//------------------------------//
// Chapter 13 
// Story: Near Death Experience 
// by Hadles 
//------------------------------//

"THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA."

Pale Hoof looked up at the vivid red schoolhouse, then down at Pinwheel. White wedding cake trim gilded the gutters and pink heart-shaped designs topped the tall windows. The sign in front bore no words, just a picture of an open book. Pale Hoof dug at the ground with his hoof, the exposed bone scraping noisily against the sidewalk. Pinwheel slipped another book into his saddlebag and tightened the fastener. She smiled warmly at him, picking the saddlebag up by the strap and draping it carefully over his side. "It's just for one day. To see if it works for you." She reassured, patting the saddlebag, "We need SOMEPONY to teach you how to behave, after all. And most little fillies and colts learn to play nice in school."

Pale Hoof ventured slowly toward the window. Inside, rows of tiny fillies and colts sat at their desks, chatting cheerily as they waited for the school day to begin. One of the fillies, a tiny blue pony with spiked hair, caught sight of him and gasped. Pale Hoof quickly ducked out of the way. "I AM…UNCERTAIN AROUND CHILDREN, PINWHEEL." Pale Hoof gazed down at the dirt, "THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM IN THERE."

"Cheerilee will make sure none of them touch you." Pinwheel assured him, "She sent out a notice to the parents and everything. All the little fillies know you're a special guest, Pale Hoof, and they know to be on their best behavior around you. I think it's really nice of Cheerilee to let you sit in on her lessons."

Pale Hoof glanced back toward the window. "THE CHILDREN WILL PANIC WHEN THEY SEE ME."

"Everyone does at first." Pinwheel replied, "But they get used to you. It's not like you have maggots and snakes crawling out of your skull." Pale Hoof stared at her. Pinwheel paused, then grimaced, "Don't get any ideas now. No creepy stuff today."

"I CANNOT HELP THE WAY YOUR REALM REACTS TO ME."

Pinwheel shook her head. "Just do your best. If you can learn to play nicely with school fillies, you can play nicely with anyone. It's not high court etiquette, but we have to start somewhere. Cheerilee was nice enough to offer to help you, so it would be rude to turn her down." Just as Pinwheel finished speaking, the school door swung open. Cheerliee stood smiling in the doorway. She nodded politely to the two ponies, gesturing into the school with her hoof. Pinwheel grinned at her and motioned to Pale Hoof. Quietly, the two of them stepped inside.

A cold silence settled over the warm classroom as Pale Hoof entered. Every single head swiveled toward the tall grey colt. Cheerilee, beaming, turned toward the class. "Class, I would like to introduce our special guest for today. Mister Pale Hoof comes from very far away and he's joining our class to learn more about Equestria." She announced in her bright, jovial voice, "I expect you all to give him the respect he deserves. No roughhousing near Mister Pale Hoof and remember to keep your hooves to yourselves. Any questions?"

A pink pony piped up in the second row. "Yeah, what's wrong with his head?" She asked, tossing her purple and white striped mane. A crystal tiara sat perched on her pompadour. The other students tittered nervously.

A silver pony with glasses, also in the second row, spoke out, "And what's with that cutie mark? Is that some kind of weird golf club?" More quiet, frightened laughter. Cheerilee frowned.

"How old is he anyway? Why is he in an elementary school class?" The silver pony continued, not giving Cheerilee a chance to speak.

"Pale Hoof? More like 'Dumb Face'." The pink pony added. The class began to laugh in earnest, fear slowly retreating.

Cheerilee lifted a hoof to silence the class. "Now, students, I know you're curious about our guest, but you can ask him after class. And girls," She stared daggers the two second row ponies, "I expect you to be polite." The pink pony in the tiara rolled her eyes, but did not retort. Neither did the silver pony. The two fillies settled quietly into their desks, staring disinterestedly into space. Cheerilee smiled again. Nodding to Pale Hoof, she gestured to a small desk in the back row, "You can sit there if you like, Mister Pale Hoof. Behind Apple Bloom."

Pale Hoof craned his neck, searching for the empty desk. There, behind a small cream-colored filly with a large bow in her mane, was his place. He hesitated at the front of the classroom. Turning his head, he peered over at Pinwheel. Giving a big, encouraging smile, she gestured toward the filly sized desk. One tentative step at a time, Pale Hoof made his way to the back row. Staring down at the tiny desk, he glanced back over at Pinwheel, who continued smiling. Sighing, Pale Hoof dropped his saddlebag on the floor and squeezed into the desk. Ice crystals crept over the window at his back.

Pinwheel turned back to Cheerilee. "If anything comes up, you know where to contact me. I'll come back to check on him later. He looks scary, I know, but he's completely harmless. He just…doesn't understand much about interacting with other ponies." She whispered to the teacher. Even from the back row, Pale Hoof caught her words. Lowering his head, he stared down at the miniature desk.

"I've worked with special needs ponies before, Miss Pinwheel. Pale Hoof will be fine. We're learning about sharing today." Cheerilee beamed sweetly at Pinwheel, "It'll be a good lesson for a pony like him."

"Thanks, then. I'll be going now." Giving Pale Hoof another encouraging smile, Pinwheel turned and ducked out of the school building. Pale Hoof watched her intently as she departed, tracking her through the schoolroom's big windows. He barely noticed when a small note landed in the middle of his desk. Cheerilee's back was turned. Gripping a piece of chalk in her teeth, she wrote out the word 'sharing' on the chalk board. Slowly, Pale Hoof looked down at the note.

'Don't worry about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,' The note read in big block letters, 'They make fun of everyone. ' Looking up, Pale Hoof caught the eye of the bow-headed filly in front of him. Her orange irises were huge and luminous like lighted pumpkins. She flashed a smile at him before turning back around.

Pale Hoof flipped the paper with his hooves. Dark, oozing letters formed on the page, written in black smoke. Enveloping the paper in a bleak, misty aura, he levitated the note back over to the filly. Just as the note was drifting over the bow filly's head, though, Cheerilee turned around. "Is…that a note?" She asked, setting the chalk down on her desk, "It's against the rules to pass notes."

Pale Hoof was silent for a second. "IT IS NOT MINE."

Cheerilee's expression hardened. "Now, Mister Pale Hoof, you are our special guest, but special guests still have to follow the rules." She insisted, "Come to the front of the class and read it aloud."

Slowly, Pale Hoof eased out of the filly sized desk and made his way to the front of the classroom. The note levitated behind him, leaving an ephemeral trail of darkness in its wake. Cheerilee stepped aside and Pale Hoof took his place at the front of the classroom. Unfolding the note, he scanned his writing. "IT READS," He cleared his throat, " 'DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON ARE OF NO CONCERN TO ME. THEY SHALL HAVE A WARM PLACE IN HELL FOR THEIR MOCKERY.'"

Cheerilee blanched. In the second row, the pink pony and her silver companion stared wide eyed. "Uh…I don't think that sort of talk is appropriate for the classroom, Pale Hoof." Cheerilee began after several seconds of silence, "Please take your seat. I'll speak with you after class." Without even acknowledging her request, Pale Hoof made his way back to his seat. Grimacing, Cheerilee shuffled through her notes. "Now…uh…who can tell me about 'sharing'?"




"All right, class, take your lunch outside. It's break time!" When the lesson was finished, the chalkboard was covered with white words. Pale Hoof stared blankly at the wall. 'Sharing' – the act of giving part of what you have to another. 'If Sunny Daze has two apples and her friend has none,' Cheerilee noted, 'the kind thing to do would be to share!' Pale Hoof sat frozen in his tiny desk while the students rose and claimed their lunches, flooding outside in a squealing deluge. Cheerilee stared at him from across the room, "Mister Pale Hoof, could we chat for a moment? I know you're tired of sitting in that tiny desk, but…"

"IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT." Pale Hoof answered, squeezing out of the desk. He loomed a full head higher than Cheerilee. She had to tilt her head back to look at him.

"It's not good to tell children they're going to hell." Cheerilee replied, "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are problem students sometimes, yes, but they're just little fillies."

"THE SOULS OF SLANDERERS ARE BANISHED TO THE VOID. THIS IS SIMPLY FACT." Pale Hoof confirmed. Cheerilee wrinkled her nose.

"Even so…hurtful words like that can make a bad impression on children."

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE WARNED THEM OF THAT BEFORE THEY ATTEMPTED TO MOCK DEATH." Pale Hoof boomed, his words shaking the school windows. Cheerilee shivered.

"Either way, Pinwheel said you needed help learning to get along and this is your first lesson. Telling people they're going to Hell is not a good way to make friends or settle differences." Cheerilee scolded, "I need you to play nicely with my little fillies."

Pale Hoof sighed. "I WILL RESTRAIN MYSELF, THEN."

Cheerilee tried to smile. "Well, then, how about you go outside and have lunch with the children? Did Pinwheel pack you a lunch?"

"I DO NOT NEED FOO—"

Before Pale Hoof could finish his sentence, three fillies – an orange pegasus, a white unicorn, and the pony in the bow who'd passed him the note – burst through the schoolhouse door. "He can eat with us, Miss Cheerilee!" The orange pegasus announced, one hoof in the air. Pale Hoof and Cheerilee stared. The three fillies clustered around Pale Hoof, beaming up at him with toothy smiles and dewy eyes.

"C'mon, Mistah Pale Hoof!" The pony in the bow pleaded, her harpsichord country accent unpleasantly familiar, "Ya kin tell us how ya got yer cutie mark!"

"Yeah!"

Cheerilee balked at the trio. "Uh…be careful, girls. Be sure not to touch him."

"We won't, Miss Cheerilee! We promise!" The unicorn chirruped, her cotton candy mane bouncing as she turned her head, "Come on, Mister Pale Hoof! You can share our lunches!" Before Cheerilee could say anything else, the three fillies were already herding Pale Hoof toward the door. They crowded around him, getting under his hooves and ushering him out the building. Pale Hoof had to dance from hoof to hoof to avoid them. Their round heads were always just under foot.

They pushed him out the door and onto the playground. With Pale Hoof's arrival, the other fillies stopped playing. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon hovered near the sandbox, eating their lunches out of bedazzled purple and pink lunchboxes. They glared icily at Pale Hoof. The three ponies herded him over to a spot by the slide, where their three lunch pails sat in the shade. "Ah'm Apple Bloom!" The bow pony declared, "That's Scootaloo an' Sweetie Belle! Pleased t' meetcha, Pale Hoof!"

Pale Hoof fell back on his rump and stared at the three grinning fillies. They watched him eagerly, waiting for a response. None came. Finally, the unicorn – Sweetie Belle – spoke up. "So…" She began uncertainly, "That was pretty cool how you stood up to Tiara and Spoon!"

"And check out that wicked cutie mark!" The orange pegasus – Scootaloo – grinned. Pale Hoof glanced down at his flank, "What is it – like a golf club?"

"Oooh, we haven't tried golfing yet!" Sweetie Belle interjected, "Cutie Mark Crusaders Golf Team!"

"Ah dunno. Somepony told me that sport was really borin'." Apple Bloom added.

"We can't KNOW until we TRY!" Scootaloo replied, "What if you had a golf talent and you didn't even know it?"

Pale Hoof watched the fillies bicker silently. After a few seconds, he spoke. "IT IS A SCYTHE, CHILDREN, NOT A GOLF CLUB." The trio quieted down, "I AM DEATH, THE REAPER OF SOULS. THE SCYTHE IS MY TOOL."

The children stared at him blankly. "…What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Scootaloo asked.

"WHEN A PONY DIES, I SWING MY SCYTHE TO SEND THEM TO THE AFTERLIFE THEY DESERVE. HEAVEN. OR HELL." Pale Hoof elaborated. The fillies stood slack jawed.

"Jes' what kinda special talent is that?" Apple Bloom asked, "How d'ya earn a Reapin' cutie mark?"

"WHEN EQUESTRIA WAS BUT A STEAMING VAT OF FIRE AND CHEMICALS, I BEHELD AS THE FIRST INFINTESIMAL SPARK OF LIFE GREW INTO BEING. AND WHEN THAT SPARK EXTINGUISHED, MY STAFF MATERIALIZED FROM THE SMOKE AND I CLAIMED THE FIRST TINY SOUL TO WALK THE EARTH. IT WAS THEN THAT I KNEW THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE, THE MOMENTOUS TASK GIVEN TO ME BY THE PONY GODS THEMSELVES. I HAVE REAPED SOULS EVER SINCE." Pale Hoof boomed. Rust crept like a fungus over the nearby slide as he spoke, "THIS SYMBOL, HOWEVER, IS BUT A FEATURE OF MY FLESH FORM. MY TRUE BODY HAS NO MARK, AS IT DOES NOT HAVE FLESH."

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara, who'd been watching the foursome from the sandbox, perked up. Packing their half finished lunches, they wandered over. "So, like, basically you're saying that you HAVE no cutie mark." Tiara huffed, gazing at Pale Hoof with an upturned nose.

"Just what we need, MORE blank flanks goofing up school." Silver Spoon rolled her eyes.

"Not only is he ugly, his cutie mark is a fake!" Diamond Tiara laughed cruelly, "What kind of loser fakes a cutie mark?"

Pale Hoof stared at the two giggling earth ponies. "LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON…" He said, rising slowly to his feet. The two fillies stopped laughing, gazing up at him instead with wide, still eyes, "I CAN SEE YOUR LIVES STRETCHING BEFORE ME LIKE TWIN WASTELANDS. YOU WILL BOTH DIE ALONE AND UNLOVED, HOLED UP IN YOUR HOUSES WITH YOUR PILES OF UNFEELING LUXURIES. WHEN YOU DIE, I WILL BE THERE TO REAP YOUR SCREAMING SOULS. YOU SHALL BE CONDEMNED TO HELL FOR YOUR AVARICE AND SLOTH. YOUR ARSE SYMBOLS ARE AS MEANINGLESS AS YOUR INSULTS. I SHALL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW – CUTIE MARKS ARE POINTLESS IN HELL."

Everypony on the playground was silent. Pale Hoof sat back down in the mulch and stared eyelessly at the fillies before him. All five, including Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, were deathly silent. Nopony moved. Silver Spoon burst into tears. Wailing, she whirled about and ran. Diamond Tiara took a few frightened steps back before turning and chasing after her friend. The three remaining fillies stood frozen.

"Ya…ya didn't hafta make them cry…" Apple Bloom murmured. Pale Hoof stared at her.

"IT IS BUT FACT." Pale Hoof replied. Still gaping at him, the three fillies sat down. Scootaloo timidly opened her lunch box and took out a carefully wrapped sandwich.

"Uh…you can still share lunch with us…if you want." She set the sandwich on the ground and pushed it toward him with her back hoof. Enveloping the sandwich in a dark aura, Pale Hoof gazed at it solemnly.

"THE TEACHER'S SHARING LESSON DICTATES THAT YOU MUST TAKE HALF OF THIS."

Scootaloo shook her head. "Uh…you can have it."

"NO. I INSIST."




"And...and then he said our cutie marks were pointless! And he said Tiara and I would go to Hell forever!" Silver Spoon sobbed into Cheerilee's chest. Gently, the teacher smoothed back her mane and retrieved a handful of tissues from the box on her desk. Silver Spoon blew her nose noisily. Cheerilee glanced over at Diamond Tiara, who peered fearfully out the window.

"Is this all true, Tiara?" Cheerilee asked. Diamond Tiara looked away from the window, frowning deeply.

"He was totally mean." Tiara confirmed, scraping her hoof against the floor, "I mean…I know he was probably just jealous of our super cool cutie marks, but…" Tiara shuddered.

"I'll go have a talk with him, girls. You two finish your lunch in here. And help yourselves to the tissues." Cheerilee patted Silver Spoon gently on the head before making her way outside. She'd watched them from the window. Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom, the self titled 'Cutie Mark Crusaders', had lead him back behind the slides, where they usually sat during lunch time. The playground was eerily quiet , all the usual noises of fillies playing silenced. Cheerilee's hooves crunched on the mulch. A squeal of fear echoed from behind the slide. Cheerilee broke into a gallop.

"What are you DOING? That's not sharing at all!" Sweetie Belle cried. Behind the slide, Pale Hoof loomed over the limp body of Scootaloo, pushing the battered remains of a sandwich into her mouth. Mustard and bits of lettuce and tomato covered Scootaloo's face. Cheerilee's jaw fell open. The other two Crusaders huddled beneath the slide, trembling in each others' hooves.

"What's going on here?" Cheerilee demanded hoarsely. Pale Hoof looked up.

"I AM SHARING A SANDWICH WITH THIS FILLY." He answered, "AS DESCRIBED IN TODAY'S LESSON." Cheerilee felt her eyelid twitch.

"You…you killed her!"

"I AM MERELY SHARING THE GIFT OF A DELICIOUS LUNCH." Pale Hoof glanced down at the limp, mustard coated body, "THE DEATH IS A SIDE EFFECT."

"I'm calling the guards!" Cheerilee turned to run, but the sight of a blue pony standing at the playground gate stopped her. Cheerilee dashed up to Pinwheel, "Miss Pinwheel, thank Celestia you're here! He's…he's killed a student! Oh, Celestia, he killed Scootaloo!"

Pinwheel stared past Cheerilee toward the slide, shaking her head. Coolly, she crossed the playground over to Pale Hoof. "Pale Hoof, that is not how you play with children. Bring her back." Cheerilee gaped as Pale Hoof dropped the sandwich and, lowering his head, breathed into Scootaloo's mouth. The orange pegasus sprang back to life. She stared down at her hooves in amazement, mustard dripping from her mane.

"Wooow!" Scootaloo grinned, "Did you SEE that, Crusaders? He brought me back to life!"

"Scootaloo, you…" Cheerilee dropped off mid sentence. The other Crusaders approached Scootaloo hesitantly. They poked her experimentally and began to smile.

"Hey! He DID bring her back t' life!"

"That's SO cool!"

"Teach me how to do that!" The three fillies flocked around Pale Hoof, chattering excitedly in mixed voices.

"It could be OUR special talent too! Raising the dead!"

Pale Hoof stared over at Pinwheel, not saying one word.

"Girls…girls…he…" Cheerliee couldn't find the words. She looked helplessly over at Pinwheel.

The blue mare tossed her mane. "Come on, Pale Hoof. It's time to go home." She sighed, "I was coming over to check how you were doing but…I guess now is a good pick up time. I'm really sorry he scared you, Cheerilee."

"He…Scootaloo…She was…"

"That's just how Pale Hoof is." Pinwheel smiled wryly. She beckoned Pale Hoof. Stepping carefully over the fillies, he walked to Pinwheel's side, "I don't think school is the right thing for him after all."

"What? He's leaving?" Scootaloo whined.

"I wanted him to teach me how to raise the dead!" Sweetie Belle whimpered.

"Yeah! Can't he stay a lil' while longer?"

Pinwheel shook her head. "It's probably better if we leave now. Thanks for letting him visit, Cheerilee." Nodding to the teacher, Pinwheel headed back across the playground with Pale Hoof in tow. She glanced up at the tall grey colt, "You learn anything?"

"I LIKE SHARING."

Cheerilee was too shocked even to blink.