Oz: Great and Powerful was playing at the movies today so I went with my bro Spike to go check it out. This movie's going to be awesome, brah! I know it because my author watched it! So many plot twists and references to the first Wizard of Oz movie! But I won't go on because I don't wanna spoil it for ya. I do recommend seeing it though. Spike and I were walking inside the movie theater. I had some popcorn and soda on my hooves, and we walked to take our seats.
"Hurry it up, Spike!" I began. "I don't want to miss the pre-movie trivia questions."
"Flare, these questions are the easiest, most pandering questions in the world." Spike said, giving his opinion that I find completely false.
"Shut up, they're starting!" I yelled at him. A question popped up on the screen and the question was: 'Who is the captain of the Wonderbolts?' and the answer was: 'Sp_tf_re'.
"Ooo ooo! Spatfure! Spatfure! Wonderbolts, I win!" I yelled out. Then the answer was revealed to be 'Spitfire', and there was a picture of her on the side. "Who?" I said really confusingly. The next question came, and it asked: 'Name of this fashion inspector.' and it showed a picture of Hoity Toity. "Holy Wizard of Feelings! Do you have any questions for ponies that are not Applewood insiders?" Another question came up and it said, 'What color is this?' and it showed the color blue.
"Sweet Celestia, dude!" Spike complained.
"Alright, this is ridiculous! I need some help." I took out my cell phone and called my friend Blaze.
"Hello?" Blaze started.
"Hey Blaze, what's up? I'm at the movies, and I need some help with a trivia question." I said.
"Ok." he said.
"This question is asking me: 'What color is this?'" I said.
"Well.... what color is this?" Blaze asked.
"That's what I'm asking you." I said.
"I... I don't understand. You're there!" Blaze said.
"Look, maybe you don't understand. This is like the trivia thing before the movie, with the brain teasers, and the pictures of Spatfure on it?" I said.
"Spatfure? You mean the captain of the Wonderbolts in the 1940s?" Blaze asked.
"Yeah, so can you help me?" I asked.
"Alright, find a phoenix, or a dragon, touch him or her, and I'll be able to see what he or she sees." Blaze said. I looked at Spike and I poked him on the shoulder. "It's blue." Blaze said.
A few minutes went by and the trailers came on. "You know what I don't get, brah?"
"What?" Spike asked.
"I know this movie is about the Wizard of Oz, but why do they show all action movie trailers? Where are all the comedies? I really want to see the Monster University trailer!" I said. “The instrumental of the song ‘Now That We’re Men’ from SpongeBob plays in that trailer.”
"Well this is an action movie. The trailers should be in the same category." Spike informed me.
"And what is up with them telling where the emergency exits are? What kind of emergency can happen in the movie theater? Popcorn machine fire? Somepony should keep a fire extinguisher at the snack bar." I said.
"Shhhh, ponies are trying to watch this." Spike shushed me.
"Ponies are trying to watch the trailers? What is so special about them? I mean, if they want to see trailers so bad they should go on YouTube and watch them there! I'll keep quiet when the movie starts." I said.
"But dude..... the movie has already started!" Spike corrected me.
"Wait, what? When?" I asked. "Wait a minute, that's just the logos of who made these movies. Walt Disney, huh? I wish they didn't buy out LucasFilms. Although it would be great if they bought out Hasbro!"
"Why would you say something like that?" Spike asked.
"Hasbro is ruining everypony's favorite show! All the singing, the Derpy censoring, the fandom censoring. Derpy isn't fanmade! She was an animation error! They should keep her on, but don't call her Derpy, maybe Ditzy Do. Ever of thought of that Hasbro? And what is up with them making Equestria Girls? Nopony's gonna watch that. We all had enough of those teenage girl shows. They were made to be ponies! The Mane Six is taking Lyra's dream!" I said.
"Hey, I just hope I'm on it." Spike said, shrugging and drinking his soda.
"You are, but you're going to be a dog." I said.
Spike spits out his soda in shock. "WHAT?! A dog?! I'm no dog! I don't wanna scratch myself, and eat bones, and see everything like it's a 1920s movie!" Which he's implying that dogs see in black and white.
"Shhhh! I'm trying to watch this!" I shushed Spike.
"But you've been talking throughout the whole...... nevermind." he said. So we've gotten through halfway of the movie, and Spike ate up all the popcorn.
"I wonder what happens to the monkey and glass girl when the Wizard of Oz takes place?" I asked.
"Flare there's no more popcorn, can you get some more?" Spike asked.
"Get it yourself! I'm not missing this!" I said.
"Well, fine. Then nopony gets any." Spike said, putting the popcorn bucket on his head.
"Oh poo, I have to use the bathroom!" I said.
"Then go!" Spike said.
"No! If I go, the movie will still continue, and I'll miss parts of it!" I said.
"Yeah I hate that. There can't be a pause button or a bathroom break intermission in the middle of the movie? This is ridiculous!" Spike complained. Just then, I heard some giggling on top of me.
"Spike can ya stop giggling?" I asked.
"That's not me." Spike said. I looked around, and I saw Cheerilee and Big McIntosh behind me. Big Mac was whispering in Cheerilee's ear, and she was giggling.
"Sigh. Couples today are so annoying sometimes." I said. Just then I heard some smooching sounds to the left of me, and I saw Spark Note and Mynx slurping on a popsicle. Yeah, I thought they were kissing too. "Excuse me? You guys are slurping too loud." I said to them.
"Oh, sorry Flare." Mynx said. But they continued slurping, but lower. I groaned and continued watching the movie. Then I heard a big beaming, drilling sound. Spike and I looked over to the corner of the theater and we saw Doctor Whooves showing Cloud Kicker his sonic screwdriver.
"Is the Doctor cheating on Derpy?" Spike asked.
"Grrrrr!" I growled. Just then I saw a pony blocking my view of the screen in front of me. "Hey! Do you mind? You're blocking my view of the screen!"
"Oh, sorry Flare! I just love sitting on my Thundy's lap." Crystal said jumping off his legs and sat back down at her seat. "I love my Thundy so much!"
"Thundy loves his Crystal." Black Thunder said and they nuzzled and cuddled.
"My movie night is ruined." I said upsettingly. Later on, the movie ended and Spike and I walked on out.
"Phew! It's a good thing we were finally out! I've been holding it in since Oz just got to Oz!" Spike said as he ran into the bathroom. As I was waiting for him, I just sat down on a bench, crossing my arms, and I saw lots of ponies around the theater with their special someponies. It made me feel jealous because everypony has a special somepony, but I don't. It's pretty sad really. I'm 26 years old, without a marefriend, and I never had one. Well, kinda, I mean there was Blueberry Pie but I don’t think she really counts, and Fluttershy… well… she had too much cider, and I don’t blame her for mistaking me thinking of her as my mom more as a crush.
"Sad face." I said as I looked down on the floor. Spike walked out of the bathroom with a toilet paper stuck on his foot, and he walked towards me.
"Well that's a relief! I thought I wasn't going to make it!" Spike said wiping his sweat off his forehead. "Well then, you're ready to go?"
"Mhm, sure," I said, as we both started exiting the theater. It was snowing outside so I put on my blue jacket that matches the same color as my blue vest. I’m going to be wearing this jacket every time I’m outside from now until later chapter 23.
"So did you enjoy the movie?" Spike asked.
"Yeah." I said, still sounding upset.
"What was your favorite part?" he asked.
"I dunno." I said.
"Flare, is there something on your mind?" Spike asked.
"A tumor." I said.
"Very funny. Seriously though, you're not acting like your old self right now. There's something wrong with you, and I don't need dragon sense to know that." Spike said.
"It's just..... in the movies today, I saw lots of ponies with their special someponies." I said.
"So? What's your point?" Spike asked.
"Spike, you don't understand! I'm 26 years old, and I don't have a marefriend! Never have!" I said.
"What about Blueberry Pie?” Spike asked.
“Don’t mention her. She’s a traitor, just like Dr. Swinebutt.” I said.
“I thought you weren’t ready for a special somepony?” Spike asked.
“After all that’s happened, I think I might need one now. I have two pizza shops, a lot of money, a lot of friends, I think I got my own life on track. I think I’m ready to take care of a special mare now.” I nodded.
“Well that’s awesome, bro!” Spike said excitedly. "Leave it to me, Flare ol boy! I know lots about getting the fillies to like ya." Spike puts his arm around me. "There are fillies, fillies everywhere!" he waves his hand from side to side when we said that.
"I know, but I got none to be in a relationship with me." I said.
"But look how many mares you're friends with! Crystal, Crèmepop, Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Rari- NO! Not Rarity, she's mine!" Spike said.
"Well, Rainbow Dash is already married to Blaze. Plus, my friend Crystal is already going out with Thunder, Mynx has Spark Note, Big Mac has Cheerilee. Am I the only stallion without a marefriend, brah? WELL, AM I?!" I asked, shaking him.
"Look, Flare, calm down! I can help you find the perfect mare!" Spike said. “I mean, you’re not alone though. Aqua doesn’t have a special somepony, or Engie, or Psyche.”
“I can tell Aqua’s going to be going back to a relationship with my sister some day, Engie has been talking nonstop about AppleJack’s cousin Apple Fritter, and Psyche is sexy, he’ll find somepony in no time!” I explained.
“And that means you’ll be next!” Spike said.
"But you think I'm ready to have a special somepony?" I asked.
"Absolutly!" Spike said.
"But I got both of my pizza shops, so many friends that I should hang with, my fish, and let's not forget the adventures I have the Noble Six." I said.
"But having one little marefriend isn't going to affect any of it because we're finding you the perfect mare that you have alot in common with!" Spike said, poking my nose.
Spike started singing a parody of The Perfect Stallion: "Flare Gun is epic and leet! He's the most awesome friend I can hope for! The perfect mare you and I must...." But just then, Derpy came with a letter for Spike.
"One letter for a mister Spike!" Derpy said giving it to him. Spike opens the letter and reads it.
"Oh you gotta be kidding me!" he complained.
"What happened?" I asked.
"The Cutie Mark Crusaders are suing me for copyright infringement!" Spike said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"It turns out I was just singing one of their songs, and I guess parodies are out of the question." Spike said.
"I made of parody of their Babs Seed song, and they didn't sue me." I said.
"They must really like you then. Jealousy." Spike said.
"Excuse me? Where's my tip?" Derpy asked.
"Here ya go, Derpy!" I said, giving her a muffin. "Blueberry muffin, your favorite! Anything to make a fellow mail-mare happy- the Doctor is cheating on you."
"Thanks, Flare!" Derpy said happily, but just then.... "WAIT, WHAT?!" So Spike and I were sitting on a park bench so we can discuss which pony suits best for me.
"Alright, now tell me about yourself, Flare!" Spike said, holding a pad and quill.
"But you already know alot about me." I reminded him.
"I know, but we need to find a pony that suits best for you!" Spike said.
"I wanna go out with Princess Luna." I said.
"Really? Really, Flare?" Spike said giving me a weird look. "Luna's a princess, dude! You can't go out with her!"
"Shining married Cadance, so I don't see a difference with that and me going out with Luna." I said.
"Luna's out of the picture. Now give me a description on you, Flare!" Spike instructed me.
"I'm funny, I like to play video games, I'm friendly, and I sometimes randomly lick my lips when I talk." I said, licking my lips as I was talking. Spike writes all that stuff down.
"Excellent! So what would you like in a mare?" Spike asked.
"A heart, a brain, some lungs, and other internal organs to keep a pony alive." I said, licking my lips still while I'm talking.
"No I mean, how intelligent do you want in a pony, how strong?" Spike asked.
"Well a decent intelligent pony, maybe stronger in strength, but magic I'll have to think about, and they have to have a unique sense of humor. They make me lawl, and I have to make them lawl." I said, and yes I was still licking my lips when I'm talking.
"Hmmm.... I think I might have a couple of ponies for you- And will you stop licking your lips?" he asked.
"But they're dry." I said.
"You've been licking them non-stop, how can they still be dry?" Spike asked.
"I haven't had a drink since the movies. I said.
"Alright, alright. C'mon, I'll show you a couple of ponies that'll match your description." Spike said. So Spike went over to the library to see if Twilight would be the one to go out with me.
"So let me get this straight, Spike. You want me to go out with Flare?" Twilight asked.
"You both know great magic tricks, Twilight!" Spike said with a glee smile on his face.
"That is true, but.... I dunno. With all that Princess Celestia giving me, I'm not sure if having a special somepony is what I actually need at this time." Twilight said.
"C'mon, Twilight! Just give it a try! Flare is funny, he's handsome, he's smart!" Spike explained.
"Oh if you think so, maybe you should go out with him." Twilight teased and giggled.
"Just one night, Twilight! He needs somepony of your talents!" Spike said.
"Well...." Twilight thought it over.
"Please, Twilight? Please, please, please?" Spike begged.
"Alright Spike, one night." Twilight rolled her eyes and said.
"Oh thank you, Twilight! Thank you! I swear you won't regret it!" Spike promised.
“I think I have already, just like I regret writing that last letter to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said.
A cutaway shows Twilight walking out of that creepy thrift shop that Trixie went to back at Magic Duel, and Twilight walks through the rainy streets with a black journal. “Wow! I can’t believe this book only costs one bit! It’s like they were ‘dying’ to get rid of it!” Twilight said as she opens up the Death Note book and takes out a quill. “I’m going to love this journal! Maybe I should write down what I learned today. Dear Princess Celestia-“
Meanwhile in Canterlot, Princess Celestia starts yelling “Hnnnnnnnng!” as she presses onto her chest. Don’t worry, she’s fine. Princesses receive the best healthcare. The cutaway ends.
So Twilight got herself all dressed and taking a glimpse of her dating guide before meeting me over at the Soup ‘n Salads restaurant for our date. Spike goes along with her to make sure everything is going on well. Although, the two were unaware that they saw one of my co-workers, Crèmepop, walking passed them along the way.
"Oh hey, Crèmepop!" Twilight greeted her.
"Hey, Twilight! Hey, Spike! Wow, Twilight, you look fancy tonight! What's the occasion?" Crème asked.
"Flare's looking for a special somepony." Twilight said.
"REALLY?!" Crème asked with a big smile.
"Yeah! So I'm filling in, and I'm meeting him at the Soup 'n' Salads later." Twilight explained.
"WHAT?!” Crème yelled in fright.
“Huh?” Twilight asked.
Crème calmed herself down instantly so she wouldn’t make a scene. “Oh I mean, Twilight, I'm very pleased that you're trying to make Flare happy, really I am! But.... umm..... you look so busy, all that Celestia is giving you, and you have lots of friendship letters to fill out, and stuff. Isn’t that?”
"Yes, that is true, Crèmepop.” Twlight nodded.
"Here, why don't I keep Flare busy tonight, and you can go back to work? What do you say?" Crème asked.
"Sounds like a generous offer, Crème.” Twilight said.
"But Twilight's going out with Flare tonight; he's already expecting her. It wouldn't be right if Twilight didn't come and you decided to take over." Spike said.
"Spike, it's no big deal." Twilight said.
"It is! If Crème went to the date instead of Twilight, he'll think Crème is trying to sabotage it, and Flare won't be happy at all, isn't that right Crème?" Spike explained.
"Well..... yeah, I guess that's true." Crème said upsettingly.
"Relax! Flare and Twilight have alot in common! They're a part of a six-pony clan, they both know awesome magic spells, and they both write letters to a princess!" Spike said.
"I know, but-" Crème said but got interrupted by Spike.
"Everything will be fine, Crèmepop!” he said.
But thank you for your offer! I really appreciate it!" Twilight smiled and said.
"Oh, no problemo, Twilight! You have fun with Flare now!" Crème smiled and said.
"Thank you, Crème! Have a great evening!" Twilight said as she and Spike walked away. Crème then suddenly started to freak out.
"Oh no!" Crème yelled. "I can't let Flare and Twilight be in a relationship! I'm supposed to be Flare's special somepony! I have to sabotage this date!" Just then, Derpy was standing next to her.
"You said it, Crème!" Derpy yelled angrily, carrying a tennis racket. "I'm going to sabotage the Doctor's date! He and Cloud Kicker are going down!"
Meanwhile over at the Soup 'n' Salads, Twilight walks inside with Spike, but Twilight sits down at the waiting area, feeling nervous.
"What's wrong, Twilight?" Spike asked.
"I dunno about this, Spike." Twilight said nervously.
"Well if you don't know about this Spike, ask the other Spike." Spike teased.
"What?" Twilight asked confusingly.
"Nothing. Look, don't be nervous, Twilight. You'll do great!" Spike said.
"But I never had a date before." Twilight said.
“What about Aqua at the Gala?” Spike asked.
“I’m not 100% sure if that was actually a date. I mean… this is the first dinner date I’ve ever been on. Besides, I like Flare, but I don’t… you know… like-like him.” Twilight explained.
“Not right now you don’t, but later you might.” Spike said. “Besides, you read all about dates though, so you this should be a cake walk!"
"Reading about relationships and actually experiencing them are two different things, Spike." Twilight said as Spike starts pushing her to where I am.
"One night, Twilight. Remember that." Spike reminded her.
Twilight takes a deep breath. "One night. Got it!" She walks on over to my table and takes a deep breath before sitting down. "Hey, Flare!"
"Sup sista!" I asked as I was playing on my phone.
"What's going on?" Twilight asked.
"Sitting, breathing, blinking...... playing an app." I said.
"Oh cool! What are you playing?" Twilight asked.
"If I answered the question, I'd be breaking the fourth wall." I said.
"Good point." she said. "So, how's it going over at the shop?"
"Fine! Fine! Please excuse me not giving you eye-contact; I just want to finish this game." I said.
"Take your time!" Twilight said. Just then eventually I finished and put my phone away in my tuxedo pocket.
"There we go!" I said. "So Twilight, what's new with your studies?"
"Well, Princess Celestia recently gave me an assignment on a new spell. There's this spell that Star Swirl the Bearded did that turned a dead tree back to life." Twilight explained.
"Does that include-" I was about to say, but Twilight kept on talking.
"Include making it stronger? Yes Flare it certainly does!" she nodded. "It also can make the trees absorb more sunlight and water much faster than when it did before. The spell can also work at curing the tree if it has a disease of some sort. So these past two days, I've been trying to bring one of those dead plants I have in my library back to life, but....." I just kept nodding but at the same time I was trying to talk, but Twilight never gave me a chance. She just kept talking and talking and talking. I guess I know why Twilight is single.
When it was time to take our order, Twilight just kept chatting about the materials and calories that a salad and soup has. Took the waiter 10 minutes to finally walk away to take in our order but then Twilight just kept talking to me about some other spells that Celestia wanted her to do. I was just sitting there, holding my face up because I was really getting bored and I was super hungry. All I had for lunch today was sunflower seeds. "Excuse me? Am I boring you, Flare?"
"To be honest, yes." I said.
"I knew this wouldn't work." Twilight said.
"Don't get me wrong Twilight, I like you! But as a friend, not as a marefriend." I said.
"I know, I feel the same way. I guess I'm not yet ready for a special somepony, but I hope you find yours!" Twilight said smiling at me.
"Thanks Twilight! Go on ahead, I'll pay the bill, you have a great night!" I said.
"You too, Flare!" Twilight said as she got up and walked out of the restaurant. I knew this wasn’t going to work either, but she didn’t really have to leave. We could’ve just had a friendly dinner. Oh well, I should look on the bright side – I get to eat Twilight’s food! I’ll save it for breakfast tomorrow. Once I paid the bill, I too left. Crèmepop was waiting outside.
"Time to sabotage Flare and Twilight's date! With this stinky perfume, it would be like somepony passed gas and Flare will be mine! MINE! MINE!" Crème said as she did an evil laugh.
"What's so funny, Crème?" I asked.
"Huh? Oh Flare! Umm… how was your date?" Crème asked nervously as she hid the stinky perfume behind her.
"I wanna hear what you were lawling about. I need a good lawl." I said.
"Oh it's nothing. How was your date?" Crème asked again.
"It was great!" I said happily.
"That's....... great..... Flare!" Crème said, faking a smile.
"But it turns out Twilight's not the pony I'm looking for, so I gotta keep looking." I said.
"Oh.... I see." Crème said as she cracked a smile.
"Hey, how did you know about the date?" I asked.
"Twilight told me on the way over here." Crème said.
"Oh, alright, and what’s that thing hiding in your back?" I asked, pointing to her perfume behind her back.
"Oh this? This is just my..... perfume! See?" Crème squirted the perfume on her face and faked a smile.
"Real cute. Alright, I'll see ya later, Crèmey!” I said as I walked away.
Just then Crème started coughing after she sprayed herself, but she didn’t care because the date didn’t turn out the best. "Awesome! I didn't have to sabotage the date! It got sabotaged on its own! Maybe I don't need to do anything! I'll just wait until Flare goes to me! It's the perfect plan, and then Flare will be mine! MINE! MINE!" Crème said and laughed evilly again, but unaware that Derpy was laughing along with her.
"The Doctor will be mine, Crèmepop! MINE!" Derpy said and laughed evilly along.
After a few minutes, I went to the park and sat on a bench facing the pond. Spike eventually joined and sat with me. "So, things with Twilight didn't work out, huh?" Spike asked.
"She talks too much." I said.
"I wouldn't argue with you there." Spike said.
"Well that's one pony down, who next?" I asked.
"I dunno, man, there are like a ton of mares in this town; all that doesn't include Rarity, because she's mine!" Spike reminded me.
"Got it.” I nodded.
"I'm serious dude, Rarity is mine!" Spike started raising his voice.
"I get it!" I said.
"I'm serious, man!" Spike grabbed my jacket. "RARITY IS MINE! YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITH HER!"
"I PROMISE I WON'T GO OUT WITH HER IF YOU LET GO OF MY JACKET!" I yelled at him. He let go of it.
"Sorry." he said. “You care about that jacket like you care about your vest.”
“They both make me look good. I wanted to change back after that date. I love this jacket and I love this snow. I mean I’m not used to this freezing weather though, but its beautiful weather I must admit.” I said.
“I agree. It is beautiful.” Spike agreed.
"So who next?" I asked. Three pictures popped up below. One with Twilight, one with a white unicorn pony with a red mane, and the third was Pinkie.
"Twilight...." Spike said, pointing to the Twilight one. "Toxic....." Spike pointed to the middle pony. "Pinkie Pie!" Spike pointed to Pinkie's picture; he then looks at you the readers and said, "Flare already went out with Twilight..... who's next?" A blue arrow suddenly pops out and clicks on the middle pony. "Toxic! Right! Toxic Heart!"
"Toxic Heart? I dunno, she seems like a too serious one. I'm not sure if it'll work out." I said.
"Aw nonsense, Flare!" Spike said. "You two will get along fine! You both know great magics, her mane is red your favorite color...."
"You don't have to remind me what my favorite color is." I said, glaring at him.
“Look, this might work! Just give it a chance!” Spike said.
”Well…. I am desperate, but I suppose.” I said.
”Excellent! I’ll hook you up!” Spike said, walking out.
“I can already see this being an epic fail.” I said. So, over at Taco Shack, I met up with Toxic Heart over there. It didn’t go well at all. I just walked out of Taco Shack with so many taco shells and stuff all over me, and I just upsettingly walked home. I really don’t need to go into detail of what went on in there.
As I was walking with my head facing down, there were two ponies dressed like Charlie Brown and Lucy. Lucy was holding a hoofball, and Charlie was running and was about to kick it, but Lucy held the ball away, and Charlie tripped and fell. “Oh QUIT RUBBING IT IN MY FACE!” I yelled at them.
“What did we do?” Lucy asked.
“Bullying him like that… that’s love… that’s how little girls show their love for boys, through hate. I’ve seen enough Hey Arnold and Jimmy Neutron to know where this is going.” I said as I angrily walked away.
“You love me?” Charlie Brown asked.
“Sh-shut up!” Lucy blushed.
“Good grief.” Charlie said with a smile. “And I mean that in a happy way.”
So I went back to my trailer, cleaned myself up, and laid on my bed. My fish were concerned about what happened. “What happened to Flare?” Piddles asked.
”He was on a date, and it obviously failed.” Pearl said.
“Now how are you supposed to know that, Pearl?” Piddles asked.
“Yeah, I mean, maybe it did go well, but he’s not happy about it.” Yoyo thought.
“How can it be so? How does that make sense?” Pearl asked.
“Maybe he’s happy! He looks happy! I mean, did you see the way he walked inside and laid on his bed with his head down? Totally happiness!” Darrel said. Pearl just facefinned herself.
“Sigh…. You know, fishies?” I asked them.
“Yeah we know fishies. They’re a swell species!” Yoyo teased.
“I don’t think I’ll ever find a special somepony. I guess I’m meant to be forever alone.” I said sadly. “Now where is my forever alone meme mask?” I got up from my bed so I can find it, but just as I was looking for it, Spike came inside my trailer to talk to me.
“Hey, Flare.” Spike greeted me.
“Go away! I’m meant to be forever alone.” I said, holding a meme mask on my face.
“That’s not the forever alone meme mask, that’s the close enough meme mask.” Spike pointed out.
“Close enough.” I said.
“Don’t give up, Flare! I know these past two dates were a failure, but there’s still one more on my list!” Spike said.
“Oh yeah? Who?” I asked. Just then, the three images of the ponies I have gone out with already and those I have still yet to go out with appear below the screen again.
”Twilight….. Toxic…. Pinkie Pie!” Spike said to you the readers. “Flare dated Twilight, and he went out with Toxic…. So next is…..” The blue cursor clicks on the Pinkie Pie image. “Pinkie Pie! Right!”
“Pinkie Pie?” I asked.
“Yeah, Pinkie Pie! Now her I know will work!” Spike said.
“Pinkie is a pony that likes to be friends with everypony, I can’t date her!” I said. “Besides what if I mess up? I don’t want lose my friendship with Pinkie! She’s special!”
“Exactly!” Spike said. “I mean, you both have a lot in common! You both are random, funny, work at a place that sells food, have poofy manes and blue eyes, you both are perfect for eachother!”
“Come to think of it….. I actually feel a little spark between her and me. We bonded a lot, and I might’ve had a slight crush on her this whole time.” I said as I was licking my lips while talking.
“That’s the spirit, Flare! Go on and ask Pinkie out! I’ll help you out every step of the way!” Spike said.
“Well…. I never asked a pony out before….. but I’ll try.” I said.
”You asked Fluttershy to Grand Galloping Gala, and what about Blueberry Pie?” Spike asked.
“How many times do I have to say it about Fluttershy? I think of her as a mom so I have no trouble asking her to hang out with me!” I reminded him. “Second, I never asked Blueberry Pie out. She asked me out.”
“Whatever! It’s a bigger deal than just asking Pinkie Pie on a date, so this should be a piece of cake!” Spike said. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I opened it, and Cloud Kicker rushed right in.
“Cloud Kicker? What’s going on?” I asked.
“You have to hide me! Derpy is after me!” Cloud Kicker panicked as she hid under my couch.
The next day came, so I went over to Sugarcube Corner to ask Pinkie out on a date. I peeked inside and I saw her telling jokes to the costumers and making everypony laugh. “I dunno about this, Spike. Look at her! Look how funny she is! I can’t beat that!” I said, but Spike wasn’t even there. I figured it out shortly after.
“Hey Flare!” Crèmepop said as she stood next to me.
“Oh hey Crème!” I greeted her.
”How’s the dating life?” Crème asked.
“Ehh could be better. Didn’t find a special somepony yet.” I said.
“Aww, I’m sorry to hear that, Flarey.” Crème said, but then she smiled. “You know, you may never know who your soul mate actually is. She could be RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! Ever thought of that?”
”Yes I have, Crème and she’s in that room right now waiting for me!” I said.
“Yes- Wait what?” Crème asked shockingly.
“Yeah, I’m going to ask Pinkie Pie out on a date!” I said.
“Well…. Okay! No problemo, Flare! You… you have fun!” Crème said upsettingly.
“Thanks, Crèmey! You’re the best!” I said as I hugged her. You know, if Crème actually says that she wants to go with me, I could’ve by now, but she’s not saying anything, so she’s trapped in the friendzone. Hey I wish I could do something about it if I knew.
“You’re welcome, Flare!” Crème said as she hugged me back. “Do your best!”
“Oh I will don’t worry!” I said. “I’m going to do better than the making of Discord!”
A cutaway shows Samantha Bragg, an artist for DHX creating Discord’s design. “Ok, let’s see… Discord… he has to be different from everyone else, his own species, like combining other species into one. So… umm… let’s see… how about this? Let’s start with a pony head and body. Ok umm… he needs wings, so let’s make his wings look like Nightmare Moon’s wings, but… umm… in a different color; let’s make them blue. Actually, come to think of it, let’s change his other wing to looking like a cockatrice’s wing. Alright now for the arms… umm… something beastly like… like a manticore’s paw, yeah! Ok and his other arm… umm… let’s make a claw… a griffin’s claw. Alright this is great! Now for the feet… a buffalo’s hoof would do nicely and… umm… a dog? No… no not a dog. A green dragon’s leg! Yes! Hmm, he’s lacking read, so how about a snake-like tail, similar to a red dragon’s. Yes! He’s complete! How about I just add a couple of horns there for accessories and there! We have Discord!” Ok I’ll lay it on you; basically, Discord is the problems from MLP season 1 put together, so that’s how Discord was made. There we go, the cutaway ends.
So I went inside so I can ask Pinkie out, but Crème was about to freak out, but she calmed down quickly. ”Don’t worry. If his last two dates went bad, what makes you think he’ll be successful in this one? There’s no way Pinkie will be his special somepony! Soon, he’ll ask me out, and then, he’ll be mine! MINE!” Crème shouted out and laughed evilly, but then she started hiccupping. Inside Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie was juggling and making jokes while doing it, making everypony laugh, until she saw me walking in.
“FLARE!” Pinkie yelled as she jumped on top of me and continued juggling cupcakes as she danced on top of my head. Everypony cheered out and laughed as soon as they saw Pinkie putting on a hilarious show. It took some time until she finally concluded the show and everypony was walking out of Sugarcube Corner. “BYE everypony! Come again soon! I got more tricks tomorrow! Lots of balloons, and candy canes, and even swamp tar!”
“Great show, Pinks! Really great show!” I said as I clopped my hooves together.
“Thanks, Flare! Thanks for helping me out; it was super doper fun!” Pinkie cheered out and hopped in place.
“It sure was!” I said. “The way you made those ponies lawl, and wet their pants…”
“And made them laugh….” Pinkie added.
“Lawl, laugh, same thing.” I said.
“Actually….” Pinkie suddenly zooms close to my face. “One has something to do with clown shoes, and the other has something to do with dinosaurs.”
“Wait…. What?” I asked confusingly.
“DINOSAURS, FLARE! DINOSAURS!” Pinkie yelled in my face.
“Ow! My ear drums!” I yelled.
“I didn’t know you had musical instruments in your ear because I have an accordion around my neck!” Pinkie said and as she started playing a red accordion.
“Nice… accordion, sista.” I said upsettingly as it makes me think about my old accordion.
”Thanks! So what was it that you wanted to tell me?” Pinkie asked.
“Well…. I’m a little nervous right now.” I chuckled.
“Don’t be nervous Flare! It’s only the three of us here!” Pinkie said.
”Right.” I said and nodded. “Wait, the three of us?”
“See for yourself!” she said, giving me a mirror, and I saw her pet gator Gummy was noming on my ear.
“Well what do you know? How ya doin, Gummy? I love this gator!” I said.
“Really?! NO WAY! I LOVE HIM TOO!” Pinkie cried out.
“That’s awesome! I love gators! Aren’t they a great college hoofball team?” I asked.
Pinkie giggled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
“Me neither.” I said. “So Pinkie, I….. I wanna….” I gulped. “I wanna get this thing off my chest.”
“Well that’s no way to speak to Gummy, he’s not a thing.” Pinkie said. I looked down and I saw Gummy was on my chest.
“No, I’m talking about Gummy. There’s…. something I wanna say.” I said.
“Tell me anything! As long as it has nothing to do with chainsaws.” Pinkie said.
“Well…. Ummm…. You’ve been a really great friend, Pinks….. so…. I thought…. If I took you out to dinner….. maybe I can show you how appreciated I am for all you did for me.” I said nervously.
“Okee dokee lokey!” Pinkie said. “It’s a date then!”
”So where and when?” I asked.
“OH! OH! I know this awesome pizza restaurant; it’s called Flare’s Pizza Parlor! Have you heard of it?” Pinkie asked.
”Uhh, no I haven’t. Maybe we should try that place out!” I teased along with her.
“Great! So when do you want to meet?” Pinkie asked.
”I dunno, I’d say 8, but I want to be a little more original because that’s when everypony goes out on dates, and dates are another name for a veggie.” I said.
“I know! I know! 8:01! 8:01 is the perfect time!” Pinkie said excitedly.
“8:01 then! Sounds good to me! See you then!” I said.
“Okee dokee, Flarey!” Pinkie said.
”Dress nice!” I instructed her.
”Why would I dress evil?” Pinkie asked.
“Alright miss wise-gal, I’ll see you at the shop then!” I said as I walked out of Sugarcube Corner and Spike was waiting for me out there.
“So how was it?” he asked me, but I didn’t know he was there so he startled me.
“AAH! Oh hey, Spike. Yeah, I asked her out. We’re meeting at my pizza shop tonight at 8:01.” I said.
“8:01, huh? How original.” Spike said as he rolled his eyes.
“Not sure if sarcasm one way or sarcasm another way.” I said. Just then a newspaper suddenly flies on my face. I took out off my face and read it. “Oh look. Spatfure, Wonderbolt captain is working with Hoity Troity now.”
“C’mon, get it right! It’s Spitfire, not Spatfure! Get her name right.” Spike advised me.
”No it says Spatfure, see?” I asked as I showed Spike the newspaper, and he read it.
“No, it says Spotfere.” Spike said.
”All these Wonderbolt captains have similar names don’t they?” I asked.
Eventually Spike and I went back to my trailer in my bedroom. I was pacing back and forth because I was really nervous about this date. More nervous then the other dates because this particular one I didn’t want to mess up on. Spike was sitting on my bed. “You know, you’re not getting closer to what you want just by walking around.” Spike pointed out.
”I don’t know what to do, man! I never felt this way before! I think Pinkie might be the one I’m looking for!” I said.
”Now calm down, calm down. No need to be nervous, you know why? Because you’re not going to mess this up!” Spike said. “Pinkie Pie is an easy pony to impress. You can’t fail!”
“But what if I do? Maybe she might not even want to be my friend anymore and you know how much I hate being left out! If I’m not friends with Pinkie, I mean, everypony else is, and I hate being left out!” I cried out at Spike.
“Ok, now you’re just repeating yourself.” Spike said. “Look, to impress Pinkie, you just need to know what Pinkie likes, and Pinkie likes everything! I’ll do all I can to make you look like you’re a true gentlecolt, and I won’t stop until you win Pinkie’s heart!" Spike rips off my clothes and pushed me into my bathtub and then he starts singing..... I dunno if I should call it a parody since this song was already funny already.... of Down Syndrome Girl song from the show Family Guy. By the way Seth, I hope you don't mind if I use this song, I'm pretty sure you already stole from the Simpsons already, so it's only fair. Spike starts washing my mane, and starts singing.
"You've got to look your best tonight, you funny little parasite..." Spike starts to shape the soap on my mane to look like the statue of Liberty's headpiece, ".... 'cause there's a lovely filly, and...." he then places soap on my hoof to look like I'm holding the torch on the State of Liberty's hand. "... she's waiting for you!"
I’m eventually out of the tub with a towel around my waist and Pinkie's face appears in my mirror, but it turns into my face shortly after and then Spike starts blow drying my mane and it gets all spiked up. No pun intended, because I’m better than that.
Spike continues to sing. "And though her pretty face may same a great comedy director's greatest dream, but before you get to see it there are things you must do!" Just then, a tuxedo just randomly appears around my body and then Spike ties up a red tie around me and then he puts a yellow flower on my jacket, but then replaces it with a rose. "We'll try.... a tie.... and boutonniere of yellow, or a rose, that shows, that you're a classy fellow." Spike then Jumps into my trunk, and pops out wearing a Thomas Jeffhoofson outfit, who is a ponified version of Thomas Jefferson; and then he puts on sunglasses by the time he says 'style'.
"With the a posh, panache, of Jeffhoofson, and Colticello, bursting out a mile with style! I know you can't wait to stare, at all that luscious pinky hair..." Spike takes out a poofy wig from my chest and then sprays it pink, "... but boy before you touch a single cuuuuurl.... you must impress that...." Spike suddenly jumps into my dresser, then pops out of the drawer on top of the drawer he went in while rolling his eyes, "....super funny...." he then pops out of another drawer, pulling out his empty pockets, "..... not much money...." he then pops out of the other drawer wearing a monkey outfit "..... acts like a monkey...." and now pops out of top drawer and jumps out. ".... clown of a girl!"
“I think I know why you don’t sing that much.” I commented as he spins me around, lays me on the floor, and puts baby powder on my flank while holding his nose.
"On every normal day you reek, as if you're on a greasy spree....” Spike removes my hoof out of my nose and then wipes my droll with a paper towel. "Your hooves are up your nose, and you are dripping with droll. But if you want a filly's love, you're better off by smelling of, a gentlecolts cologne instead of sneakers and stool." Spike begins to spray my armpits and under my shirt. "A squirt, a spurt, of something just for Pinkie..." he then sprays my eyes and then I cover them, then he sprays my mouth, and I spit out the taste. “And you'll see, that she, will not find you all so icky, and she does, because, the only smell that she'll be smellin’, won't come from that dumpster behind your shop!" Just for the heck of it, I decided to pick him up and spin him around, and then he pushes me over and puts on my dress shoes, and then spins me around again. Wow, kind of dancing is this, bro?
"You wanna take that mare you adore, and spin her on the dancing floor, but boy before you do a single twirrrrrrrrrl.... you must impress that cupcake eating, laughter spreading, caker cutting, clown of a girrrrrrl!" A picture of Pinkie suddenly slides down my window and I took smile at that, and then Spike puts on some sticks on his legs to make him look taller, and he puts on a Pinkie wig, and puts on a pink dress, and we start ball dancing.
"Her eyes are emerald portals, to a secret land of love, and her smile is like the sweetest summer flower....." I lift him up in the air, to my side, and I put him down.
“You know, you need original lyrics to sing parodies.” I advised him.
“Her kiss is so inviting, and her hugs are so delighting…....” he sang, and then there was a huge pause in the middle.
“Make up your own lyrics, brah.” I advised him, but look whose talking. Can I do any better?
He then suddenly jumps out of his sticks, dress, and wig and starts jumping on my stuff. He begins to sing fast, ".... and what makes them really nice, is that they've got a little spice, because it's funnier than a lice that'll bite you for an hour...."
"OW!" I yelled as I felt a bite from my head, and then a lice pops out of my head. Spike suddenly wears a tuxedo and top hats and canes get thrown to both us and we start dancing around for the instrumental part of the song for about a couple of minutes, much like Gene Kelly. After a bit of dancing, we started dancing towards the door and Spike sings the final part of the song, and as it goes on, he sings faster and faster:
"My bro, between the two of us, we'll get you on that silly bus, and then you're gonna take it for a whirrrrrl.... Now go impress that super-thrilling, wishful-filling, depression killing.... rofl-brining, car park dinging, happy singing, dingalinging.... Stupefying, fortifying, as of Monday, shoelace tying... Stimulating, tiltillating, SpongeBob Squarepants impersonating.... Mega-rocking, pillow-talking, and just a little crooked walking.... Sweetness baking, saddness faking, for some reason, always shaking.... Fascinating, captivating, happiness and joy creatiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.....” My windows break. "Clown of a giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!" Spike concluded the song.
Ok I guess that song wasn’t too bad. He did pretty good for singing on his own for the first time. I’m proud of him. So I marched right in my shop to set everything up; although, I didn’t want to get my tux all dirty. Trust me, Rarity would pitch a fit if she had to clean it a second time this week, so I got Lyra and Bonnie to do most of the work in setting everything up. “Hey thanks for helping set up my date, sistas. I really appreciate it.” I said.
“Hey we’re just glad that you’re finally going to have a special somepony…. maybe.” Bonnie said.
“So who’s the lucky mare?” Lyra asked.
“Who’s pink and playful and likes to make everypony happy?” I asked.
“Ooo! Ooo! Fiddlesticks? Spark Note? Caramel? The Pony who is obsessed with jelly?” Lyra asked.
“Oh that last one was a good guess!” I said.
“Seriously, Lyra? It’s Pinkie Pie! You didn’t know that?” Bonnie asked.
“How can that be obvious? It’s a hard question.” Lyra said.
“It’s true. Even I wouldn’t be able to guess it, Bonnie.” I admitted.
“Well regardless, congratulations, Flare!” Bonnie said.
“Thanks! So get stuff ready in the kitchen and I’ll be waiting for Pinks.” I said.
“Have fun, bossman!” Lyra said and then they both walked into the kitchen. Just then, the front door opened.
“Oh for holy Wizard of Feelings! It’s time!” I said to myself excitedly. I got my mane ready and I took out my flowers. “Good evening, Pinks!”
“Good evening, Flare!” Spike said in Pinkie’s voice. “I’m ready for a date! How about a kiss?” Spike started making kissing faces at me.
“Spike? What are you doing here?” I asked.
”I came to help out. I also bought the crusaders to help too.” Spike said.
“Hiya, Flare!” Apple Bloom said.
“So we heard you’re dating Pinkie now, huh? Pretty radical, dude!” Scoots said.
“You two will be adorable together!” Sweetie said.
“Thanks!” I said to the crusaders; just then I leaned over to Spike and whispered in his ear, “I thought they were going to sue you for stealing their song?”
“They said they’ll drop all charges if they help out and it would be successful.” Spike whispered back.
“And if you kiss!” Sweetie added.
”Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about kissing? Let’s not rush things here.” I said as I blushed.
“But it’ll be sooo cute!” Sweets said.
“Besides, a special somepony can’t be a special somepony without kissin’.” Apple Bloom said.
“To be honest, I disagree with them both.” Scoots said.
“I wouldn’t blame you, Bicycleloo.” I said.
“It’s Scootaloo.” Scoots corrected me.
“Whatever you say, Skataloo.” I said.
“Now take your positions, girls.” Spike said to them. “She should be here any…..”
“HI FLARE!” Pinkie yelled in my ear.
“WHOA, SALAMI!” I yelled.
“What? Didn’t expect to see me here?” Pinkie asked.
“I did, but I didn’t hear the door open. Don’t you ever make noise when you enter a room?” I asked.
”Never thought of that actually. I just enter. Who needs to make noise?” Pinkie asked.
”Good point.” I said. Then Pinkie starts pointing at me. “What are you doing?”
”Pointing at you!” Pinkie said.
“Didn’t yo mama say its not polite to point?” I asked.
“You’re my friend, Flarey! TACKLE HUG!” Pinkie yelled as she glomped me. I lost balance and fell on the floor with Pinkie on top of me, and we both laughed.
“Yeah, I have the feeling this date will totally work out!” Spike said.
“It better, ‘cause then you owe us.” Apple Bloom said, glaring at him.
“Chill, Apple Bloom. I totally know what I’m doing!” Spike said.
“Half of the time you’re not though.” Lyra said.
“Shouldn’t you be cooking?” Spike asked her. So Pinkie and I got up and we sat down on one of the booths.
”Wow, Pinks! You look really pretty tonight!” I said, checking Pinkie out. She looked like she was dressed for the Gala. It seemed she wanted to dress fancy too.
“Well, if you want me to put on my party clothes I could put that on instead.” Pinkie suggested.
“I don’t really care either way. You’d look good either way!” I said.
“Would I also look like Pinkie Pie either way?” Pinkie asked.
“Maybe, maybe not.” I shrugged.
“Oh no! I’M NOT PINKIE!” Pinkie yelled.
“WHAT?! YOU’RE NOT PINKIE!” I yelled. We both started screaming and then I started laughing, but she continued screaming, but then I thought the joke was over, and she thought it was serious, so I wanted to clam her down, and yes I said clam on purpose. “Clam down, Pinkie! Clam down! Yes, you are Pinkie.”
Pinkie calmed down right away, smiling, and said, “Oh I knew that!”
I tilted my head. “Y-you have?”
”Heh! You should’ve seen the look on your face, Flare!” Pinkie laughed at me. “I should’ve brought my camera with me!”
“Here, I can take a pic for you.” I took out my cell phone, brought that facial expression back on my face and took a picture of it. “I’ll text it to you later.”
”Okee dokee lokey!” Pinkie said. “You want to see me blow spit bubbles?”
”Oh that would be awesome! Show me!” I cried in glee. Pinkie started making spit bubbles in front of me. “Cool!”
“Oh, yuck!” Scoots said, feeling grossed out.
“Now, that’s just gross. Who would enjoy that?” Apple Bloom asked. Then they saw Sweetie Belle doing spit bubbles. “Eww, Sweetie Belle!” she complained.
”What? They’re full grown adults, and they’re doing it.” Sweetie said, defending herself.
“So have you seen Rainbow Dash’s double sonic rainboom?” I asked.
“Totally! You should’ve…. <insert plot here>.” Pinkie said. I didn’t want to spoil that video for you all, so I censored it. Watch the video first. I’m about to say what I did during that time in the next part, so if you haven’t seen the video yet, skip the next part. I’ll put in a big line to separate them, alright? Good.
“Well you know what happened to me after that double rainboom happened?” I asked Pinkie. A cutaway shows tight after Rainbow does the double rainboom and destroys the town, I was hiding inside my shop, ducking my head. I got up and saw my shop wasn’t harmed. “HA!” I yelled out. “Like I said, totally indestructible from the outside!”
“But not from the inside!” one of my business rivalries, Boorlie, runs into my shop and placed his backpack inside, and he ran out. “Ha ha ha ha ha!” he teasingly laughed. Then I heard an explosion coming from inside my shop, and my shop gets destroyed by hot cocoa mix from the inside.
“FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” I yelled out. The cutaway ends. Now here’s the other end of the line to stop the spoilers.
“And that was how Equestria was made?” Pinkie asked.
“And that’s how Equestria was made.” I nodded.
“Whoa!” Pinkie said shockingly.
“I know right?” I asked. Spike peeked over to see what was going on.
“Give her the flowers.” He whispered.
“Huh? Oh right.” I said as I gave her the flowers. “Here you go, Pinkie! These are for you!”
Pinkie gasped as her eyes grew. “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FLARE!” she yelled happily. “I love them!”
“I’m so happy face that you do!” I said. You may think she ate them, but she just placed them on her mane.
“I love tulips as an appetizer!” Pinkie said excitedly.
“I really thought you were gonna eat them?” I asked.
“I did.” Pinkie said.
“But I still see them on your mane.” I reminded her.
“No you don’t.” Pinkie said as those flowers weren’t there anymore. I swear she’s gotta teach me everything she knows. She just blew my mind.
“Well how about having some garlic rolls?” I suggested.
“Whoa! Wow, you’re making this date fancy, Flare! So fancy that we need TWO forks!” Pinkie said excitingly while looking at the salad fork and the dinner fork.
“Well if you must know that shorter one is a salad fork, and the bigger one is the dinner fork.” I said.
“Is there a cupcake fork?” Pinkie asked.
“Well…. There is a dessert fork, but it comes with the dessert. Not all ponies order dessert here.” I said.
“Aww, why not? Your desserts are super doper delicious!” Pinkie said.
“I know, but they’re more interested in the desserts from Sugarcube Corner.” I said.
Pinkie gasped again. “I work there!”
“I know! Wait, can I axe you something?” I asked.
“You just did, silly!” Pinkie said.
“Alright, can I axe you two more questions?” I asked.
“Sure! What’s question number 2?” Pinkie asked.
“Why do the Cakes let you live there? Are they related to you?” I asked.
“You know what, I HAVE NO IDEA! Why do the Cakes let me live with them? Are they my auntie and uncle?” Pinkie asked.
“I dunno, are they?” I asked.
“If they are, that would be super doper awesome; and that would make Pound and Pumpkin Cake MY COUSINS!” Pinkie yelled.
“WOW! That seems really interesting! Maybe your Nana Pinkie should adopt one of the Cakes, so one of them can be related to one of your parents, and then they’ll be your aunt and uncle.” I suggested.
“Or my Nana Pinkie can adopt one of the Cakes, so what if them can be related to one of my parents, then they’ll be my aunt and uncle!” Pinkie suggested.
“That’s what I just said.” I reminded her.
“But I’m talking about the other Cake, and my other parent!” Pinkie said.
I tilted my head. “What?”
“What?” Pinkie mimicked me. We just sat there quietly and confused for a sec. Spike had to take action.
“I think it’s time for a little entertainment! Go ahead and start, Sweetie Belle!” Spike said.
“Nope! I did the decorating already here already. Scootaloo does the singing!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Oh…. Okay.” Spike said. “Go ahead, Scoots.”
“This one is going to be AWESOME! Just stand back and let the pro show ya how it’s done!” Scoots said walking on stage. “Mare and gentlecolt! Put your hooves together for the amazing, super-thrilling, totally radical, totally awesome, totally 19% cooler (because Rainbow Dash is already 20%), SCOOOOOOOOOOOTALOOOOOOOOO!” Pinkie and I started clapping our hooves, and Pinkie whistles. Scoots counts down and starts shouting and rocking out and singing in a Death Metal-type style. Pinkie and I just watched confusingly, because….. why is she singing a rock song when this is a romantic….. actually, why not? But still, Scootaloo’s singing needs some work, and hey, at least she wasn’t rapping. I’m not a big fan of certain rap. After a while, a trap door opens, and Scoots falls through it.
“What happened to the music? I was having fun!” Pinkie complained. “Flare, what happened?”
”I didn’t set this music just to let you know. I actually thought Octavia was coming.” I said.
“Really? What happened to her?” Pinkie asked. Spike went into the storage room to check on Octavia. Her and her band was all tied up and duct taped in there. Spike then snuck inside the dining room while Pinkie and I were talking.
“You know something, Pinks?” I asked.
“I know a lot of stuff!” Pinkie said.
“I want you to someday to teach me to break the fourth wall.” I requested.
“Oh, well that takes YEARS of training! It ain’t an easy task, Flare. Breaking the fourth wall can be really tough, and not just that, you must break it responsibly.”
“Trust me, I realized that the hard way.” I nodded as I looked outside and saw Steve the Combine Soldier thumbs upping me. I thought he was gone though? Afterwards I was silent for a few moments, and then I asked her the big question; “Pinks? How do you feel about me?”
“That’s a stupid question. You’re super doper fun, and I love you, and you’re a great friend, Flare!” Pinkie said as she tackle hugged me. “TACKLE HUG!”
“Oof!” I said, after she tackle hugged me. I blushed as she was holding me tight, and I chuckled embarrassingly. “Heh, heh! Uhh… roger that.” Spike winked at me on the stage, and then he placed a radio on a stool and then he turned on an instrumental version of ‘I’m Never Gonna Dance Again’. I gasped, and then I whispered; “SPIKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
“Trust me!” Spike whispered back.
“Well this is an awkward moment right now.” I said.
“What do you mean, Flare?” Pinkie said, looking at me with a seductive look on her eyes. My heart was pounding and I was really nervous. I mean, I liked it, but…. This is new for me, and I didn’t know Pinkie was much of a lover, more like an all friendship type.
“Well…. Uhhh…. You want to dance, sista?” I asked nervously.
”YES!” Pinkie yelled, and she grabbed my hooves and pulled me up to the stage and we started waltzing.
“Pinkie, this isn’t a waltz song.” I corrected her.
Pinkie raspberried me. “You don’t need a waltz song to do waltz, Flare! Duh!” she said as she continued swinging me around, dancing with me. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle just watched, with big smiles on their faces.
“Awww!” they said.
“Bleh!” Scootaloo said, covered in garbage.
“What happened to you?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“When did Flare install a garbage chute on his stage?” Scoots asked.
“What do ya expect? Those with bad talents are bad eggs and fall into a garbage chute.” Apple Bloom said as she chuckled.
”Right.” Scoots said, nodding. “WAIT, WHAT?!” Then Sweets and Bloom started giggling. Pinkie and I continued dancing to the song, she leaned her head against my shoulder, and I really got nervous, so nervous I laid an easter egg, seriously, and I squaked. Lyra walked over to the easter egg, and opened it. She looked inside, and saw the easter egg prize inside, and she smiled.
“Yippie! A pay rise!” Lyra shouted happily.
Bon Bon gasped. “HEY! Where’s my pay raise?!” I then laid another easter egg and it rolled to Bonnie. She smiled big and opened it. She looked inside, and then she glared at it. “Two bits off my next haircut. Gee, thanks.” She said sarcastically.
“Flare’s right, you need to get that mane cut.” Lyra pointed out. “I mean look at it, it looks like a witch’s lawn. We zoom in closer to Bonnie’s mane and there were witches brewing up something. There were even ghosts, spiders, and little jack ‘o lanterns in her mane. Maybe we should’ve done the Nightmare Night chapter inside Bonnie’s mane. It would’ve been way cheaper than renting out Canterlot Manor for the chapter.
So Pinkie and I reached to the conclusion of the song, I and Pinkie throw me into the air and caught me just as the song ended. “Wow, Pinkie! That was a great dance! It feels like the dance you gave to Aqua at the royal wedding.”
“Oh I loved the royal wedding! That’s when we met Psyche!” Pinkie said cheerfully.
“Whoa, whoa, Pinkie, this is a dinner-date; talking about Psyche seems a little inappropriate for this, doncha think?” I asked.
“Dinner is served!” Lyra said as she served our dinner and placed it on the table.
“YIPPIE! FOOD!” Pinkie cried out as she hopped back to the table. I hopped along just to amuse her.
“You really like my pizza, don’t ya Pinks?” I asked her.
“Normally I like dessert pizza, but regular pizza is delish too!” Pinkie said.
“It’s too bad we got pastas though.” I said. Pinkie chuckled.
“C’mon you silly, melon head! Let’s eat!” Pinkie said. I sat down across from her. I took my fork and started eating my spaghetti and the shroomy-shroom-shrooms that were in it. Pinkie just dumped her face in her fettuccini alfredo and started gobbling it up.
“I see how much you less then three fettuccini alfredos.” I said and chuckled.
Pinkie giggled. “I have no idea what that is, but I’m assuming this is something banana cream flavored!”
“You nearly ate it all. You haven’t tasted it yet?” I asked.
“Oh I tasted it, and it tastes cheesy! I’m just hoping its banana flavored!” Pinkie giggled and continued eating. I was confused of what she said. She said it tastes cheesy, but she hopes its banana flavored? Now I’m not as random as Pinkie, but I get her completely, I know how she is, I’ve been there. Spike immediately threw a book at me.
“OW!” I yelled.
“Read to poem to her.” Spike whispered to me.
”Did you have to throw a book at me though?” I asked.
“Oh throwing books are fun! That’s what I do at Twilight’s house while she’s away at Canterlot!” Pinkie said.
“WAIT! That was you?!” Spike asked. “I had to clean up that mess every time! You know how much of a pain in the flank it is to clean that up?! YOU’RE UNBELIEVEABLE, PINKIE!”
“HEY! Don’t talk like that to Pinkie!” I yelled at Spike as I marched towards him. “Let me tell you something, mister!” I poked at his chest. “I’ve waited so long to get a special somepony! Pinkie is my last chance to get one, and I will NOT let you ruin that for me! Pinkie is very funny, very nice, and she’s very important to me! I will not stand and see ‘my bro’ Spike hurting her feelings because I will do all I must to keep her happy, and there’s nothing ANYPONY can do….” I inhaled because I lost my breath after talking that much without breathing. “TO STOP ME! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR…… BRAH?!”
“You just solved the last piece of the puzzle, my friend.” Spike said as he smiled at me.
“What you talking about?” I asked. I turned around and I saw Pinkie right behind me, with a shocking look on her face.
Scootaloo chuckled. “Busted!” Apple Bloom then shushed her, and then Scootaloo shushed her back. They kept shushing at each other until Sweetie Belle says ‘CHOO CHOO!’
“Pinks….. I…. I can explain.” I said.
“No need to explain, Flare Gun!” Pinkie yelled at me.
“Wait, Pinkie! I…. probably didn’t think any of that was true.” I said nervously.
“Yes you did.” Spike said, smirking.
“SHUT UP, SPIKE! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!” I yelled at him. Pinkie grabs my tuxedo, pulls me towards her, and gives me a big kiss. My eyes grew big. I can’t believe that.
“That meant so much to me, Flarey! Nopony has ever said that to me before.” Pinkie said with a big smile on her face. She looked like she was about to cry, but she didn’t.
“I would’ve liked that even more if you didn’t pull on my tuxedo.” I said as my face was frozen in shock.
“This was certainly a great night, Flare! I would totally like to have so much more with you!” she winks at me and takes a to-go box, puts her food in it, and walks near the door. “I would love to be your special somepony, Flare! Really I would! Now, I’d love to stay, but I promised Candy Cotton a party so… BYE!” Pinkie hopped out of my shop and sang as she hopped home. Crème happened to be standing out there, and she noticed Pinkie hoping out so happily.
“Could it be….” Crème said shockingly, but then she chuckled. “Nah! She’s always happy. Well, it’s my turn to shine!” Crème walked into my shop to see me, and I was still standing there, frozen like a statue…. or carved in stone like a…. ice cube. Wait…. eh nevermind. Meanwhile, Spike was leaning on a table, drinking a soda.
“You’ve done well, Spike ol boy! You’ve done well!” Spike said to himself.
“Hey, Flare! Hey, Spike!” Crème said walking towards us.
“Hey, Crème! Sorry, Flare can’t hear you, he’s frozen in shockness.” Spike said.
“Oh, alright. I mean…. I know he hasn’t found a special somepony yet, so I think it’s time for Flare to ask ME out!” Crème said.
“Say what?” Spike said confusingly.
”Well…. Can you keep a secret?” Crème looked around and then she leaned over to Spike to whisper to him, but she halted for a moment and asked him out loud, “Wait, is anypony here?”
“The crusaders just left, they were going to cancel my lawsuit. Lyra and Bon Bon are in the back cleaning up. So don’t worry, they can’t hear us.” Spike said.
”Well…. I actually…. Have a slight crush on Flare.” Crème whispered to Spike.
“Aww, that’s nice!” Spike said as he nodded, but then he had a shocking look on his face. “Say what now?”
“I have a crush on Flare; I have been since I first met hi.! I wanted to wait until he was done with his dates. If I was too late, I… I don’t know what I would do.” Crème said sadly.
“Well, uhhh….” Spike didn’t what to say. I wasn’t able to hear her because Pinkie’s kiss froze me solid, and all I was thinking about was her now being my special somepony.
“Tell me Spike! Was this date successful?” Crème asked nervously as she started shaking him. “TELL ME! Please tell me was the date successful?!”
“Well.... uhhh….” Spike thought it out.
“TELL ME!” Crème yelled at Spike.
”No, no it wasn’t.” Spike lied to her.
“Oh… phew! That’s a relief.” Crème said as she wiped her sweat.
“But…. After this date, h-he said he didn’t want to do anymore dating for a while.” Spike said to her.
“Oh… I see.” Crème said, nodding, and then she smiled. “Well…. I’ll be patient about it. I’m sure Flare is feeling pretty bad right now and I’ll give him some time. It would explain why he’s frozen solid right now in shock.”
”I’m glad you understand.” Spike said with a smile.
“But will you please do me a favor, Spike?” Crème asked.
“Of course, Crème! Anything!” Spike said.
“When Flare is ready for dating, you’d know right?” Crème asked.
“Flare tells me everything like I’m his personal diary.” He said.
“Please let me know if he’s ready, and suggest me to him, so I’ll be the first. Please, Spike?” Crème begged.
“Of course, Crèmepop!” Spike said as he smiled at her.
“Thanks, Spike.” Crème smiled at him back. “I’ll see you both later.” Crème then started humming and skipping out of the shop. Spike then frowned.
”Great… now I have to keep Crème away from Flare and Pinkie together just to keep her from being sad. It ain’t gonna be easy, that’s for sure.” Spike said.
“What was that, brah?” I asked as I was finally unfrozen.
“Oh, nothing. How you feeling, Flare?” Spike asked me.
“Really good! I’m feeling a feeling I have never felt before!” I said. “I feel…. I feel….” Just then, I started swinging my arms up and down singing Numa Numa. Spike chuckled to himself, and then he became nervous. “I’m in love Spike! I’m in love!”
“I know! You’re in love with Pinkie now and you two are in a relationship! I’m so proud of you, Flare, and I helped!” Spike said.
“Huh? Oh... yeah. I’m amazed to be Pinkie’s special somepony now, but that’s not the only thing I’m in love with.” I said.
“What else are you in love with then?” Spike asked.
“Th-that… that…” I stuttered.
“Those beautiful eyes?” Spike asked.
“Th-that… that….” I stuttered again.
“That glorious mane?” Spike aksed.
“Th-that…”
“That romantic comedic effect?”
“Th-that…”
“That magnificent-“
“SPIKE WILL YOU LET ME TALK?!” I yelled at him.
“Oh… sorry.” He said.
“That accordion she had! I saw her play an awesome red accordion just as I asked her out!” I said.
“Excuse me?” Spike asked.
“I miss my accordion, man.” I said sadly. “I miss the power of polka on my side!”
“It’s ok, Flare, but look on the bright side – you have Pinkie Pie now. You two will make a great couple, I assure you!” Spike said.
“You’re right, Spike, and thanks for everything.” I said.
“Any time, bro!” Spike said.
“Hey, this date turned out perfect! She left me all the garlic rolls! I guess it’s more leftovers for me then! I should go on more dates that include me having all the leftovers.” I said excitedly.
The next day went by and as I was saying my note to Princess Luna, I was walking in the snowy park with my new special somepony, Pinkie Pie. “Dear Princess Luna, Great news! I got a new special somepony! You may know her as the Element of lawl, Pinkie Pie! But special thanks to my great friend Spike, he stood by my side until the end. He never gave up on me! He knew I’d find the perfect date, but he’s been following me a lot; Pinkie says he’s following him too, Crème as well. I have no idea what he’s up to, but I’ll find that out later. Also…. I’m going to get a TON of bad emails saying it’s wrong for an OC and a canon pony to date. Well you know what? Everypony has their own opinions. Who knows if this relationship is going to last forever? Maybe I’ll break up with her. But…. I’m sure it won’t have to come to that! Pinkie and I will be together forever! Your loyal friend, Flare Gun!”
Later that day, just as Crèmepop was about to walk into my shop, Pinkie was at my shop too and I was currently flirting with her, and Spike kept stalling Crème for some reason and he didn’t even let her in until Pinkie left. Hmm…. what is that little dragon up to? Oh well, that’s something we can talk about another time.
Meanwhile, just as Doctor Whooves unlocked the doors to his TARDIS and went inside, he tried to turn on his lights but when he turns them on, he sees writing all over his walls saying 'Traitor', or 'Cheater', or something similar to that. The Doctor was feeling pretty nervous but then he sees Derpy sitting in front of his TARDIS. "Oh, Ditzy! What are you doing here?" the Doctor asked, but Derpy didn't answer; she just kept mumbling to herself. "Uhh, Ditzy?" Derpy turned to him with a crazy cross-eyed look on her face while dramatic music plays in the background, kinda like the Dramatic Chipmunk video on YouTube, and from that day forward, the Doctor was never heard from again. At least until his next appearance though.