//------------------------------//
// "We're Doomed." by Chamo 
// Story: Ponies and Pactios: A Negima Crossover 
// by funkyferret 
//------------------------------//


"We're Doomed." by Chamo






"Remind me again why we're doing this," Twilight Sparkle said flatly. 

"Come on, Sparkles. Out of all of us, you need this the most. You're so inexperienced," Chamo replied, patting her leg.

She glared at him for a while, then looked away. The bookish mare sighed. "Fine."

"Alright!" Chamo cheered. He turned to Negi. "Get going, bro. Make it good."

Negi nodded and activated the pactios of his partners. 

As the glow of the transformation sequence faded, Chamo inspected the results with a practiced eye. "Nice. All cosplay cards." 

Twilight was dressed in a magical girl outfit. Chamo was surprised to find that it worked quite well on her; the lacy pink fabric, the oversized bow, and the stupid hat looked good on a pony. Who knew? She was holding a long, clear, glass-like spear in her magic field, inspecting it carefully.

"What's this for?" she asked.

"That's your artifact. Just test it out and we'll see how it goes," the ermine responded.

"What does it do?"

"No idea."

She frowned at him, looking over the ermine carefully as if she expected him to say 'psyche!' and laugh. Instead he moved on to the next pactio partner.

Spike was wearing a mask and a dashing red cape. His artifact, the pouch of flammable powder, hung around his neck. He reminded Chamo of a character from one of those American movies that he and Negi had seen a while back. 'What was it called again? Zango? Zorri?' the ermine wondered to himself as his gaze drifted to the next pony in line.

Derpy was wearing a blue hat and had a satchel over one shoulder. Chamo frowned at her. 'Bleh. It's even lamer than Nodaka's cosplay outfit!' he thought to himself. The ermine blinked as he noticed something was missing from her costume. "Where's your artifact?" he asked. 

The grey pony tapped her chin and scrunched up her nose, humming to herself. Just as it was getting to the point where Chamo was ready to start holding his ears and screaming like a lunatic, she stopped and smiled at him. "I dunno. How about this?" The pegasus reached into her satchel and stuffed a muffin in his mouth. She offered one to Negi, who shook his head politely.

Chamo flailed about, gasping and choking as he tried to dislodge the enormous object from his windpipe. Negi patted him on the back as he coughed. "T-t-that works I guess," he wheezed.

Climbing to his feet, he noticed another pony had joined them. The blue pegasus was hovering lazily above them smirking at Twilight and her frilly outfit. He smiled at her. "Hey there, Bluebird. Come to join the party?" he asked. 'Finally!' he thought, 'Someone actually useful to have around!'

Rainbow shook her head. "Nah. I'm just here to watch." She smirked at the unicorn. "Nice dress. Heh."

The manly ermine fairy sighed. "Seriously?" He jumped up on Negi's back and clapped his paws. "Alright, ladies, let's take a crack at those targets," he commanded, pointing across the field to a line of crude wooden figures. He leaned over towards Negi's ear. "Remember, Bro, no helping. They need to learn to stand on their own two... er, four feet," he whispered.

The young mage nodded, but his expression was worried. 

Chamo gave him a reasuring pat, then looked down to find an angry dragon staring at him.

"Hey!" Spike protested once he was certain he had the ermine's attention. "We're not all mares you know."

Chamo raised an eyebrow. "You're seriously going to say that after what happened yesterday?"

Spike glared at the ermine. He only stopped when Twilight cleared her throat and shook her head. Grumbling, the dragon made his way slowly towards the nearest target, his cape billowing behind him. He reached into the pouch and pulled out a handful of powder. "I'll show you," he grumbled. With a sharp exhalation, the dragon blew the powder from his hand towards the target, quickly following it with a burst of flame.

The grass around the target caught on fire.

Spike screamed and started running back and forth. "What do I do, what do I do?"

Twilight looked up from where she had been clumsily poking at her own target with her new spear. She frowned at the panicking dragon. "Spiiiike!" she groaned.

"H-help!" the drake cried, swatting at the flames, which only made them burn all the more brightly. His erratic movements caused more powder to fall out of the pouch he was clutching, which only further aggravated the problem.

Derpy looked up from where she had been pelting her own target with an endless barrage of baked goods. "I'll do it!" She said, flying off. She returned shortly, pushing a cloud into the clearing. The mare then positioned it directly above the burning circle of grass. She adjusted the cap on her head and frowned in concentration. Jumping up and down on the cloud, she was rewarded with a short flurry of snow and a few stray lightning bolts. She looked down at the lightning seared dragon, the snow-covered (but otherwise untouched) target, and the merrily burning ring of flames. "Oops," she said. "Guess I grabbed the wrong cloud. My bad."

Off to the side, a rainbow-maned pegasus rolled in the grass, snorting with laughter and making no move to help.

Twilight sighed. She strapped her spear into its sheathe at her side and walked over to the blaze. She lit up her horn and a sharp gust of air blew the flames out like an oversized candle. She rolled her eyes at the baby dragon as he tried to wipe the soot off his face. "And the weasel said I'm the one who needs practice? Ha!" she said smugly. Smiling, she headed back towards her target. The spear strapped to her side slid slightly, digging into the ground. 

Twilight then received some firsthoof experience in pole vaulting. 

Chamo blinked at the mare as she lay with her horn stuck in the ground and her limbs splayed about, knocked out by her unplanned attempt to enter a new sport. "We're doomed," he groaned, cradling his head in his paws.

Negi nodded mutely.

Chamo sighed. "Guess it's time for a group meeting."