//------------------------------//
// 1. Oh, you sorry sack of crap! 
// Story: True Capitalist Ponies: The Melting Pot of Magic 
// by Generaal 
//------------------------------//

May 15th, 2012.

To say that Ghost wasn’t happy at that point of time was an understatement. Every day, every freaking day he tried and he tried to deliver an honorable show about capitalism. And every day he was getting infested by all kinds of fruits and butt stalkers from the internet:  whether they were splicers, commies, talking horse lovers or some other kind of over feminized fruit ball, they always had some sort of crap to say in his show. He didn’t deserve this crap! He was a capitalist, and he deserved more respect according that title! All he wanted was a serious taco Tuesday with the people he liked, not having all kinds of fruits ruin it!

But now they had gone too far. They made a splice – another one. But now they were not mocking him, but his friend. His one and only friend he ever had in his life. He liked Karasz Kun. And now they made some splice about him selling hamburgers! How much fruitier could they get?

Out of rage he stood up and kicked against several beer cans that were lying around in his office while shouting and cursing against the asshole who send that splice. “I told all you cyber vermin to leave Karasz Kun alone! I told all you cyber vermin to leave Karasz Kun alone, and I mean it! I mean it! You better leave Karasz Kun alone! I mean it!” 
His face turned red and his throat was getting so sore no one understood him anymore, but he didn’t care. He quickly took some breath before giving those cyber vermin a piece of his mind.

“You better leave Karasz Kun alone! You g******n piece of crap!”

He hesitated one moment before he realized he had to use his microphone.

“Gimme the mike! Gimme the mike!”
While bashing his beer cans he sat down. One more caller for today, he wouldn’t let it end on that one! O, hell no!
“I’m warning you. I’m warning all of you. LEAVE. KARASZKUN. ALONE. G*******n it, one more and that’s it! O this is fresh, this should be rich, Coodoo, radio g*******n Graffiti!”
Too late Ghost realized he had summoned one of the greatest trolls in history.  But when he realized it, the damage had already been done. A splice came on the radio, starting in his voice:

“I mean, what’s next? The Buttstreet boys?
-YES!!!!!!
I’m a Jew!
I am a g******n - Brony
I’m a Jew!
Fluttershy - is best pooony.
I’m a Jew!”

Ghost quickly took him off the air. “G*******nit that’s it! That’s it! That-that-that-that-that”
Out of his rage, once again many beer cans had to suffer his wrath. But he just couldn’t care anymore. He wanted out of this nightmare. 

“I’ve had enough! I’ve had enough! I’ve had enough of this crap. I’m done, I’m done with it man. You people have RUINED my Taco Tuesday! You people have ruined it! I can’t believe that you did that to Karasz Kun - I mean, where is your soul???!!! G******n I can’t believe you, I just can’t believe you. I’m done, get me outta – you know what? Screw all you people. You people will be LUCKY if I ever come back again! After you are disrespecting Karasz Kun, after you disrespect me, after you besmirch my broadcast, by God, you’ll be lucky if I ever come back here, and do another broadcast!  You son of a bitch! I’m done; get me outta here, Engineer.  I’m not giving these idiots the pleasure of listening to my broadcast. Right? I mean, every time I broadcast on the internet, it’s a privilege to these cyber vermin. It’s a privilege.  Gimme the mike!”

Once again, the cans suffered.

“I’m done. I’m not going to forgive you for this crap, all right? I’m not going to forgive you for what the hell you’ve done. You stupid soulless pieces of crap. And I know for a fact, that all you people are making fun of Karasz Kun are afflicted with the same ailment he is, the only difference is, is that you people are to chicken crap are too afraid to go on the internet and speak your mind like he does, you stupid ungrateful aspie idiots!”

Ghost just had to catch his breath, but he wasn’t going to forgive these assholes.
“You stupid sons of bitches; you’ll be LUCKY if I ever come back again after this crap! I can’t believe you did this to Karasz Kun! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS CRAP!  And I know that all you idiots that are making fun of Karasz Kun are men-children Brony embracing pieces of crap! I know it for a fact, I can hear it in your voice like it is a retarded Elmer fart happy and then you have the audacity to sit over here, and make fun of Karasz Kun? How dare you idiots? How dare all of you morons? You son of a bitch! Hey Engineer, get this freaking mike outta my face -”

And then, the beer cans suffered once more. “Out of my face! That’s it! Stick a fork in me, I’m done! Get me outta here Engineer, get me OUT!!!!!”

“aaadaaa-haa-aaa!” he heard Engineer shout from behind the controls.

“I don’t care!” Ghost said. Why would he care if they still had minutes of broadcast to go? “Get me outta here! Get everyone out of here, stupid assholes!”

And that was it. The broadcast had ended. Ghost breathed heavily. His heart beat like a rabid monkey, and he was in no mood for any other games.

Why did this happen to him? He was always there for the people while trying to spread the friendship and the capitalism. He had some friends, some of who happened to be black. And some who happened to be Hispanic. And now even one who happened to be autistic.  But it didn’t matter. No matter how hard he tried, the only ones who listened were trying to get him angry. First the internet butt stalkers from 4Chan, then the talking horse rapist. Who had known that a series for 8-year old girls who give him so much trouble?

He stood up, kicked against of his beer cans out of anger, and went for the door. He saw the Engineer standing there, with a concerned face. “What do you want?” Ghost asked, irritated.
“gzhe-aha-aaah-a-aah!” the Engineer replied.
“Why would you care?”
“Kzee-ee-aa-e-a.”
“You… you are offering me a beer?” Ghost said. His eyes lit up. “Why not? Yes please, Engineer. I’m thirsty! ”
It was a good idea from the Engineer, Ghost thought. He could take his mind off things for a second. Ghost followed Engineer to the conference room. Where a refrigerator was located. Engineer opened it and pulled two cans out of it. A soda and a Heineken. Good, Dutch capitalistic stuff. Ghost often thought about moving there. It was a place full of capitalists, and not too many Bronies. It was still a monarchy though… but you can’t have everything.

Ghost and Engineer sat down at a table. He opened the can and took a chug from it. “Ah… good stuff.”
“Tza-aha-ha-ah?” Engineer asked.
“The next broadcast? Why would I do another broadcast? You saw what happened, Engineer! Those fruit balls just don’t stop besmirching my broadcast. Why would I?” Ghost replied.
“Tga-ka-ga-ah-ah!”
“Interested? Don’t be stupid, Engineer. No one likes my broadcast for the capitalistic viewpoints. You know it and I know it. They just want to see me get angry. Come on, please; why would those talking horse lovers love capitalism? Hah? Why else would they come and listen to my broadcast?”
“Mwah, a-da-ah-ah!”
“Yeah, I know you like them too. You like that Derpy so much, right? Of course you do. Shove it up your ass.”
Ghost began thinking. He was thinking the last weeks about finally quitting his broadcast. This seemed to be the best moment to do so. It was not something he wanted to do… but his show wasn’t serious business anymore.
“Engineer… I need to tell you something.”
“A-ga?”
“I am going to end the broadcast. I have had about enough of this crap.”
“Tja-a?”
“No engineer, I am not coming back in three weeks like last time.”
“ga-ah-ah! Mwa-ka-tjah!”

Ghost sighed. Of course Engineer wouldn’t believe it; he has said it so many times before. It would take more to convince him that it was real this time. He had to do it; otherwise his wife would leave him and take his son with him. And the only things he would have left were Engineer, Karasz Kun and the grave of his granny.
“I will pay you for the next three months, so you can find another job. I’m sorry, Engineer… but… you’re fired.”
Of course Ghost would pay him for some time. He was a melting pot of friendship, and deep down he actually cared a bit for the Engineer, even after the Engineer tried to take over his broadcast. It took a moment for the engineer to realize it was real this time. His eyes started to water.

“No, don’t do that, Engineer. Don’t start fruiting up, please?”

Ghost took a last chug from his beer before he threw it away. “Let’s… just get our things and sign off. For the last time.”
It wasn’t much that he kept here – a sweatshirt he got from one of the members of the melting pot, some beer and some equipment. He had to buy some new mikes though from time to time, because they always seemed to break. Quality really wasn’t as good as it once was. Anyway, that’s wasn’t now of his concern. He wouldn’t be using them again anyway.

Ghost and the Engineer entered the office where they were always broadcasting, ready to pack up their stuff and leave this place forever. But as soon as they both entered, the door was shut tight behind them.
“What the hell…” Ghost mumbled under his breath. “Can’t you do it a little quieter, Engineer?”
Engineer made a gesture that he didn’t know what was going on.

All of a sudden, he heard a graceful voice coming from nearby his table. “Mr. Conquest, can I have a word with you?”
Ghost stopped in is tracks. Someone called him by his real name. And somehow he knew that voice. When he looked up, he saw the queen of the talking horses behind his desk. What was she called? Celery? Serest?  How did a talking horse get inside his studio?

Ghost looked around. “How did you get in here? What are you doing behind MY desk?”
“By the use of teleportation, Mr. Conquest. Now, I need to ask you something.” The horse answered.
“And that is?” Ghost said. He felt something behind him. Ghost looked behind him and saw the Engineer cowering behind his back.
“I am in need of your help, Mr. Conquest. But we don’t much time. I had hoped that you were in your office, but it seems like you just took a break. I suggest you and your friend, Mr. Engineer, come with me. Hold on.”
“What do you mean, hold on -”
At that moment, they were zapped away.





That evening, Louisiana.
It was one of many side jobs that Suspicious Tumbleweed performed: babysitting. It was a nice job, and it got her some money. But this kid she now had – a kid she babysat once a week -was more trouble than he was worth.  She didn’t blame him. He just had a weird family. That was most likely the reason he behaved that way. Always after his mother dropped him off she would go to Applebee’s and have a drunk night. Despite that she was pregnant… with her 7th child. If that doesn’t give the poor baby Fetal alcohol syndrome, then what does? And some black guy is supposed to be that father. If she remembered it correctly, the mother should be getting the baby in 2 or 3 months. It would probably become a burden for the kid.

Suspicious watched the kid. The kid’s name was Asho. He was a young Mexican kid who – as Ghost sometimes mentioned – looked a lot like Justin Bieber and was a kid who was very fond of Bean and Cheese. For an 8-year old kid, he was rather mature in his speaking and doing. He pretended to be 13, but his voice always betrayed him on that part. 
Suspicious sighed. She had hidden her mobile phone and her parent’s landline telephone in order to prevent Asho from prank calling someone. It wasn’t a problem if he would call Ghost, but Asho had done more than just that. And prank calling a university, what he did last time, wasn’t such a great idea. Luckily, Asho was not stupid enough to get himself traced, and thus he stayed out of the hands of the police… for now, at least. O and he needed to stay at her place. Before she would know it he would have gone outside and tied a cat’s tail to a knot.

But the doors were locked and the phones were hidden. It would be a quiet evening, unless Asho would come up with something or would go whining. But he sat next to her on the couch watching television. He was zapping through the channels hoping to watch something interesting. After a minute, he found something.

“Wrestling?” Suspicious asked. “Really?”

“Carlos always watches it. I want to see how the tourney ends.” Asho responded.

“Doesn’t Carlos always watch weird stuff?” Suspicious sighed. “Well, I find it gross. Pick something else and watch it on YouTube later when you get back home.”

“But Roberto always takes the computer! And when he isn’t at home, Juan always goes! And the only time I get a chance is when TCR airs…” he looked down. “…most of the time.”

“Come on, Asho, don’t start being all sad and all, right? I know you do this just to watch wrestling on TV.”
“Sí. Can I watch wrestling?”
“No. You can’t.”
“Perra estúpida…”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing! Nothing, sabihondo.”
“I am taking a course in Spanish, you know.”
“Crap.”
“So you better shut your mouth.” Suspicious said with a smile. It was a lie, but him saying estúpida was of course clearly a sign that he was saying something bad about her.

“So, can you now switch to something else? Isn’t there a movie on somewhere? Like, on the HUB or something?”
Asho shook his head. Suspicious sighed. This was going to be a long night, but she had to claim her authority should she make Asho listen.
“Asho, now listen to me. Give me the remote.”

But then, before Asho could react, a bright light appeared in the room. Suspicious quickly covered her eyes. She could hear the TV going off. After a few seconds the light dimmed. When she opened her eyes again, she saw a majestic white horse standing right in her living room… was that…?

Was that…?

“Princess Celestia!” Asho shouted.

Suspicious saw the little kid running to the princess and giving her a hug. Celestia in return nuzzled him a bit, and he let go.

“Miss Tumbleweed, Asho,” she said. “I know I’m rushing a bit here, but I can’t stay here for long. I need you two to come with me.”

“Why?” Suspicious asked.
“I will explain underway.” She said.
“Can I at least take something with me?” Asho asked.
“Make it quick, please. I can’t stay longer than five minutes.” Celestia said.
Before Suspicious could react, the child ran out of the room.
“I suggest you do the same, if you'd like,” Celestia said.
Suspicious was overwhelmed by what just happened. “Are you… taking us to Equestria?”
Princess Celestia nodded. “Yes.”

Suspicious realized what was happening, and quickly ran to the kitchen. What would she take with her? Let’s see… a photo of her deceased parents, her old Gameboy with some spare batteries (fortunately, those batteries would take a long time before they would run out of juice) and a few other belongings. She tossed them in her shopping bag and ran back to the living room. When she got there, she saw that Asho already had grabbed his stuff.

“Are you ready to go, Miss Tumbleweed?”
Suspicious nodded. Although the thought of leaving everything behind bugged her – and who knows for how long - the opportunity to go to Equestria was something that she never would put down. She looked at Asho’s backpack. “What’s in there, young man?”

“My IPhone, some bags of M&M’s, my lunch with bean and cheese I hadn’t finished and some flyers to support the Mexican capitalist army.”
Of course, those were the things he had to bring with him. Suspicious fought against performing a facepalm. But then again, he wasn’t at home – he could only choose so little. But she couldn’t think about that now. Time was running out.

“Get close to me and hold on,” Celestia said. When Suspicious came close, Celestia unfolded her right wing over Suspicious, and her left wing over Asho, causing the two to stoop a little. Once again, the bright white light illuminated everything, and then, everything went dark.




Harlem, New York City.
Equestrian Citizen’s home.

“Muh nigga, wha should I saying?! You hung up on me last time cause the work wasn’t good enough. Time before that, it was cause I was too late, I’m just saying, what are you so pushy for, dawg?” Equestrian Citizen said through the phone. “I work my ass off day and night to get that shit done!”

It wasn’t an easy job Equestrian Citizen had, but it paid well. He was an administrator for a local harbor, and with the Chinese sending so much stuff, it was difficult to keep check of everything that came through – legal or otherwise. Equestrian Citizen didn’t want to get involved with illegality for the sake of his daughter. He actually wanted to go and live on the countryside, most preferably Oklahoma. 

“Well… okay, I’ll get it done. Before tomorrow night, is that good for you, dawg?” Equestrian Citizen said. 
Equestrian Citizen expected a rection, but guy on the other end of the line just hang up. Equestrian Citizen sighed. This job wasn’t easy, that much was certain. But then again, he had an angel to feed.

“Who was that, daddy?”

Speak of the devil.

“Someone from work, hun. It is late already. Are yo ready to go to bed, yet?”
“Hm-m.”
“Good.” Equestrian Citizen said while nodding. “Let’s get yo off to bed, then.”
Just when Equestrian Citizen stood up, a bright light illuminated his room. He covered his eyes and heard Beckie – his daughter – make a yell. A few seconds later, the light faded away. When he opened his eyes again, he saw a dark blue horse standing right in the middle of his living room.

A few seconds, he couldn’t say anything… “Princess Luna?!” he asked. “Yo, shit, man… what?!”
Beckie didn’t say anything; she just stood there with her mouth wide open. 
“Please, be still my friends. I do not mean to let any harm come over you,” the blue alicorn said. “I, however, do not have enough time to explain my intentions. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I need you both to come with me.”
Equestrian Citizen noticed how she didn’t speak the ‘’royal Canterlot voice’’ anymore, but she still sounded extremely formal.

“Like, what?” Equestrian Citizen said sarcastically. “yo sain’ that there is some evil monster out there and we are the only hope for Equestria or some shit? Man, what is this?”
“Well, yes. How did you know?” Luna responded.
Equestrian Citizen’s eyes widened.
Princess Luna smirked. “What, can’t I join in your sarcasm, Mr. Equestrian Citizen?”
“Why yo callin me by my nickname? I only use that nickname while I’m on TCR, man.”
“II apologize, but my sister and I only know you by that name. But we must hurry, though. I can’t stay here for longer than five minutes.” She then noticed Equestrian Citizen’s daughter. “You must be his daughter, then. I’ve heard about you.”

“Are we really going, daddy?” Beckie asked while acting like she was on a sugar rush. “I really want to!”
Equestrian Citizen was taken aback by the shitstorm that just happened – to find out ponies are real is one thing. Then they want to take you to Equestria, and your daughter pulls you to come with you.

“Listen, hun…” Equestrian Citizen said. “I don really know if we should… you know… go with it.”

Princess Luna wanted to say something, but was interrupted by someone who was pounding on the door. “Our contract is over! Come on out, big guy!”

Here we go, Equestrian Citizen thought. Trapped inside your own house and surrounded by Chinese gangsters and motherfreaking princess Luna inside your own living room too. You finally meet a pony, and then you all get killed  – but wait a minute…

“Shit, nigga. We gotta go.Now.” Equestrian Citizen said while facing Luna. Luna knew what he meant, an that she came just at the right time. 

“Move under my wings, both of you. This will be a hard spell to cast.”

Equestrian Citizen moved under her right wing, Beckie under her left. Luna casted a spell and the whole room was illuminated again. Before Equestrian Citizen could react, the whole world around him became dark.





And there they went, all good friends of one another, now going to the magical land of Equestria... and many more would follow.