//------------------------------//
// Episode 31: A New Sheriff in Town 
// Story: Harpflank and Sweets: The Lost Episodes 
// by Supersheep64 
//------------------------------//


HARPFLANK AND SWEETS



Created by Arcainum
Written by Supersheep64




Opening Titles



Metropony City! Mighty skyscrapers towering over the millions of ponies going about their lives on the streets below! Working, playing or just taking in the weather, Metropony bustles as only the big city can. But! All is not well in this equine metropolis! Below the streets lies a threat - a threat to the happiness and friendship of good ponies everywhere! And the name of that threat is Luna, the exiled Princess who has returned with vengeance in her eyes! With the aid of Her villainous helper Trixie and her army of terrible Lunatrons, She will stop at nothing to destroy the pony way of life! Standing against her, however, are two heroic mares, known only to the citizens of Metropony as...


HARPFLANK AND SWEETS: EPISODE 31- A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN





Scene 1




On the corner of 33rd and Mane stood a humble Pizzeria. Humble, in this sense, meaning being completely interchangeable with any other branch that exists anywhere in Equestria. However, what the place lacked in originality, it made up for in perseverance. There aren't that many restaurants that can put up with a 20 strong birthday party of ear-bleedingly ‘precocious’ foals locked in mortal combat and armed with that most deadly of weapons: the balloon-on-a-stick!

In this temple of fun and calories, a haggard waitress led three unusual customers to their reserved table, unaware of the most sinister meeting that was about to take place.

As they approached their destination, the three Diamond Dogs slid onto a bench, squashing up against the wall in size order, much like particularly ugly sardines trying to slide into a tin. Only stinkier. 

Opposite them, Surprise lowered the kids menu to the table, looking across at the new arrivals with with a look of calm self-assurance. She steepled her hooves and spoke in a dark velvet tone that held the presence to crumble solid rock.

“I’ve been expecting you.”

The long suffering waitress rolled her eyes.

“Well, they clearly didn’t expect you reserved this table just for yourself, Miss.”

Without averting her gaze from her companions, a frowning Surprise dismissively threw the menu in her stupid moment-ruining face with a terse response.

“Just shut up and take our order.”

After they had all given their selections and the smart-ass had left, Surprise pounded a hoof on the table, leaning in conspiratorially.

“10 bits says she pees in my drink.”

Rover rubbed his oversized jaw absently, wondering whether he should answer, or let her continue in monologue. Diamond dogs are not really known for being masters of subtle conversation cues, and when you work for a mare whose idea of an enjoyable first date includes chloroform, chainsaws and banana-flavoured pudding, it was nearly impossible to get a good read on her emotional state.

Rover discreetly looked her up and down to see if there were any clues there on what she wanted him to do in this situation.

Despite her notoriety, she hadn't bothered to take any measures to disguise herself... Unless you counted a disguise as cola stained fur from an earlier spill and orange-marked hooves from where she’d been coloring in the crossword in crayon. 

Seeing as she was still staring at him, he tried to cut right to the heart of the matter.

“Uh, boss? Why did you ask us to come listen to your plan in such a public place?”

Spot looked at his pal in severe confusion.

“Wait, we have a plan? I thought you just wanted us to commit random crimes to de-stabilize the system and lure Harpflank and Sweets out of hiding?”

Surprise chuckled, fixing Spot with a condescending smirk.

“Of course I have a plan silly, otherwise the whole thing would be pointless!”

Rover and Spot leaned forward eagerly, now intrigued at what she had to say. About three seconds behind them, Fido realized he was being left out and did the same.

“So? What is this plan, Boss?”

Surprise looked blankly at them for a second before leaning back and stretching.

“I dunno.”

A group of young foals ran past them, trailing balloons and party hats as they squealed in playful joy. Surprise giggled with childish glee when they tripped the overloaded waitress, spilling pizza onto their long-suffering parents. 

When she finally turned back to her companions it was painfully apparent that they were failing to wrap their limited canine minds around her questionable logic. Surprise looked back at them with equal confusion.

“What?”

Rover rubbed the base of his muzzle with a chunky paw, trying to reign in his irritation.

“Listen, pony. We agreed to break you out of crazy prison because you said you knew how to make us richer than we can dream of. But how can we trust you if you don’t even remember your own plan?”

Surprise grinned in that signature menacing way of hers, tapping her hooves together in front of her. Rover couldn’t tell if she was meant to be scheming or applauding.

“Oh you silly pup, there’s no fun in destabilizing the established system if I know exactly what’s going to happen next! And, well - one of the perks of being certifiably insane is that you can lock away nuggets of information in the little cracks of your own Psyche.”

She picked up her crayon and began frenziedly doodling crude representations of Harpflank and Sweets on her napkin.

“The only thing I remember is that when I was in the loony bin, I thoroughly planned out a whole bunch of schemes that could destroy Harpflank and Sweets and throw the city into chaos! I recall each step of the plan one by one, following my instructions to the letter...”

She began to expand her drawing to include her laughing above some burning tents, a rampaging Lunatron, and some note-like theories on what her eventual goal was. For some reason, the word ‘Aliens’ was crossed out repeatedly.

“I may not know what my plan is right now, but just imagine how awesome it’ll be when I eventually figure it out!” 

By this point, she was hunched over the table, nose pressed up against the paper as she stared in obsessive frenzy.

“A beautiful puzzle to solve, a point to prove, juggling lives in one hoof and fire in the other, a perfect game to play against the greatest of opponents!”

Her neck twitched, eyes shrunk with madness as she tore the crayon effigy, shredded pieces of red and blue costumed heroes falling to the floor. Surprise leaded back, tensely smoothing down her mane, which somehow twitched and frizzed even further than it already was in time with her breathing.

“So to answer your question, mutt, the most glorious of answers I can possibly give!”

She poked him in the nose, hissing every word.

“You’re just going to have to trust me, because it’s. A. Surprise!”

Fido nonchalantly poked her with the massive bulk of his unwieldy arms.

“Pizza’s here.”

Surprise perked up with the kind of sudden enthusiasm reserved for the exclusive use of the emotionally unstable.

“Allright! Mine’s the one with the anchovies, marshmallows, maple syrup, deep-fried watermelon, hot sauce, krutons, oreos, beef gravy, vindaloo and extra cheese!”

The severely disturbed waitress decided to re-evaluate whether this job was worth minimum wage.




Scene 2




Lyra surfaced from a deep sleep, groaning in discomfort as harsh lighting burned through her eyelids like dry leaves under a magnifying glass. As she blinked in the scorching, blurry image of the traitorous strip lights, her eyes kind of felt like dry leaves as well, eliciting further groans from the groggy mare.

Lyra was denied any further respite when Nurse Redheart swiftly lifted the edge of her mattress, dislodging her to the sterile floor. 

“Ahh! I’m up! I’m up!”

Redheart trotted round to Lyra’s side, disconnecting her from the now frantically beeping heart monitor as the watching Octavia struggled to restrain her smile. As she remembered her embarrassing performance against Trixie's CEnTAuR and the state that performance had put her in, Lyra frowned at the medical mare.

“This is because I made you work overtime, Isn’t it?”

Redheart locked eyes for a second, but gave no response. The Nurse stepped back, motioning for Octavia to approach the patient as she vehemently yanked out Lyra’s IV tube.

“Lyra, the Commander wants to see you in her office right away.”

Lyra rubbed her arm protectively.

“How... How long was I out?”

“A week.”

“A week?!” 

Octavia was expecting this kind of reaction and cut Lyra off before she could get herself worked up.

“The Commander knew you would want to be up and about as soon as you woke up, so she ordered you be sedated until you had fully recovered. Fortunately, you and Bon-Bon heal much faster than normal ponies.”

Lyra rubbed her face as she rose to her hooves. 

“And Bon-Bon? Is she-”

“She’s waiting for you up in the office. The Science Expo was attacked at the same time as the city center. Luckily she wasn't as badly injured as you were, but the perpetrator still managed to escape.”

Lyra followed Octavia as she led her out of the medical bay. Busy M.A.R.E agents crowded the corridor, but they moved aside for Lyra and Octavia as they made their way into an empty elevator. 

“Another one of Luna’s minions?”

“We don’t think so.”

“And that... Caped pony? Do we know anything about her?”

Octavia blew a strand of hair out of her eyes and looked away in an exasperated fashion.

“I think the whole city knows about her...”

“Huh?”

The elevator dinged as they reached the Commander’s floor. Lyra stepped out, glancing back as Octavia pressed the button for for the Research and Development floor.

“In the meantime, I have to convince Vinyl to take enough time off fixing the Nanosuits to have lunch and a shower.”

For some reason, the mention of the broken suits gave Lyra a twinge of unease. Like any insecurity, she covered it up with offhoof flippancy.

“Vinyl takes showers?”

Octavia smiled a little as the doors closed again.

“Good luck, Lyra.”

Lyra walked down the corridor and entered the Commander’s Quarters. Sure enough, Bon-Bon was already there, staring at the wall distractedly. Lyra immediately grinned at her, happy to see she was alright. Strangely, Bon-Bon noticed her presence, but gave no indication of acknowledging the sentiment.

Before Lyra could interpret this, the Commander swiveled in her chair to address them directly.

“Ah, Lyra! Good to see you mobile again, the city is in great need of you both in these strange times.”

Lyra snapped off a quick salute, noting that the Commander barely restrained herself from reciprocating the gesture. She also saw that half her face was wrapped in bandages.

“Commander... Were we attacked or something?”

Derpy cleared her throat and suddenly found great interest in re-arranging the chaos on her desk.

“Uh... No... Let’s just say military protocol and glass bottles are a deadly combination.”

Lyra winced as the Commander stood up and circled the desk, waving a hoof in the air.

“Anyway! We’re not here to discuss my traitorous muscle spasms!” 

She slammed the hoof down onto her console, blaring blue-tinged holograms into life above her.

“As you both know, Luna is forever trying to destroy this wonderful city we call home. She will stop at noth-”

“Get on with it.”

Derpy choked her intro as she noticed Bon-Bon was wearily glaring at her. Recovering her composure, she roughly elbowed the device, changing the stock footage to a floating physiological profile depicting a curly-haired ivory pegasus.

“Recently however, Luna has had some competition for our attention. Four weeks ago, patient #72873/B, Surprise, escaped from the Metropony Maximum Security Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Police investigation revealed that accomplices somehow tunneled through the solid concrete floor of her cell and, since free, she has declared a personal vendetta against Harpflank and Sweets.”

Lyra glanced over at her partner, outraged and offended.

“What did we ever do to her?”

Bon-Bon finally met her gaze with a burning one of her own.

“We protect peace and save lives, apparently that’s all it takes nowadays.”

Derpy changed the image to a 3-D map of the city, various places highlighted in green randomly distributed at different locations and altitudes throughout the metropolis and surrounding areas.

“Since her debut, she has been committing non-stop felonies ranging from graffiti and insurance fraud through to grand theft narwhal and public indecency.”

Bon-Bon squinted, taking in the notes of the bizarre crime spree as she spoke up.

“We... Don’t normally wear clothes...”

Both mares looked over at Derpy for confirmation.

“How did she-”

“You don’t want to know.”

Seeing they took her at her word, Derpy continued with her assessment.

"Her 'attacks' may be largely juvenile in nature, but she shows signs of being very well financed, supplied and informed. Most worryingly, she seems to be aware of M.A.R.E's existence and your affiliation with us."

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"What did she do that let you figure that out?"

Derpy was more peeved than Lyra had ever seen her.

"She told me as much while she was egging my house..."

"Do you think it could be the empire's doing?"

Derpy shook her head sadly.

"No, that would be too simple... And besides, they've been too busy to contribute anything to this little crime spree."

Ignoring Lyra's questioning glance, Derpy began staring wistfully into the calming glow of the hologram.

“Though this is small potatoes now, I think it’s probably just to keep us distracted before she commits her next major assault.”

Derpy closed her visible eye, wings drooping in frustration.

“I’ll be honest with you... I don’t like this. At least with Luna we could predict where she was going to strike next...”

Lyra folded her forelegs across her chest, frowning in tandem with Derpy at the current situation.

“And, on the subject, what are we going to do about that Lunatic while we chase after this one? 

Derpy smiled and typed a command into her keyboard.

“Now that’s where we catch our lucky break!”

The hologram changed to a news broadcast, a glamorous griffon reporter standing in front of a damaged storefront and wrecked sidewalk as text scrolled along the bottom of the screen.

“-And we’re coming to you live outside Pony Joe’s Doughnut Emporium, where renowned cruller conveyor Doughnut Joe was just rescued by the enigmatic masked avenger, The Mysterious Maredowell!”


The reporter handed attention over to a large, vaguely scruffy unicorn dusted with flour and sprinkles. In the corner of her eye, Bon-Bon could see Lyra incredulously mouthing ‘Maredowell?’ under her breath.

“Mr Joe, explain to us what happened here.”

The camera zoomed in on the excited baker, still buzzing from an attempted robbery.

"I was about to close up shop for the day when what should happen? Nothin less than a bunch’a doggie punks just breezin in and demandin all the bits in the register! Well, I told 'em where to stick it, but they knocked me down, grabbed a whole crate of doughnuts and made to get outta there. Looked like they was gonna get away with it too -  then all'a sudden she showed up!" 


An excited gleam burned fervently in his eyes as his hooves moved to convey the actions in his story.

"Oh man, I seen some brawls in my time, but she was something else! She just landed on this one guy, and threw him into this other guy, and when they tried to pull their guns on her, she just tore up the pavement so they didn't have a leg to stand on!”

The reporter flinched back as his flailing hooves accidentally punched out her soundguy, sending his tattered boom mike clattering to the ground.

“With this story to tell, and a rescuing endorsement from a bone-fide superhero, I’m gonna have all the business I could ask for! I’ll dunk all the competition and make my doughnut store famous! Forevah! Ahahahahahahah!”


As the reporter desperately tried to get away from the overzealous baker Bon-Bon hummed appreciatively at the described feats.

“Tearing up concrete? That’s pretty strong for a pegasus... Even a superpowered one.”

Lyra huffed, suddenly finding great interest in the network of cracks in the Commander's ceiling, which were substantially more numerous than in any other room of the building for some reason.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s really great.”

Derpy cut the feed, turning back to Lyra and Bon-Bon.

“Since her appearance last week, Maredowell has been working 24/7. Heroic rescues, fighting crime, helping the elderly-”

Lyra threw her hooves in the air as she cut in.

“Oh come on! Now she’s just trying to make us look bad.” 

“-but what we’re more concerned with is what she’s been doing out of the public eye.”

Even the moody Bon-Bon had to raise an eyebrow at that insinuation.

“As you know, M.A.R.E. employs an extensive intelligence network to keep track of Luna’s underground operations in the hopes of predicting where she plans to strike next. Recently, however, all they have been finding are unconscious goons and smashed Lunatrons.”

“And they bore evidence of her hoof-work?” Asked Bon-Bon.

Derpy nodded.

“The only way she could have found out about these operations before us is if she has access to the empire’s communication channels. Obviously, we need to find out how she did it, it could tilt the entire war in our favor!”

Lyra grinned mischievously, taking an opportunity to ruffle the Commander’s feathers.

“But you need us because you've been unable to keep up with her, right?

Derpy sighed in acceptance.

“... Yes.”

She jammed a hoof at Lyra and Bon-Bon, a fire blazing in her eye.

“Officially, the city council tolerates masked vigilantes like you two. Unofficially, ‘vigilantes’ are only tolerated as long as they take orders. Unfortunately, her continued elusiveness is making it harder for me to convince them them to hold off on issuing an arrest warrant! We need you two to earn her trust and convince her to join M.A.R.E. With three superheroes, we may finally have a real chance of returning peace to our fair city!”

Lyra and Bon-Bon snapped a salute, causing notable stress to the bandaged Derpy in the process.

“We’re on it, Commander!"

“Yeah, we just need something to lure her out of hiding and we’ll bring her in!”

Bon-Bon looked askance at her companion.

“Lure her out of hiding?”

Lyra coughed awkwardly, suddenly bashful under Bon-Bon’s harsh stare.

“Or something like that..”

In impeccable timing, klaxons rang out through the building and a panicked stallion burst into the office, panting heavily as he gave a hasty salute.

“Commander! Word from the Police Department, Surprise is invading the Everfree Zoological centre! And... She claims to have a bomb."

The Commander twitched violently as she pinned her favored saluting arm to the desk with her free hoof. The stallion dutifully stood at attention through these convulsions, tactfully lowering his arm before Derpy had an aneurysm. Freed from her compulsion, the Commander cleared her throat and dismissed him with a friendly complement.

“Good work, Lieutenant Red Shirt!”

He gave a long suffering sigh.

“It’s Reed Shift, Commander.”

“Uh, yes, that.”

The Lieutenant left and Lyra frowned as she turned his information over in her mind.

“Why would she attack the zoo? There’s nothing of any real value in there!”

Bon-Bon gritted her teeth with barely restrained loathing.

“For the same reason she attacked the Expo, it’s filled with innocent ponies, especially foals. She knows there’s no way we can afford to just ignore her.”

Bon-Bon stormed out of the office, bumping past Lyra as she went.

“Hurry up and get your gear, we’re going after her.”

Lyra looked in shock at the retreating form of her partner, taken off guard by the aggression radiating from the normally tranquil mare. She turned back to the Commander, only to find she was still pensively staring at the holograms. When Derpy finally took her eye off the images to address Lyra, she gave no indication having noticed anything odd.

“You heard her, Lyra. Suit up, the city needs you!”

The two ponies gave each other the customary salute and Lyra scurried off to do her duty.

The Commander fell back down in her chair, knocking paperwork to the ground as she cringingly clutched at her bandaged head.

“... I think I need to make helmets a part of my uniform.”




Scene 3




Red and Blue flashed across the rooftops of Metropony City, two dynamic blurs terrifically traversing the topography faster than the eye can track. As she ran, Lyra found herself unable to drag her eyes off of the blue and pink tail purposefully pushing ahead in direct spite of her own efforts to keep up. Her communicator bleeped and Vinyl’s exhausted voice trickled into her ears.

“Nanosuits are still down, guys, you’re gonna have to handle this the old fashioned way.”

Another twinge of unease. Lyra shook her head and took the opportunity to dive into her trademark bluster, shaking off her concerns in the pre-battle adrenaline.

“You’re still going on about that? We don’t need any of that fancy stuff to clobber this joker, right BB?”

“... As long as we work as a team, we’ll be fine.”

Vinyl snorted, amusement creeping into her voice.

“Hey, seeing as I’m the one who has to make all that ‘fancy stuff’ for you, how about a little appreciat-oof!”

Octavia roughly pushed her aside, settling into the chair and addressing the outbound agents with much more professionalism than her counterpart.

“Lyra, Bon-Bon. Intel reports that Surprise is utilizing knockout gas to incapacitate the zoo's occupants, and has barricaded all the the entrances to deny all access to law enforcement officers. It’s probable she has set up another signal jammer somewhere in the facility. If this is the case, we will be unable to provide you with support or information once you enter the complex. Good luck, my little ponies.”


As the briefing ended, Lyra finally caught up to her partner, trying to edge into her line of vision.

"Sooo... Where are we going?"

Bon-Bon shot her a disbelieving glance as they slid down a sloping roof, the whine of police sirens starting to fade into the periphery of their hearing.

"The Everfree Centre? The only zoo in Equestria to successfully store magical and monstrous creatures?"

Lyra stared blankly back at her.

“Just forget it.”

Thinking back, Lyra did begin to remember some old news report about a new zoo in Metropony. For some strange reason the city's tourism had taken a dip in recent years, so the Mayor had taken to numerous publicity stunts in an attempt to distract potential holidaymakers from the weekly incidences of mechanized peril. 

Lyra sighed in recognition that even if they succeeded in saving everypony trapped in there, the Mayor would still be having strong words with Derpy over the bad press that came from her tourist trap actually being used to trap tourists.

Lyra and Bon-Bon skidded to a halt as they finally reached the outskirts of Metropony. Ahead, a shining sapphire force field encircled acres of simulated woodland that had been separated into dozens of exhibits and enclosures by walls of reinforced steel. The force field itself blossomed out from a central control tower, fully capable of providing protection to Metropony city in a last defense should the monsters inside the barrier ever escape.

In hindsight, the architects should probably have put just as much care into protecting the zoo from the monsters that lived on the outside as well.

As Lyra looked down over the area, she beheld a scene of panic. At the base of the magical dome, emergency services had clustered around it’s perimeter like ants on a picnic, holding back the frightened and desperate mob of ponies that was spreading across the streets like very colorful fungus.

The cause of the panic was evident. Like pus spilling from an open wound, Surprise’s knockout gas had spread to fill every available nook and cranny of the zoo’s interior. Even from here, the the thick yellow gas cloud could be seen billowing tempestuously against the inside of the force field, drowning all but the tallest of trees and fences in a sickly ocean of yellow.

Wordlessly, Lyra and Bon-Bon leapt from the rooftop, their superpowered leap taking them clean over the heads of the frantic crowd as they landed in front of the barricaded entrance to the facility.

Lyra squinted at the blockage before her.

“What is it?”

It was a fair question. At her best guess, Lyra would have said that Surprise had sealed off the gateway with some sort of adhesive gel that had been sprayed down and then hardened, like caramel, forming an airtight crystalline barrier that filled every corner of the entranceway.

That, or magic.

Lyra shook off these pointless musings, suspecting the truth of the matter would be more complicated than she had the patience or wherewithal to comprehend. With Bon-Bon offering no further insight into the mystery, Lyra limbered herself up for the action ahead.

“Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure I can smash it!”

“No.”

Lyra deflated.

“No?”

Bon-Bon’s eyes darted back and forth across the crystal wall, checking for weakness and fractures.

“If we just break this thing, all the gas will drain out into the crowd... Vinyl, if you calibrate the frequency of our suits to that of the force field, do you think we could pass through?”

“Huh?... Uh, yeah... Probably. Let me get on that.”

In the wake of their conversation, Lyra shifted uncomfortably, unable to ignore the cold atmosphere radiating off of Bon-Bon in waves. Going out on a limb, she directed her gaze downwards, ears folding back.

"Bon-Bon... Are you mad at me?"

A pause.

"... Why would I be mad at you?"

Lyra flustered a little.

"I dunno, you just seem-"

“Ayyy-nd... Done. There you go, guys! One makeshift anti-force-field force-field! I’m pretty sure this thing will get you through there with most of your limbs still attached. Just, ah... Keep ‘em tucked in close to your body, ok?”

“Sure thing, Vinyl. Over and out.”

Cutting the call, Bon-Bon leapt headlong through the force-field, making the entire barrier ripple like a stone dropped into a pond. Lyra stood there for a second, awkwardly attempting to make sense of the twisted and confused feelings that were scrunched up in her gut. With a sigh, she focused herself back on the mission, pausing only to take a deep breath before she followed, leaping through into the unknown.




Scene 4




Lyra hit the ground hard, her shoulder taking the brunt of the impact as she bounced and rolled into an awkward crouch. Though she had made it through the force field, the act of doing so had felt as if she'd belly-flopped into a pool from three stories up.  As a result, she unwittingly inhaled and found herself dry heaving at the nauseating sensation as her retinas burned from the chemical fog.

Lyra clenched shut her stinging eyes and mouth, attempting to deny the sickly gas further entrance to her body as her own tongue flailed around, making a passable attempt at suicide.

Just as she thought she would pass out from asphyxiation, a hoof plunged out of the murky tempest, reaching into Lyra’s saddlebags and then pressing something against her face.

After last week’s embarrassing defeat, Bon-Bon had been determined to not fall for the same trick twice and had convinced Vinyl to update their stock of gadgetry. The sleek metallic gas masks that their tech-heads had come up with easily slipped over the standard masks that the duo wore, their stylish markings being the inverse of the colors on their more iconic facewear.

After attaching to her face, the vacuum seal hissed with confirmation and Lyra sucked greedily at the converted air as she at last opened her eyes and looked around.

From above, the cloud of gas had looked only like an ocean of dull yellow cotton, but down here it was like an alien world. Being heavier than air, all the knockout gas had collected at ground level and, as a result, the cloud’s sheer density blocked out all light from the surface to the point where you couldn't even see murky-yellow hoof in front of murky-yellow face.

The only thing visible in the endless yellow void was the illuminated green visor of the gas mask located right in front of her. Lyra sheepishly looked past that visor at the eyes of the pony giving her the best ‘What are you, an idiot?’ face she had ever seen.

Bon-Bon’s voice crackled over their personal radio, laced with barely-restrained exasperation.
 

“Tavi was right about our communications, we were cut off as soon as we jumped inside… Kind of a shame considering how hopeless you are on your own.”

Lyra swallowed, intently wary of the noise in the oppressive silence that permeated the entire facility.

“Sorry, BB…”

Groping blind, Bon-Bon reached into her bags and pulled out an Ex-tech grade glowstick, cracking the tube until it faintly illuminated the swampy haze, if only for about three meters in every direction.

“Be on the lookout, she may be a raving lunatic, but she's cunning and devious. Prepare yourself for anything."

Lyra just nodded, unwilling to push her luck with whatever she'd done to vex Bon-Bon's 'sensitive' nature. Seeing that their eyesight wouldn't do much to help them, the two ponies chose a random direction and ventured deeper into the cloud.

A few minutes passed in surreal isolation, the few trees and fences they passed close enough to see having been warped by the half-light into grotesque formations of a hellish landscape. They pressed on in silence, the only sound being their own shallow breathing as it echoed in their ears.

It didn't take too long before Lyra picked up on an important fact.

"At this time of day, the zoo should have been teeming with guests... So where is everypony?"

"Surprise must have moved them all somewhere... I guess they're of no use to her if we could just take them without a fight."


Lyra quickly attempted to find another way to keep the conversation moving. Heck, the awkward silence Bon-Bon was giving her today was bad enough without it being compounded by the whole 'silence of the grave' thing the zoo currently had going for it.

"I wonder if she extended the same ‘care’ to all the animals..."

Bon-Bon shook her head dismissively, creating hypnotic whorls and eddies in the smoke as her mane whipped with the movement.

"They're all magical creatures, they can probably survive this better than ponies can."

"I hope you're right... I don't need the extra paperwork that comes with letting some rare, endangered, albino Manticore kick the bucket while we're on the job... Hey, are we going upwards?"


Gaining hope, Lyra and Bon-Bon increased their pace, swiftly sprinting until the slope took them up and out of the putrid smog.

Stepping into blue-tinged sunlight, Lyra and Bon-Bon looked up, their eyes drawn to the (literally) enchanting glow spiraling around the spire of the colossal control tower. Luckily for them, it seemed the center of the zoo had been built onto a hill, clearly intending to boost the range of their tower's magic. As a result, the heavy gas had swiftly rolled off of this high ground, turning it into the sole island in an ocean of buttery death.

While not quite stupid enough to remove their masks entirely, given the change in circumstance, Lyra and Bon-Bon disengaged the vacuum seals so they could at least talk normally.

"Well, she has to be somewhere in here... Think we should split up and-"

"No."

"Oh... oh-kaaay..."

Releasing a sigh at being constantly shut-down, Lyra obediently followed after her partner as she began to explore the 'island' they had washed up on.

As they began their search, They soon found that the hill's plateau was much larger than they originally thought. Branching out from the control tower, the zoo's central space had been used to house the more commercial aspects of the tourist trade: Cafes, gift shops, restrooms, public information desks... All the stuff needed to make the tourists forget about the ever-present stench of animal droppings that lingered everywhere.

As the pair of them passed under an archway, Lyra spared a glance for a cardboard cutout of the Everfee's cuddly mascot, Alfie the amicable Ursa. But despite how happy Alfie was to welcome them, the omnipresent silence was no less unnerving here than it was in the submerged lowlands they had come from.

Suppressing a shudder, Lyra couldn't get over how wrong this all felt. Normally these missions were the most fun she’d have all week, but Lyra could tell something was bugging Bon-Bon, and when BB was edgy, that made her edgy. 

Thinking fast, she realized that if she couldn't get anywhere by asking her about it directly, she could at least try to change the mood by discussing something else that was on her mind.

"Hey BB, you were awake when this ‘Maredowell’ was doing her thing... What do you think of her?"

Lyra could tell her plan had worked when Bon-Bon gave her a confused look, rather than an irritated one.

"Well, I can't say I've given her much thought. I've been a bit preoccupied trying to track down little miss short, pale and crazy."

Lyra hopped in front of her companion, her eyes widening in fake shock as she backwards-walked to keep ahead of Bon-Bon's purposeful trudge.

"Not given it much thought?! You, who more than anyone have wanted to discover the secret of our powers, suddenly not caring about the only possible lead in months?"

Bon-Bon tried to step around her reversing partner, still futilely peeking into windows and storefronts for any signs of life in the veritable ghost town.

"Is now really the best time to discuss this? In case you've forgotten, we are searching for a homicidal maniac with a bomb right now!"

Lyra kept pace, keeping in front of Bon-Bon's face as she pressed the issue.

"Well in case you've forgotten, the Commander told us to recruit this 'Maredowell' the next time we saw her. If she's half the hero everypony says she is, she'll be here to save the day any minute now! We know exactly nothing about her, how she thinks or acts or feels... And as you've 'not given her much thought', now is really the only time we have to figure out how we're gonna win her over."

Bon-Bon came to a halt, rounding on Lyra with a barely contained patience.

"You want to know what I think? I think she's fast, and strong, and single minded. I think she has a burning sense of justice that borders on obsession, and I think that willingly wearing such a garish costume implies that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks of her."

She jabbed Lyra in the chest.

"In short, I think she's exactly like you! So you should stop acting so intimidated and just put a little faith in her! She did save your life, after all."

Lyra winced at the recollection. She couldn't help but remember that weird feeling she got when those blank goggles had looked at her.

"I dunno BB... There's just something I don't trust about her."

Bon-Bon raised an eyebrow in inquiry, but before she could speak, the sound of singing drifted past their ears. Locking onto a direction, Bon-Bon's anger rose to the surface.

"That's her. Let's go."

As Harpflank and Sweets rocketed towards their destination, Lyra's worries were soon forgotten. Moody best friends and creepy superheroes were one thing, but nothing could keep her spirits down when faced with the prospect of a good ass kicking.




Scene 5




Lyra and Bon-Bon finally located their quarry on the far side of the plateau. In the shade of a tourist information centre, a small tent and campsite had been erected, a rumpled sleeping bag showing that Surprise had only recently awoken from her rest. 

Surprise herself was reclining on a common armchair, bleary-eyed and barely awake. Aside from a pair of off-white underpants, she was armed with nothing more than a morning newspaper and a fluffy-pink bathrobe/slipper combo that were about as intimidating as a bag of puppies. 

Turning a page, the unseemly pegasus stifled a yawn as she scratched herself. In an action indicative of poor lifestyle choices everywhere, she reached out with a wing to grasp a nearby box and proceeded to stuff her face with hooffulls of dry cereal. In this circumstance, the phrase 'making yourself at home' seemed like gross understatement.

Eager to bring an end to the awkwardness, Bon-Bon angrily cleared her throat. Surprise looked up from her paper and then proceeded to blush like a foal in a kissing competition.

“Ah! Harpflank and Sweets! I didn’t hear you come in! Let me clean some of this up...”

Surprise sprang into the air, flinging the box and chair hastily into her tent flaps as she tucked the newspaper under one wing. Shooting apologetic glances at the bemused Harpflank and mistrustful Sweets, Surprise rolled up her sleeping bag and carefully hoisted her pillow by the tail. 

Her still breathing pillow.

Lyra was the first to speak.

“Usually... You take the feathers off the bird before you sleep on them.”

Hoisting the Lizard-mutant over her shoulder, Surprise casually released it back into the depths of the sleep-smog it had come from.

"I prefer mine raw. And besides, it's not like anypony has a use for a Cockatrice anyway... They don't even make good tourist attractions."

To prove her point, Surprise held up a tourist information sign she had clearly ripped off one of the exhibits. In a stunning display of relevance, the sign helpfully displayed the message: 'Please do not feed, taunt or look at the animals.'

Surprise rolled her eyes, "And don't get me started on trying to keep one as a pet... But anyway! You should really ring me before you decide to barge in on one of my heinous crimes! I could have been naked!"

Bon-Bon gritted her teeth as she struggled to control her temper.

"And just why would you assume that we wouldn't try to stop a monster like you?"

Surprise flipped to the front page of her newspaper, gently tapping the image of a striking purple figure emblazoned under the headline.

"Well perhaps I thought you would be too embarrassed to show up, considering you're both such old news."

She tossed the paper to the ground and shrugged, flapping her wings slightly to loosen them up.

"But even if the entire public has completely forgotten about you in less than a week, I still want to spend time with you... I mean that other hero is a total mute, she keeps beating up my henchdogs without so much as a 'Hello-goodbye'! At least with you guys I get to hold a conversation."

Bon-Bon glared with undisguised hatred at the pony before her.

"Funny, I don't feel like talking. Where's the bomb?"

Surprise tutted disapprovingly.

"Not important right now. The question you should be asking is, 'where is the deactivation switch for the bomb'? Answer: Right here!"

Surprise reached into her voluminous mane, presenting it appetizingly before suddenly dropping it into the welcoming expanse of her undies.

"Feel free to grab it any time, but I warn you - I haven't washed for days!"

Lyra was about to... Very reluctantly... Do just that, but Bon-Bon wasn't finished yet.

"And where are all the ponies that were in this zoo? What have you done with them?!"

"That's an easy one! They're right behind you!"

Lyra rolled her eyes.

"Oh, like we're gonna fall for th-"

About this point, the Lunatron stepped on them. 

For Lyra and Bon-Bon, the world turned upside-down for a moment as they were crushed face-first into the ground. Before they could even see what attacked them, the two ponies found themselves pinned and lifted by a set of crushing fingers.

Lyra sighed.

"Again?..."

Surprise flapped up high enough to meet their new eye level, once again having picked up her trusty newspaper.

"I know you girls think I'm evil, but to show you that I'm not ALL bad, I've decided to take up recycling. You see, some careless pony just left a huge pile of shattered robot parts lying in the middle of downtown, so I thought; 'might as well put this to some use!'"

As she looked over the machinery, Lyra could indeed see the resemblance to her old pal the CEnTAur. It had the same equine barrel chest merged onto an ape-like torso, it had the same number of limbs arranged in roughly the same locations, but apart from that...

It was hideous.

For all intents and purposes, It looked like the unborn love child of a Lunatron and a scrap heap. The outer plating was patchy and dented, the limbs were all different sizes and the head had been smashed into fractured clumps and used to patch up the holes where the original components were missing. It's once proud, upright torso now lay flat along the same plane as the rear, altering it's posture so it skittered about on all six legs like a decapitated ant. Serving as a replacement face, a wall sized HD plasma screen was embedded in the torso’s neck joint, still visibly wearing the price tag of the store it was stolen from.

But by far the worst thing about this abomination was the 'organic' element to it.

Fused onto the entire surface area of the machine were hundreds of ponies. Foals, parents, old mares, zookeepers... she'd even glued on a few kittens that she'd found from Celestia-knows-where. They were all blissfully unconscious and adhered to the shell of the aborted automaton by the same crystals as had been used in the barricades.

"As you can see I've made some upgrades to the armor, a unique alloy I call 'Hostageanium'! It's guaranteed to make any goody-four-shoes think twice about attacking it head on."

Bon-Bon grunted and twisted in the robot's iron grip, unable to break free.

"You... Sick... Freak!"

Surprise grinned bashfully.

"D'aaaaw, shucks! You always know just what to say to me!"

She doubled over in laughter at the outraged faces of her foes.

"What... You thought I was gonna fight fair? C'mon! You know I'd love to fight you myself, but the other me has first dibs and I gotta respect that!"

"The other..?"

At that moment the giant plasma screen winked into life, depicting a close up rendition of Surprise's own face in near-blu-ray quality.

"Hello! If you're hearing this message, that means I'm too busy to fight you directly... So please leave a message and my Lunapede deathbot will destroy you after the beep."

The real Surprise nodded in confirmation, but remembered something as she turned to leave.

"Oh! And if you get any funny ideas about trying to rescue the volunteers attached to my 'Lunapede' here, you should know that 'the bomb' I was talking about... Yeah, it's inside our friend here.  And just because I'm feeling particularly vindictive, I put a self-destruct inside it that will go off if you attack it or try to interfere with the crystals."

The malformed Lunapede shifted it's limbs uneasily, and the plasma-screen-recording Surprise looked across at her present day counterpart with understandable fear.

"Wait, self-destruct? That was never part of the plan... Can... Can we talk about this?"

Regular Surprise ran a hoof down her face in exasperation before yelling up at her jumbo-sized atrocity with a long-suffering groan.

"Of course it was part the plan you idiot! I just hadn't remembered it was part of the plan back when I made that recording!"

The automated Surprise gave an 'o' of understanding before nodding her agreement.

"Right... I guess that makes sense."

Although they were currently being crushed to death, Lyra and Bon-Bon shared a look with each other. Bon-Bon raised a silent eyebrow, to which Lyra gave an attempt at a shrug. 

Mini-Surprise rolled up her newspaper under one foreleg, flapping away and grumbling in a barely audible fashion as she made her escape.

"Honestly... The idiots I have to work with..."

The massive plasma screen twisted back to face it's captives, rolling it's tire-sized digital irises around the endless white of it's two dimensional face.

"Insufferable cow..."

The colossal machine shifted it's simulated gaze back and forth conspiratorially before leaning in with a malicious grin. 

"Did you know she still wets the bed?..."

The Lunapede paused, narrowing it's pixels in suspicion as it noticed Lyra concentrating, a faint glow appearing around her horn.

"Are you trying to do that same 'hand detachment' thingy you did last week? Well, bit 'a bad news..."

A duel explosion echoed through the air as two clenched fists were ejected off their wrists, punching their screaming passengers through the wall of a nearby cafe.

"...I already beat ya to it."




Scene 6




After months of battling Luna's 'greatest' underling, Lyra had gotten used to villains that love the sound of their own voice... But a villain that holds a whole conversation with herself, now that was a new one.

Lyra's rocket fist slid to stop, wedged between an ice cream cabinet and a soft drinks machine. Before she could even speak, Bon-Bon appeared at her side, slicing into the captivating fingers with an Ex-Tech laser tool.

Lyra blinked, glancing over at the superheated edges of the other, already sliced open mecha-hand.

"Wow, BB, you're really on the ball today!"

Her own prison fell apart, thudding to the floorboards in chunks as Bon-Bon helped Lyra to her hooves.

"I'm not letting that maniac get away again. Now come on!"

The two mares broke out in a gallop, diving out through a back window just as Robo-Surprise jammed her televised face in through the gaping hole in the wall.

"It's no use fleeing you two! I was the asylum's number one hide-and-seek champion for five years running!"

The Lunapede surged forwards, letting the whole cafe collapse around it as it fervently scuttled in the direction of the escaping heroes. Emerging back outside, the misshapen machine zealously scanned the zoo plaza for it's prey... And found it completely empty.

The digital pegasus pursed her lips in befuddlement.

"Ok, you guys are good."

Then somepony threw a smoke bomb in her face.

"Argh! Even though this TV fulfills absolutely no visual function of my robot's sensors, I am horribly blinded!"

The Lunapede stumbled backwards, it's de-synchronized avatar coughing and spluttering despite being separated from the actual event by a pane of glass and the span of the fourth dimension. Harpflank and Sweets burst seemingly out of nowhere, firing off their grappling hooks as they darted between the misshapen legs in a criss-crossing blur of red and blue. 

In a flurry of slides and hops, Lyra and Bon-Bon Twisted their cables into a hellish tangle of wires to rival even Vinyl's infamous video game collection. For a brief moment, the two of them locked eyes before grasping the ropes in their teeth and yanking the hooves right out from underneath the trussed-up Titan.

Lyra glanced at her partner, the beginnings of a smile twinkling in her eyes.

"That won't hold it for long, and if we can't fight back, it'll just keep coming. I need to go get that deactivation switch, or we're sunk."

Bon-Bon glowered back, her eyes so stern that it was hard to believe something so frivolous as a twinkle could ever have germinated in their depths.

"You have to get the switch? Lyra, Surprise knows she can't take both of us at once. She only set up this whole situation so she can get another stab as separating us! No matter what, we do not play this game by her rules!"

Lyra bristled, Bon-Bon's constant cold front finally making her lose her temper.

"So what? We risk losing these citizens lives?! I don't know how you let yourself get beaten up by some nutcase with a golf membership, but I don't intend to do the same!"

She shoved a hoof into Bon-Bon's chest, knocking her back a step as she turned to leave. The fallen Lunapede began to stir behind them as Bon-Bon ran after her, yelling in rage.

"Don't you DARE abandon me again Lyra! Get back here!"

Bon-Bon yelped as a sudden tension stopped her in her tracks. She glanced down from the sight of the escaping Lyra to see that in their brief moment of contact, Lyra had attached her grapple launcher onto the front of her uniform.

"You sneaky little..."

The Lunapede stood back up, snapping the line taut and pulling the unfortunate Sweets head-over-hooves backwards into an Undignified sprawl. Bon-Bon grimaced as she lay on her back, looking upwards into the pre-recorded face of the mare who had just been downgraded into the position of her second-least-favorite pony in existence.

Surprise smirked, her tone filled with the kind of I-told-you-so smugness only to be found in a mare who seems to actually have an unusually detailed prophetic capability.

"Ready for round two Sweetie?"

Sweets rolled her shoulders, her superequine frame positively glowing with hostility.

"More than you can imagine..."




Scene 7




Lyra grumbled to herself as she blazed off in pursuit of the saccharine psychopath they’d been dragged out to deal with. Judging by the fact that she couldn’t hear Bon-Bon ranting non-stop in her earpiece about what an idiot she was, she deduced that by splitting up, their personal radios must be being jammed just like their long-range communications.

It was certainly a relief not having to listen to that right now.

Although Lyra knew that she’d be getting no end of strife from Bon-bon for that little desertion later, it didn’t change the fact that she was way out of line today. Deep down, Lyra knew she had to stay true to her personal code, and that meant that she couldn't possibly be held back when lives were on the line.

Put in words, her motto went something like: ‘The only type of restraint a hero should use are the ones we slap on the bad guys.’

On an unrelated note, she also held the record for the most criminal hospitalizations in recorded history.

Following the flawless logic that ‘Villains like to have showdowns on top of tall things’, Lyra made a barely subsonic beeline for the central control tower. By the time she slid to a stop at the base of the monolithic monitor station, she’d already burnt off most of the frustration at Bon-Bon’s constant worrying and was ready for more action.

The control tower was very blue. Not just in the sense that it was bathed in blue light, though that was also true thanks to the massive force field blazing out the top, but more of a whoever-made-it-must-have-had-an-entire-warehouse-full-of-surplus-paint-that-they-needed-to-use-up-before-the-authorities-realized-that-the-product-produced-dangerous-levels-of-toxic-fumes-that-were-a-lawsuit-waiting-to-happen kind of blue.

Shaking herself off from the sheer amount of blue, Lyra proceeded to ignore the elevator, instead leaping from beam to beam as she swiftly scaled the tower’s support struts and pounced into the control room through the elevator shaft hatch.

The control room, at least, was relatively free of blue. Presumably, the zookeepers that work here had insisted on isolating the central arcane reactor behind a thick column of steel, blocking off the constant glare of it's perpetual generation. Lyra could understand how their desire for continued sanity could outweigh the novelty of a workplace that feels like you're constantly at the bottom of an aquarium.

Aside from the various off-shooting machines and computers that regulated the reactor, the other contents of the room were fairly standard for an employee hub. There was a ratty old desk with a stack of dog-eared magazines, the perimeter wall was filled with polarized windows overlooking the zoo and, over where Surprise was lounging around, there was a bank of monitors that received security feeds from around the facility.

In their brief separation, Surprise had scrubbed up, in a sense, from her previous slovenly attire. Now she just looked like a regular delusional psychopath, rather than a delusional psychopath first thing in the morning. 

At Harpflank’s entrance, she rose from the simple office chair, spreading her wings wide. Lyra frowned as she smiled a self-satisfied smile, twirling an ominous-looking crystal staff in her forehooves. The switch Lyra had come searching for was nowhere to be found.

"Ah, Harpflank! Good timing. I just finished getting dressed for your arrival."

Lyra frowned.

"You're wearing less than you were five minutes ago."

"Well, yeah. But the point is that I'm now looking presentable."

She really wasn't.

Deciding to get back on topic, Lyra also stood on her hind legs, pointing a hoof accusingly as she did so.

“Alright you fruitcake, you can tell me where that switch is before or after I clean your clock. Your choice.”

“Oh, that old thing? I was lying about that. I think it opens my garage or something.”

Lyra growled in frustration.

“In that case, this is your last chance. Release those hostages or suffer the consequences!”

Surprise giggled with fangasmic delight, now floating on the spot.

“Eeeee! You’re just so adorably corny! Quick, say something else!”

Lyra flinched.

“Corny?”

"Yeah, you got the whole- SURPRISE!"

"I got the whole you? That doesn't make any- Ooof!"

Lyra flew backwards, slamming into the far wall with a painful thud. The blast of magic had erupted from the tip of Suprise's crystal sceptre, and now spread out over her limbs, quickly pinning her to the wall with shackles made from solid crystal.

Although this solved the mystery of where those other crystal structures had sprung from, Lyra had no time to feel pleased at this discovery and instead gasped in shock, quickly turning her voice to grunts of frustration as she struggled and flailed in her bindings.

Seeing Lyra's distress, Surprise rose up towards the ceiling, arms outstretched, head thrown back as she cackled maniacally.

"Mu-hahaha-HA! I have you now, Harpflank! And nopony, not Sweets, not Maredowell, nor your buddies back at M.A.R.E can save you now! Ahahahaha, hahahaha, HAHAHAHA-"

She paused, face frozen in mid-cackle.

"Come to think of it, what does that acronym even stand for?"

Distracted from the natural high that comes in tandem with any good bout of maniacal laughter, Surprise finally took notice of Lyra's struggles and was subsequently distracted from her distraction.

"Oh give it a rest, Harpflank. I liberated this sceptre from where it was stagnating in the Metropony museum and, according to the audio tour, it was made thousands of years ago by some uber-powerful tyrant with a crystal fetish."

Surprise briefly let herself admire the impeccable craftsmanship before letting her legs drop back to her side.

"Interesting anecdotes aside, the very fact that it's really, really old means it's too powerful for you to do anything about it."

Surprise gave a sympathetic smile as she shrugged amicably.

"Sorry, but them's the rules."

Lyra, turning red in the face from exertion, grunted out a response.

"Well... I guess king what's-his-face never counted on me then, did he?!"

Filled with heroic stubbornness, Lyra wrenched her whole body back and forth with Herculean force, fully intending to shatter her petty bonds with the power of justice. In reality however, the crystals proved a bit more indestructible than she had imagined, reducing her muscle flex to a sort of vague loopdy-hoop-hip-wiggle.

Surprise gave an empathetic half-grimace out of embarrassment for the both of them.

"Look Harpy-baby, I think it's time we had a heart to heart talk. We can't very well be kicking the snot out of one another without getting to know one another first... Er, Is now a good time?"

Lyra fixed her with the most deadpan glare she possessed.

"Dozens of ponies are about to die."

"Yeah, now's a good time. Coffee?"

Surprise held out a stone-cold cup of Applebucks left behind by one of the zookeepers. A moment passed before she remembered Lyra was completely immobile, and settled for just leaving the cup perched on the crystals right next to her head.

Floating back to the security desk, Surprise took a seat in the swivel chair, casually crossing her hind legs in a show of relaxation.

"Alright, let's clear the air between us. Let's gel, let's bond, let's break the ice! Ask me a question, Harpy, it's time to seize the day!"

Surprise leaned forwards expectantly, staring with intent at Lyra as she paused to catch her breath. As her breathing slowed to normal levels, Lyra fixed Surprise with the most determined, righteous glare a pony can give.

"Surprise, you are a lunatic, sadist, monster and a criminal. Those are the only things that I need to know in order to happily kick the snot out of you."

There was a charged atmosphere of silence following that heroic proclamation. It seemed Lyra's flat out dedication to her ideals were enough to give the madmare pause. Eventually, Surprise tilted her head, pursing her lips in contemplation.

"You don't like me very much, do you?"

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Does anyone?"

"No, I don't mean like me like me. I mean like you don't like dislike me like you like dislike Trixie."

"...What?"

Surprise slammed a hoof on the arm of her chair.

"Answer the question!"

"I don't like either of you! Where would you even get that idea?"

Surprise sighed and started speaking in a slower, patronizing tone.

"You have made it your life's goal to protect the ponies of this city. Yet no matter how hard you try, Trixie always gets away from you. So deep down, you kind of like fighting her because she lets you fulfill your purpose in life!"

Surprise pulled a face, searching for the right words to get her point across.

"...It's kind of like job security for the soul."

Lyra squirmed in her cocoon, hopefully chipping away at her immobility.

"Don't paint me with your colors, you crook. I would never want ponies to be endangered like that!"

Surprise held a hoof to her chin contemplatively.

"Yeah... You would look terrible in white and yellow. You don't have the flanks for it..."

"What is that supposed to-"

"But seriously now. There's no shame in wanting to fulfill your purpose! If a pony can't do what they were born to, they'd go crazy!"

Her eyes drifted downward as her entire posture deflated slightly. Surprise mumbled into her mane as she stared at nothing in particular.

"...And I should know..."

Lyra was so taken aback at this moment of weakness, that she almost didn't notice the roiling cloud of yellow rising up and obscuring the view out of the windows. Lyra blinked, confused enough to give in to stating the obvious.

"Are you filling the dome with more gas?"

Surprise perked up, overjoyed that her captive had finally taken the invitation to ask her a question.

"Yep! I had my Diamond Dogs run pipes under this place so I could pump the gas in on demand!"

"But Sweets and I have gas masks... And everything else in this zoo is already zonked out! Why do you need more gas?"

Surprise turned on the puppy-dog eyes, quivering her bottom lip as she spoke mockingly.

"Oh you poor innocent hero. Have you not yet learned the name of our little game?"

Lyra blinked slowly, narrowing her eyes as the maniac stood from her chair, trading her sceptre from hoof to hoof in impatience.

"I'll bite. What is the name of of the game?"

"Deception."

Lyra suddenly felt an extreme sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She choked back a gasp as realization struck her.

"The gas... It does something else doesn't it!"

Surprise giggled.

"Corectamundo, Harpy! You see, that's the... Y’know, 'surprise' portion of my plan. My special knockout gas looks like it's slow moving, but that's only because the ambient magic from the zoo's shield generator slows it down. If a section of the shield fails..."

Surprise spun round suddenly, jamming her staff into the computer control panel. With a twist of her hooves, the entire keyboard was yanked out of it's socket in a shower of sparks.

"... Then my gas suddenly spreads a whole lot faster!"

On the streets outside the Everfree Center, dozens of ponies look up in unified horror as a colossal pie-slice of the sapphire dome abruptly sparked and flickered out of existence. Almost ponderously, the great yellow mass leaned forwards, as if testing the boundary it had been previously unable to cross. Then, in a burst of momentum, the gas broke forth like an unstoppable tidal wave, surging down streets and crashing over buildings, accompanied by the screams of the quickly unconscious ponies it consumed.

Lyra gaped out the window, now able to see everything thanks to the rapidly decreasing height of the gas layer emptying from it's brief container. Lyra turned back to her opponent, anger crossing her face as Surprise continued to float in place with her patented Cheshire grin.

"So what does this gain you? You'll knock out everypony in the city with this stuff... But why?"

"Oh, that's the best part of my plan! I can throw giant robots and ancient sorcery at you all I want, but c'mon, those are conventional super weapons! You'd be expecting that!"

Surprise lifted a hoof to her chin as she graced her foe with a coy little smile.

"There's a third property to my super-de-duper-gas you see. You thought maybe I chose this zoo as a perfect place to hold hostages? Wrong. You thought maybe I thought it the perfect place to draw my respective nemesi to their doom?... Wrong."

"No, I chose this place because it was the perfect spot to fill a colossal city-sized quantity of flammable gas and everypony would just think I was playing on the defensive."

Surprise rushed in close, forehead to forehead. Her eyes blazed with madness.

"You see, I don't fight with normal weapons, Harpflank. The zoo itself is my weapon. And it's a flamethrower."

She caressingly pressed a hoof to the side of Lyra's face and held it there. Then in a show of force, she twisted Lyra's head to face the window.

"Now lets watch and see which one of your heroic friends is dumb enough to strike the match."




Scene 8




Bon-Bon somersaulted over a containment fence, clearing the electrified wire by a few scant millimeters moments before a misshapen iron limb cleaved through its reinforced metal alloy like it was tissue paper. Turning to face the glowing visage of Cyber-Surprise, Bon-Bon reluctantly acknowledged she was starting to break a sweat.

The larger-than-life avatar tutted disapprovingly as she grinned her mocking pixilated grin.

"Pretty smart, Sweets. Trying to use the electricity to short out my circuits and disable me! Smart, that is, if it wasn't so darn predictable~"

Great. An insulated interior. For looking like a hunk of junk, that Lunapede sure was giving Bon-Bon a run for her money. Probably because she was rather lacking in the ability to... Oh I don't know, fight back.

Bon-Bon crouched in front of a dozing Manticore, the currently zonked-out occupant of the particular enclosure the Lunapede had chased her into. She flipped out of the way of another strike, unable to voice her frustrations due to the need to re-seal her gas mask after the gas levels began to suspiciously rise to cover their previous safe-zone, again making it really freaking hard to see.

Spurred on by the sound of clunky hoofstomps from somewhere in the murk, Bon-Bon flipped over the sleeping feline and quickly scaled the largest tree she could make out in the fog-drenched enclosure. 

Bon-Bon yelped as another robotic hoof swept out of seemingly nowhere, crashing into the trunk and forcing her to cut short her breather and leap back to the ground. The fog briefly lit up in the glow of Robo-Surprise’s plasma screen, revealing the look of shock on her simulated face as the smashed tree toppled right down onto her mechanical cranium.

“Ow! Foul! Foul! No fair getting me to hurt myself! Stupid loophole in self-destruct programming!”

Bon-Bon used to the opportunity to sneak away, leaping over the downed electric fence as she made a break for it. As thick-headed as she was, Lyra had a point. Fighting this robot was getting her nowhere and she needed a new plan. 

She had barely made her escape when she heard the screams. Bon-Bon’s blood ran cold as she realized she could now see the pale blue glow of the sky-filling force field above, and more pressingly, the gaping hole in that field through which the fog was rapidly departing. Although still unable to speak, her internal levels of ‘I told you so’ were quickly reaching critical mass.

Bon-Bon’s ear twitched at the sound of stampeding metal. With instincts honed through countless battles, she jumped, twisting in the air as the pouncing Lunapede smashed its forehooves into the ground where she had stood not half a second earlier.

Time seemed to slow as she hung in midair. Bon-Bon had barely time to register her error as a massive limb of twisted grey metal and magic crystals began to fill her field of vision. Her leap had dodged the blow of the middle forelimbs, but she’d forgotten this robot was designed with two sets of those, and she’d jumped right into the lethal path of one of the now handless fore-forelimbs.

The Lunapede almost toppled forwards as Cyber-Surprise placed all the momentum of her pounce into one, direct punch. Bon-Bon utterly tore a path through the thinning smoke as she flew across the enclosure and brutally smacked into the remains of the once-electrified metal fence.

Cyber-Surprise pumped her hostage-encrusted hooves in adulation, excitedly giggling to herself as she watched a badly stunned Sweets try to get her battered body back into action.

“Yes! Once again, it seems I have you on the ropes, Sweets! Now the physical portion of your defeat is complete, we can move onto the mental one!”

She raised her two-dimensional face to the rend in the force field, smirking slightly at the sight of a rapidly approaching purple figure.

“Now, if I’m remembering my instructions correctly... That should be gut-wrenching emotional decision arriving right now.”

True enough, the tidal wave of gas had attracted the attention of Metropony’s newest defender, who rocketed in through the slightly disabled dome, tracking the wave back to it’s source.

As she arrived on the scene, Maredowell’s eye was caught by an obscene amalgamation of machine and geology that seemed to be gleefully waving at her with it’s malformed tree-like limbs.

She swooped in close, realizing with a jolt that the robot was holding dozens of ponies hostage on it’s very body. Maredowell air-skidded to a stop, seemingly unconcerned by the lingering remnants of gas tinting the nearby atmosphere. Uncertain, she eyed the robot wearily as it began to speak.

"So you're the new blood that's been making such a splash in the papers. I bet you want to end my little crime-spree right here and now, don’t ya? Well I'm the past self of a deranged Supervillain/ Party animal inhabiting a big-ass robot dressed in people. What you got? C’mon, hit me with your best!"

Maredowell just hovered there, her unseen eyes presumably flickering over the weaknesses in the malformed metal body that would not be covered by the still-living hostages. 

“What are you waiting for? Hit me!”

Maredowell continued to float in silence, still glaring suspiciously at the monster in front of her. eventually, the pre-recorded Pegasus let out an exasperated sigh.

“Fine. I see how it is. oh man, there’s just no fun in you ‘strong and silent’ types.”

Cyber-Surprise made the decision for her, halfheartedly lashing out so that Maredowell could easily dodge what was now, quite clearly, a threat to decent ponies everywhere. The masked mysterioso fluttered out of range, left with no choice but to act on this threat and save the civilians.

In a flash, Maredowell zipped skywards, circling around for a super-speed punch that would probably give the poorly-made Lunapede the same dismal fate as it's past incarnation did just a week previously. Unmoved, Cyber-Surprise continued to yell out after the departing hero, raising her speaker volume to make sure Maredowell caught every word of her incoherent babble.

"If you think I'm not capable of holding a conversation all by myself, then you are sorely mistaken, good sir! Back in college, I pulled off a solo performance of Hamlet - knocked the whole audience dead! I'll have no trouble memorizing your lines as well!"

Pushing aside the remains of the electric fence, Bon-Bon rose blearily to her hooves, shaking off the pain of the hit as best as she could. 

At a glance she took in the tableau before her. 

She saw Maredowell pick up speed as she barreled towards her foe.

She saw the Lunapede just stand there, waiting for the impact. 

The impact which would detonate the bomb.

Bon-Bon's blood ran cold. Maredowell was about to accidentally kill those ponies, and with her gas mask still on, Bon-Bon couldn't say anything to warn her.

Time seemed to slow as Maredowell closed the gap on her target, approaching speeds that would make any normal pony blink in incomprehension. She was fast. Super fast.

But Bon-Bon was faster.

Bon-Bon full-on body slammed Maredowell out of the air, the two costumed heroes tumbling end-over-end as they gouged out a trench in the soft soil of the Manticore exhibit. Utterly undaunted and oblivious, the monologing Cyber-Surprise continued to blather on as if nothing had happened.

“-come to think of it, all that stabbing and poisoning is probably why I was incarcerated in the first place... Man, here I thought it was because I discovered where Celestia keeps all the little green men."

Bon-Bon pulled herself off of the ground yet again, cursing that the tainted air was still too concentrated for her to remove her mask. As she glanced over at Maredowell, it was clear the other hero had taken the brunt of the super-speed crash, bending her wing badly out of shape as it hung limply at her side.

Maredowell turned to face her attacker. Though still as expressionless as ever, she somehow exuded an aura of menace. Bon-Bon gulped at the understanding of that sensation. Maredowell wanted to save those civilians, and as far as was concerned... Sweets was now in the way.

Maredowell rose to her full height, folding her damaged wing under her cloak. Sneakily, she draped the sizable cloth around herself, silently concealing her movements. The blathering of the villainous recording faded from their hearing as the two heroes cautiously circled one another, looking for an opening. 

From the deep recesses of her mind, Bon-Bon recalled all the times she and Lyra had sparred, hoping that the knowledge would help against this, one of the few other super-equines she would ever face.

As if coming to a mutual agreement, they both chose to attack at the exact same instant. They leapt together, clashing in an exchange of jabs and blocks so fast that they created a vacuum where the air molecules were unable to keep pace with them.

For a normal pony, the exchange would only have seemed to last for a scant few seconds, perhaps just less than ten should the observer be sufficiently dull enough to spend that time counting seconds, rather than watching the epic showdown playing out before them.

Eventually however, Bon-Bon's exhaustion proved her the slower combatant and Maredowell closed in, finally sliding past a clumsy punch and stunning Sweets with a dual blow to both sides of the head. As Sweets saw stars, Maredowell went low, sweeping Sweets' hooves out from under her and dropping her to the ground like a sack of costumed super-potatoes.

Not done yet, Maredowell leapt into the air, striking down with a diving kick that Sweets only just rolled away from. She spun around striving to kick high, but Bon-Bon caught the errant leg in both hooves, absorbing the blow before using it as an opportunity to yank Maredowell off the ground and then slam her face first into the dirt.

Bon-Bon dived down on Maredowell, grabbing her in a brutal headlock. Taking a chance, she glanced over at the Lunapede, not entirely shocked to discover it was still talking to itself in an endless stream of inane waffle.

Bon-Bon hated to do this, but she couldn't risk Maredowell activating the bomb. She had to knock her out quickly. With a heavy heart, she tightened her grip on Maredowell's neck, hoping that whatever she was using to breathe in the thinning gas-cloud wasn't enough to keep her awake without any lung intake at all.

Maredowell yanked at the hooves restraining her, attempting to break free, but her pegasus speed was of no match for earth pony strength, gaining not even a centimeter of leeway for breathing room.

It seemed the battle was over. Then, in a moment of miracles, a flash of light blared out from underneath a deep purple cloak.

All too suddenly, the tide turned. Bon-Bon didn't even have time to register the incredible burst of strength exhibited by her opponent before she was ripped off, tossed into the air and apple-bucked once again clean across the enclosure into the mangled remains of the formally electrified fence.

Bon-Bon coughed something onto the inside of her gas mask, blinking through hazy eyes at the casual stride of her approaching foe. Maredowell's cape fluttered behind her as she neared, allowing total access to the sight of her sides, and more importantly, how they were now completely bereft of wings.

Bon-Bon was beyond stunned. Before her very eyes, Maredowell had turned into an earth pony.

Before she was knocked out, Bon-Bon had enough time to mutter something into her face mask.

"What... The hay are you...?"

Then Maredowell smashed a hoof across her face, and Sweets slumped limply to the ground.

There was another flash of light and two feathered appendages once more slipped out from under her cloak. Maredowell looked them over critically, examining her now-healed wing with an experimental flap. Silent as ever, she turned back to the Lunapede.

"-so then I said: Oatmeal? Are you crazy?!... And then he said yes, which kinda made sense seeing as we were in a lunatic asylum at the time..."

Cyber-Surprise trailed off, looking somewhat confused at the victor of the battle before her.

"Hey... Did I miss anything?"

Wasting no time, Maredowell again took to the sky, circling around for a final blow. She was going to destroy that noisy robot, and this time, nothing would stop her.




Scene 9




Surprise couldn’t be more hyped up at the current turn of events, the superheroes were beating on each other right in front of her eyes and the city was about to go up in flames. Vibrating like a mentos-filled cola bottle, Surprise pressed her face up against the glass, squeeing in joy as Maredowell dealt the knockout blow to poor little Sweets. As if this wasn’t bad enough, she was also pressing Lyra’s face against the glass and, seeing as she was still strapped to the wall, served only to remind the unicorn that her neck wasn’t supposed to bend that way.

As the mystery mare took off to begin her attack run, Surprise finally released Lyra’s face, gasping in anticipation.

“Oh my gosh this is it! The end of Metropony, baby! Haha, suck it, Luna!”

Lyra stretched out her twisted neck, mind racing a mile a minute as she searched desperately for an opportunity, any opportunity. Surprise raised her hooves to her face, smooshing her cheeks together in a universal pose of overwhelming awesome.

“I win! I did it! It’s all going exactly as I expected!”

For about two seconds, her brain just froze up, as if experiencing a fatal error and having to reboot. Upon recovery, she moaned like a wounded seal, pounding her face with her hooves.

“Damnit! It’s going exactly as I expected! Curse my contradictory goals! Why does victory have to taste so foul!? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!“

With each proclamation, she punctuated an exclamation point of double facehooves. In her distraction, the Crystal Sceptre slipped free from her grip and clattered to the floor. 

With a sharp intake of breath, Lyra spotted her one and only chance. In the space of a second, Lyra’s gaze flitted over to the window, catching sight of Maredowell as she dashed past the tower on her speed-gaining attack run.

Lyra had just been forced to watch Maredowell beat the stuffing out of her best friend. The caped crusader had barely hesitated to leap into conflict with Sweets, and was even now about to blindly end the lives of everypony in the city. She’d upstaged Lyra, she’d made her look lame and useless, and, even now Lyra could feel that same uneasy sensation that she got just from looking at the other hero.

Lyra didn’t trust Maredowell in the slightest. 

But not listening to Bon-Bon’s advice had gotten her into this mess. Bon-Bon had asked her to have faith in a pony who she had no reason to trust. With a smile, Lyra realized that that was exactly the situation in which they had first met. And it was time to return the favor.

For all her skills and talents, Lyra had never done well in magical theory. While a musician, martial artist and anthropologist, both the finer and blunter points of spell work and enchanted constructs were ever an enigma.

As such, it was probably more blind hope than knowledge that led to her next sudden, desperate move.

Surprise was close, too close. With a snap like a whip, Lyra's tail shot out and wrapped around the hilt of her sceptre, yanking it towards her as fast as a twitch. In a moment of truth, the crown of the staff swept up and simply... tapped against her restraints.

A ripple of magic shot out from the source and the crystals binding her just... disintegrated. Time seemed to slow down as Lyra fell into a crouch, cold coffee and crystal shards splashing and shattering to the ground around her as her face broke out in a massive grin.

Surprise had just enough time to look at her before the pain hit.

"Oh. Wasn't expecting that."

Lyra sent Surprise reeling with a firm left cross, flicking up her her tail to grab the staff in her other hoof. She dashed forwards with a flurry of kicks, pressing Surprise backwards before spinning around, adjusting her grip and hammering her in the jaw with a dual hoofed crystal baseball swing that sent Surprise smashing through the window as her whole body became encased in the creeping gemstones.

As she spiraled into the distance, a shrill voice could faintly be heard.

"Hey! I can see my house from here!"

A very muffled ‘oof’ could be heard as Surprise comically bounced off of the inside of the remaining force field, falling hundreds of feet before she disappeared behind the Everfree’s treeline. 

Lyra glanced down through the broken window, spotting the rapidly zooming purple speck of Maredowell piercing the remaining vestiges of gas still lingering on the inside of the dome. In a moment of truth, she raised her hooves to her mouth and yelled as loud as she could.

It wasn't quite Luna-grade, but it was enough.

"TAKE IT UP!... TAKE!... IT!... UP!"

In the distance, a small purple head turned towards the source of the noise, lingering for the briefest moment before zooming in low to the ground, coming up on the malformed metal shape still ranting on like nothing had changed.

Lyra pulled her hoof back, concentrating harder than she ever had. She would only get one shot at this.

Lyra flung the sceptre as hard as she could, sending it scything through the air, whirling like a dervish. One second passed. Two. The staff arced down from the tower, and in a moment of pure, unadulterated awesome, slammed right into the back of the waiting Lunapede.

There was a ripple of magic emanating from the point of impact, spreading across the robot's mottled surface. All at once, everypony held hostage just harmlessly fell to the ground. Cyber-Surprise blinked her digital eyes in confusion.

"I feel... Strangely exposed..."

Then she saw what was coming for her.

"Oh sweet sassafras! I'm too young to self destruct!"

Maredowell shot up from underneath her, impacting in the gut with the force of an oncoming train. The Lunapede was yanked clear off the ground, out of the gas cloud, out of the hole in the shield, up, up, up... And then it exploded.

Lyra cried out in exaltation, punching the air as she fell into a relieved slump. 

Her hind legs dangled over the edge of the tower as she looked out over the dispersing wreckage, falling well clear of the gas cloud's flammable spread.

From the depths of the explosion, a purple dot emerged, hovering in place for a moment before darting away, soon lost among the buildings of Metropony. Lyra smiled, taking a moment to revel in victory as she looked out over her city. Her safe city. Her... Sleeping city...

Lyra rubbed her face in her hooves.

"Oh horseapples..."

Lyra stood back up and slipped her gas mask back on. There was still a lot of cleanup to do.




Scene 10




In an enclosure on the outskirts of Everfree, Surprise watched the fireworks with a conflicted expression. On one hoof, she had indeed been surprised by the last-minute heroics of that dashing Harpflank girl. On the other, she had failed to destroy the city and now... Well pretty much everything hurt.

Although she was the kind of pony that was more likely to bounce rather than break, after a beating like that, it was kinda lucky this crystal prison also functioned like a full-body cast. It was almost a shame that she had landed in a relatively gas-free zone, she could have used the anesthesia.

Surprise finally settled on happiness at the result. She had cast out her net, and caught the fish she had been after. Hers was a paradoxical existence, she did bad things for the sake of those that would thwart her, she made intricate evil plans for the sole purpose of seeing them fail. She may have lost, but she had also won. And that's the best kind of fish you could possibly catch.

Now... If only she wasn't allergic to sushi...

As her ivory face turned to befuddlement over her own mixed metaphors, a mound of dirt rose up and broke open just a few feet away. Putting his oversized chin in his paws, Rover casually addressed the imoblile mastermind in front of him.

"I take it your plan failed, boss?"

"No, just the parts of it I remember. Did you remember to use my distraction to steal what I wanted you to steal?"

The canine grinned his toothy grin, rubbing his paws together gleefully.

"Oh, yes... Lots and lots of them..."

"Faa-aantastic! Hehehe. Now, as soon as I remember what it was I wanted you to steal... We can move on to the next stage..."

Completely lacking in mirth, she fixed Rover with a judging stare.

"Now drag me back home. It'll take at least a week for these crystals to wear off."

With a long-suffering sigh, Rover grabbed a sparkly crystal leg and dragged his leader into the hole. A few moments later, all that was left was a pile of dirt.




Scene 11




Activity had returned to the sleeping city. Hours had passed since it’s near-destruction, and the teams of pegasi smart enough to simply out-fly the oncoming sleep cloud had worked diligently, moving and dispersing the smog to harmless levels as they cleared Metropony sector-by-sector.

Lyra, of course, had been on the job the entire time, working with M.A.R.E’s clandestine disguised operatives to rouse and rescue injured ponies, isolate the few fires that had been started by rogue flames and to hastily repair the fence around the manticore exhibit when it looked like the hefty guy was starting to wake up. Thank goodness his wings were too small to actually fly.

Eventually, however, the day dragged on into evening, and Lyra finally gave into Octavia’s requests for her to take a break and leave the city in the hooves of the awakening authorities.

Limbs weary, Lyra walked the empty halls of M.A.R.E. In wake of the attack, the normally bustling HQ was now stretched thin, its agents at work in the field. With a sigh, she finally disengaged the gas mask, her tired eyes taking in their own reflection in the glass.

Though she herself was drained beyond the capability of thought, her hooves knew where to go. In almost no time at all Lyra was snapped back to reality by the hiss of the med-bay doors as she entered.

Bon-Bon glared at Lyra as she stepped into the room. Luckily, she had received mainly scrapes and bruising from her battles, though the concussion was another matter entirely. Lyra winced as she spotted the scant few bandages trailed around her bare chest where Maredowell had kicked her.

In the corner of the room, Nurse Redheart was unwinding the bandages on the Commander's face, revealing in full her expression of wonky displeasure. Derpy turned to address Lyra with an unsettling frown.

“Ah, Lyra. I just finished Debriefing Bon-Bon here. Do you have anything to add?”

Lyra chuckled uncomfortably under the combined glare of everypony else in the room. Seriously, she’d just come to see if Bon-Bon was okay, what was up with this hostility?

“Kinda a crazy day, huh?”

Derpy was unamused.

“From what I can gather, the city was almost destroyed because you two had an argument! You’re supposed to be our best agents! How could you let this happen?”

Lyra’s jaw dropped. Bon-Bon buried herself in her hospital bed as a shadow covered her face. Spluttering, Lyra spoke in their defence.

“But Commander, we saved all the hostages! We stopped the city from burning down! We-”

Derpy cut her off, brushing Redheart out of the way as she rose from her chair.

“But you did it by the skin of your teeth! And what about Surprise, huh? I can accept Trixie escaping from you every week, but it sounds to me like you had her at your mercy! All you had to do was tap her with that magic staff thingy, and she would have been helpless! Now our agents can’t find a trace of her because you opted for a homerun!”

Derpy rounded on Bon-Bon, pointing an accusatory hoof in anger.

“And you! I told you to negotiate with Maredowell, not assault her! You’ve ruined our chances of convincing her to join us! We needed her! And if this is the sort of performance you’re going to give me, then we probably need her a heck of a lot more than I thought we did!”

Bon-Bon said nothing. In one movement, she leapt out of the bed, shoved Lyra aside and strode out of the room. For a moment, everypony was so shocked at her sudden exit that they didn’t say anything. As the door began to hiss closed, Lyra woke back up and ran after her.

Releasing a groan, Derpy sat back into the chair. She noticed Redheart was glaring at her.

“What?”

Redheart continued to glare.

“Look, their conduct was-”

Redheart glared harder.

“Ok fine, I was too hard on them! It’s been a long day, alright?”

Her face drooped.

“I hope they can pull themselves together...”

-------------------------------

“Bon-Bon, wait!”

As soon as she was out of sight of the med-bay, Bon-Bon had broken into a gallop. Considering her always surprising capability for ludicrous speed, they had run all the way outside HQ before Lyra had finally caught up to her. They slid to a halt in the peaceful garden outside of what was a seemingly ordinary building, and clearly not a front for a base of clandestine heroic operations in any way, shape or form.

Bon-Bon refused to face her, keeping her eyes firmly on the verdant grass just next to the stone path they stood on. Firmly, Lyra rested a hoof on her friend’s shoulder, concern crossing her features.

“Look, Derpy didn’t mean that... She’s just under pressure right now-”

“Shut up, Lyra! None of this would have happened if you just listened to me!”

Lyra flinched.

“BB, I... I know I ran off when you told me not to, but I needed to! Just like you needed to tackle Maredowell... And I did listen to you about trusting her, we would have been screwed if I hadn’t-”

“Oh, so the great hero saves the day? I guess you don’t have a problem with other heroes as long as they don’t steal your spotlight, huh?”

Lyra couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her eye twitched as her exhaustion finally got the better of her.

“That’s it, Bon-Bon! You’ve been mean and hostile to me all day, and I want to know why! I’m trying to help you here!”

Bon-Bon looked up, and for the first time, Lyra could see the tears and frustration in her eyes.

“You really don’t know?”

Dumbly, Lyra shook her head. Bon-Bon gave a muted sob.

“You’re the most insensitive mare I’ve ever met! Why did you have to run off?!”

Lyra blinked in confusion.

“I told you... We couldn’t fight the robot head on, so-”

"Not that time, you idiot! I’m mad because you didn't go to the expo with me."

For a moment, Lyra was stunned. That's what this was about?

Falteringly, Bon-Bon continued.

"I... I just wanted a normal day... I just wanted to spend my birthday with my best friend... But you forgot about it. You didn’t even know that that’s why I was mad!"

Teardrops fell to earth, darkening the stone around their hooves.

"So I went alone, watched my foalhood burn around me, and when I returned? I found you lying in the infirmary practically torn apart... And I thought this job had finally killed you."

Lyra watched the tears fall, her whole body turned numb with shock. Bon-Bon sucked in a shuddering breath as her posture somehow found more space to collapse inwards.

"I thought you'd died because I wasn't there to help you."

A long moment passed where muted sobbing was the only movement that disturbed the dire scene. Then, as if a switch had been thrown, Lyra stepped forwards and wrapped her forelegs around the crumpled mare, silently holding her close as the lengthening shadows of the evening slowly overwrote the last rays of the sun.


[ Credits roll.

NEXT WEEK ON HARPFLANK AND SWEETS:

“I can’t stand seeing her like this...”

“I AM NO LONGER CONTENT TO LET MY EMPIRE BE SCUTTLED BY A LONE MARE... ”

“What... What is the meaning of this?!”

“She knows who I am.”

TUNE IN FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF... HARPFLANK AND SWEETS ]




Epilogue




Carrot Top was not a tranquil pony. Dedicated, yes. Focused, yes. But tranquil? No.

Not for want of trying, of course. She still kept a garden at the rear of her house and, even now, in her office a quaint Bonsai stood sentinel over the coffee-stained desk and stacks of paperwork. But, no matter how long she stared into those leaves, or how much care she took with her crops, she would never achieve tranquility.

It didn't matter if it was the shrill cry of police sirens, the muted thump of exploding buildings or just the creak of the bones underneath her skin, the fact was that the world was just too loud for her ever to be at peace. In the wake of the day’s gassing, things were even less peaceful than usual, as hard as that was to believe.

Tonight however, the sound that stirred her was but the simple knock of hoof on wood.

Carrot barely looked up from her quarterly crime report before she gave her reply.

"If that isn't an espresso, Lieutenant, I'll expect you to hand in your badge by the morning."

Undaunted by the response, her door opened anyway, admitting a fiery-maned and stone-faced Pegasus into the room. Carrot sighed.

"This had better be important, Miranda."

Lieutenant Rights barely blinked as she delivered her message.

"Chief, there's something outside you need to see."

"Don't tell me Copper arrested the entire Met-U hoofball team again..."

"More serious than that, Ma'am."

Carrot Top closed her eyes and breathed in deep through her nose. It was a meditation technique she'd learned from some Neighponeise monks to help bring her focus. She had tried it many times, but even with monks AND gardens, the world was still too loud.

With the haste of a tortoise, Carrot Top rose from her chair.

"Alright, show me."

Walking through the precinct, it quickly became clear that something was indeed going down outside. Any cop who had not already abandoned their desk was on their way to do so, the steady buzz of confused whispers seeming to act as fuel for the steady migration out of the station's front doors.

The crowd parted at the sight of the Chief, her vibrant orange mane acting like a beacon cutting through fog. The whispers and speculation came to a stop as Carrot broke out the front of the herd, finally stopping on the steps outside the station. Her saliva dried up in her throat as she finally saw what the fuss was about.

Across the road, standing crouched atop a streetlight, was Maredowell.

Her cape hung down around the bulb, casting a ginormous silhouette on the building behind her. The light harshly lit her featureless features from below, making ominous highlights to every outline of her body. In the presence of such a striking figure, passing pedestrians stopped to pull out their cameras and capture the dramatic moment to later brag about with their friends.

In an incredible moment of stillness, the vigilante stared down the entire police department, and the police department did nothing but stare right on back.

Just as it seemed that nopony was even willing to breathe, lest it destroy this fragile standoff, Maredowell illuminated herself with a second glow, gently diffusing from under her hat. The glow coalesced in the shadows, wrapping around a bundle of tattered purple cloth that floated over to rest at the hooves of the immobile police Chief.

Carrot Top looked down, nudging the bundle open even as her eyes widened in shock.

Like a flash of lightning, Maredowell leapt straight up, vanishing into the night before the cops even had time to register her departure.

For a moment, Carrot Top tried breathing through her nose.

"... Oh, to heck with it..."

Carrot Top rounded on the crowd of gawking crime fighters, eyes flashing as she yelled at them.

"Well? What are you standing around for?! Get her inside!"

Her subordinates almost fell over one another in their rush to grab the unconscious pony and clear a path to drag her inside. Carrot turned to Lieutenant Rights, casting such a palpable aura of authority that Miranda could almost feel her uniform clean itself under her piercing gaze.

"... And Lieutenant..."

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"Make sure Miss Trixie has a nice cozy cell waiting for her when she gets there..."

------------------------------------

Coming soon: Episode 16 - Great and Powerful!