Twilight was out.
That only meant one thing to Spike and Owlowlcious.
Only.
One.
Thing.
“ Dear Diary, this morning I was practicing a few scrying spells and I accidentally - heh, yeah right, Twi, you have way to many accidents with that crystal ball - accidentally caught a glimpse of Big Macintosh in the shower. Now, I shouldn’t of peeked - hey, do we have any soda’s left?”
Owlowlcious hooted a sad no from his perch on the kitchen table. He and Spike were enjoying select snippets of Twilight Diary, various desserts, and a peck of pinched pop’s. Shruging, Spike continued reading the racy recollections.
“ - I shouldn’t of peeked, but I did.” he said, contining to read aloud. Owlowlcious hooted a “ I know where this is going.” and pecked at the mouse mousse he’d been working on. “ And wow, he really lives up to the ‘Big’ part of his name. Man, I never get this, Owlowlcious, why’s she so obsessed with stallions junk?”
Owlowlcious hooted softly. His eyes were wide. Spike froze. He’d been so perplexed by the journal that he’d not been listening for signs of Twilight returning, but now he could sense the tell-tale tingle of a teleportation spell ending. It was coming from right behind him.
“ Oh. My. God. Twilight, you perv!” laughed Rainbow Dash as she and Rarity began to move a large pony that Spike had never seen from the kitchen to the living room. Twilight was turning red, fire flickering in her furious face. Applejack, besides her, was so slack-jawed and stunned looking it was very possible that her brain might have died after what she’d just heard.
“...ah...ah’ll go get Fluttershy.” she said after a few seconds, not looking to Twilight. “ Uh, ah’m gunna take Dashie with me. Uh, um, gottago.”
With that she vanished into the hall.
Leaving Spike and Owlowlcious to deal with Twilight, who was grinding her teeth hard enough that they were sparking. Spike and Owlowlcious looked to each other. Spike gulped. Owlowlcious...hooted a laugh and flew out the window.
“ Traitor!” he howled as Twilight began to use Assistant Punishment Spell Number Three liberally.
“ Oh, please don’t try and move.”
Fluttershy gently pressed a hoof down on the ashy alicorns shoulder, keeping him still on the bed of ferns she’d moved him to. She’d gotten him out of the field of ash and into the cool shade, where she’d begun to tend to his wounds. He’d been stabbed and slashed and bruised, but he seemed tough. There wasn’t a drop of tears in his eyes and he kept struggling, trying to stand.
“ Please?” she asked again, activating the Cute Stare and looking right into those glittering black eyes. They were orbs of shadow, like a glimpse into a deep well in the world with nothing but her reflection in them....
And he set his head down and let out a snort.
She was so happy she almost cheered, but it wasn’t the time for that. She needed to get a poultice on his shoulder and check that side-slash to make sure it was sterile enough. Oh, if only she had time to go fetch Zecora - she’d have plenty of medicine!
“ Ah, pray tell - hath thou found it hard to be away from your native lands?” came a voice through the trees. To say it echoed or whispered would be a lie - it barged. In was a loud, regal, pompous tone that shook the leaves with every syllable. After it came a near inaudible reply, like that of a very distant pony.
Meaning Princess Luna was somewhere within a mile.
“ N-nightmare Moon!” eeped Fluttershy, her voice squeaking as she shied backwards. With a gasp she tripped over her patient, rolling over him and landing on the ground. He grunted in pain, causing her to beging apologizing -
“ Halt! Zecora, did thou here a voice?”
“ Buck!” Fluttershy swore in a voice like a whispering dormouse. “ Oh! Sorry, sorry, sorry!” she said again, bowing to the ashen patient who was glaring at her. “ P-please, we need to be quiet or she’ll find us!”
“ Ah, we have heard it again!”
Fluttershy froze, eyes going wide. She could hear racing hoofbeats. The Balrog’s ears perked, sensing the others as well. He tried to stand again, only managing to rip the bark bandage off of his left front leg and reopen a deep cut. He whinnied in pain -
“ We have heard a stallion in pain!”
The voice was closer.
What did she do?
What did she do?
A moment of clarity hit Fluttershy. She knew exactly what to do. It was so clear now, so obvious - it was her only choice of action. She began to scream at the top of her lungs and run around the Balrog in a circle.
Yes, that was the solution.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Then, suddenly, Princess Luna happened.
While it would be correct to say that she “happened upon” the scene, that was not really descriptive of her arrival. One moment Fluttershy was running around, screaming, while the Balrog forced himself up and stood ready, wings bared and readied to fight - even though it seemed a bit unsure how to do so.
Then, Luna was there.
“ Ah, greeting Fluttershy!” she declared in the Royal Canterlot Voice as she and Zecora galloped into the clearing. She skidded to a halt the instant her eyes fell upon the Balrog, whom had been hidden in the shadows by her dark coat.
She blinked.
Her wings sprung forth, sending a hurricane-gale through the forest, striking poor Zecora and sending her sailing through the trees and blowing a cloud of ash from the field into the skies, instantly creating dark clouds above them. The rise of the dry dusts created static, causing instant thunderheads to form. And then she let out the “squee” at Royal Canterlot Voice level, which, as fate would have it, was the exact harmonic frequency to cause leaves to catch fire.
Who knew that sound could do that?
And so, in an instant the quiet forest glade was transformed to a dark, flaming wasteland, battered by lightning and fell winds. And Fluttershy kept running around in a circle, screaming.
“ Uh, greetings.” said Princess Luna, a fit of giggles overtaking her as she “squeed” again. The Balrog blinked, it’s confusion plain on it’s ashen face - as well as it’s approval for this strange creature that had altered the area to a more homey apocalyptic waste. “ W-we are Princess Luna. Whom art thou?”
The Balrog snorted. A tingle went down Luna’s spine - ooh, he was tall.
And then, Rainbow Dash and Applejack, fearful but determined, stormed into the blazing scene to find their friend. They followed the screaming, which was so obviously Fluttershy, dodging falling trees and lightning strikes as they went. But when they arrived, it was hard not to skid to a halt and drop their jaws at what they saw.
Princess Luna blushed a crimson red.
“ Avert your eyes from the Royal Wingboner!” she bellowed, her voice ringing over all of Equestria.
“ Oh, lord.” sighed Twilight, putting the last band-aid on Spike as Princess Luna’s voice rang out. “ What’re they doing now?”
Had Princess Celestia been wearing a monocle, it would have dropped into her tea. Just like the monocle of every noble stallion at Canterlot palace attending Celestia’s Weekly Charity Social Luncheon.
“ Good lord, Lulu, what now?” she sighed, wincing and taking a deep draft of her daffodil-and-chalkwood tea. The nobles were murmuring, glancing to each other, and trying to make sense of what they had just heard. At that time, a detachment of Guardsponies ran in from the watchtower.
“ Princess!” declared the Guards-Captain. “ The Everfree Forest is on fire! And Princess Luna seems to have summoned a lightning storm above it!”
“ Princess!” declared Celestia’s Page, exiting the Orrery with a crystal ball. “ The Royal Society for Scrying, Detection of Strange Magic, and General Snooping As Usual has detected a massive influx of magic from another world!”
“ Princess!” declared the head chef, rushing in from the kitchens. “ My bunt-cake has fallen! We will serve creme-puffs for desert instead!”
And then a poof of magic flame brought a scroll from Twilight Sparkle into the room, landing itself neatly on the table before her. She sighed and levitated it open, reading aloud so that nopony would feel left out.
“ Princess!” declared the Princess in Twilight Sparkles style. “ We’ve discovered an injured alicorn in the Everfree forests! He’s being taken to the hospital and claims to be from another world and defeated a Balrog!”
On cue, everypony in the room but her fainted.
Rolling her eyes, Celestia rolled the scroll back up, set it aside, and set to finishing her tea and cookies.
Just once, she wanted to get through her Weekly Charity Social Luncheon without have to deal with giant bunnies, Lulu, alternate dimensions, the color puce disappearing, or any other crazy thing. But it appeared that such a dream was not to be.