//------------------------------// // Relatively Merciful // Story: Wild Card // by Barrel-of-fun //------------------------------// The scumbag we had captured was quick to be forthcoming with the location of the remaining Guards. Apparently, Melody had decided that killing them would be a waste and had put them to work on a small island off the coast of Manehatten to mine away and collect gems there. The small isle was fairly out of the way, so much so that the pirate had to give us constant directions to lead us there. The presence of Iron standing menacingly behind him ensured there was no foul play. As for the rest of the pirates, well, ships have brigs for a reason after all. Admittedly, getting them all in there was a bit of a squeeze but it was nothing that a bit of elbow grease, thoughtfully provided by the Guard misfits, as well as my own masterful expertise at Tetris couldn’t solve. With that problem out of the way, I took the time to change out of the dress as we headed for our destination. The pink thing may be perfect for infiltrating a high-society ball or a convention of crossdressers but for sneaking onto an island full of pirates it may be a bit out of place. I was now dressed in my usual coat and, to help keep out the chilly sea air, a red scarf that I had stolen from one of the pirate’s bunks. Despite it belonging to a pirate, it was surprisingly clean and well-made, it’s bright red colour still managing to stand out clearly. As I looked out over the sea, Summer came up behind me and joined me in leaning against the rail. We both just watched the sea pass by for a couple of seconds before she broke the silence. “We’re doing well so far.” She observed. “Aye.” I replied, waiting to see where she was going with this. “Had a lot of luck so far though, won’t last forever.” “Aye.” “We’ll need a plan. A damn good one.” “Aye.” I said for a third time. Sometimes I felt like my worth as a conversational partner was overestimated, considering my job could be done by a tape recorder. “Do you have a good plan?” I added. She sighed and looked down, “No, I don’t. There’s far too many variables. We have no idea how many pirates are on the island, or what weapons they have, or what condition the Guards are in. Tartarus, I don’t even know if the rookies will be able to hold up.” I looked over my shoulder to where the young Guards were talking excitedly about the fight, wild gesticulations going everywhere as they eagerly described their triumph. “They did well.” I noted. I’d seen a few fighters in my time and those kids definitely ranked among some of the best. “I’d like to see what training you put them through to make them so good, and in so little time as well.” Summer looked up at me and smiled, somehow managing to mix both kindness and ferocity into her smile. “Trust me, you really don’t want to know.” Well that just made me even more curious! “They’re good,” She admitted, “And eager as well, but they aren’t ready to go taking on an entire army. We need to know what we’re going up against and plan for it.” “I think I know where this is going.” I muttered. “I’m taking Private Shivers and Private Dread on a scouting mission. I know I don’t have any authority over you but I’m asking you, as a friend, to accompany us.” I pretended to mull it over for a moment before replying. “Island full of dangerous pirates, bunch of rookies along for the ride, infinite possibilities for terrible deadly circumstances? How could I possibly say no?” I sent a grin at her before turning serious, “Besides, you’ll need someone to watch your back and, no offence to Iron, but he would be unsuitable for two reasons.” “Oh,” She said, raising an eyebrow, “And what reasons are these?” “One, he is far too large to be truly stealthy and two,” I took a tactical step away from the unicorn, “He would be far too absorbed in watching certain parts of your back.” That tactical step backwards really helped avoid the buck she sent at me. We landed on the island by lifeboat, Iron made sure to keep the bulky ship well out of sight whilst we rowed, slowly and quietly, onto land. After pulling the boat up, we took a little time to inspect our surroundings. The isle itself was truly tiny, easily capable of being crossed in about an hour’s walk. The landscape was dominated entirely by a mountain that rested at the centre of the island, looking completely out of place. Down its rocky sides, trees of all different shades of green grew vibrantly, making the place look more like a holiday resort than a pirate hideout. What ruined the effect, was the black smoke of a mining camp billowing towards the sky. The pollution made the approach incredibly easy, almost too easy. With the smog hanging above our target there was no chance of us getting lost or turned about in the forest as we climbed the slope of the mountain. Shivers, Summer and Dread had seen fit to remove their armour, the chance of the clunky metal revealing our position being too dangerous, whilst I had thoughtfully wrapped some cloth around my hooves and fashioned some other ninja shoes for the ponies. I was so generous like that. Step over Rarity, there’s a new Element of Generosity in town...and he’s using his title as an Element Bearer to lull everyone into a false sense of security so he can steal their stuff. Yeah, I’m a saint like that. Eventually we managed to crest a small rise on the mountain and look down at the entrance to the mining camp. It was, fairly predictably, absolutely covered in pirates. Some were lounging about, some were playing cards, some were wearing silly hats. Pirates on every shape and sizes stood about by various fires, some enterprising ones even toasting marshmallows on spits. I never thought I’d see a pirate slumber party and yet here it is. We crawled away from the ridge before any of the ponies below managed to spot us. I looked down at Summer and noticed her worried expression, seeing it mirrored on the faces of the two rookies, although theirs was tinted with a bit of fear. “Got a plan?” I asked a little redundantly. She paused for a moment and looked up at the only other entrance we had found into the mine, a large hole from which served as a sort of chimney for the black smoke, before eventually returning my gaze, “Perhaps, but there may be some slight problems.” She looked over at the recruits, who returned her look with one of absolute trust, or almost absolute trust in Dread’s case, “You two go back to the ship, get the others back here quickly.” They nodded and scurried away back to the rowing boat. “Ace...exactly how annoying do you think you can be?” Well that is an interesting question. “Depends what for.” I paused and gave it some thought. “I once got three Italian mob bosses to declare vendettas against me in a single day. I’ve got to say, the Italian’s really take vendettas seriously, though I guess they really should considering they invented the word.” She blinked at me, “How exactly did you manage that?” “I sang Livin’ La Vida Loca to them in an attempt to appease them with authentic Italian music.” I replied, “I learnt three things that day. Livin' La Vida Loca is actually Spanish, I am not very good at geography and the Italian mafia can be quite sensitive about their culture.” “Okay Okay,” She said, waving one hoof in the air to cut off my rambling, “But do you think that you can keep the pirates attention on you for a good ten minutes?” I hummed in thought before responding, “I’m not sure if I know that many pirates songs but I suppose I could give it a shot.” I cast a sly glance her way, “What’re you thinking of Stormy?” “Stormy?” She asked with some disbelief. “I’m trying out some nicknames.” I shrugged, “So, have you actually got a plan now?” “Yeah, but you’re not going to like it.” “I rarely do,” I sighed, “And those are my plans, I can only imagine that yours will be a step up. So, hit me with it.” She was right, I didn’t like this plan. Although, if I had the sense of mind to actually bother attending a gym then I’m sure my fitness trainer would have loved it, mainly because it involved a lot of running. I was hidden in some bushes above the pirate’s position, watching intently for Summer’s signal that the others were in position. After a couple of minutes I saw it, a faint shimmer of light blue magic from Summer’s horn, so dim that it went completely unnoticed by the pirate guards. I took a deep breath and then leapt up from my position into view by the light of the various campfires. The nearest pirates wheeled round at the sight of me whilst the rest were quick to follow upon hearing my announcement. “Breakin’ rocks in the hot sun!” I shouted, to the bewilderment of my audience, “I fought the law and the...” I pointed at the pirates and waited for them to finish the famous line. Several arrows slammed into the trees around me in response. “Wow, you guys totally suck.” I deadpanned, before breaking into a dead sprint away from their position. My powerful legs allowed me to easily lose sight of the pirates, whose stomping quadrupedal gait worked against them over the rough terrain of the forest. The moment I was certain they had lost my trail I quickly clambered up a tree and waited, perched up in the branches, for a target. It wasn’t long until one kindly came along, a unicorn with a crossbow held in his magical grip. He looked fairly young, though I’ll admit I’m not very good at telling the differences between ponies, if it weren’t for their colour coding I probably wouldn't be able to tell them apart. They all look the same to me. Oh my god, I think I’m a racist. Knowing that there was only one way to take my mind off my potential racism, I leapt down from my tree top position and landed on my target hooves first. The unicorn fell easily under the blow, collapsing to the ground with a thump and dropping his bow. Having committed a suitable amount of violence against the target of my questionable racism, I grabbed his bow and hid in some bushes, waiting for part two of my cunning ambush to play out. It wasn’t long until another pirate stumbled along, perhaps even looking for his missing comrade. As he approached the fallen unicorn I took careful aim with my stolen weapon and, just as the pony held still to check on his companion, I fired. The bolt whizzed through the short distance between us before impacting with a meaty thump. The effect was instantaneous, the target collapsing to the ground and letting out a howl of pain as he tried to press a hoof to the wound. The bolt had gone straight through the knee of the pirate’s hind leg, which made it a bit difficult for him to cover the wound. I stepped out of my concealed position and walked over to the injured pony, my hands shaking slightly from the adrenaline. I’d done a lot of exciting things in my life but I’d never been the freaking Predator before. Violence wasn’t my style, I left that sort of thing up to the mobsters and thugs who gave crime a bad name. To be honest, I’m not sure what disturbed me more about the pain I had caused; how good I was at it, or how much I enjoyed it. I looked down at the screaming pony, squashing any excessive emotions that were running through me now. I had to shut him up some way, before he brought the rest of the pirates down on my head. My hand reached for the knife at my waist, the blade presenting an almost stupidly simple answer to my conundrum. One quick slash, that’s all it took. I’d seen men get stabbed before, it was shocking how quickly people died. A single wound in the right place and the fragile mortal form seemed to just give up and die. My mind as numb as my hands, I remembered the first time I had seen death. I had been fifteen years old and living on the streets of London, fighting tooth and nail just to survive. Like most of the homeless, I would do anything to get my next meal, including theft. To my pride, I’d never used violence against a mark. I was quick enough that I didn’t need to. One evening a man had wandered into the alleyway where myself and a number of other homeless folk were spending the night away from the prying eyes of the police. I remember he was a large man, almost three times the size of my slim teenage frame, and drunk as well, violently so. He started trying to throw his considerable weight around and one of the older unhoused took offence to that. There was a flash of metal and the drunk stumbled back with a stanley knife wedged inside his fat stomach. There was no beauty about it, no glory or honour in his death. The old man, now a murderer, fell on his victim, grabbing the knife and ripping it out before plunging it back in again, and again, and again. It was amazing, in a horrifying way, just how energetic the old man was in his crime, considering his age and condition. I blinked and was back in the forest, the injured stallion was quiet now, looking up at me and whimpering pathetically. My knife was halfway out of its sheath, apparently the slow rasping of metal that it made as it left its holster had caused fear to override the stallion’s pain and he was now staring at me with wide eyes, silently begging for mercy. The hand that gripped the knife clutched it tightly, the knuckles turning white. I looked down on the pirate, who had undoubtedly done terrible things to good, innocent folk. I remembered the old man and the drunk. I wondered what Summer and Iron would think of me. I wondered what I would think of me. I decided what sort of man I was. Slamming the knife back into its sheath, I swung the unloaded crossbow into a two handed grip and raised it over one shoulder, preparing to bring the heavy wooden frame down in a vicious attack. I felt like I should say something momentous, something special, to commemorate my choice as a more merciful man. Seeing the pirate’s injured knee, I decided on the perfect phrase. “Skyrim reference.” I muttered darkly, before smashing the crossbow down on the pirate’s head, sending him into unconsciousness and breaking the bow in two. I dropped the remains of the bow onto the ground and knelt  down next to my victims turned patients. Their breathing seemed to be regular and they weren’t bleeding from their skulls. I believe that means they are probably going to survive. I let out a relieved smile and stood back up, wiping some loose dirt off my knees as I did so. I could hear more pirates stomping about as they made their way towards my position, no doubt alerted by their comrade’s screams. I quickly shrugged my coat off and reversed it before slipping it back on, enchantment at the ready. On silent hooves I slunk into the forest, ready for the next round in the game of excessively violent Hide and Go Seek that we seemed to playing. The pirate’s interest had been well and truly piqued, no doubt they would be willing to chase me down all night after I’d taken down two of their number, which suited me just fine. After all, it was according to the plan. I sped up as shouts began to emanate from behind me, a grin appearing on my face. The hunt was on.