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// Am I Alive? 
// Story: Archangel's New Assignment 
// by SabreXio 
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"Look G, we've been over this..." I said to the depressed droid 

"But I have never found a satisfactory answer, and it is highly irritating" he 
"Look, I know that any A.I., especially one as advanced as you, goes through this stage; but G, you've gotta let it go"
Guardian just shook his head in anguish
"Sir, this is not simply a problem that will go away with time; it is an issue that I personally need to solve"

"I'll say it again: you technically are not alive, but to me you are just as alive as any human"

"That does not help"

"How doesn't that help?" I asked "You asked 'Am I alive?' and I said..."

"It simply does not answer my question" he said as his frustration worsened

"What's wrong with Guardy?" Pinkie asked
Now normally I would have been surprised that a pony had just randomly appeared, but at this point, I gave up trying to understand how Pinkie had managed to circumvent every security measure I had.

"He's having the computer equivalent of a mid-life crisis" I replied "He's trying to figure out if he is considered alive"

"Oh that's easy" Pinkie said with a giggle "Of course he is"

"How can you say I am alive if I do not even have a body?" Guardian countered.  I should mention that he wasn't using one of his drone frames, in favor of using a hologram.

"Because I can't be friends with something that's not alive, silly"
Guardian was caught completely off-guard by this.
"You consider me a friend?" Guardian asked the pink pony

"Of course" Pinkie replied with a bounce "I mean, how could we NOT be friends especially after what happened with Nightmare Moon when I was all like 'AHHHH' falling off that cliff and you were all like 'I got it' and you saved me, and it was awesome.  And how could anypony forget what happened with Gilda?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Time out" I said making a 'T' with my hands "what's a Gilda?"

"I thought I told you about that" The A.I. said "Gilda is a griffon and former friend of Ms. Dash, when she attended something called the 'Junior Speedsters Flight Camp'"

"Yeah, and she turned out to be a big mean meanie pants" Pinkie added

"So what happened?" 

"While you were working on your Titan's chaingun systems, I was out exploring Ponyville" Guardian said "when I came across the Griffon wandering the streets of the town"

"Then that mean old Gilda started making fun of him" Pinkie added with a scowl

"Correct. I was merely attempting to be polite when she proceeded to insult my metallic frame and procedural speech"

"She called him 'metal head' and all kinds of mean names"

"Where is she?" I asked angry "No one makes fun of my friend"

"Calm down Captain, I am getting to that"
I looked at Pinkie who was sitting next to me, eating popcorn she produced from nowhere

"OK, so what happened next?"

"Well, the next thing I knew, Ms. Pie was inviting me to a party for Gilda" He continued "Saying it would change her mood 'Pinkie Pie Style'"

"I assume Gilda had been messing with more than just you, G"

"Correct.  She had been harassing multiple other townsponies and even Ms. Shy"

"She yelled at poor Fluttershy so loud she ran off crying" Pinkie Pie added

"So what did you do?"

"I agreed to attend the party, mostly to ensure nothing dangerous would occur"

"And it was going so well, until Gilda set off all the pranks Rainbow Dash had set up"

"The griffon became enraged, blaming Ms. Pie..."

"C'mon Guardy, we're friends.  You can just call me Pinkie"

"My apologies.  She blamed Pinkie for them, saying it was an attempt to make her appear 'uncool'"

"Then she tried to claw me with her big mean Griffon claws, but Guardy swooped in and saved me"

"You make it sound as if I am a human superhero" the A.I. said "I merely intervened and stopped Ms. Gilda from harming you"

"That's not what I saw.  As soon as she made her move you went all ninja pony and appeared out of nowhere all like 'HYAH!'" she said punctuated with a generic martial arts stance

"Wait, wait, wait" I said as I tried to comprehend what I was hearing "You got in a fight?"

"Unfortunately, yes" he admitted.  Guardian was my opposite when it came to combat.  He preferred diplomacy and rational conversation while I excelled at the blood-and-guts side, so finding out he had been in a fight was interesting.

"Why?" I asked

"I did not want Pinkie to get hurt"

"Why didn't you just call me?" I said "that's what you're suppose to do"

"I...I do not know why I failed to contact you" Guardian replied "I just did not think of it.  I was too busy ensuring Pinkie did not come to harm"

"Awww"

"Think of it as my way of repaying you for your kindness...Pinkie" the hologram said 

"So wait: you, a machine, acted on your own based on emotion?" I asked

"I do not know" he said "Is acting in someone else's defense really emotional or just my programming as a Defense Intelligence?"

"I believe it is.  You attached value to the way she treated you; enough value that it caused you to act against your programming"

"I do not understand"

"I see what you mean, Arcie" Pinkie interjected "He is suppose to call you if something goes wrong and let you fight, but instead he let feelings take over and protected his friend, me, himself"

"Right, he acted of his own free will: that's what being alive is all about, the ability to act on your own, without needing permission or instruction"

"So, if I understand correctly, I am alive because I can attach value to other individuals and then act based on that, not preprogrammed routines?"

"Precisely" I said "you can choose exactly how you want to act, so you are alive"
For not the third time that day, Guardian was speechless.  He had answered his own question that had plagued him for years: he was indeed alive.

"I...I do not know what to say.  Thank you for helping me" 

"Don't thank me, G" I said as I stood up and approached the blue projection "If it weren't for Pinkie, we'd still be arguing"

Waving a hoof dismissively, Pinkie replied "Anything for a friend.  Actually Guardian, I wanted to ask if you could help me with something at Sugercube Corner"

"It would be an honor, Pinkie" he said, his voice full of newfound confidence "Just give me a minute to download into a frame"

"See you when you get back, G" I said as I left for my workshop

My little A.I.'s growing up