I sat at the rocky outcropping, still wondering where that pink, sadistic piece of shit fluff went. The shark too, seeing as there was a river in town. Where the fuck did he fuck off to? I hated it the first time I saw his bulgy nose pop out of the water. I just wanted peace and serenity, and I doubt I would find it anywhere in this land of… colors, especially with that bitch who is most likely crying her deflated ass out.
Actually, I felt a little sad for her. She just wanted a party, maybe I should go back and say sorry? Never mind that, she implied that she was nuts in the head anyway. I looked around, my snout wavering as I did. I then heard a slight rustle in the bushes beyond and I promptly spun to look who it was, only to find a purple unicorn with her mane frazzled stumbling out of it.
Oh no, not Twilight. Anyone but Twilight, except Applejack of course.
“There you are! You nearly caused a storm!” She gasped for air and I just stared at her, knowing that I probably fucked up their minds with my arrival and shit.
“Yeah, so? I was trying to fucking run!” I responded loudly and angrily. I had the rights to be pissed, and let me be! “I’m so sorry that I landed here as a damn dinosaur!” For once, I just lost interest in prehistoric creatures. Fucking hell, being a dinosaur was so damn hard in SOCIETY!
“Do you want me to help or not?” Twilight said, causing me to huff in response.
“How can you even help me? I know you’re all… nerdy and shit,” I respond to her sudden throwback. “But I don’t think you can help me out that much.”
“Why not?” She responded, curious why I said so.
“Well,” I looked right and she followed. Where I was pointing was to the river just beyond those bushes, and what I meant what that asshole of a shark. “You haven’t sent him back.”
“Who’s him?” She tilted her head in confusion. Then I noticed that she wasn’t so scared of me anymore, all the better, right?
“You know,” I growled. “That fucktard shark.”
“Oooooh, him,” Twilight obviously stated. If it’s still here, then I don’t really see how I can go back to the museum. Jesus, the kids say you’re a freaking genius, how the fuck can you not bring both of us where we belong? “Well… I kinda… Ummm…”
“Well,” I replied, knowing that this situation was quite common in my life. I would like to confess, I am actually quite the bumbling fool. Like that time where I accidently caused an American and a Russian to brawl inside a fucking bar at midnight just because I tripped and spilled my drink on the dude, and that ‘merican just had to be there. “If you forgot or you were too damn lazy, don’t worry.”
“Huh?” Twilight responded with wonderment. Can’t you fucking see it, mare/unicorn/thing?
“I’m pretty lazy myself,” I look up at the blue skies and let out a depressing sigh, actually it was just a throaty growl.
“Oookay…” Twilight slowly said, rubbing her shoulder with her purple hoof. “So, what are you going to do now?”
That was a good question, what can I do now?
“I…actually don’t know,” I replied, putting my long clawed hand below my snout. I tried to a Thinker-kind of look but when I tried moving my legs up, I failed. Then I shuddered violently, what the fuck…?
“Whoa…shit,” I groaned after recovering from the shudders.
“What happened?” Twilight asked as she sat down on the ground, observing me with intense curiosity. “Did Pinkie do something to you?”
“That, and basically I don’t know what happened,” I respond as I got up, detecting something… I don’t know, just something, far away back at the fucking farm. That damn farm that got me into all these problems.
I then proceeded stomping throughout the Everfree, with Twilight following behind scared. “Wait! What’re you doing-
“Something’s going down at the farm!” I roar as I was being guided by a primordial instinct. Wait, I stopped consciously and snapped out of my trance to follow this peculiar feeling. I’m a dinosaur with a human brain, don’t fall into predatory instincts please!
“Hey! Why’d you stop?” I spun and faced Twilight with my snout covering her head.
“Did ever occur to you that I’m not really who I am?”
“Um… no?” She responded, at the question. I was going to tell her that I wasn’t really a dinosaur, just human.
“Well, I’m here to bring you the fucking news. I’m not a fucking dinosaur, I’m a human,” I harshly stated and huffed. If that didn’t get into her deformed skull I am going to step on her.
“Well, that’s interesting. But why did you suddenly go off like that?”
“Instincts,” I shrugged and looked back at where I presumed the farm to be. I hoped that the cowpony wouldn’t be there, or someone is going to get mutilated oh so goddamned horribly. “So are you going to follow me?”
“Follow you…? But why?” She asked me in a tone that I became quite annoyed with. I mean, it was the kind of tone you’ll hear from a bitch who wouldn’t stop talking! And even thought I appreciated the fact she was the only knowledgeable being around here, it was starting to grind my nerves so fucking badly.
“Why? I can give you two reasons,” I gruffly replied and attempted to hold up two bony, scaly claws to indicate the number. I was going to have a problem with these, seeing that Spinosaurus had only three digit hands. “One, so that you can calm down your Texan friend if I get there. Two, you can go ahead and see what landed there, if you want to.”
“Really? Applejack’s been a little off… So I think you might’ve done it,” she responded, earning a deserved clawpalm into my face.
“No! It was fucking George Bush! Who else do you think made her fucking pissed?!” I roared in sheer frustration, how much more ignorant can you be?
“Okay! Okay…! Relax, Ethan!” Twilight stammered, as per usual any living creature that could express emotion did. “Jeez, didn’t expect you to get angry. Although you just did an hour ago…”
“Then don’t ask stupid fucking questions,” I harshly answered her back, bringing that stupid little American brat who brought me into this goddamned mess. “Unless you want me to get really pissed. Now are you following or not?”
“Of course!” She responded, as I scowled and swished my long-ass tail that brushed away some branches. I rumbled and started stomping ahead again, snapping trees like matchsticks as Twilight behind me dodged the falling branches.
“So um… Where are you from?” Finally, logical questions. After all that unnecessary and absolutely shitty problems, finally she asks me logical questions after being a fucking retard, thank God!
“Earth,” I reply. “You know that place?”
“No…” Then where the fuck am I? Pluto? Jesus, if this place was named other than Earth, I will fucking flip.
“So where am I?”
“Equestria,” I clawpalmed again while I stampeded towards Applejack’s ruined orchard. I’m asking you what planet this place is in! But it’s okay, at least now I got the horse-related name of this place.
“Uh huh, what planet am I on then?”
“Er…” Twilight responded while following me. Oh my god, if you can’t remember your own damn planet’s name, you deserved to be burnt. “…it’s Equis.”
Thank fucking god, but I still flipped inside.
“That’s interesting,” I replied as I eventually reached the edge of the forest to my joy. Yeah, joy. This feeling better be worth it, or else. Then I slowly stomped my way towards the barn when Twilight suddenly stopped me. I couldn’t blame her, since I left the cover of the forest.
“Wait! Don’t go out or else somepony might see you!”
“No shit, Sherlock,” I huffed and moved my snout left and right to observe the surroundings, to find almost nothing except for the collection of apple trees up ahead and Applejack.
I sighed, I really hope she doesn’t mind another visit. But something was deathly wrong about the orchard, something almost as big as the form I was in had just… appeared. I don’t know why, but it must be that fucking orb.
“Wait here! I’ll go get a spellbook on invisibility!” Yeah, I expected magic to come in next. What, the next thing I know is that the damn Japanese come in with high-tech shit and stuff.
God, I’m an Asian for pete’s sake. Why am I talking about myself? I shook my snout in frustration and looked down, I’ve been acting more aggressive since I came here. To be frank, it scares me a little. Why? I certainly do not want to turn into a mindless predator that will undoubtedly eat every living being here.
Even more so, if I actually make it back, will I still be mindless?
Christ sake’s, Ethan, stop thinking like a bloody redneck and think like a fucking Asian! I watched Twilight trot away like the wind, and I took this time to lower my body down to rest and recollect lost energy. How long would it take her? I didn’t know, but I felt really tired.
Irritation. That’s all I felt with what happened this morning. If I get back and there’s some sort of fucking teleporter, I will nuke this damn place.
--
“Applebloom!” Applejack yelled as she trotted into her orchard, huffing away at another thunderous boom. There she found the three fillies standing around a creature much like the earlier one. But this time, it made no attempts to move.
“Hey! What is with these darn critters invadin’ mah property?!” She groaned as she stood her ground, with her younger sister and friends looking back at her.
“Big sister! It’s another Ethan!” What Applebloom said stirred up the creature as it shook itself. Then it started to talk in a strangely higher pitched voice than Ethan did.
“…Ethan? You know him…?” It said as it attempted to take one step forward, only to trip and fall down with a great thud. “Oof! Damn… the hell is wrong with me?”
“Hey stranger!” Scootaloo called out at the Ethan look-alike and it responded with a pained look.
“Ugh… tripping on acid again if I hear a pony talking…” it mumbled under stress as Applejack grinded her teeth and adjusted her Stetson, approaching the fillies. These two days were really ticking her off, even though she was the patient one.
Especially when her dear apple trees are the one getting crunched on by huge dragon-like beasts.
“Who are ya? Another of them critters?”
“Odd angulated Texan accent… Jesus,” it rumbled as it used it arms, which were a little more flexible than Ethan’s, and lifted itself from the ground. “I really hope that orb didn’t just fuck me up.”
“Oh! It used FUCK!” At this, Applejack shoved a hoof into Sweetie Belle’s mouth, muffling her to her dismay.
“Ah’ll let Rarity know ya been usin’ such words!”
“I might be high, but she’s kind of right,” the creature suddenly said to their surprise. “Urf… First, Ethan just disappears in the freaking museum, and now I’m here in an…”
It surveyed the environment and let out a rippling sigh of depress. “Apple orchard. How fantastic.”
Applebloom stepped out to the creature, in curiosity. “Hey!”
“Who said that?”
“Ah’m under ya!” At this, the creature looked down at Applebloom who was filled with energetic engrossment with it.
“Oh… my bad. So what do you want?”
“Um… you got a name?” The creature looked up before answering her question.
“Kendra,” it replied as Applebloom tilted her head. They all had weird names, what’s with that?
“That’s mighty fine-Applejack then trotted to face Kendra alone, interrupting Applebloom’s exclamation.
“Now that we’re all done with introducing, please get outta mah orchard,” she said, ghastly tired. “Please, ah had enough of you thangs.”
“Well, sorry for magically appearing in your orchard,” Kendra responded and tried walking again, only to stumble after two steps. “But I can’t seem to walk properly…"
Applejack sighed, another day in Sweet Apple Acres. It seems.
"...also, can I get a mirror? I feel a lot more different."