would you like to see the west?” “Wait. Are you asking me to... to come with you?” He nodded. “I think we could make use of you. I could make use of you indeed.” Twilight stamped a hoof in protest. But before she could chew up out, a sudden force slugged Lucian in the chest. In an instant his body bounced off the grass, the pain so great he couldn’t inhale. He eyes staring upwards, he looked up into two beady eyes, eyes much like his own. In fact, he could swear they were his eyes, if only it hadn’t been for the mechanical glow behind them. The more he gazed, the sooner the light went out, becoming normal eyes. The seconds ticked by like eons as his struggled to put the mental puzzle together. And as his eyes scanned over the rest of the bipedal figure, a thought occurred to him: Lucian was standing over himself, which was impossible, because Lucian was supposed to be on the ground. With a burst of energy, the mares gasped, almost as if time had been frozen until that very second. As if all on queue, they all asked to the effect of, “Who is she, and why does she look like me?!” “Not a she,” Lucian choked out. “It’s me!” The false Lucian simply smiled down at him, saying in Lucian’s own voice, “Hello, my name is Zzazz. And, in mere moments, so shall you all be.”