The Affection of Princess Nightmare Moon
Part 2: Be Mine, Bandaid!
Princess Nightmare galloped like mad down a wide hallway, squeeeeeaking around a corner and almost knocking a trio of guards over as she tore around a corner. She’d quite forgotten her regal poise when the clock had struck 9:30 in the evening that Monday. Her wings snapped open and she pumped them twice, launching herself over a startled group of palace maids. Her shadow passed over them, seemingly in slow motion, until she landed and thundered away.
By the time she arrived at the Royal Canterlot Library, Royal Vizier Twilight Sparkle was already there and waiting for her. The golden circlet on her head bore the symbol of the sun and moon, dangling on her forehead like a bead. “Good evening Princess.” Twilight said politely. “You’re late. Again.” She said, frowning a bit. Nightmare winced. Twilight Sparkle was very much a scheduling sort of pony, and whenever Nightmare was late her teacher was insufferable for most of the evening. Either way, though, she needed her to teach her of the modern Equestria.
“We have arrived now.” Nightmare said, turning her nose up regally. “Lead us to study time, Twilight Sparkle.” She gestured a bit, magicking the door open for her.
Twilight nodded a bit and, saddlebags full of scrolls and charts, moved past her. They settled at a long table in the Starswirl the Bearded wing. Twilight took out her reading glasses, poor far-sighted thing, flipping through her notes and reminders. “Alright, we finished out with griffon relations and ettiquite last time, touched on the current affairs of Apploosia and relations with the buffalo… why don’t we move over to Cloudsdale for a bit?”
“I understand they no longer use deformed animals and the like for their rainbow-making.” Nightmare flipped open her own notebook, taking quill out as the lesson began. “What are they using now? Surely not ocean water or something of the kind?”
“Prismatics have improved tenfold in the past thousand years,” Twilight brought up a chalkboard with a complicated chart on it. It had cartoon ponies on it, cloudsdale, lines and arrows describing the process, and diagrams of crystals with light passing through. “So they use a lot less water than they used to.”
“Hrm…” Nightmare leaned and squinted at the equations. The brilliant mathematician leaned for a moment, placing a seven in the proper blank, solved the problem mentally, then wrote a complex string of numbers. “Why, this is revolutionary!” she gasped at it, minding the angles and refraction of the sun that had to be taken into account.
“Let’s try a few more of these.” Twilight nodded as Nightmare Moon returned to the long table to sit. The two of them leaned over Fancy Mathematics for a while, delving deep into rainbow theory and prismatics. They did this for well over two hours, working hard at the tricky math of it all. “I know there are no rainbows at night, Princess, but it’s very important to understand… the…” the purple mare trailed off, staring at the black alicorn. Princess Nightmare reached for the quill and ink to take notes. Princess Nightmare reached for the quill and ink to take notes. Princess Nightmare reached for the quill and ink to take notes. Princess Nightmare reached for the quill and ink to take notes. Her hoof kept darting back to be under the table. Twilight’s mouth slowly went agape. Lighting her horn angrily, she blasted the image. That wasn’t Princess Nightmare at all, it was a fake! A short-lived, intelligent recording! “Princ-eeeesss!” Twilight’s teeth were grinding back and forth. She hated it when the night goddess skipped her modern equestrian lessons. Where could she have possibly gone that was more important?!
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Nightmare Moon checked her calendar for perhaps the hundredth time. The dawning of the 90th day was paramount. She had to make sure she was not miscounting. Standing at her vanity, she donned her shiniest regalia, brushed her mane, flossed her fangs, fussed over her eyelashes, and many other things. The Princess’ two nondescript guards looked at each-other, cocking an eyebrow. They knew better than to speak when she was so focused, but she looked like she was getting ready for a hot date or something. They watched her polish her hooves before donning her horseshoes, inspect her fetlocks with a magnifying glass, touch her lips with a thin line of crimson, then fight her mane some more with a hair brush. “Hrm.” She said, tilting her head back and forth. She turned one way, then the other. She put on her most winning smile, then bore her fangs at the mirror, then smiled again. Then she leaned and made absolutely sure she had nothing in her teeth. “Hrm.” She said again. Turning about, she inspected herself this way and that. “Guard.” She said. Both stallions snapped to attention. “See thou anything out of place? Doth my appearance be pristine?” She let both of them eye her up and down, before both nodded. She turned a half-circle, flicking her tail about in such a way that both of them blushed and looked at the ceiling instead. “Why dost thou look away?” she said aloud, frowning at them self-consciously. “Is there something wrong with the royal flank?” Her eyes suddenly widened and she rushed over to the mirror, sticking her butt up almost to the glass. She squinted at her tooshie very, very menacingly. If her backside was to be her weakness, she would have to eradicate it right away. Both guards wanted to melt into the floor and not be in the room anymore. Th-this was too much. “What is it?!” Nightmare demanded, jowls rising. “Something must be wrong…” she squinted into the vanity. Turning with a whip of her horn she SEIZED one of the two guards by his breastplate with magic. He squeaked like a mare as he was telekinetically hauled a good thirty feet across the room and to her side. “Your opinion on the royal flank! NOW!” she demanded, showing him her butt.
The poor stallion’s pupils shrank into fearful dots. He looked back and forth, shaking a bit at her bombastic demands. “Uh-buh-buh-uhhhhhhhh… shapely!” he finally decided was a safe word to use. “Shapely, your majesty!” Nightmare set him down, looking thoughtfully at her royal hiney. Shapely, hmm? “Very appealing!” he added when he could breathe properly.
“Of course! Excellent!” right away the Princess’ prideful shields were back up, and she gave her tail a good brushing to make it lay correctly. Nodding to make it official, she tossed her brush down. “Now then, we must away! Get my day-walking garments, I have a stallion to win!” she thrust a hoof forward like a conquering general.
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Nurse Bandaid had lived in the palace for about three months now. It was a big step up from that tiny economy apartment. Having saved a Princess from a changeling Queen, conquered not one but two of her soldiers, and nursed a Goddess back to health he’d been promoted nicely. All of his medical school debts had been paid for, his things had been moved to a royal apartment where he lived rent free, and now he was the head nurse in his wing of the royal sick bay. All the other new nurses really looked up to him and though he was a shy stallion at heart, he did his best to be a good example.
Buuuut even the most noble of ponies have weaknesses. Bandaid’s was Ponies and Castles. It was a nerdy, pen and paper tabletop game with dozens of books, little plastic figurines, and other doodads that pleased his nerdy little heart to no end. At the moment, he was sitting at his dining room table (he had a dining room now!), with books and paper spread out everywhere. A hoof full of oddly-shaped dice dotted the landscape as he scratched quill to paper in a studious way. A passerby might’ve thought he was studying a complex subject for university, but no, it was all for fun. “Mkay…” he mumbled. “And then place the brain-in-a-jar thirty feet away from the pit trap… here.” He made a little x on the page. “So it might grab somepony’s mind, but they’d have time to resist before it made them leap to their doom.” He was good at setting up devious traps, but he was always very fair about it. It was a guilty pleasure to build complex dungeons on grids for ponies to play on.
Now, Nurse Bandaid had retired from caring for Princess Nightmare Moon some time ago. About three months, if he remembered right. They’d not seen a lot of each other. He didn’t blame her for that. She was a Princess after all, she had a nation to run during the night. He was just a nurse that worked in the palace. Every noble with a sore throat, laceration, or other medical need came to him and his coworkers. Even the upper class got booboo’s sometimes, after all. So, he stayed busy. He still considered her a close friend, and he missed her someti—!
BOOM BOOM BAMPH.
Bandaid flinched, startled when a commanding voice issued from his front door. “Bandaid! Come hence!” Speak of the devil, and she shall appear. Brow rising in surprise, Bandaid set his quill down and closed a couple of his gaming books. Stacking them neatly to one side, he rose from his chair. He was already grinning by the time he came to the door. It was because of her that he lived such a cushy life, and he was always glad when she came by for a visit. He opened his door, and his brow went up even higher. A tall, black figure in a cloak stood in his doorway. Hooded, wearing sunglasses and smiling with all her fangs was Princess Nightmare Moon. Something about her seemed different, though. He couldn’t quite put his hoof on it.
“Stay here, I am in no danger in these chambers.” Nightmare bade her guards, who nodded and took up posts on either side of the door. “Hullo, Bandaid!” he motioned her in and she magicked the door shut behind her. He hurriedly went to the windows, closing them and pulling the thick curtains. Going to the angled skylight, he pulled the shades for that too and closed them. The room dimmed nicely. The Princess pulled back her hood when the wretched sun had been shoved out of the room enough. It wasn’t that she was a vampire, but pure sunlight did put her in a weakened state so she had to be careful.
“Princess, it’s good to see you!” Bandaid said enthusiastically, smiling. “I’ve not seen you in a while, what brings you to my place?”
“You of course!” Nightmare whipped off her cloak, tossing it onto his couch and throwing her arms around him. The stallion blushed while she wuzzled the top of his head with her muzzle. “Mhhh, yes you…” she purred like a loud cat. “The ninety days hath passed and now I come for thy heart!” she said, all smiles and joy.
“Wh-what?” Bandaid said when she’d let him go. “Ninety days?”
Princess Nightmare looked a little miffed, but let it pass. She sat on her haunches. “Equestrian law states that one may not romantically pursue their doctor, teacher, or other pony in power over themselves within ninety days of use of said power.”
“Uh huh?” Bandaid said, frowning a little. “It keeps doctors from dating their patients. It’s in the code of ethics.” He gave her a puzzled expression.
“It has been ninety days exactly since thou were my hoof servant and private nurse. I may have you now!” Turning with a flourish of black magic she came down to his eye-level, to her knees. Black sparkles decorated the air around them and she fluttered her eyelashes at him romantically. His eyes widened a bit when she conjured a damp, black rose from the ether and offered it to him. “Thou knows I do not like song and dance and subtlety.” She whispered to him, leaning until they were almost nose to nose. “Be mine, dear Bandaid.” She said sweetly, her great black wings opening for him. “Become my royal consort!” she said, offering him the black rose.
“I am NOT becoming your sex toy!” he snapped angrily, red-faced.
“Wh-what?! No!” Nightmare said, aghast to him. “Is that the modern use for the word consort?!” She turned her head, not wanting to ruin the moment. Spotting his bookshelf, she seized a dictionary off of it.
“Princess I am not going t—!” WHOOMPH, he was knocked down by his own massive book of words. Nightmare hunched over it, flicking it open with magic and paging through it. Frowning darkly, she mumbled through the entries. Stars danced around his head and the world spun. He sat up, rubbing his head. “Prin—!” WAP! The book went sailing back towards the shelf, knocking him the other way down.
“Hah! I am correct. Consort still means companion. Not sex toy.” Nightmare said, setting him upright with magic again. Coughing a little, she tried to calm herself. Ruffling her feathers a bit, she tried lowering her voice. “I meant not for thee to merely jump into my bed, Bandaid.” She said sweetly. She coughed a little, looking to one side, “Though I would not object.” She grinned lewdly and he blushed, scratching the back of his head. “I meant… I meant…” she fished for the more ‘modern’ phrase. “What does Vizier Sparkle call that imbecile Blueblood…?” she frowned, stroking her chin a few times. Her eyes searched back and forth as though she were reading an invisible book. “Stallion… friend?” she tried, making it into a question.
“Coltfriend?” Bandaid offered, rubbing his sore head.
“Coltfriend!” Nightmare seized the phrase, nodding enthusiastically. “Become my royal coltfriend!” she offered him the black rose again. He stared at it. She stared at him, grinning wide with all her rows and rows of razor sharp teeth.
Bandaid seized up like a statue, going a little pale. His heart thundered. S-surely there was supposed to be a date first, or some sort of lead up to this? Princess Nightmare had all the subtlety of a baton to the face, though. She was not one to dance around an idea or want something for very long. She went after what she wanted like a shark. Was he supposed to just say yes and take her flower and that would be that? What would happen to him? How did one date a goddess?! Did royal coltfriends get guards, or have to do a ceremony? Wouldn’t he be flooded by paparazzi? Did Celestia have a secret royal coltfriend? Questions spun around in his fretful little mind, faster and faster. Being a medical student and having no time for that sort of thing, he wasn’t exactly super-experienced in the mare department. “I… I…” He was starting to feel a little ill and overwhelmed.
“Mine heart beats for thee, please say yes?” Nightmare said, pinkening a little in the cheeks. “Though I may have any stallion or start a harem of any size, mine desire for thy companionship dwarfs such things!” she said, confessing herself to him. By her black magic the rose bloomed out into its full, dark span. The alicorn watched him start to hyperventilate a little. Was he having a panic attack? “Bandaid—?” she started to ask when a bead of sweat went down the side of his face.
He fainted.
She winced a little when his full weight bumped, hitting the floor hard. Princess Nightmare stared at him, and her rose wilted before popping out of existence. “Huhm. Not the reaction I’d expected.” She frowned thoughtfully, tilting her head a bit. Looking about as though there might be witnesses, she picked him up and levitated him to the couch. Laying him on it, she settled next to him. Spotting the massive disarray of gaming books on his kitchen table, she retrieved one by magic. “Perhaps the direct approach is not what he needed.” She flipped the book open thoughtfully, sighing. “Ah well. When he wakes up I shall ask him again. If he faints twice, I shalt need a backup plan.” She nodded to make it official, and set to reading quietly. After a time, she extended one of her massive black wings over him like a blanket. “Surely my mother has not allowed males to become so complicated over the ages.” Nightmare chuckled softly.
End of Part 2