As a teenager, I always had a belief about what Heaven was. It wasn’t one place that was run by God and where all the good people went. It wasn’t a sanctuary for the dead. It wasn’t a holy field of greatness. No. For me, Heaven wasn’t even a place. Well, technically it is, but it’s not one single place. It’s based on one’s thoughts and ideals. When someone dies, their spirit goes to the place where it would be happiest.
For example, if someone’s idea of Heaven is in a field of white clouds, serving God in His Kingdom, then that would be where their spirit goes when they pass on. However, if that is their idea of heaven, but their spirit would be happier elsewhere, they would be sent there instead. So, whether consciously or subconsciously chosen, their heaven is where they would be happiest. So some people could have the same idea of what “Heaven” is.
I realized what my Heaven was after I discovered My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I decided that Equestria is where I’d want to be after I died. I had also done some thinking about if I were somehow given the option to leave behind this world and live there instead, if I would or not, and I could never make a decision. I was weighing what I had in this life and what I could have in a new life, but I could never answer myself. I was sick of the corruption of the Government and the education system, sick of the fighting, and I was sick of the people who caused problems for the sake of causing problems. Racism, sexism, homophobia, right-wing extremists, left-wing extremists... I was sick of it all and I wanted nothing more than for it to go away. However, I still had things that mattered to me such as friends, family, memories, impacts I’ve made on people’s lives... I didn’t know what I wanted more. A world free from all the negativity of earth or just enduring the days as they came, waiting for the day I’d be sent to my Heaven.
I’d been in love with MLP ever since I discovered it in the beginning September of 2011, just before the second season was supposed to premiere. From the start, I fell in love with the Element of Kindness herself, Fluttershy. I never understood what it was that attracted me to her so much, but one thing I knew for sure was that I completely adored her eyes. A beautiful, calming aquamarine color that I could just gaze into forever. And don’t even get me started about how much I loved her mane, and no, I’m not quoting Sweetie Belle. The shade of pink was a very soft pink that I always loved seeing, and the length of it only added to her charm.
At some point in 2012, I ordered a plush of her. It wasn’t the greatest one, but for $50, I enjoyed it. I remember fantasizing about her being real, and trying to imagine the joy I’d feel seeing her and hearing her voice. It would be enough to make my chest hurt a bit. I would think about what I would give to be able to stare in her eyes and gently hold her cheeks. She’d be scared or nervous of course, but I’d be able to comfort her. She’d smile softly. I’d gently pat her head, trailing a few fingers through her hair just to capture how long it actually is.
But of course, I’d have to leave that train of thought and get on with my life, whether it was going to school, chores around the house, or going to hang with a few friends.
I’d remember I was thinking about it a few hours later and just think about how much that would make me happy.
But they were only thoughts.
No matter how many pieces of beautiful artwork I saw, it would never be real. It didn’t matter if I was looking at Tsitra360’s “Nightly Wonders” or pieces of art where the artist drew individual strands of hair and completely captured her eyes, it would never happen. And when I would die, hopefully, my thoughts would be correct, and I’d be able to to live in the world I truly dreamed about. But until then, I live life like I do everyday, whether it’s listening to music, writing stories, or heading to and from school.
It was an easy walk from my house. Thirty-five minutes if I didn’t need to wait at an intersection for too long, or if the traffic lights decided they hated me, forty-five minutes. I turned the street corner and continued on my way home. As I waited for the “walk” signal, I turned my gaze to the sky, staring at the beautiful orange sunset as the sun began to set behind the mountains. The music in my headphones ended. As I searched for the next song, I thought I hear a bush rustling. Taking out my earphones, I listened again, but could hear nothing, so I continued searching for a song.
The short blare of someone’s horn crashed my focus once more, and immediately after, I heard once the sound a familiar squeak. I turned around to see if I could find any evidence of an animal.
I scanned the bushes around me and came across something that made me question my sanity. Sticking out of the bush, I could swear, was a bright pink tail.
I was at a loss for words. I wracked my brain for possible explanations. Flowers or leaves arranged in a strange position, creating the illusion of Fluttershy’s tail? A paper bag? Some kind of party decoration? A wig? Or even cotton candy? Anything that would point to me being sane.
At this point the streets around me were unusually empty, so I figured I’d take the chance and call out. “Uhm... Fluttershy?” As soon as the words left my mouth, I thought it couldn’t be possible and as I turned to leave, a response came. It was a mere squeak, but I knew exactly what, or rather, who I was staring at. I didn’t know how or why, but Fluttershy was here and I was sure she wouldn’t last long in this land. I walked over to the bush and knelt down and opened it, hoping to see those aquamarine orbs I’ve longed to see for so long. But knowing Fluttershy, I should’ve expected what I saw: two eyes, completely shut tight, and a yellow body shaking in fear and whimpering with the realization that she’d been spotted.
There was no way I would leave her here. She’d get hit by a car or taken in by some kind of animal control, and who knows what would happen after that. So, as calmly as I could, and kindly as I could manage, I placed my hand, palm up, in front of her, and her said, “I know you don’t know who I am, but I promise, Fluttershy, on my life, that I will get you somewhere safe. Would... would you like to come with me? Here,” I placed my jacket on the ground in front of her, “I know it’s cold, I’ll place you in my jacket until we get to my house, okay?”
I placed my jacket on the ground in front of her, and watched anxiously as her eyes opened. She didn’t look at me yet, just the jacket. After prodding it softly with her hoof, she moved inside it. I then picked her up, hiding her from view, and made my way home.
Once inside, I quickly shut the door and went to the living room and placed her on the couch. At this point I was at a complete loss of... well, everything, really. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I had questions, but didn’t know how to ask them. Even simple questions like “Are you hungry or thirsty?” seemed strange for me to ask.
I decided to stop and ask myself one of the most ridiculous questions I’ve ever thought of: If I were Fluttershy, and I just found a creature lost and confused in need of help, what would I ask it? But before that, I had to know if she still spoke English.
“Excuse me, Fluttershy?” I moved to the couch and knelt down in front of her. “Can you understand me? And can you speak?”
She looked up at me and mumbled something completely inaudible. “Sorry, but, I couldn’t understand you. Was that a ‘yes?’” There was another inaudible answer, and I was just about to ask her to repeat herself when I realized a simpler solution. “I understand you're shy, and if you don’t wish to speak, I won’t make you, but I do need to know, so if the answer is ‘yes’, please, nod your head.”
After a brief moment, there was a slow nod of her head. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked her over, examining her for the first time. Her body wasn’t in bad condition, but she was still noticeably hurt, and it made me cringe to see her like that. First off she was covered in scrapes and had multiples cuts and scratches, from her face to her body to her hooves. Secondly, she was extremely dirty. Her mane and coat were covered in dirt mixed with a few stray sticks and leaves. Blotches of dirt stained the yellow hue of her coat. And third, she was keeping one of her legs tucked in against her chest. I figured she must have hurt it during her ordeal.
“Fluttershy... do you need some help getting clean?” As soon as I asked that question, I facepalmed. She obviously needed help getting clean. But the question is whether or not she’d accept it.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly ask you to go through that trouble. You don’t have to. I’ll be okay.”
As she spoke, I realized I should’ve expected her to say that. She was still shaking with fear, but at least she was calming down. And although she wouldn’t admit it, she still needed my help. And if Fluttershy had found me, or some other strange creature in her world that looked like it needed help, she would do what she knew was right, and help them.
“I’ll be right back, Fluttershy, with some some stuff to clean you up, alright? Let’s face it, you’d do the same if you found a creature who needed help, even if they didn’t want it, but you knew they needed it. So please, let me help you.”
I went into the kitchen and grabbed the box of medical supplies from above the sink and took them into the living room. I sat down beside her and placed the supplies on the coffee table. It was then I realized I didn’t know how to use half the stuff in there. The hydrogen-peroxide and band-aids were the limit of my knowledge. “Uh... Okay... Fluttershy, I may need your help here. I... don’t know how to use most of this. Most I can do is clean your cuts and such, but I’ll probably need you to walk me through the bandaging process. I can barely keep my shoes from coming untied.”
At this point, she had stopped shaking and even seemed to be warming up to me, but that wasn’t what made me happy. She had let out a chuckle at my comment. It was very soft and short, but one of the most adorable things I’d ever heard and it took every ounce of strength to not pull her into a hug right then and there and worship her for her adorableness.
Instead, I took a deep breath and began to work on her cuts. She yelped as I applied the peroxide to her cheek, but she remained still nonetheless. I again had to restrain myself and not attack her with hugs.
After the injuries were cleaned, I asked her if she needed help cleaning the dirt from her coat and hair. She merely looked down at the floor with a blush.
I gently picked her up from her spot and brought her into the bathroom. After setting a towel on the counter, I laid her down on it and drew the bath water. “This will only take a second. I just have to wait for the water to warm up.”
As I waited, I turned to face her one more time, just to look at her, really. Even when she wasn’t in her best shape, she still retained everything I loved about her.
Feeling the steam from the water, I turned the temperature down a bit before letting the tub fill. I couldn’t help but remember my first time reading My Little Dashie. There were many differences from that story and mine though. First off, this was the adult Fluttershy, not a filly. And secondly, this wasn’t a story. This was real... I think. Just to be sure, I began to try and “wake up”. I wanted to be sure that this was real.
When I opened my eyes, I was sitting in front of the tub still and Fluttershy was waiting patiently for me. The only difference was I had a headache that seemed to spawn from nowhere, which vanished as quickly as it came.
Noticing the water was at a good height for her, I shut off the water and placed her in the tub.
“There. That’s not too hot or too cold is it?” I skimmed the water with my hand to double check and it all seemed fine to me.
“Yes. It’s nice. Thank you,” she said with a smile.
And that was another thing that I always loved about Fluttershy. Her smile. It was always a perfect smile. Soft, sincere, and full of warmth. I know Pinkie Pie is the Element of Laughter, but whenever Fluttershy smiled, I always smiled with her, and it was no different in the real world than it was when I watched the show.
“I’ll be right back, Fluttershy. I need to get a bowl real quick.” Pushing myself up, I quickly made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a mixing bowl and went back into the bathroom. “Okay. I’ll use this to pour water on your head, alright? It’ll speed up the washing process a bit.” I turned on the faucet again and stuck the bowl beneath it and filled it up. “Okay, this may be a little uncomfortable. I know I always hated it when I was little. But I’ll be pouring this over you, okay?”
She silently nodded.
“Alright. Here’s the first one.” I started pouring slowly at first so it wouldn’t be an abrupt surprise. The last thing I needed was to have Fluttershy get startled and end up falling face first into the water. As quickly as that would help get her coat clean, I would feel horrible at the end of it, and she deserved better than that.
As I finished pouring the bowl, I repeated the process a few more times before grabbing some shampoo and washing her. It took a couple times to get all the dirt off her, but after about thirty minutes she was completely clean. I drained the water from the tub and and gently placed her on the towel and began to dry her off. I grabbed a brush from a drawer and then proceeded to brush through her mane. I ran into a few knots here and there, but nothing major. I gently placed one of my hands under her chin and lifted her head up as I tried to style her hair the way it was in the show.
I never was much of a hair-stylist though. Oh well. I ran the brush over her coat next so it wouldn’t dry weird. “Hey, how’s your hoof, by the way? Is it feeling better?”
“Yes, very much. Thank you, uhm. I... I never got your name.” She looked up at me questioningly. As soon as she did, though, I immediately got lost in her eyes once more. Out of everything, her eyes are probably one of her most attractive physical features. I could already feel my heart beginning to beat harder.
There’s a difference between finding something or someone attractive and finding it beautiful, and to me, Fluttershy was my definition of beautiful.
I snapped myself out of the trance. “Oh, my name is Willie. And honestly, it’s been my pleasure, Fluttershy. Honestly. It’s... actually been a dream of mine to be able to do this.”
She merely closed her eyes and smiled at me, tilting her head to the side.
“Thank you, Willie. ... Um... if it’s not too much trouble... how do you know about me?”
Once again, I froze. My mind flashed-back to that particular scene in My Little Dashie where the main character and Dashie have that argument, but I realize quickly that this is a different scenario. I didn’t raise this Fluttershy as a filly. It hadn’t even been 24 hours.
So, I explained to her that she was a character from a popular TV show, and all the other details that go along with that. I showed her clips of episodes. It was easy to tell that she was still confused, maybe even startled, but she accepted it, which I found to be slightly strange, but just continued grooming her. And once that was finished, I couldn’t help myself. I looked at her again. My mind just continued glancing over the aesthetics of her looks, and how everything was beautiful in my eyes.
The growl of my stomach quickly brought me back to reality. I looked up to her and asked, “Are you hungry? I could make you a salad if you want to eat.”
She quickly shook her head. “Oh, no. I’m fine, really. I’m not hungry---” Her own stomach betrayed her words. “Okay... well... maybe a little.”
I just smiled at her. “Alright. Well, follow me to the kitchen. I’ll get you something, alright?”
She jumped from the counter and spread her wings, gliding to the floor and stopping in front of the bathroom door, waiting for me to show her the way.
I made myself a sandwich and a salad for her. While we ate, we talked. made small conversation, I explained more in-depth how much I know about the show, her, her friends, Equestria, and even showed her some of the artwork from artists such as John Joesco and Raikoh-Illust. She even began asking questions and discussions about the art.
After a moment she asked me who my favorite character was, I hesitated, but replied “Well... to be honest, it’s you. Everything about you... intrigues me. From your aesthetically pleasing mane color, and length, to your beautiful eyes, to your soft voice... to your personality. You have so many attractive features about you, and I just... love them all. I hope that doesn’t make me seem weird.”
“Oh, no. Not at all. It’s very interesting. But I mean, I’m nowhere near as beautiful as Rarity. Why---”
“Fluttershy, don’t start that with me,” I said with a laugh. “Don’t degrade yourself. It’s not healthy---and don’t even think about apologizing either,” I added, as I saw her open her mouth. She paused, her mouth remaining open for a moment, before looking down at the ground.
I cursed myself quietly for speaking a little harshly, and immediately tried to correct it. “D-Don’t feel bad, alright? I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that, I kinda saw where you were going, but you don’t need to. Just because someone else may seem more beautiful to you, doesn’t mean that you’re not the most beautiful mare someone... or somepony has ever seen before. And to me, you’re more beautiful than Rarity will ever be.”
She looked up at me with a blush, but genuinely smiled. “Thank you.”
I chuckled lightly. “Any time. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I think it’s time for me to go to bed.”
“Not quite yet,” a new voice responded. I whipped my head around and found Princess Luna standing in the hallway next to my kitchen. It was at this point I felt the gears in my brain grind to a halt.
As I tried to address her, I found myself unable to even form a single question. I eventually blurted out, “Princess Luna?”
Luna raised a brow questioningly. “Yes?”
It took me a second to realize she expected me to say something more. “Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t addressing you. I was just shocked to see you is all.” I bowed my head to her. “To what do I owe the honor of your presen--” The wheels in my mind begin to spin again, and my heart sank. “Oh...”
“I trust that you have been taking care of Fluttershy, right? I could tell based on how comfortable she seems to be already.”
“Y-Yes. I have. I found her on the side of the street... and convinced her to come home with me. The last thing I wanted was for any kind of harm to come to her.”
“I know. If there’s one thing I’ve learned already it’s that you humans show body language much like ponies do.” I watched her as she looked me over. “You really like her, don’t you?”
I smiled to myself. “‘Like’ doesn’t even begin to describe it. I mean, I’m not romantically interested in her, but everything about her is attractive. I could list everything that I like, but it might seem strange. Though,” I glanced up at Luna, “It’s really many of the same things I like about you.”
“Oh? Enlighten me.”
I saw in her eyes she couldn’t tell exactly what I meant, so I knew I had to explain myself before she got the wrong idea.
“Well, it’s different for both of you. I mean, for you, Fluttershy,” I turned and faced her, “your mane color is a very... pleasing shade of pink. The yellow of your coat also compliments it very nicely. But your eyes are just... beautiful. Aquamarine and colors that have similar shades have been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. And your particular shade is just a very calming and beautiful color.” I tried and failed to hold back a snicker as she tried to hide the blush on her face. “And you, Luna?” I turned my gaze to her at this point. “Well, I’ve always loved shades of blue and nighttime is my favorite time of day. I can’t count how many times I’ve put on music, sat outside and watched the sun set behind the mountains, and continued to watch as the sky filled with stars. And the way your mane and tail mimic the night sky in such a brilliant manner, I can’t help myself.”
I stopped and awaited her response, but when none came, I figured I’d change the subject. “Anyway that’s all I’m saying. You’re just... beautiful-- Anyway, I’m curious. Luna, why are you here and not Celestia? Is it because it’s nighttime?” I asked. “Not that I have a problem with that.”
Luna shook her head. “No. Not exactly. You may understand in a bit though. And this leads me to my next order of business. I have not only come for Fluttershy.”
“Um, what do you--?”
“I will offer you a choice. I am aware of your desires and how you wish to be in Equestria because that is where you are happiest. I hereby offer you an invitation to join us on the return trip.”
“Huh-wha?”
“It is your dream to be in Equestria, is it not? In return for taking care of Fluttershy, I only see it as fair to offer you a reward, and the best one I can think of is for you to continue spending time with her. Do you accept?”
I remained quiet for a few moments out of sheer shock, but my answer came to me before I even thought about t. I lowered my head with a smile and responded, “Sorry, Luna. As much as I absolutely love Fluttershy, and not to mention, as much as I would love to be in Equestria instead of here, there is still too much for me here on this planet. And I do not want to give up what I currently have, even for Equestria. Even if I could transverse freely between the two, I’d rather not. No matter how much I wish to meet Twilight, or get bombarded by parties with Pinkie, or taste an apple from Sweet Apple Acres. No matter how much I wish I could spend more time with Fluttershy, helping her with her critters... there’s just too much for me here. I wouldn’t trade all the sonic rainbooms or makeovers from Rarity for anything I currently have in this life.”
Luna looked at me for a moment, before lowering her head with a smile. “If that is what you wish, then it is now time for to awaken.”
“Wake up? What are you--?” The world around me began to fade away.
“Until next time.” was the last thing I heard Luna say before the world around me had vanished and instead I found myself staring into a bright white light. I tried to shield my eyes, but my arms wouldn’t move. As my eyes readjusted to the light, I noticed a steady, constant beep coming from my side.
A heart monitor.
There were bandages surrounding my arms and my left leg was in a cast. I knew should probably be feeling pain at this point, but I figured the hospital had me on some kind of painkillers from an IV drip or something of the sort, and for that I was thankful.
After a few moments a nurse walked into the room and began to ask me a few simple questions such as my name, age, and birthday. But she never said what happened. As soon as she was finished with her questions she left the room. Shortly after, though, another doctor came in and asked me the same questions, followed by new ones. “Do you know where you are?”
As I answered he proceeded to do those vitals tests that doctors do. Shining a light in your eyes, heart rate... “I’m guessing a hospital... but... what happened?”
“You were waiting at a crosswalk when a driver hopped the sidewalk and ended up hitting you. How are you feeling?”
“Well, physically, I don’t hurt as much as it looks like I should. A little numb and stiff in the joints.”
“Why did you say ‘physically’? Something wrong mentally or emotionally?”
“... No. Just a dream. That’s all.” I was hoping he would leave it at that, but of course, whether he was gathering as just doing his job or genuinely curious, he didn’t.
“What was it about?”
“Well, it’s hard to explain, but... long story short, it made me realize I wouldn’t trade my current life for anything. No matter how shitty this world may get at times, I have many reasons to continue my life.”
The doctor looked at me questioningly before writing a note down on his paper. “Well, alright then. Well, that about does it for now. Someone will be by a bit a later with some food. Would you like any visitors?”
I nodded my head. “A bit later, for now, I would just like to eat.”
The doctor walked out and I was alone once more, leaving me alone with nothing but my two stuffed animals, one I’ve had since I was two years old, and the other being my Fluttershy plush. I pulled the two close to me and just hugged them. I was happy to be alive. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. “Thank you,” I mumbled. “Thank you for helping me see what matters most to me.”