I entered my room and set down my bag. I had been carrying that thing around all morning. I stretched out my back, feeling once again the sensation of this new body. Every bit of it felt strange, yet I knew I could handle this. However, that moment with Stud Muffin really opened my eyes to what I had to go through to get around as a mare. I rubbed a hoof on my throat. I guess having a female voice isn’t all bad either. It’s much more pleasing to the ears. I wonder… could I be able to sing with this voice? Meh, I’ll try it later.
I set my lunch down on my desk and hopped on the stool. I began to wonder if I could use my wings to grabble the fork instead of my apparently magical hooves. I reached out a wing and used it’s apparently magical feathers to grab the fork. I then stabbed the fork into the pasta, and brought it to my mouth. Yum. Yum yum yum. Yumyumyumyumyumyum.
The next few minutes passed in a blur as I devoured the pasta hungrily. It always felt good to eat something you enjoy.
After I was finished, I left the plate there and turned on the Xbox 360. I climbed up on the bed with my controller and started up the game. Halo 4. Fudge yes! I’ll show Snowstorm I really am a gamer! Ha, I even have Xbox Live connection! I started up a round and put my microphone on. “Hi internet!” I said in the most cheerful voice I could come up with.
I got a groan in response. “Ugh, it’s a girl. Please tell me she’s not on our team.” One user said. I decided to call him “Jerkface.”
“Hey, I’m a mare. Get it right.” I said. Two others broke into laughter. One guy invited everyone else to a party chat, so I joined in. Now there are eight people talking to each other nonstop.
Jerkface groaned again. “A pony? You’re one of those Equestrians? Did you know Celestia just went and kicked all the humans out of eastern Washington just so she could expand her territory? It’s just sick.” He said. I was shocked. Celestia claimed this territory? Didn’t anyone try to stop her? It was like an important plot point.
“Is that why you don’t like me?” I asked, wondering why he was a jerkface.
“No, I just don’t think girls should play games. Even worse, girl ponies. How can they even hold the controllers? It’s stupid.” He said. Okay that got my blood boiling.
“How about this then? I have wings. I’ll use my wings to play, and I’ll kick your ass from here to Canterlot and back! How does that sound? And I’ll even do it behind my back.” I said, using the most calm tone I could.
“It. Is. ON!” He yelled, and I grinned, gripping the controller with my wings behind me. These things were as good as hands with this crazy magic shit. I checked the game type. SWAT. Perfect. “You ready to die, bitch?” He asked.
“It’s not sane to talk in front of a mirror like that, sir.” I said, which invoked a “BURN!” from a few other players. Jerkface just scoffed at it. “Enough talk…”
3… 2… 1…
“The slaughter begins now.”
The game starts, and we’re put down on one side of the map while the other team is on the other side. I moved my red character down the left path and came across two blues. One of them was Jerkface. I quickly took them both down with headshots. “Fuck! You fucking cheater!” He yelled.
I entered a building through the right and took down one more blue. I kept going until a magnum shot did me in. “Ha ha! Revenge, asshole!” Jerkface said.
I respawned and took the right path this time, killing two blues in the process. “Suck it blues!” I said as they dropped.
“Oh, she knows Red vs. Blue. Congrats, missy, but your satisfaction ends here! I shall put a DMR round in your head faster than you can – FUCK! Get the fuck out of the way!” He shouted after another red killed him.
“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You need to work on your temper.” I teased, putting a Magnum shot into another blue’s head. I was inwardly laughing at every moment.
“Shut the fuck up girly! You are a prissy prick! You and your family are nothing but whores! FUCK!” He shouted as I put another bullet in his brain.
I scowled. “You have insulted my family’s honor! I demand recompense!” I yelled back. I was pissed now. How dare he call me a whore! Plus, I really wanted to say that line. I didn’t really give a fuck about my so-called “family” because I hardly knew them.
“Challenge accepted! We shall duel on my dueling map!” He said. “FUCKING DICK BUISCITS!” He added after another headshot put him down.
“No. You need a new map.” One of the other players said.
I shook my head, forgetting they couldn’t see it. “I’m fine with his map. It should make things interesting.” I said, taking an assassination.
“Fine then. Let’s finish this game then we’ll duel.” Jerkface said. I put another Magnum round in his head, then the victory notice appeared on the screen. “Fucking fuck nuggets!” He added when his defeat notice appeared on his screen. “That’s it. Prepare to die!”
After that, we headed to the custom games menu, along with two other players who wanted to watch. I kept thinking of ways his map might give him an unfair advantage. Let’s see… he knows the map layout and any potential hideaways. Yet, it could be a nice easy map.
“The Cheater’s Guide to Dueling.” I read the title of the map. Or it could be my first idea. Damn. Unfair advantage alert. At that point, another gamer joined the game. “Hi gamer.” I greeted, trying to be friendly.
“Yo, wazzap? DJ Pon-3 is here to liven up this party!” She replied, then laughed. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to come up with cool ways to introduce myself. What did you think?” This was obviously that pony DJ. Wasn’t her fan-given name Vinyl Scratch? Yeah, it was. Was it her real name though?
“It’s too bland. If you want to introduce yourself to a party fit for a DJ you have to be wilder. It also has to be longer and you could talk about the music.” One of the two other gamers replied. “Do ponies have raves?” He asked after a pause.
“Oh totally. It’s not a party worth going to if it isn’t a wild one, and raves are the wildest a pony can get.” Vinyl answered. Another pause. “So what’s going on?” She asked.
“Oh nothing much. Just an Honor Duel between a human and a pony.” He said. Vinyl laughed. “I know. It’s gonna be epic.”
“We’re taking bets. I got ten bits on myself.” I said, getting another laugh from Vinyl. “What about you, Mr. Pony Hater Jerkface McGee?” I asked, and got yet another laugh from the unicorn DJ. I was apparently funny to her. Victory!
“Two hundred bucks says I will win with a perfection medal.” He replies.
“Okay, you asked for it.” I stated as cryptically as I could. Vinyl laughed again as she figured out what I meant.
After a pause, Jerkface figured it out as well. “Oh fuck you, ya dumb ass pony.” He said.
“I’ll take that bet. Just give me your address and I’ll give you two hundred bucks right now.” Vinyl said. I laughed. This was just too fudging funny. It’s a pony double team!
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure asses and ponies are different.” One of the other gamers said. Vinyl and I both laughed. This was just too funny.
“Whatever. Let’s start this game so I can kick that pony’s plot straight back through the hole they came from.” Jerkface said. Wait, what’s this about a hole?
“It wasn’t a hole, it was a vortex. Get it right.” One of the other gamers said. I’m just gonna call him Gamer 1.
“Yeah, can you believe it’s been only two years since they came, and no one cared when they did. I expected military retaliation when Celestia took that land a month ago.” The other gamer said. I’m calling him Gamer 2.
Wait, what? Celestia came to this dimension from yet ANOTHER one? That was two years ago. It seems that ponies have fit into the society quite nicely. If Sunny here is any indication, I’d wager that the ponies eagerly adapted to human lifestyle. I thought humans weren’t that accepting of aliens just coming to earth and fitting in with them. It’s a government conspiracy. No, even better; it's another plot point.
“Why are you talking about pointless shit? I’m starting the game.” Jerkface said, and the game started. The game type was SWAT, like the previous game. Vinyl apparently wanted to see the duel as well, as she stayed in the group when the game started.
When the game did start, I saw a wall. I turned around. Ah, okay. There’s a pathway there. I walked down the pathway and turned a corner, and was met with Jekrface’s back. A quick knife to the back later, I smiled as he threw assorted curses at me.
Vinyl cheered. “Nice one. Score one for the ponies!” She cheered. “Oh, you should totally do random quotes as a prediction of your life.” She added out of nowhere.
“Why? What do you mean?” I asked, confused. What was she talking about?
“Well, I met Pinkie a few minutes ago and she said to tell a pony named Sunshine to put up quotes on her story, whatever that means.” Vinyl replied.
Wait, was that Pinkie’s attempt at fourth wall breakage? It was. Wait again, a story? I haven’t even considered it yet. You know what? I will do that. In fact, I'm doing it now. “I think that’s a good idea. I’ll get right on that.” I said. After this chapter, of course.
“Wait, you’re Sunshine? I just felt like passing on the advice.” Vinyl said, surprised. I couldn’t really blame her though. Oh well. I guess I can break the fourth wall too. Hello reader! I am going to do that quote thing, starting next chapter! Oh, look. It’s the Jerkface. What the hell? He just killed my character with a rocket! There aren’t any rockets in SWAT! “Oh, now what the hay, man? That was cheating!” Vinyl yelled.
I had to agree, though I understood how he had acquired it. It is a cheater’s map, after all. He probably has a hideout somewhere. I turned a corner and found him again, putting a bullet in his brain. “What the fuck? I have a fucking rocket!” He yelled.
“Correction: you HAD a fucking rocket.” I stated as I picked up his fallen weapon, throwing the pistol on the ground. I reloaded the weapon and switched back to the Designated Marksman (or Markspony; whatever pleases you) Rifle. “Rockets are no good when headshots reign supreme.”
“Fuck you bitch. Goddammit!” He yelled. My screen showed he committed suicide, which means his previous kill is null and void, giving me a three point lead. How did he die though? “Fucking Incineration Cannons!” Oh, that’s how.
Vinyl let out another laugh. “Karma dude, karma.” She said simply.
After another corner turn, I wound up putting another DMR round into Jerkface’s jerky face. Did I forget to mention I’m still using my wings to play? It’s quite incredible. It’s like my feathers are extra appendages. I can move and feel them individually. I can fly using hands! Heh, not really, but close… Shall I continue my tangent, ramble on with my game, or think about my pony problem? I actually might mentally break down if I think about it, but I still have to deal with it. Boom, headshot! Five point lead! How many to win? Ten! I’m halfway there! So much for his Perfection. That requires 15 kills without dying.
“Fucking fuck fuckity fuck fuck!” Jerkface yelled as I killed him yet again. “How are you wiping the floor with me on my own map?! Hold on. Yes! Ha! Now you die!” I was confused at his meaning until I heard an explosion.
“Oh, that’s not fair! He’s got a bucking tank!” Vinyl yelled. Oh shit. A tank? Really?
I rounded a corner and found a large room with a Scorpion tank in the middle. Thankfully, its back was turned so I had the advantage. I need four more kills and he needs ten. I pulled out the rocket launcher. It was this or make a charge and hope to take the tank by surprise. I grinned. I decided to charge. “LEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOY JEEEEEEENNKIIIIIIINS!” I yelled as I charged to the rear and climbed on. One grenade later and the tank went boom. I nearly fell off my seat laughing. “Ha ha! I can’t believe I just said that!”
“I can’t believe you just did that! I had a fucking tank!” Jerkface yelled angrily.
I laughed again. “Dude, it’s seven to nothing. Are you really that much of a noob?” I asked. There was a definite pause. “I guess so.” I said, locating another chance to one-up myself, and I did. “I only need two more points now.”
“Hey, I have a question. It’s about that story.” Vinyl said, and she had my attention. “If you add this game, would that make it a crossover?”
“I don’t think so. This is just a minor element, and not a key player. Minor elements that take the time of a single chapter does not make a crossover. Not unless anyone says otherwise.” I answered. I’ll give you the question of the chapter now. Does this make a crossover? Please leave your responses in the comments section of wherever. Heh, I’m pulling a Pinkie Pie. Fourth wall? What is this fourth wall you speak of? Is it this pile of rubble? Ha ha ha ha ha! I’m insane! I’m also tangenting again.
I turned yet another corner and put another bullet in Jerkface’s head. “Why the fuck do I keep failing to kill your little pony plot hole?” He asked, enraged.
I laughed at his anger. “♫Don’t rage quit♫.” I sang. I was amazed by my own singing voice. It was good.
“That was some good singing, Sunshine.” Vinyl said. She thought so too. “How would you like to come with me to the club tonight and perform?” She just offered to take me to a party and have me sing.
“Uh, sure… Though I’m not sure about singing.” I answered nervously.
Vinyl laughed. “The modest type, huh? Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there with you. You just message me your address and I will pick you up.” She said. That made me feel a little better.
“You should totally go.” Gamer 2 commented. Okay, I’ll do it. They convinced me. “Uh, you’re in trouble now.” He said suddenly. What did he mean by that?
“You’re fucking dead now!” Jerkface said. I heard a humming, and took cover. He has a Banshee.
“An air vehicle? That’s the worst yet!” Vinyl yelled. “Hold on, do you still have the rockets?” She asked.
“Yeah, I still have them.” I answered. I knew what to do. I switched to the rocket launcher and found my target. I waited until he got close and fired both shots. The first missed but the second hit its mark. Vinyl and I cheered as the vehicle blew up in a red and purple explosion. “I won! Ha ha! Yes!” I cheered.
“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! Fuck you. Fuck this game! FUCK CELESTIA!” Yelled Jerkface as he left the party and game.
“Ha! He rage quited!” Gamer 1 said. We all shared a laugh. After we went back to the menu, Gamer 1 and Gamer 2 left, just leaving me and Vinyl Scratch together.
“I have a question. Is your name really Vinyl Scratch?” I asked. I had to know. I didn’t know whether the fanon was right or not. I probably sounded like an idiot though.
“Yeah, that’s my name. And yours is Sunshine?” She asked back. I held in a sigh of relief. The fanon was right. Thank goodness for that.
“Yep. Here, I’ll give you my address now.” I said. I admit, I’m still uncomfortable with my name, my voice, and my overall situation. I have to keep going through this though. I am not scared. I’m only scared when my physical being or life is at stake, which I feel is not the problem in this case. I sent Vinyl a message with my address on it. “What time are you coming?” I asked.
“Oh, about six… six thirty…” She said, unsure. Whatever, I’ll be ready. “Hey, you wanna play? I just got this game, and haven’t played the Campaign. Let’s co-op it.” She said.
I grinned. “You bet. I just wanna have some fun right now.” I said, and we started playing…