The Dovahkiin thrust his head up as he awoke. Sweat poured down his face as he he felt an overwhelming sense of dejavu. "Glad to see you're awake."
The Dovahkiin jumped up, startled. He attempted to pull out his enchanted Iron Sword of Epic Badassery, only to remember all of his weapons were gone. "Who's there!" he shouted. He turned around to see a purple pony on some steps. Not only was the pony purple (an odd color for a child's steed, thought the dovahkiin) but there was also a horn protruding from its head. The Dovahkiin gasped, such beasts were extremely rare throughout the entire continent of Tamriel. A unicorn's horn is worth more than all of his houses combined. The dragonborn pondered whether he should slay the noble beast for its horn, when his thoughts were interrupted. "Hello there, what might you be?" The dovahkiin could have sworn that the unicorn just spoke to him. On further thought, that notion would not surprise him as many beasts have spoken to him throughout his journeys and he has just learned to accept it. Although, on of those occasions, such beasts were either magical, such as dragons, or had daedric intervention, such as that dog. He decided it was due to the magical nature of unicorns that this particular one was able to communicate with him. "W-where am I?" he asked the unicorn. "You're in Ponyville," replied the unicorn, "my name is Twilight Sparkle. You had quite a fall there, had the whole town up in a ruckas. What exactly are you anyways.
It was with the words of the magic talking unicorn that goes by the name of Twilight Sparkle, that the Dovahkiin remembered the events from the day before in a convenient flashback that would be cool to watch in a movie. But this is a fanfic so you, the audience, must settle for a descriptive account with the usage of words. The Dovahkiin remembered waking up in this strange land and meeting the talking pink pony, ironically named Pinkie Pie. In hindsight the Dovahkiin realized how much this resembled a sort of children's show, but he had not the slightest idea what the hell a show was, so he passed it off as strange thoughts...
Meanwhile, Twilight was getting worried about how this strangely clad thing kept staring blankly at her wall. In an attempt to get him back to reality, she bitch hoofed him across the face. The bitch hoof was super effective, and retrieved the Dovahkiin's dwindling attention span.
"Sorry," apologized Twilight, "and your name is..."
The Dovahkiin jumped on a table in an attempt to make a heroic pose, but hit his head in the process, which ruined the effect. He crouched down so that the unfortunate accident would not happen again, and replied to Twilight in a booming voice, "I am the Dragonborn, savior of Skyrim. You may call me Dragonborn or Dovahkiin, because the narrator alternates between them, meaning either one is a valid name.
Twilight giggled, as the dragonborn looked extremely silly crouched down while talking in a tone of such authority. "Ok mister Dragonborn, I have telepathically told your name to all of the important ponies, so that we do not have to waste time and precious writing space on more introductions." Said Twilight
"Thank you," replied the Dovahkiin, "that makes everything slightly more convenient."
"So Dovahkiin," said Twilight, "exactly what are you and where are you from?"
"I am one of the proud Nord people," replied the Dovahkiin, "native of Skyrim"
Twilight continued to question the Dragonborn, as she loves knowledge, when Spike makes the deadly mistake of walking into the room.
"Hello Twilight, is there anything I can do to-" Spike was rudely cut short mid sentence. Upon seeing the dragon, the dovahkiin was sent into a deadly rage. He rushed across the room in a quick sprint and tackled the dragon. He began to pummel Spike with rough blows to the head and abdomen. As the Dragonborn took a quick rest above Spike's bloodied body (his stamina level was complete crap since he was a level one) Twilight sent a charged bolt of rainbow colored electricity out of her horn, effectively stunning the Dragonborn.
"Stop, STOP, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU BUCKING ASSHOLE!" she screamed at the Dovahkiin. The Dovahkiin quickly recovered but stopped momentarily to ponder exactly why Twilight used "bucking" that way and decided to ask her later (she later said it was to keep this fanfic teen rated).
"There is a dragon, the bane of skyrim, in your library!" he yelled in an attempt to rationalize with the angered unicorn.
Twilight looked at the Dragonborn sternly and replied, "That is Spike, my personal assistant, and my best one at that." She sent a loving glance at the bleeding and barely conscious body of Spike the dragon. "And you're not in Skyrim anymore buster, this is Equestria. Now I will grant that just about every other dragon in this land is an asshole, as seen in that one episode in season 2, but Spike isn't like every other dragon. He is domesticated."
The Dovahkiin, though not completely convinced, started to feel slightly bad about his possible mistake. This will start the Dragonborn's fanfic long feud with Spike, showing that Nord and dragon can never truly get along.
After the incident with Dragonborn vs. Spike, Twilight decides that the next course of action should be to get the Dovakiin out of the house and introduce him to her friends. As soon as they leave the house, they encounter an energetic Pinkie Pie bouncing at them at the speed of... bouncing. Upon seeing Pinkie Pie the dragonborn almost pisses himself in fear, but is able to maintain composure. Though a day has passed his odd phobia hasn't. Although Pinkie Pie bombards him with a deadly magical friendship spell and breaks into song once or twice, the dragonborn still refuses to talk to her. Pinkie Pie gets sad and retreats to her home in order to consult her rock friend, rocky, on more schemes to befriend the dragonborn.
Twilight and the dragonborn continue on the epic quest of getting the dragonborn some friends (they have nothing else to do and it rewards a hell of a lot of XP for reasons unknown). As they are walking a streak of rainbow flashes across the sky. The streak then makes a really cool turn that would have been 20% cooler if it hadn't been heading straight towards the dragonborn. The Dovahkiin makes an attempt to raise his shield, only to remember he has no shield. The rainbow streak hits him dead center in the stomach, resulting in knocking the wind out of him (-15 stamina) and the loss of 30 hp (ouch). The dragonborn is able to get up after only a few seconds of being dazed, because he is awesome like that. The thing that hit him, a pegasus pony by the name of Rainbow Crash (I mean Dash, but crash makes sense right there), is in some serious pain. The pain soon passes as this takes place in a cartoon and her pain is not part of the plot. The Dovahkiin, being a gentleman, helps the pegasus to her feet... or hooves rather. He takes note that pegasi seem to be considerably lighter than other ponies due to hollow bones that enable better flying.
After the dazed Rainbow Dash comes to her senses, she reluctantly apologizes after complaining that the Dragonborn was in her way. She explains that she was trying out an awesome new trick but spotted something in the distance that caused her to spin out of control, into the nearest life-form.
Just as she finished talking about how she saw something big, dangerous looking, and fire breathing, a dragon conveniently flies overhead setting fire to random houses that belong to non-important ponies.
"By the nine,"Says the Dragonborn, he then prepares to say an awesome 1-liner that will kick off the next chapter.