Twilight's Library
Midnight
Hank was up all night, reading a book in his bedroom.
As he read his book, he became more tired.
Eventually, he fell asleep and had a crazy dream...
"Now for the final test..." a familiar voice said.
"The Snipe hunt."
SNIPE HUNT
PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA 19XX
Young colt versions of Hank, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn are sitting next to a campfire. Cotton and Hank's friends' dads were standing in front of the fire. Cotton was busy talking to the colts.
"Not gonna sugar coat it." Cotton said. "Some of you ain't coming back. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. Those who don't, will be DEAD. Questions? ARE YOU READY?"
"Yeah!" Kahn shouted. "Um...uh..."
Cotton walked up to Kahn with a pissed look on his face.
"You flunked the test of silence Kahn!" Cotton barked. "Give me your silence stick!-!"
Kahn handed him his silence stick. Cotton broke it in half.
"For the rest of your long miserable life, you will carry the scar of failure. Now go get me a whiskey cupcake."
Kahn walked to the cupcake table with a sad face.
"And ya colts get out there and bag some snipe!" Cotton said to Hank and his friends.
He screamed at the colts, which scared them away to find the "snipe." Dale tried to look for the snipe. Hank tapped his shoulder.
"SNIPE!" Dale yelled.
Hank was standing there with Bill and Boomhauer.
"Shut up Dale." Hank replied. "There is no snipe. I heard my dad talking to your dad"
"So what are we doing out here?" Bill asked.
Boomhauer took out a bottle of Sweet Apple Acre's Finest Sparkling Apple Cider.
"We're gonna git snackered I tell you wat boy i wanna get messed up and dang o pollute our minds dang o 3 sheets to dang ol' wind man" Boomhauer replied.
The colts were awed at the sight of the cider.
Bill took a sip and shuddered.
"When I grow up I'm gonna drink this stuff everyday just like my dad, and fly jets and maybe even be an astronaut." he said. "Or a better villain than King Sombra. And then be reformed like Discord. And then become a alicorn ruler, like Twilight!"
Dale took the bottle of cider and took a sip.
"I'm gonna live in Manehatten and be a rich millionaire and have ponies SENT TO THE MOON!" he said. "Or join the Wonderbolts..."
Hank took the bottle of cider and took a sip.
"I'm gonna sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough." he said.
Boomhauer took the bottle of cider and took a sip.
"Dang o tell ya wat man kids and their crazy dreams." he said while shaking his head and chuckling.
Just then, a giant Pinkie Pie ripped through the sky.
"HEY!" she shouted. "HOW COME I'M NOT IN YOUR DREAM, HANKIE?-!-?-!-?-!"
8:00 AM
Hank woke up suddenly and just sat there.
"That dream was so weird, I can't even blink." he muttered.
Eventually, he had an idea...
Fluttershy's Cottage
Fluttershy was busy feeding the animals.
She noticed Dale flying towards her.
Dale landed next to her. "Hey Fluttershy." he said with a smile.
Fluttershy ignored him, she had a disappointed look on her face.
Dale frowned. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Fluttershy answered without looking at him. "Rainbow Dash told me about you." she said blankly.
Dale cringed. Did Rainbow Dash already told Fluttershy about Rusty Shackleford?
Fluttershy continued with her eyes closed. "She told me you were an Exterminator. You killed animals."
Dale chuckled nervously. "Not ponies! Only rodents...like rats and bugs like that."
"Exactly..." Fluttershy replied.
Dale looked the animals around her cottage and understood what she was talking about.
Bill once told Dale about Fluttershy. He told him about how she loves animals, even rodents.
Dale wanted to say something but Fluttershy waved him off with her hoof.
"I think you should go, Mr. Gribble." she said with a frown.
Dale walked away with a sad face.
He saw Hank walking towards him. Hank was covered in tree sap and spider webs.
Dale blinked. "What happened to you?" he asked Hank.
"Well..." Hank said with a frown "I went to visit Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. I also went to Bill and Boomhauer and now going to you, Dale. I decided to take a shortcut by going to the Everfree Forest, but I out-chased that SAME DAMN BEAR and got covered in tree sap...and webs. By the Dale, can you help me out with something?"
Dale nodded. "Maybe." he said.
Hank continued. "Remember the 'Order of the Straight Arrow' back when we were kids?" he said with a smile.
Dale smiled. "How could I forget?" he said.
Hank smirked. "Well we're gonna make some mares out of those Cutie Mark Crusaders tomorrow, I tell you what." he said with a chuckle.
Fluttershy's Cottage
The next morning
Hank once again thanked Fluttershy for letting the Cutie Mark Crusaders camp next to Fluttershy's home, since it looked appropriate for a camp site.
Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo stood there, busy talking to each other.
Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer stood in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Hank cleared his throat. "Alright, fillies." he said. "Welcome to the Order of the Straight Arrow. I am Hank Hill. These are my friends Dale Gribble, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer. The Order of the Straight Arrow will make you mares if you succeed, maybe even get your Cutie Marks. If you don't...you will be fillies for the rest of your miserable lives...and maybe blank flanks...I hope to God no. Any questions?"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were not even paying attention and continued talking.
Hank got pissed. "SHUT UP!" he shouted.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders suddenly stopped talking.
Hank sighed and took out 3 carrot sticks. "OK. The 24 hour oath of silence starts now." he said. "Here are your silence sticks."
Hank gave each filly a carrot stick.
Apple Bloom spoke up. "Those are carrot sticks" she said.
Hank rolled his eyes.
"That's what filly blank flanks call them." he said sternly. "MARES WITH CUTIE MARKS calls them silence sticks to test your spirit of SHUTTING UP! Each time you talk, I take a bite. Talk 5 times and you're out. 24 hour silence starts NOW."
After a few seconds, the Cutie Mark Crusaders spoke up at the same time: "RIGHT NOW?"
Hank sighed. "You fillies just talked." he said. "Now I'll let that pass but don't talk again!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders smiled and, at the same time, said: "Thanks, Mr. Hill."
Hank groaned. "Give me those carrots." he muttered as he took their carrots and took a bite out of each of them.
"They remind me of Bobby and his friends," he thought as he chewed the carrots. He didn't know that all this looked very familiar...
Nighttime
After hours of biting carrot sticks, Hank set up a campfire.
"I am Kicking Elk." he said boldly. "As long as the sacred fire is burning, the oath of silence is suspended."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders sighed happily and started to talk.
Hank got angry. "SHUT UP!" he shouted "I'm talking here!"
Hank cleared his throat.
"We," he said. "of the Order of the Straight Arrow, call upon the spirit of Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient, clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says respect Equestria. She's ours, by Celestia, our taxes paid for her."
Hank took out a piece of paper.
"Also," he said, looking at the paper. "uh, it says here you've got to love all her creatures. Uh, here we go. Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky. With liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Ponyville. AMEN."
"Damn it..." Hank said to himself. "Why does this all looked familiar?"
Hank continued. "Now we will say the oath of the Order of the Straight Arrow." he said.
Everyone stood up and, together, said:
A STRAIGHT ARROW TELLS THE TRUTH. A STRAIGHT ARROW LOVES NATURE. A STRAIGHT ARROW WILL NOT ALLOW THE FLIMFLAM BROTHERS BACK IN OUR TOWN NOR DRINK THEIR CIDER. A STRAIGHT ARROW WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON. WEMATANYE!
AppleBloom whispered to her friends: "How do they know 'bout the FlimFlam Brothers?" she asked. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo just shrugged.
"Damn it, Bill." Hank whispered to Bill. "I know you hate those two, but must you say it every time?"
Bill shrugged. "It's not my fault they're soulless bitches." he said quietly so that the Crusaders couldn't hear.
Hank rolled his eyes and faced towards the Crusaders. "And now for the final test..." Hank said. "...The Snipe Hunt!"
Hank said, in a scary voice: "You are about to come face to face with the deadliest beast in creation. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. And those who don't, will be DEAD."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped.
He looked up to the sky. "Oh, Wematanye, protect us on our hunt." he said.
Bill walked up to the The Cutie Mark Crusaders with sacks and sticks.
"All right." he said. "This here's your WHUP-ASS STICK to beat the snipe back in case he comes at you."
"Wh...What does a snipe look like?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"It's got red, glowing eyes, long, crooked teeth, a claw and a tail with ANOTHER claw on its end." Dale answered in an evil voice.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped.
"Easy, Dale." Hank whispered to Dale.
Hank spoke to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Bill and I will take the lead." he said. "Boomhauer and Dale will bring up the rear. Remember, the snipe call is this: WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO."
Hank and his friends led them to a bush next to the Everfree Forest.
"Well, call him out fillies!" he shouted. "He's not just going to show up."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders started to say WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO.
"Oh, I think I hear him!" Bill shouted.
Hank smirked. "Look out, Bill." he said. "He almost got you."
Hank and his friends came out of the bush, chuckling.
"Just like we did to Bobby and his friend.s" Hank said chuckling. "Of course, he almost killed that whooping crane."
Dale's eyes widen. "Wait a minute." he muttered. "This is exactly like what happened. Snipe Hunt. Animal half-dead. Hank..."
Hank, realizing what Dale was saying, also widen his eyes. "Oh God! We have to get them out of there before they kill..."
Scootaloo screamed and a THUMP was heard.
"...something." Hank said as he put a hoof on his forehead.
She came out of the bush with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo had a big smile on her face. "I GOT ONE! ! !" she shouted. "DOES THIS MEAN I GET MY CUTIE MARK?-!"
Scootaloo gave Hank the bag. Hank emptied it and, to everypony's horror, saw what it really was.
Bill screamed like a girl. "OH MY CELESTIA! THAT'S A PHOENIX!-!-!" he shouted before he fainted.
Bill eventually woke up as Dale was poking the phoenix with a stick.
Hank had told the Crusaders to make s'mores while Hank and his friends discuss what to do.
"Now you done it..." Dale said to Hank. "Now you really gone and done it..."
Hank got angry. "What do you mean 'YOU?'" Hanks said. "We're in this together."
Dale slowly backed away. "Whoa, NO." he said with a nervous grin. "You and I may be acquainted but we are not traveling comp...
Bill sighed. "Dale," he interrupted. "You already used that excuse last time and it didn't even work. Hackey-sack and Earth Day doesn't even exist here. Also, you're not going anywhere."
"May-maybe we can pin this on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon..." Dale suggested.
"Dale." Bill interrupted. "I hate them and hope they burn in hell, but they deserve a more bitter punishment than this."
Hank groaned as he hid the phoenix in a cooler they had to keep their refreshments. "Now, let's just go to sleep." he said.
Dale nodded. "Yes, yes." he muttered, "We...we'll all just go to sleep now."
Hank sighed. "Bill, get his pants and shoes and tie him up."
Bill walked up to Dale, who had a scared face.
Hank shook his head. WHY DOES THIS ALL SEEM FAMILIAR?-!
The next morning
Hank woke up and got out of his tent.
To his surprise, he saw Fluttershy there.
"Oh hey Fluttershy." Hank greeted.
Fluttershy smiled. "Oh. Good Morning Mr. Hill."
Hank chuckled. "Oh you can go ahead and call me Hank."
Fluttershy coughed. "Um...OK...Hank. Um...was last night alright? I...um...heard Bill screaming last night but I thought I had a bad dream."
Hank widen his eyes as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Bill, and Boomhauer woke up from their tents.
Hank grinned nervously. "Oh don't worry." he said. "Bill just uhh...also had a bad dream, yeah, heh."
Bill also grinned nervously. "Yeah." he said. "A bad dream..."
Fluttershy looked at Boomhauer. "Boomhauer, what do you think?" she asked Boomhauer.
"Yeah, man," Boomhauer muttered. "Tell you what dang o' one of them snipe hunts, man, with that stick man that bag then WHACK, WHACK! People goin' WOO-LOO-LOO! Talkin' about big mistake y'all. Right there in that cooler."
Fluttershy blinked. "Um...OK..." She said before she turned to the Crusaders."Um...what about you girls? Did you see anything?" she asked.
Just when Scootaloo opened her mouth, Hank quickly jumped in front of Fluttershy.
"Oh, uh, they can't talk. 24 hour silence. Order of the Straight Arrow."
Fluttershy smiled nervously. "Oh..um...OK. I don't know what that is but I trust that you know what you're doing."
She noticed Dale jumped out of a tent, wearing a gag in his mouth and had his hooves tied together, same thing with his legs.
Fluttershy frowned. "What happened to him?" Fluttershy asked as she pointed to Dale.
Hank coughed nervously as Dale jumped to Fluttershy, saying muffled things, thanks to the gag, to her.
"Um..." she said. "It sounds like he's trying to say something. 'Phoenix' and 'killer'? Hank, what's he talking about?"
Hank scratched his head but Fluttershy just shook her head. "Never mind." she said. "I don't know why I'm even listening to that animal killer."
Hank, his friends, and the Crusaders were surprised. She didn't even try to save him.
She went back to her home as Dale looked at the ground, with a sad look on his face, since Fluttershy didn't even tried to help him.
As soon as Fluttershy was out of sight, Apple Bloom took out the phoenix from the cooler and repeatedly said Wematanye and WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO.
Hank sighed. "Apple Bloom, would you please knock it off?" he said. "You're driving me nuts. There is no Wematanye. It's just some damn nonsense we made up to fill out the weekend. Tell her Dale."
Hank took out the gag from Dale's mouth. Dale just glared at Hank. "How do you know my name, phoenix killer?" he said. "I never met any of you people before in my life. Jesus Christ, why am I repeating these familiar words?"
Hank sighed. "Tell her, Bill."
"He's right, Apple Bloom." Bill replied to Apple Bloom. "It's all crock. Those spirit bags of yours are just Pinkie Pie's flour bags and, by the way, she wants them back. Holy crap, it's like Deja Vu or something."
Apple Bloom looked sad, along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom said: "So...everything you said was all a lie?"
"YES!" Hank shouted. "That's the secret of the snipe hunt! That's the whole point!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders had sad faces on them. Sweetie Belle started to cry a bit.
Hank looked at them and became sad. Doing this to Bobby and his friends was one thing, but to the Cutie Mark Crusaders was different.
"I'm...uh...sorry...Apple Bloom...Sweetie Belle...Scootaloo..." he said nervously to the Crusaders, scratching his head.
Dale nodded. "Yeah. Sorry girls. Especially you Scootaloo..."
Bill sighed. "Yeah. We're sorry. We'll make up to you..."
"Does it involve Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?" Hank asked Bill.
Bill grinned nervously. "Maybe..." he said as Hank put a hoof on his face.
Boomhauer scratched his head. "Sorry man. Dang o' many sorries, man yo. Forgive me of my sins, yo."
Just then, the phoenix woke up and flew to the sky, awing everyone.
Hank realized it was just unconscious.
"WELL I'LL BE DAMNED!" he said.
Dale nodded. "Of course! Snipe Hunt! Dead animal! Was unconscious all along!-!"
Boomhauer nodded. "Yeah man," he added. "Dang o' plagiarism man. I tell you what man, snipe hunt episode no ranger and hippie snitch, man no Peggy Hill Mexico shoe. Man, damn it Pinkie. I tell you what man 4th wall coming down, man yo. Thanks man."
Bill chuckled. "Looks like Pinkie's 4th wall breaking finally rubbed against you, Boomhauer. Did I say that right? Ah whatever."
Apple Bloom's jaw dropped to the ground.
"WEMATANYE! ! ! !" she whispered.
She smiled brightly. "I'm just like Zecora." she said.
Hank sighed but smiled. Eventually, everypony smiled and laughed.
"If somepony ask..." Bill said. "It was Diamond..."
He was interrupted when Hank slapped him in the head. "Shut up, Bill." Hank muttered.
Fluttershy's Cottage
The next day
Fluttershy was busy feeding her animals.
She noticed a small ant hill and walked up to it.
Immediately, small red ants came up to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy frowned. "Uh oh." she whispered as the ants came closer.
Dale and Rainbow Dash flew to Fluttershy's cottage.
Rainbow Dash admitted that when she and Fluttereshy were talking one time, Rainbow Dash, by accident, mentioned what Dale did back on Earth. Rainbow Dash decided to make it up to Dale by helping him get along with Fluttershy.
"OK." Rainbow Dash said. "Now we need to find..."
Dale and Rainbow Dash heard a familiar voice.
"Um, Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy muttered.
Rainbow Dash smiled. "Oh, Fluttershy!" she said brightly. "There you arAAAH! ! !"
Both Rainbow Dash and Dale were shocked to see millions of fire ants covering Fluttershy.
Fluttershy looked scared. "Take them off." she said nervously.
"Fluttershy, don't move a muscle!" Dale shouted. "If you move, those fire ants are all gonna sting!"
Dale raised his hoof at Fluttershy. "Take my hand, I mean hoof, Fluttershy." he said. "The ants will swarm on me."
Fluttershy cringed. "What if they don't?-!" she asked.
Dale smirked. "Oh, they will." he said.
Fluttershy took Dale's hoof.
Dale was still smirking. "They've been waiting to get a piece of me for 15 years." he said as ants were crawling towards him. "Even though they weren't from Earth, they still want some."
Eventually all the fire ants got off of Fluttershy and surrounded Dale's body.
Dale laughed. "Come and get it, boys!"
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stood there with looks of shock and horror on their faces.
Dale was getting stung by fire ants and eventually said:
"YOUCH...THAT WAS MORE PAINFUL THAN I THOUGHT."
Dale fell down, motionless. The fire ants eventually got off of Dale.
"DALE, NO!" Rainbow Dash shouted.
"MR. GRIBBLE!-!-!" Fluttershy screamed.
She went to Dale's side and hugged him tightly with tears on her face.
"Oh...Oh Celestia...You sacrificed your life to save mine...I'm so sorry for not trusting you in the first place...and not helping you when you were tied up yesterday...If you can hear me...I'm...sorry...Dale Gribble...my friend..."
Dale coughed up some fire ants...
...
...
...and woke up, asking Fluttershy:
"While I was blacked out, was anything inserted in me?"
Fluttershy looked at Dale with tears and a smile.
"YOU'RE ALIVE!" she shouted.
Dale just replied: "Answer the question"
She continued to hug Dale, with tears of joy on her face.
Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smile. Happy that her best friend...made a new best friend.
...
...
...
Dale started to cough. "Fuck, why do our past events keep repeating itself?"