//------------------------------// // The Auditions: The Results // Story: Stability // by SlightlyOnline //------------------------------// The next moments happened in a flash; first Lyra was on the stage, and then she wasn’t. Her instrument was left behind, dropped upon the cold wood. She was in the bathroom, tears streaming down her face before she even reached it. The stall door slammed shut and she started sobbing loudly, her head buried in her hooves. She was preparing fifty speeches to yell at anypony who tried to help her. She had failed. She had reached the very essence of failure. There was no way to fix her mistakes, and she could only blame Octavia. Why did that mare have to be so... pretty? Was that the word she was looking for? She softly hit her head with her hooves. She should not be thinking these things. But she was pretty, wasn’t she? Out of all the smiling faces in that crowd, it was her ex-marefriend’s that she focused on. It was wrong; so very wrong. Lyra shook her head violently, hoping to somehow fling all those awful thoughts from her mind. She was with Bon Bon and Octavia was with Vinyl; that was that. They each had their loves and neither of them wanted to change that. She didn’t want anything to change, right? She loved Bon Bon... right? She hated them. All of them; Bon Bon, Octavia, Vinyl and everyone else in that auditorium. But most of all, she hated herself. She wanted nothing more than to melt and disappear. Nopony should talk to her; nopony should even acknowledge her existence. She was too dangerous. All she did was hurt everypony that she came across. No, she didn’t hate them; just herself. She realized that it wasn’t the other mare’s she hated; it wasn’t their fault; It was hers and hers alone. She was the one who was so confused that she couldn’t even tell who she loved. From that kiss to her dream to the events on the stage, she was positive that she was the cause of all of it. She was the one who had hurt so many ponies so much. Bon Bon, Octavia, and probably Vinyl too. Maybe if she was just gone, she wouldn’t have to cause anypony else any more pain. Her heart raced and she leaned against the stall door. What could she do? There was no way she could ever go back out there. She hoped, prayed --begged-- for some sort of intervention. Some sort of salvation. A back door. A way out. Her ear twitched at a new sound. It was the low, solemn tone of a cello. She could hear the bow drag across the strings as it released a sad, strong note. It was beautiful. Once more, she cried. She knew it was Octavia’s cello. She knew from high school that there was only one mare in Equestria that could handle her instrument so masterfully, and that was the mare that she so feared seeing. The dismal note suddenly changed. Lyra could hear the altitude of the bow shift, singing out a new note; this one felt... happy? Was it happy, or did she just want it to be happy? It was happy. It was a song Octavia wrote for her years ago, back when love was easier. The entire melody flashed back to her; she was reminded of the first time the cellist ever played it for her. Memories of staying after band class for hours, just to get into all sorts of trouble with each other reemerged from the deepest crevices of her mind. She wept more, her tears running down her face and dripping to the bathroom floor. She didn’t know what she wanted; she could run outside and apologize to Bon Bon and Octavia; she could completely leave the auditorium and never show her face in Canterlot again. The most attractive option, however, was simply locking herself in the bathroom and just melting into the floor, never to come out into daylight again. She realized that there was nothing she wanted more than that. Mentally, Lyra kicked herself. Here she was, wanting to simply disappear while her former marefriend, and now good friend, was out on the stage, performing for Celestia knows how many. She should be out there, supporting her friend. That’s what friends do. The moment she stymied her sobbing, she noticed that all sounds had ceased. There was no beautiful cello, no applause, and no crying; she hoped she hadn’t completely missed the performance. What kind of friend would she be? She slowly unfastened the bolt of her stall door. Stepping out of her enclosure, she looked around the bathroom. There was Bon Bon. “Hey,” the earth pony began. Lyra could only look at her sadly, wanting to hide. She was mad. She just had to be mad. “H-...” Lyra tried to respond, but she just breathed. Bon Bon nodded. “Listen, I know you’re upset about the performance. Things happen, Lyra; it’s okay. It’s not your fault that your string broke.” The unicorn took a deep breath and opened her mouth but closed it again. “I’m sorry,” Bon Bon said as she moved towards Lyra, draping a hoof around her back, the lyrist nervously shying away in response. “When you ran off the stage... I wanted to be there for you. I really did. I was about to run into the bathroom after you, but Octavia stopped me and told me to wait for her to play and then she volunteered. She said it was... a song for you.” Bon Bon smiled at her but she only felt undeserving of such a beautiful smile. “I know,” was all Lyra could say. Could she bring herself to tell her marefriend what that song really was? Bon Bon’s smile faded; it changed into a concerned, almost motherly stare. “Something else is wrong,” she asserted. “What is it, Lyra?” “It’s nothing important,” the lyrist responded. “No. Something else is bugging you. Please, tell me.” “No.” Lyra found her voice shrinking and almost failing. Bon Bon adopted a more commanding tone. “Tell me, Lyra. I need to know what’s wrong.” “No!” she quickly retorted, talking quite a bit louder than she wanted to. Her marefriend must have seen it as a challenge. “Lyra, tell me. Now you’re just hiding something.” Her tone was even firmer. Lyra was about to open her mouth to protest, but received the most painfully stern look she ever had. “Alright! I messed up because I’m a horrible pony! I broke a string because Octavia is a sexy pirate!” Bon Bon just looked baffled. “A sexy... what?” “I was a swashbuckling champion of the sea and she was there and all of you were there and I was confused and didn’t know what to do! I’m sorry!” All the words seemed to flow out at once; Lyra wasn’t even aware of half of what she was saying. All she knew was that she was telling the truth. The whole truth. “And then we were attacked and I was saved from Octavia and we fought another ship and we won! We won, Bon Bon! But then Octavia betrayed me and threw me in the ocean and I wet the bed!” Tears were streaming down her face. She looked, and sounded like, a foal who had just confessed to breaking a lamp and was being reprimanded by her mother. She flung herself into the mare’s arms. “I’m sorry, Bon Bon! Please forgive me!” Before Bon Bon could even comment on Lyra’s incoherent babblings, another pony poked her head into the bathroom. “Oh, there you guys are.” It was Vinyl. “Come out. They’re about to announce the results.” “No!” Lyra yelled. She, herself, had no idea where these outbursts were coming from. “I don’t want to hear the results!” Vinyl stared at her for a moment. “Look, I know you don’t want to go back out there, but I really think you should-” “No! Let me stay here!” Lyra could only watch in horror as Vinyl and Bon Bon glanced at each other and then grabbed her by the forelimbs. “Let me go! Let me stay in the bathroom forever!” Vinyl let out an exasperated breath. “Look, if you would just come out here, you’d see that you have nothing to worry about.” Lyra continuously struggled, futilely thrashing against  the two ponies. “I don’t want to see anything! Just leave me!” Despite her efforts, they pulled her right through the bathroom door. Luckily, nopony staring at her; everypony in the room was staring at the stage where Microphone Condenser was speaking. Ponies were applauding and then dying down again; she was announcing the results. “No!” Lyra shouted, not wanting to suffer the devastation of her name not being called. “And for our next winner, we have Oct- oh?” Lyra stopped struggling to watch the mare on stage turn to the side, another pony whispering in her ear. “Well, it seems that we have had a change. We have Lyra Heartstrings!” What? “What?!” the unicorn shouted as the two mares who held her in custody released her. She flopped to the ground, her mind abuzz with activity. Was that really her name she had just heard? Was she positive that the pony didn’t say ‘Myra Martstrings’? At this point, she would actually welcome her name being confused. Out of the crowd of applauding ponies, the normally professional form of Octavia emerged. She slowly approached Lyra, a benevolent smile upon her face. “Well?” she said, continuing to grin widely. “What do you think?” Lyra felt a wet spot on her forehead where her sweat was aggregating as she sat up. She stared at the mare with almost cold eyes before allowing herself to flail back to the ground. “Why?” she muttered, almost to herself. “Why do you do this to me?” “I’m sorry, what was that?” “Why are you trying to confuse me?” the unicorn responded, a little louder than necessary. “It’s like I can’t do anything!” Octavia drew back, her smile quickly fading. “What- whatever do you mean?” Lyra pulled herself to her hooves, immediately advancing on the cellist. “What do you think I mean? All those looks! And now this! Now you gave your spot up for me! Are you trying to hurt me?!” The unicorn breathed heavily and Octavia looked on the verge of tears. “Wh- why would you say such things?” “Because I’m not supposed to love you, Octavia!” There. She said it. She said what had been scraping in the back of her mind since she had arrived. There were gasps all around, she was sure. She didn’t care to listen. What she did notice, however, was that quite a crowd was circling around them. She could see ponies leaning towards each other and whispering into their friend’s ears. Luckily, Bon Bon shooed them away. “Get out of here!” she yelled multiple times. Her voice sounded distressed; hurt, even. The two musicians stared at each other. Lyra was just realizing what she had done. So that’s the truth, is it? That’s what I wanted to say? That’s how I feel? If she thought that she had wanted to disappear before, she was wrong. She wanted to curse Celestia; the moon would be a much safer place. “I...” Octavia spoke first. With that one word, her voice shook fearfully. “I thought we resolved this earlier. I thought... I thought that-” “Well we didn’t, alright?” Lyra snapped, mentally facehooving. Is this what I’m reduced to? Attacking her like... like... She took a gulp of air and fell back to her rump. Like the damn stupid filly that I am... Before she could make an attempt at correcting herself, Octavia spoke up, tears in her eyes. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Lyra... Not... not now... not ever.” She drew in an audibly rough breath. “I just...” She looked on the verge of a full breakdown. “I just want to be your friend, okay Lyra? That’s the whole reason we’re even here right now. That’s the whole reason I invited you to this silly little thing.” That was it. She was crying. It wasn’t the elegant sort of light tears that was expected of one such as her. She fell to the floor, bawling her eyes out. Lyra could only watch as her ex-marefriend broke down. She only wanted... friendship? And I couldn’t even give her that! I don’t even deserve friends, she reprimanded herself. It was actually surprising that Vinyl was the one who first trotted over to Octavia to comfort her. In the short time Lyra had known her, she didn’t seem to be the type of pony who would find value in involving herself in other’s feelings. It seemed that she was proven wrong. Again. She didn’t know how long she sat there, staring at the two ponies. All she knew was that she had waited long enough and it was time to fix her mistakes. “Octavia, I... I’m sorry, alright? I... I thought... Oh Celestia.” Now Lyra just wanted to hit something. It didn’t take long for her to realize that that something was herself. “I want to be your friend too... but it’s just that- just that I don’t know if I can.” “Well why can’t you?” the cellist quickly retorted. “Why is it so hard to separate your friends from your loves? I love Vinyl and you love Bon Bon. Is it really that difficult?” “Yes it is!” Why was Lyra feeling this way? “Whenever I look at you... I just...” Why was she being so harsh on Octavia? “I just can’t! Alright? I can’t control myself because I’m a foal! I can’t stop myself from wanting... wanting what we had! “I can’t even be a good marefriend to Bon Bon!” She quickly glanced at the mare; her expression was impossible to read. “And you know what I really can’t do?” The last word sounded like an out-of-tune violin. “I can’t... I can’t keep lying to myself...” She was met with nothing but silence. No forgiveness, but no hell. It was painful. Lyra’s eyes shifted back to her marefriend. Bon Bon was watching her with sorrowful eyes. The unicorn almost jumped back in fear when the mare stepped forward. With good reason, too, because Bon Bon’s hoof quickly came in contact with her muzzle. “You’re really stupid, you know that?” Before she could confirm that, her lips were silence by Bon Bon’s. It was the greatest thing she had ever tasted. It was also the reassurance she needed; she was out of emotional purgatory. At least with her marefriend, she was. Breaking away slowly, Lyra turned back to where Vinyl and Octavia seated on the floor, watching them. She took a deep breath. “Listen. I’m sorry, alright? I... I think I’ve got some problems right now.” She winced at her own confession. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I guess... I guess I’m not as okay as I tell myself.” “Mhm,” was all Octavia responded. “And I want to be your friend,” Lyra quickly added. “I really do, but I don’t think I can just yet. When I look at you... I still see that pretty pony from high school. I guess I still miss that sometimes.” At the risk of being slapped once more by Bon Bon, she decided to stop right there. She was met with a thick silence. Lyra and Octavia just stared at each other. There was a million things she wanted to say and she was positive that it was the same for Octavia. Lyra released the breath she didn’t know she was holding when Octavia spoke first. “Have you ever thought about therapy?” “What?” That had never occurred to her. “You mean what people with messed up heads do?” “No, it’s not for people with ‘messed up heads’, and your mind is messed up regardless.” She was slightly sardonic, but there was a sincerity in her voice. “I do think it would be good for you. I’ll even pay for it. I want to be your friend, Lyra.” Lyra thought for a moment. She did want to be Octavia’s friend as well. Was that what the price was? It was worth it. “I’ll do it.” Octavia moved away from Vinyl and closed the gap between her and Lyra, quickly embracing her. “Thank you, Lyra. Thank you.” Lyra’s feelings were all jumbled once more. It was only when Octavia broke away that she could breath a sigh of relief. She wanted to say something, but Vinyl Scratch stepped forward next to Octavia and spoke up. “Alright, I think we all know what we need to do. The four of us need to meet up at you and Bon Bon’s place and discuss this like adults. And by that, I mean sex.” “That’s actually not a bad idea,” Lyra chuckled. Bon Bon’s stern gaze quickly caught her attention. “What? It’s not!” There it was: Bon Bon’s hoof again. ***                        ***                        *** Home. She was home. There was no fear in her home. There was no uncertainty. All of her pain, all of her sorrow, and all of her confusion was left at the door. She did not return the same way she first exited. She had a ticket to the Musician’s Ball. She had an appointment with a therapist in a month. Most importantly however, she had Bon Bon. She’d be lying if she said all was well, but, nonetheless, all was right. Things still weren’t perfect with Octavia, far from it, but she was taking steps in the right direction. She dreaded the therapy, but she dreaded not having Octavia’s friendship even more. She didn’t have to worry about that now. Now, all she had to do was snuggle up to Bon Bon and fall asleep in her hooves. She did just that.