Equestria Noir Case 21 "Blood is Thicker than Wine"

by Jacoboby1

Chapter 1 "Blood Has Been Poured"

“Again, Applejack, I’m really sorry this all happened,” I said, sweating a little as the farm pony glared at me.

“Sorry?” she said, her green eyes showing no signs of mercy “Ya think sorry is gonna cover the fact that Ah caught yer mutt in mah barn?”

I looked behind me to see Luca, my pet wolf hiding behind me. Usually I let him roam in the Everfree Forest, but I call on him when I need a nose better than mine. He did have a playful side too, constantly running and playing with us whenever Tailspin or I was home.

Right now though, he had his tail in between his legs, thanks to Applejack. I looked back at Applejack and said, “Look, Luca is very sorry about what happened too.”

“Normally Ah’d be easy to forgive,” but Ah’m not too forgivin' of a wolf that came tah deflower mah Winona!”

Winona was Applejack’s border collie herd dog. She was friendly and loved to play with others. From what I heard, she was very useful around the farm too. Right now though, she was gazing longingly from behind Applejack. Luca was trying not to meet her eyes out of shame or embarrassment. I wondered who started this exactly.

“Now listen 'ere, Private,” Applejack said, pointing an accusatory hoof at me, “you’re mah friend, and Ah owe ya big time fer what you’ve done for this family. That doesn’t mean Ah’m gonna allow Winona tah have puppies before she’s ready.” She hugged the dog and stroked her brown head with a hoof. “She’s just too young fer that kinda relationship.”

Again Winona looked at Luca; I’m still not sure what happened in the barn. All we know is, that during the reunion’s wrap up, Applebloom caught the two of them “Wrestling” in the barn. Next thing I know, I’m down here apologizing profusely for my wolf’s apparent behavior.

I sighed, looked up at Applejack contritely, and asked, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

Applejack set down Winona, who went off to chase some rabbits that got into the stores, and gestured to a small basket behind me. “Actually, Mah cuzin, Sour Grapes, lives a little ways down the road. As it turns out we have a bunch of leftover fritters from the reunion. Ah would normally drop them off mahself, but Ah gotta start getting fields ready fer the new plantain' season. If ya could get these over tah her Ah’d appreciate it. She should be at Twilight’s place right bout now doin' whatever smart ponies do.”

Sour Grapes was a friend of Twilight’s. They'd met a long time ago, back when she first came to Ponyville. Twilight mentioned her once in a while, but we'd never actually met face to face.

I apologized to Applejack again, levitated the basket beside me, and walked the path away from the barn. I looked over at Luca, his yellow eyes not meeting mine. “Okay, be honest, who started it?” I asked.

He barked once and then went back to walking.

I shook my head and asked, “Was she worth it, man?”

He gave me a look that I translated as, “Yeah, so what.”

“Do you like her?”

His look said, “Sure, but I don’t know if it’ll work.”

“Applejack intimidates you, huh?” I asked with a grin.

He growled, that meant, “You try getting mistaken for a timber wolf and running around getting shot at.”

“Alright,” I said as I rolled my eyes, “but in the end?”

His ears flattened, that told me, “I’m crazy about her man. Other wolves think I’m weird for liking dogs, but she is just so beautiful.”

I smiled and rubbed his head with my hoof. “Just don't get in trouble next time. Start with dinner, and try not to make it Angel Bunny, ” I chided him gently.

He whined a little, for some reason Luca always resented Fluttershy’s pet rabbit. Every single time I asked Fluttershy to watch him she tells me he and Angel were “Playing chase.” For some reason the bunny always looked terrified afterwards. This didn’t add a lot of confidence to his apparent sincerity.

“Just keep away from Winona for a while,” I warned, as I watched him take off for the Everfree Forest.

I shook my head and made my way to Golden Oaks library. I heard voices on the other side and slowly peeked in. There was Twilight talking with another mare. She was chocolate brown with a long dark brown mane that had a horn sticking out. Her violet eyes were behind a pair of round glasses. She had a cutie mark of a bunch of grapes on her flank; this had to be Sour Grapes.

Twilight was speaking, “So as it turns out, I was wasting more magic then I thought while teleporting. With a basic reexamination of Ember Stone’s theory of relative dimensionality, my teleportation is far more efficient”

“Good to know. Magic wasted is magic you may need, later," the chocolate brown unicorn said nodding. "The way you go 'round, Twi, you'll be needing all your magic at your disposal. First as one of the greatest heroes of Equestria, and now as an assistant to a detective."

Maybe I can gauge what Twilight really thinks of me if I listen in. Leaving it just open enough to hear what Twilight was saying . "Well, I try not to get a swelled head. Private does just as much saving Equestria as I do."

"I know,” Grapes replied. “He helped Big Mac, and a lot of others I've heard about."

I tried not to get a swelled head myself as Twilight said, “Yeah, he’s a great guy. I’m lucky to have him.”

I could just see Grapes’ smirk. “You’re pretty fond of him huh, Twilight?” she asked teasingly.

“Well yeah,” Twilight said, sounding flustered. “I mean he’s strong, kind, smart and very sweet on the-” She paused for a minute and then shouted indignantly, “Quit smirking like that!”

Grapes stifled a laugh and said, “I’m sorry, you’re just so cute when you’re gushing over him like this.”

“I’m not gushing over him!” Twilight snapped. I could just see her blushing. “Stop teasing, Grapes!”

The unicorn laughed merrily and apologized, “Sorry, you know I tease all my friends.”

“Great, now you have an excuse to tease me,” Twilight said grumpily.

“And I’m milking it for all it’s worth,” Grapes answered.

My fun was had and I decided to open the door. Twilight looked at me, going even redder in the face. “Private! Were you eavesdropping?” she asked.

“Well,” I said with a small smirk, “I may have overheard my marefriend gushing over me.”

Twilight just shook her head and I looked over at her friend. “I gather that you are Miss Sour Grapes?”

“Just call me Grapes,” she answered with a smile.

I levitated the basket of fritters into her eagerly waiting hooves. “I got drafted by your cousin to give you some of these.”

Twilight gave me a look as Grapes looked on her prize. “Winona?” she asked.

“I’m afraid my wolf may have gotten hooked,” I said flatly.

“I’ve been telling AJ for weeks that Winona was giving him looks,” Twilight said with a sigh. “Apple family stubbornness…” She then gave Grapes a smile. “Uh, no offense”

Grapes just smiled back and waved her hoof dismissively. “I’m too happy by the sight of AJ’s fritters to be offended anyway,” she replied. “As for the Border collie, like I always say, life is strange, and love is stranger.”

She was a pretty smart mare, I’ll give her that. Twilight then gestured to me and formally introduced us, “Private, this is my friend Sour Grapes, we’re kind of the biggest nerds in town.”

“She's the biggest,” Grapes cut in. “I'm just the second biggest.”

I wasn’t going to say I probably was the third biggest. Thank Celestia Raiden wasn’t here to say that. Twilight went on “We kind of get together once in a while to talk about events and magic, stuff like that.”

“Speaking of events,” Grapes added, “tell him about the Caffeinated Calamity some time.”

“Unlike you Grapes, some of us want to forget that,” Twilight said humorlessly.

I laughed a little. “So Grapes, you obviously do something with your namesake judging by your cutie mark.” I pointed at her flank and Grapes gave a wide smile.

“I run Grapevine Hills Vineyard and Winery,” she said, proudly. “It’s a pretty big business, especially around this time of year when everypony is starting to get into garden parties.”

“I may need to sample some of your merchandise,” I said with a smile. “Just to see how it stands up to Potso’s.”

She titled her head and asked, “He makes his own wine?”

“His mom was in the business,” I explained. “She came from Bitallia.”

“I’d be happy to see if she can top some of mine,” Sour Grapes said, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

I went to answer it and found myself facing a grey chest. I looked up and saw that I was looking what can best be described as a grey Big Mac with wings. His coat was dark grey like a raincloud, his mane was like dark as well. His sky blue eyes looked down at me, and then up past me.

“Excuse me,” he said, rudely pushing past me, I saw that he was a Pegasus judging by the wings on his sides. They weren’t small wings either, they were huge! He was like an albatross!

He rushed over to Sour Grapes, looking panicked. “You have to come with me!” he said urgently. “Cops are all over the vineyard! Three ponies were murdered there!”

Grapes cried out in shock, “Oh Tartarus no! Murders? Not at MY vineyard!”

“That’s not the worst part,” the grey stallion went on, “they’re saying that you killed them!”

“Look, I know I’m a hard taskmaster,” Grapes said with a shake of her head “but I’d never kill anypony!”

"I know you wouldn't," he said wrapping his hooves and wings around her comfortingly. “Are you alright, Grapes?” he asked concern evident in his voice. The question seemed to have some deeper undertones, as though he was asking about more than just her reaction to his shocking news.

“I’m fine, Stormfront,” Grapes answered, her tone of voice somewhere between grateful and annoyed. “Really!”

"This is the last thing you need on top of everything else," he said studying her worriedly. "You know you shoul-"

“I’m fine!” Sour cut him off, but then she buried her head in his chest. “I’m fine okay, it was a one-time thing.”

“If you say so,” Stormfront said, his tone betraying how he really felt.

I wasn't sure exactly what was going on between the two, but clearly they were in need of my help. I walked to the couple and said, "Sorry to interrupt, but it sounds like you could use some help. I can come along if you'd like. I am a private detective with some experience in these matters. The name is Private Eye."

Stormfront gazed at me, relief evident in his eyes. "The Private Eye?" he asked. “I've read a lot about you. Do you really think you could help?”

I nodded firmly and replied, “I’m sure of it. Take us there.”
_________________________________________________________
Grapevine Hills lived up to its name. The landscape had small hills, where the grape frames marched in rows across the hilly fields. Vines twined up the wooden poles, and draped over the strong twine connecting them, clothing the bare frames in dark green leaves and round bunches of fruit. Reds and purples dominated the landscape of the vines, but there were some rows of whites, as well.

On another hill sat the farmhouse, a medium two-story structure in the fine old Ponyville style. Stuccoed walls with a thatched roof, and good sturdy beams stained in a dark color standing out proudly against the white of the plaster.

Next to it, looking quite out-of-place, was the two-story bunk-house. It was well-maintained, but it was obviously added later in the life of the vineyard. It was wood, with a white-painted siding, and a roof that looked better suited to be the hull of a boat, than the top of a house. It was this second structure that had the heavy police presence.

Right now though, the place wasn’t trying to be picturesque. Cops were everywhere combing the place looking for evidence. I looked up and saw a familiar uniform salute as we approached. “Detective Private Eye! Good to see you sir!”

“At ease, Dunnit,” I said, allowing the orange earth pony to relax. “What’s going on here?”

“Forceps is hoping to figure that out now,” he answered. “Though, it’s not looking good for you, Miss Grapes.”

Sour Grapes gave him a rather harsh glare “What exactly happened here?”

“Sorry Ma'am, I don't feel comfortable letting civilians other than the detective and his partner in.” He gestured to Twilight and me, and said, “Forceps specifically requested you.”

She suddenly got into the uniform’s face and growled, “Well I specifically request that you take me to this pony who thinks he can just march into my vineyard and take over. I don’t think anypony wants a repeat performance of Blueballs.”

“No, ma'am,” Dunnit said, shaking like a leaf. “You can go on in with Private.”

“Thank you, good sir,” she said in a mock fashion, before walking with us into the crime scene.

Dunnit lead us into a small storage shed. There were two bodies laid out on the floor among the wines. A third one was being examined on the ground outside by none other than old Forceps. He smiled as he saw me and said, “Hey sonny, it’s great to see you.”

“It’s been a while, Forceps” I said, giving the old coot a smile. “So, what have we got?”

Forceps pointed at the two bodies leaning against the wall of the shed, they were covered nearly head to hoof in wine. Two broken glass bottles were on the floor. “Well, you got these two stiffs here, both earth ponies. One male, one female.”

“Treebinder?” Grapes asked in shock, peeking her head and looking at the two bodies. Then she noticed the identity of the mare, “Oh no! Not Mirabelle Time, too.”

“You know these ponies, Grapes?” Twilight asked, looking at the brown mare.

She nodded as Stormfront left to be interviewed by another officer. “Yeah, I know him too,” she replied, gesturing to the pegasus. “This guy is named Parsley. All three were temps I hired weeks ago.”

“Well, they got a new occupation,” Forceps cut in, “Stiffs.” He laughed uproariously at his bad joke.

Sour looked a little mortified by Forceps’ callous nature with death. I looked to Twilight and said, “Keep her company while I examine the bodies.”

My marefriend nodded and lead Grapes out, leaving Forceps and I with the victims. I looked to the male earth pony. He looked to be about late teens, or early twenties, with a long tan colored mane and a coat of verdant blue. I pulled out my magnifying glass and began to examine the body carefully. “What have you got so far?” I asked Forceps.

“This guy was conked on the head by them wine bottles,” Forceps explained. Then he turned the body’s neck with his magic, revealing a small hole in the back of his neck. “Looks like he got stuck with some kind of syringe too. I’ll need to take him back to the lab for a better look.”

I searched the victim’s pockets and came up with a wallet. I opened it to reveal a farmer’s license. Sure enough, this was Tree Binder. “Do you have an estimated time of death?”

“I’d say round midnight judging by his body temperature,” Forceps replied, “Same with the mare stiff.”

I looked at the earth pony mare. She was a rather plain looking pony with a bistro colored coat and a long yellow mane. I searched her wallet and found that this was Mirabelle. “Same conditions,” Forceps said. “Dead round midnight, cause of death was a drug overdose of some kind.”

“What about the pegasus here?” I asked, looking at the pegasus strewn out on a blanket.

“Now this one’s interesting,” he said, lifting his wings off his body. “We found this stiff on the weather vane, got skewered like a shish kebab.”

The pegasus in question was about my age. He had a mint green coat and a short blond mane. I saw the impalement wound on his stomach. “How’d he manage to get himself impaled on a weather vane?” I asked.

“Telekinesis,” Forceps replied. “We found traces of unicorn magic on him. Somepony yanked him by his legs and plunged him down on top of it.”

“Do you have a DNA match?” I asked.

“We’ll see once-“

“Once I get back to the lab,” a deep voice said.

I looked up towards the source of the voice. It belonged to a large tan colored unicorn pony that was walking towards me. His mane was short and greying and his eyes were dark green. They did not look happy. He was clad in a brown trench coat with a white fedora that held back the spring sun.

His dark green eyes glared at me, “I don’t think I allowed meddlesome hybrids to interfere at my crime scenes.”

“Thatcher Hook?” I said, standing up and looking at him. “What are you doing here? I thought you retired to Fillydelphia.”

“Shinebadge is calling in some of our younger retirees now that the crime rate is up,” he replied. “Now, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave my crime scene.”

“Listen here, sonny,” Forceps cut in, “Private here may be a youngster, but he’s solved twice as many cases in half as many years you’ve been alive.”

“Watch your tongue, Forceps,” Thatcher threatened. “I’m not having a hybrid working this case. He’s already tainted the very air by breathing it.”

“Look here, pal!” I said, getting in his face. “I know you’ve never liked me, but if you can’t keep your prejudice views out of a case then I’m starting to question Shinebadge’s wisdom in bringing you back.”

“Your attitude reeks just like your chicken of a mother,” he insulted.

“How dare you!” I was about ready to pummel him when I felt magic yank on my tail. I looked up to see Twilight get between me and Thatcher, his attitude quickly changed.

“M'lady Sparkle,” he said with a quick bow. “I had no idea you were with this, ruffian.”

“Save it,” Twilight snapped. “I will not have you egging on Private while I’m around. Otherwise, I’ll have Princess Celestia herself deal with you.”

“M'lady!” Thatcher exclaimed. “Surely you see the misguidance in letting a hybr-“

“That’s my coltfriend you’re speaking of,” Twilight growled. “Now, you will keep your comments about hybrids to yourself. Otherwise, I’m going to have to show you just what I can do with my horn.”

Is it possible to be scared shitless and turned on by Twilight taking down this nutjob?

“Very well, Miss Sparkle,” he said begrudgingly. “Though I still don’t appreciate him tampering with my crime scene.”

“Which also happens to be my vineyard,” Grapes interjected.

Sour Grapes walked up and stood by Twilight. “Just what the hay is going on here? Why are there dead bodies in my shed?” she demanded to know.

“You should hold your tongue as well,” Thatcher said, “Lest you incriminate yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” Grapes asked in disbelief, shaking her head. “I’d never kill anypony.”

“No,” Thatcher said, a smirk growing on his face “but, even the greatest of us can be driven to if the conditions are right”

Grapes didn’t say anything for a minute.

“I had uniforms call up the family members. According to reports from them, they described their workplace as stressful, their boss unmerciful, and the conditions bleak.” he said, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Only because they weren’t doing their jobs,” Sour answered, “I hired them on because of a boom crop. I was hoping to get some decent help. However, Parsley was caught stealing grapes, Treebinder was sleeping on the job, and Maritime wouldn’t stop complaining. So you can hardly call them model employees”

“All of their families said they had something on you though,” Thatcher said. “Something that they said would get you good. Covering up a scandal would be prime motive for murder.”

“What scandal?” Twilight asked.

“They didn’t say,” Thatcher answered, “but I’m sure we’ll find out after our investigation.”

“I didn’t kill anypony!” Sour fired at him. “I’d never kill anypony, and Twilight knows it!”

Twilight nodded and said, “I’ve known Sour Grapes almost the entire time I’ve been in Ponyville. She’s blunt yes, but she’s fair and honest.”

“Then explain to me one thing,” Thatcher said.

I looked at him, awaiting what he had to say but I wasn’t prepared for this…

“How come she wasn’t in bed during the time of the murder, and nopony could find her until morning?” he asked smugly.