//------------------------------// // Prance Prance Revolution // Story: The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted // by defender2222 //------------------------------// “… this explains so much about you,” Vinyl said. “Please be quiet.” Octavia trotting through the courtyard of Winterfell, nodding polite hellos to all ponies she remembered from her childhood. They had all gathered to see the eldest of the Stark foals come home. “I’m just saying, I totally get why you are the way you are.” Vinyl walked up to a dower looking pony and waved her hoof in front of his face. “Seriously, look at this stallion! He alone explains why you are so serious and moody and why you aren’t into guys…” “Excuse me?” the stallion said. Vinyl grinned. “Come on, look at ya… I bet most mares go lez just looking at you!” “I don’t know about that…” the stallion said, shuffling about. “Married?” The stallion shifted. “No. I dated one mare a few years back but she left to go run a pottery store with her old lacrosse partner.” Octavia sighed. “I get it.” “Wait… is that why my mother divorced my dad 2 seconds after I was born and moved in with Mama Joann?” The stallions eyes widened in horror. “No! No! Daddy was right, it was all my fault!” Octavia shook her head in disgust, pushing Vinyl away from the now weeping stallion. “Would you please stop it! I begged you to behave!” “And I am!” Vinyl stated. “I didn’t once make a joke about the smell or how I am pretty sure I am going to catch a VD just by standing out here.” “Oh, this is such a lovely, magical place,” a red-maned pony proclaimed, trotting towards them. She was too old to be a filly yet too young to be a mare; stuck in-between. “But of course I dream of one day marrying the prince and having his babies and being his queen.” “…who the hay is this idiot?” Vinyl hissed. Octavia sighed. “My sister, Stupid Stark.” “Stupid?” Vinyl asked. “Yeah… I think my parents were psychic or something. When she was born she grabbed a scalpel and tried to eat it.” Octavia watched as her younger sister gazed about with cloudy eyes, dreaming of silly things. “Oh, how I love Prince Jaggy.” Vinyl frowned. “And who is Prince Jaggy?” Stupid let out a happy sigh. “Oh, the most wonderful prince… see, he is playing with that bunny rabbit!” Vinyl and Octavia turned and watched as a yellow teen pony gave said bunny rabbit a noogie while laughing, “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!” “…ok, you can mock her,” Octavia muttered. The God Squad: Equestria’s Most Wanted Episode 6: Prance Prance Revolution “I fail to see why I have to go on my own!” Tydal complained., stomping his hoof like a 2-year old. “Tydal,” Luna said sweetly, “because of some silly idea you had nearly 2000 years ago, there is now a Dommsday Clock ticking down to when your army wages war on the entire planet.” “I know that-“ “Literally!” Cadence said happily. “I even had one made up!” She pulled out of her saddle bag a large digital clock, which read 2 MONTHS, 29 DAYS, 12 HOURS, 38 MINUTES. “See! And when it reaches zero there will be blood!” Cadence reached over and snagged the frosty dessert Chrysalis was sucking on. “I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!” “Hey!” Chrysalis complained, stealing back her treat. “Get your own!” “Question,” Shining said, pointing at Sweetie Belle. “You have a soft spot for foals, fillies, colts, kids and any other little ones you can find.” “Correct,” Tydal said. “They are cute and make me go d’awwww.” “Then why would you include them in your Doomsday Scenerio?” Tydal grimaced. “Well…” ~2000 Years Ago~ “Now this is nice,” Merida said, giving her a gentle smile from across the table. Two plates of pasta were set before them, along with two goblets and a flickering long stem candle. “I told you I’d pull out all the stops for our anniversary,” Tydal said, using his magic to pour her some griffish wine. “And you delivered. A battle against the perytons and now a candle-lit meal in Griffland’s finest restaurant… you are so getting lucky tonight.” "WAAA! WAAAA!" Tydal groaned, shutting his eyes. Merida's ears flicked in agitation as the unicorn foal screamed its head off, its parents not even paying attention as their 'little darling' flailed his arms and used his magic to fling his utensils about. "Stupid, arrogant..." Tydal grumbled. "Now now," Merida said gently, stroking his hoof. "The wee barin is just doing what comes natural." "I know," Tydal said with a sigh, deflating as his anger bubbled out of him. "But those parents..." “Forget about them and their barin.” The sea god smiled. “Oh, I can’t stay made when you use those funny words of yours.” Merida playfully growled. “Those words are my native tongue, my love.” “And you know how thankful I am for that tongue of-“ SPLONK! Tydal looked at the fork that had been imbedded in his forehead by the foal's accidently magic. "That's it!" He leapt out of his chair and stormed over to the self-absorbed parents. Tydal's horn glowed and their water glasses exploded, drenching them and finally getting their attention. "Your child is sobbing and impaling me with cutlery!" "...you need to chill out." The sea god's right eye began to twitch. "What?" The mother of the foal nodded. "Totally... we read this book about how, like, you're supposed to let foals cry themselves out... it is called hands off parenting." "If a book says it, it must be true," the father said. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Tydal screamed, the rest of the patrons of the restaurant fleeing (a wise move they had all learned in High School during their ‘How to Survive Capricorns’ Class) as he summoned a tidal wave right in the middle of the dining room. "Feel better?" Merida asked after a few minutes. The two of them were the only ones left in the restaurant, as even the staff had made a break for it. "No," Tydal snarled. "Merida, I decree that if I ever die, it will most likely be because my brain exploded from being around stupid ponies. I want you to swear to avenge me!" "And how should I do that?" Merida asked. "After I am dead for 3 months, I want you and my army out in the world, murdering everything that isn’t a capricorn or family!" “Even the foals?” “Especially the foals!” Tydal roared as he ripped the fork from his forehead. The queen grinned, nuzzling her husband's nose. "Oh, I love it when you talk of genocide!" She threw him onto their table. “Let’s do it here, right now!” Tydal grinned and used his magic to pull her close to him… ~MC~MC~MC~ “Huh… so Cadence isn’t the only slut in the family,” Luna said. "...so I'm good, right?" Chrysalis asked. "Family and all that?" Tydal nodded. "Yes, Chrysalis." "Well, even though I am covered, I would hate to see the world destroyed because that would mean no more Detrot Red Wings." Shining lowered his head, picturing a world where his beloved hockey team wasn't around. "So, while the rest of us try and figure out a way to get home-" "And do some sightseeing!" Luna added. "-you are going to use Rarity's ticket-" "Wait, what?" the white unicorn exclaimed. "I didn't agree to that!" "-to get back to Equestria and go inform your subjects you are alive. Then you can wire us the money so we can come home and sort this all out." The god of the ocean pouted. "What if I stayed one extra day-" "GO!" the group shouted at him. "Fine, fine... but you better buy me a ton of souvenirs!" "We have no money, remember?" Celestia called out to Tydal's retreating form. "Bye new daddy!" Sweetie called out. Rarity frowned. "Stop calling him that." "Sorry old sister," Sweetie stated. The fashionista grimaced. "Sweetie... never... call... me... old." The white alicorn turned to the remaining members of the group, clearing her throat. "Now then, it might take Tydal a few days to get back to Equestria and wire us the money... so what shall we do to pass the time?" Her horn lit up and she pulled over a brochure that had been left on a cafe table. "Oh! There is a showing of paintings by Paint By Numbers at The Loafa!" Celestia grinned. "And there will be a lecture by Prof. Long Winded about what brush strokes tell us about the artist's feelings that day-" "ACHOO!" Luna wiped her nose. "Sorry, I am allergic to boring things." The older of the alicorns huffed. "And what do you want to do?" "I am going to find a bookstore and see if they have the new Batstallion biography!" Shining shook his head. "Princess, we keep telling you, Batstalliion isn't real! Those are graphic novels!" "Nanananananana Batstallion!" Luna sang, happily trotting away. "Nerd," Celestia muttered, before turning to smile at the rest of the group. "So, art exhibit?" The others shifted uneasily. "Sure, Princess, I'll go," Shining finally said. "Oh, thank you Shining Armor. You are so wonderful. Cadence, will you be coming?" "Is the art erotic?" "I.... suppose so," Celestia said. "Count me in!" Rarity nodded. "Sweetie Belle and I would love to come with you, Shining." "We would?" Sweetie asked, only for her sister to flick her tail against the little filly's flank. "Ow!" Chrysalis, sensing that Rarity was trying to hit on her stallion (even if he was technically Cadence's), quickly chimed in. "Of course I will be coming too! I might wish to obtain some of those paintings myself, once this is done." "... do you mean you are going to buy them, or steal them?" Shining asked. "You say potato, I say patato..." "That doesn't answer my question..." ~MC~MC~MC~ "Batstallion, why can't you just admit you love Catmare?" "Madam, are you planning to buy any of these books?" a clerk asked Luna. The lunar princess tapped her chip. "I am still deciding... I need to read these to see if I will enjoy them." "And the rest of the books that you've used to make yourself a little fort?" the clerk asked, gesturing at the pile of books she had gathered and used to fill up much of the reading space in the children’s section. "...good fort-building material is so hard to find." Luna's horn glowed and a little cannon rolled over towards the clerk. "Now, please leave Fort Luna before I am forced to... well... use force." ~40 Seconds Later…~ “AAAAA!” Luna flapped her wings, but it did little good as the clerks tossed her from the book store. Landing in a heap on the sidewalk, the lunar goddess turned towards the shop and shook her hoof in outrage. “I had a hat!” After a moment a simple black cap flew through the air, Luna’s magic catching it and placing it on her head. “I also had a bunch of books!” Another few seconds went by before several bags of books were thrown to her. “And your wallet!” Luna grinned when, after a moment of hesitation, a wallet was flung at her. She grabbed it and laughed. "Suckers!" "Hey!" One of the clerks cried out, realizing they had been tricked. Luna giggled as she took flight, zooming through a tight alleyway in order to lose her pursuers. "Who's bad? Who's bad?" She sang to herself. Setting herself down on the ground, Luna took a moment to go through the wallet. "Meh, not a lot but enough to help me kill a few hours." "Bonjour." Luna whipped around, realizing that she wasn't alone in the alleyway. She light up her horn, ready to defend herself, only for her jaw to drop at the sight of the stranger. He was a tall stallion, nearly her height, with a charcoal-colored flank and a mane the color of pitch. He sported a long thin moustache and a little beard that he kept waxed and trimmed. His cutie mark as a bag of bits with a $ sign on it. "...I didn't steal the wallet," Luna said quickly. "Of course you did," the stallion said with a laugh. "I would not have come to speak with you if you hadn't." "You aren't a cop, are ya?" Luna said suspiciously. "Because you have to tell me if you're a cop." "Actually, a cop doesn't," the stallion told her. "Really?" Luna blinked in surprise. "Wow, learn something new everyday." "Indeed." The stallion bowed low, waving his foreleg in a complex gesture. "I am Sticky Hooves, master of the thieves’ guild here in Prance. Your show of cunning at the book store was quite impressive... though, I should have expected no less from a beauty such as yourself." Luna cooed. "Oh, go on... seriously, keep complimenting me." "I would be honored if you would join me. I am on my way to our headquarters and a lovely flower such as you would be always welcomed." "Lead the way, fancy tongue." "...no, my name is Sticky Hooves. Fancy Tongue is our countries most famous porn star. I admit that he and I look-" "Let's just go," luna said dryly.