“My old plastic horse head mask. With irony this thick I could probably wade through it.” Walking back over to the mirror, he placed it over his head. With a smirk he assumed an eerie and foreboding tone. “Peer into the warp mon keigh and witness the fucha!”
He shuddered at the thought. “Maybe a little too close to home on that one. Still, between the tail and mask this should be a rather amusing evening.” That was when he noticed the mask had a foul odor and he quickly tore it off. “But your first stop is the dishwasher.”
Fearing his hair might have caught the decayed stench of body odor from the mask as well, Tune thought best for a shower. Twenty minutes later his prediction proved correct as his week old bottle of shampoo was now empty. The bottle made him think. “If this stops at only a tail, I might be able to hide it or get it surgically removed and that’d be that. But if I do keep changing, I’m going to need a place out of the way, and plenty of supplies.” His biggest concern was what his end result form would look like. He knew what a mundane pony looked like, but the fact that there was a book seemingly written by one made him question his assumptions.
“For all I know, these ‘ponies’ may look entirely different from normal horses. Hell, they could be anthropomorphic and bipedal.” The chilling water returned his attention to the present and he dried off and cut a tail hole into a second pair of pants. The state of his towel-dried tail irked him, causing Tune to hunt down his ex-girlfriend’s hairbrush and sat down at the kitchen table. My comb isn’t going to cut it with this much hair. If I remember correctly, I think she did it from end to scalp; so that should work here.
He didn’t know why he cared, or why it felt good to clear out all the tangles and knots. All James knew was that it had a tranquilizing effect. Once he was satisfied his tail was knot-free, he retrieved the mask from the washer and dried it out with a paper towel. He checked his phone. “Still three hours; but it takes an hour to get to Q’s place, not to mention traffic will be getting worse.”
James moved over to his laptop and brought up a map of the surrounding farmlands. “Bert said something about his father dying and leaving the family manor behind last year. As much as I don’t want to tell him about this whole pony business, I’m probably going to need his help if I’m going to keep a line to the outside world.” He found the manor after punching in the address and created a list of supplies based on an entry from the book that he had read earlier.
As much as it may surprise you, dear reader. While society outside pegasi establishments generally only caters to a vegetarian diet, unicorn and pegasus magic is bolstered by protein. Namingly, animal protein. Fish is the most common and most healthy supply for this, but it is not necessary for unicorns on a day to day basis. While pegasi require such proteins as part of their natural diet, a unicorn can go their entire lives without ever deviating away from a vegetarian diet. However, if said unicorn finds themselves consistently reaching magical exhaustion throughout their daily actives, he or she should seriously consider adding a sizable amount of fish to their daily intake. Earth pony magic by contrast, is fueled solely by fruits and vegetables, and no amount of meat will ever increase reserves or regeneration rate. So for earth ponies at least, simply eating more of what you normally eat would be a sufficient boost to your magic.
James added tuna to the shopping list. “No idea what I might end up as so I better cover my bases. Plus it couldn’t hurt to look up vaccination shots for horse ranchers, it’d be my luck to catch something like that.” He bookmarked the sites to order the medication from later in the event that he would actually need it. Right as he was in the middle of reading about ringworms, his alarm went off.
“Time to go to probably the last party of my life.” He closed the laptop and grabbed the horse head mask. A lopsided grin crept over his face. “I can feel sorry for myself tomorrow, right now it's about keeping a level head and having fun while I can.”
He smirked at the mask in his arms. “And what better way to say F you to this whole thing than to mock it?” As he was about to exit the door he remembered the tome. “No telling what might happen. You’re coming with me.” He locked it and pulled the key off the string to place it on his keychain, but as soon as it was removed from the book, the key dissolved into his left hand.
He was about to freak out until the key’s outline appeared on his palm. “Oh this is just great. How am I going to open it now?” He ground his teeth for a few moments before remembering something similar to this in a movie. Experimentally, he placed the hand on the lock. Nothing happened. “Open?” He said wishfully. “Unlock?” A soft click was his reward and the locket was opened. “Well, I guess that’ll keep others from trying to read it, not that they’d get very far with the illusions on the text.” The redundant security did not distract him for long as he wanted to leave before traffic could get any worse. Salina was not an overly populated town in and of itself, but the highway he had to take would be crowded during this time of day because of the commuters.
Two and a half hours later, and James was still late to the party. Not that it was all that important as Qubert’s parties typically lasted until everyone was passed out drunk anyway. The event was not at Smith’s house, but at a renovated warehouse his brother owned. James had been able to see the lights from the highway three miles away and the music was rattling Tune’s car windows with the tremendous bass of the DJ’s speakers. The sky above was not quite dusk yet, and the crowd milling around the entrance waiting to enter were all garbed as various animals, monsters, or risqué uniforms. “I think Q only hosts these parties so people have more than just one night to wear their Halloween costumes. Speaking of which.”
Without further preamble he put the mask on, hid the tome under his seat, and left his car behind to enjoy the only nightlife Salina had to offer. James got some attention to his “costume” along with a few laughs at the ridiculousness of it. The bouncer was more of a malcontent screener than to make the place exclusive as the town was hardly large enough to actually fill the warehouse and Tune was admitted inside without trouble.
Qubert anticipated the low turnout Salina was able to provide and James found the warehouse was reduced to one third by an uneven ten foot wall composed of boxes and crates. The dance floor was alight with activity and was complemented by the up and coming DJ looking to make a name for himself. This had the effect of making the crowd denser in the compact area and imbued it with an electric atmosphere of gut pounding bass and the fervent will to demolish the dance floor. James wanted to throw himself into the festivities right off the bat, but he had to take care of one thing before he could. He scanned the crowd looking for his friend, which was not an easy task in the mask, but he already knew where to look and found Qubert manning the bar and made his way there.
Smith only recognized him because of the old blue and white hoodie James was wearing that had a large green stain on its right sleeve from house paint. “You made it! Here, have a mid-air collision on the house.” Using practiced showmanship and dexterity, Smith mixed the drink and lit it on fire before placing it in front of an empty stool.
Tune removed the mask as he sat down. “Thanks, I could use a buzz right now.” Thus far, James was using his goal oriented studies of the tome to keep from going into mental shock about the ordeal. Without that however, he was more than willing to substitute it with song and alcohol. “You got a minute to talk a little more privately?”
Qubert eyed his friend, noticing the uneasiness behind the humored exterior. “Yeah, so long as it doesn’t take too long, my replacement won’t arrive for another half an hour.”
“Shouldn’t take but a minute.” James assured.
“Okay, gimme a moment I’ll meet you at that table.” Smith pointed at one that was thankfully next to the crate wall and away from others. Tune nodded in thanks and departed. Two minutes later, Smith found Tune brooding at the table with a nervous look. He decided to take a disarming upbeat tone. “So what do ya need to talk about?”
“I need to borrow your grand father’s old house for a while.”
Qubert’s brow furrowed. “What for?”
“That back pain I had this morning was just a symptom of something potentially a lot worse. Doc says its something called ponificatius.” The drive to the warehouse had given James time to think of a name for it so he was able to say it without pause.
“That’s a new one to me. Its not contiguous is it?” He asked with mounting dread.
James managed to hide his own. If it was you’d be sporting a tail by now too. “Not at this stage, but it might become that way if it progresses any further. That’s one reason I need to use the manor as it's pretty far out away from everyone, the other is that the doc said getting away from any sort of air pollution will help me recover.”
“Well I had the utilities shut off for it for a while now-“ Qubert began, but Tune interrupted him.
“I got a decent amout of savings stashed away, I can pay you back for that and a few months’ worth.” It was meant for my trip to Bora Bora next year, but that’s not going to happen.
Smith rubbed his chin in contemplation. “Okay, I can do that then. When will you need to leave?”
“I gotta check with the doctor tomorrow at noon. If he says it's stable then I won’t need to, but if it is getting worse…”
Qubert picked up on the hung sentence. “Right, well here.” He fished out his key chain and pulled an old copper one off the ring. “I’d rather give this to you now than get near you when you’re coughing and hacking all over me trying to get it. I am after all, trying to get out of the mail service and make this club a profitable venue.”
“And you don’t need some rare bug dragging you down with me, I know. Thanks.”
Smith studied James’s face and saw there was something different about him that wasn’t there that morning, but he couldn’t put his finger on any one thing. He doesn’t look sick. But there is something off about him. “Are you absolutely sure you’re not contagious?”
“If I was, you’d be sick too after hanging around my desk this morning.” Tune countered.
Smith let out a sigh and nodded his head. “Fair enough I suppose. But I’ll have your ass on a platter if this place becomes ground zero for the new swine flu.”
“You’re all heart Q.” James replied while placing the mask back on his head. Smith returned to the bar and Tune went to the dance floor to get lost in the pounding music and energetic crowd. No one paid him any mind aside to snicker at the mask. For the duration of the event, he was able to forget his troubles. The rave lasted well past the night and into the wee morning hours.
Morning did not come nicely to James, not that any did. By providence of Murphy’s Law, the sun found itself at the right angle to beam straight through the mouth of the mask and into Tune’s eyes. With a groan of the dead, James found that he managed to drag himself back to the car last night but was unable to shut the door. Were it not for Salina having a negligible crime rate, he might have been concerned.
The stench of alcohol laced vomit from within the mask was so heavy that it served as a substitute for coffee and shook him awake after he took a large sniff without thinking. “Holy balls that reeks!” He croaked as he grabbed the mask and heaved it off and threw it onto the gravel lot. Something long and covered in dried vomit slapped him in the eyes. He brushed a hand to clear his vision when the presence of the strands fully registered. His stomach went cold as he flipped the visor to access the mirror. Although covered in vomit, he clearly saw long hair the same shade of blue as his tail. More shockingly, he also saw two horse ears covered in a thin layer of silver fur perched on top of his head. He stared at them for several minutes unable to formulate a response. The fact that they reacted to various random sounds confirmed their authenticity.
“I have bad news for you Mr. Tune, it’s gone malignant.” He said to himself, trying to make light of it. He let his head thud the steering wheel. “Why the hell is this happening? What’s the point of it?” If this is some wizard’s idea of a sick joke I’m going to strangle them if I ever see them; and damn this hangover is killing me.
He fumbled blindly in his driver side door pocket and produced a bottle of water and guzzled more than half of it before coming up for air. It wasn’t a quick fix for the alcohol induced dehydration, but it was a start. The water itself cued his bladder to scream hello as well. James looked around to see only three other cars still around the warehouse. I think Q set up porta potties around here. Taking a deep breath, Tune retrieved the mask and put it on before shambling over to the nearest one. Some time later he returned to his car feeling well enough to drive and was already leaving the parking lot before the next party goer aroused from their stupor.
He took the path back home nice and slow in order to avoid the morning speed traps the local police typically set up after one of the Smith brothers’ parties. James pulled in the drive way just past three hours and reached to grab the mask, but found it was absent. “Crud, where’d I put it?” He searched the seats, during which he was reminded of the tome and placed it on the dashboard; but a thorough search revealed no mask. “I think I left it in the porta pottie. Well, it’s not like I’ll need that much longer to look the part.” He remembered he was wearing a hoodie and pulled it over his head to hide his ears and slipped inside the house.
Placing the book on the table, he walked over to the sink and started drinking water until he couldn’t stand it anymore. After which he threw his clothes in the washing machine and himself in the shower. In it, he noticed silver fur was spreading from the base of his tail and had covered him completely from his lower back to midway down his thighs, but had not spread over much towards the front of him. Upon closer examination of the fur over his thighs, he could actually see new fur slowly but steadily growing towards his knees. “I don’t think bar soap is going to be on my shopping list anymore.” Just gotta keep from panicking. I have a plan, and a way to fix all of this. The real question is just how close to a normal horse are these “ponies”?
Preparing himself for a day of supply shopping, he donned loose fitting sweatpants that did not cause much discomfort when tucking the tail inside, although he would only do so when he was about to leave. James also grabbed a new hoodie to hide his mane and ears. Before I leave, I should check those bookmarks and transfer the money out of my saving accounts to pay both it and Qubert off.
After making his funds available, he purchased the whole array of vaccinations and various other horse care products, the online guides to horse ranching suggested. The one part he was stuck on was food. “Will I still be able to eat the same things I do now, or will I have a change in diet? The book said two of the three tribes eat meat, with one of them requiring it. Better just cover all my bases and buy one bag of each type of horse feed and try it all out later.” As he worked on ordering the shipments, He set one browser apart from the others to play a news feed.
A male reporter with a deep baritone voice gave the latest news. “Officials say the equivalent of five Americans was killed in the bombing. In astronomical news today, the meteor barreling its way towards Earth has been upgraded in threat. Where before NASA was confident that the mile wide object’s composition would lead it to breaking apart and burning up in the atmosphere now claim that it will in fact strike the planet. The estimated trajectory is approximately fifty miles southwest of Honolulu. Experts say the resulting impact could cause a massive tidal wave which could devastate coastlines all across the Pacific. The President of the United States has this to say in a press release. Barbara?”
James paused in order to listen as the reporter was replaced by the commander in chief. “My fellow Americans, and peoples across the world. The United States and the UN have been aware of the threat and we already have a plan for this scenario already in place. In two weeks’ time, when the meteor is in range we will launch a series of nuclear missiles to break the meteor apart and divert most of its mass away from Earth. For those of you with concerns about the electromagnetic pulse, rest assure that the detonations will be far enough away that the world’s infrastructure will come to no risk of being damaged.”
He tuned the rest of the news out to mere background noise during the thirty minutes it took to have everything ordered and on its way to the manor. “That just leaves me to buy some food at the supermarket until the shipments arrive.”
With the online shopping done, Tune called Qubert while he packed an old backpack with clothes and toiletries, gathered two large coolers left over from the house’s previous occupants, his laptop and the spell book into the trunk of his car. The pocket knife and whetstone he put inside the glove box. After filling up at a gas station, he headed towards the local All-Mart. I better call Bert to let him know what’s up. At a stop light he plugged his phone into the car stereo and put the phone on his lap so he could talk hands free. “Hey Bert.”
“Hey James.” He paused for a second as concern tinted his tone. “You don’t sound like yourself today.”
“Yeah, that’s the reason I called. Doctor said its progressing. Good news is I won’t need to be hospitalized, but he told me to I’m going to be contagious soon.”
“Sorry to hear that man. I just got an email saying you deposited seven grand in my account; I’ll get the utilities in the manor turned back on. It may take a few days for that to happen though.”
“I think I can last that long without a problem. I just want to get out of town before I get anyone sick.”
“I’m all for that. I’ll tell the boss you won’t be at work for a while, but if your convalesce takes too long he might let you go.”
I think my job is the least of my problems. “Well let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Thanks again for the place to stay during all this.”
“As long as you keep the rent coming, you can stay all you want.” Qubert added half-jokingly. “Talk to you later.”
“Later.” James hung up as he walked through the parking lot to retrieve a cart he checked his phone for the list. Big assortment of veggies, plenty of tuna, some first aid stuff- His concentration was shattered by a car horn blaring at him as James realized he had walked right in front of a car. He waved apologetically. “Sorry about that.”
He rushed past and didn’t see the driver flipping him off because of the hoodie limiting his peripheral vision. Tune quickly got to work by finding the produce section. This reminds me, I should go to Home Depot and pick up some farming equipment and seeds.
During the time he was loading his cart with food, two things started to gnaw at his attention: a localized headache on his forehead, and lower abdominal discomfort. By the time he was at the pharmacy area buying bandages and antiseptics he felt a slight tickling in his throat. Fearing the worse, Tune cut out all of the “would be nice” items from the list and went straight to the register.
The two people in front of him took what felt like an eternity to finish paying. Why do these places have twenty registers if only four are ever manned?
It took fifteen minutes to get past the register and put all the supplies in the trunk. Tune placed as much of the food in the coolers as possible along with three of the five bags of ice and slid back in the driver’s seat. He rubbed his headache only to find a bump instead of smooth skin. Before he could panic he took a deep breath. “You already knew this was coming. No use in stressing over every little bit.” Taking several calming breaths brought his stress down to manageable levels, he lifted the hood a little to see there was a slight bump on his head. “I think that answers that question. Grabbing that tuna was a good call.”
Remembering he was in a busy parking lot, he lowered the hood back over and drove three streets down to the Home Depot. “I gotta make this quick. A horn isn’t exactly something I can hide easily.”
Before he entered he saw an ATM. “Might be best to stop using my debit card to buy all this. It might raise some red flags if I’m every listed under missing persons.” Pulling as much money as the machine would allow, James tried to ignore the mounting abdominal discomfort. Grab the seeds, some tools, fertilizer, and get out of Dodge.
In the interest of time, he sought out an employee. “Excuse me, could you point me towards the gardening tools and seeds?”
“Sure thing Miss. Seeds are in isle three and the tools are right next to them in four.”
“Ah, thanks.” He walked off as the employee gave a polite nod. Great. Ponies must have higher pitched voices in general. Never thought my slight build would have been an asset.
Tune gathered the last of the tools and as he leaned down to put the spade in the cart a stabbing pain lanced his forehead and a trickle of blood fell over his eyes and onto the floor. I think it might have been more prudent to have done my shopping before the party.
James rolled his left sleeve up to his elbow and rubbed the blood off on his skin while he raced to the men’s room. He caught the attention of several people, but he paid them no mind. Tune almost skidded to a halt after seeing two men walk into the restroom. There’s no way I can clean up a horn on my head without ending up on a cellphone. His eyes caught sight of a family restroom meant for parents and kids and jumped inside. Relief flooded him in discovering it was empty and locked the door behind him.
Alone at last, he threw the hood off and grabbed several paper towels to stop the blood flow and clean off his arm. His horn had broken through and was protruding three centimeters out from the skin. However that was not his only concern. Silver fur was peeking out from under his collar and his face was slightly elongated. “Are my eyes bigger too? I’m not going to have time for fertilizer, I need to grab the seeds and get the hell out of here asap.” An itch on his chest prompted him to lift his shirt to see the entirely of his torso was covered in fur. “Where’d my pecs go?” His gaze went lower. “Down over my stomach.” Just like a dog or cat. Shit, that probably means ponies are quadrupeds. All the more reason to get out here. I’ll just have to get Q to buy the farming supplies, at this rate I won’t have time to grab it myself. The blood kept leaking for five minutes before the skin shifted to accommodate the growing spiraled horn and stabilized around it.
James was fixing his clothes when someone banged on the door. “Ma’am? Several people saw you run inside bleeding. Are you okay in there? Do I need to call 911?”
I’m quite literally as flat as a washboard, is a higher voice all it takes nowadays? He cleared his throat and placed the hoodie back over. He was only mildly aware that the horn was tenting the hood. “I’m fine. I just got cut on a nail it was my fault.” James exited the restroom to find a very concerned floor manager and three other people. “See? Perfectly fine.”
The manager reached out to him, but kept it professional and avoided making actual contact. “Are you sure? There’s a good amount of blood on your shirt.”
Tune looked down to see there were in fact a few crimson stains running down the hoodie. The manager noticed something on his forehead move the hood, but assumed it was a pair of glasses. “It was just a scrape, I had some band aids in my pocket, I’m fine.”
The manager didn’t believe him, but he couldn’t do anything further without risking legal charges. “Alright Miss.” He backed off from James and lowered his hand. “Have a good day and sorry that this happened on my watch.”
“It’s no problem really.” Tune replied as he slid past the small crowd. He abandoned the cart of tools entirely and briskly walked back out to his car. In his haste to distance himself from the store, he forgot his tail and sat down wrong causing the appendage to protest painfully. “I’m not going to need to hide you anymore so out you go.” Without caring if anyone was watching, he grabbed the pocket knife and cut a hole in his pants and slid the tail through. It had been a dull ache to him all throughout his time shopping and it was an enormous relief to set it free again. I gotta move if I’m going to get to the manor before anything else changes.
James started the car and after checking the phone to get the correct route, he drove off towards the highway. The pain in his forehead had all but disappeared now that the horn was free of his skin. The shredding agony in his lower abdomen however, was cresting to the point where it was too much of a distraction to drive safely. “Why does it have to hurt so damn much?” He grunted while leading the car to an off street half a mile from the freeway entrance. Thankfully it was empty save for a handful of parked vehicles. The pain peaked in a gut jarring knife stab in his groin, making him scream in pain. Aside from a dull throbbing, the agony subsided quickly, leaving him gasping for breath. “Holy piss that hurt.” He reached down to massage the ache away when he felt something was missing. His eyes shot open as he pulled his pants off his hips to find nothing but smooth fur. Of all the changes thus far, and the self-denial of the pronouns used against him, this brought him up short and his mind broke.
A solid minute later, he regained his wits and would swear for the rest of his life that he heard uproarious laughter coming from somewhere. “You’re joking.” He said after breaking from his dazed state and felt for his old friend only for his fingers to find unfamiliar folds in its place. “What the flaming hell is this!?” He raged while slamming his fists on the wheel. “Changing my damn species wasn’t enough for you? You had to take my gender too?!”
James’s grip on the steering wheel hardened until his knuckles turned white as he ground his teeth together as his acceptance for the whole ordeal shattered. “I don’t know how. But I know some bastard up there is laughing his ass off at me.” A crazy thought struck him, and a wicked humorless grin slid across his face. “I still have the tome, and it still has the spell to fix all this. So you know what?” He asked himself with a snarl. “I’m not going to give him the satisfaction for watching me squirm over losing my dick. You want to laugh at me? Well tough shit. You wanna play hard ball?! Fine, I’m game.”
He formulated an idea and looked to see where he was exactly. “Twenty seven Welsh Street. Perfect!” He pulled the hoodie off and straightened the undershirt. He noticed the fur on his arms was now growing over his elbows, but the heat of the moment allowed him to ignore it. After giving his mane a quick tousle to keep it out of his eyes, Tune brazenly stepped out of the car not caring if anyone saw him and marched directly into the store called Kinky Pleasures.
The bored cashier was reading a gossip magazine when Tune barged in and headed straight for her. “Damn girl. That is some sick cosplay, love the ears, but the costume party was last night.”
“I was there.” James replied with undirected malice. “Where do you keep the dildos?” He was too high on the Pissed Meter to care about the weirdness of asking such a question.
She pointed at a sizable selection visible from the register. “Take your pick honey.”
Tune found himself at a loss as to what to buy given his complete lack of experience, so he grabbed three difference sizes, paid in cash, and stormed back to the car. James threw the discrete bag onto the passenger seat and drove towards the manor dead set on reaching it before he was robbed of his hands and feet. I’m going to get to that spell even if it kills me.