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// No, Really Father. I'm Not a Demon 
// Story: Family Ties 
// by NightInk 
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	Father Ed stood between Luna and I. I finished closing the portal and turned back to check on him. Luna was practically holding him up and his face was pale. He almost looked as though he were in shock. I wouldn’t blame him. I poked his chin to see if he were ok. He waved me away with a weak flap of his hand.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. I suppose you did warn me.” His voice was low and wavering.
I gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Wait for it. It gets better.”
As I spoke, he doubled over, groaning. “What is this magic?!” he cried.
I took a step back as familiar strands of magic began to surround him. “It’s a wonderful thing. It only feels this bad the first time. Trust me, Father.” I looked at Luna with a thought. "That really makes me sound like a cultist, doesn't it?" She just nodded.
He tried to speak, but his face started to change just then. All that escaped from his throat was a brief cry of pain. Everything else was lost to the swirling, orange magic. It spun around him for about a minute before dissipating. This being his first transformation, he took longer to finish changing. When he was done, he tried to stand shakily, but Luna kept him on his rump with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Please, sit. Don’t try to stand just yet. Adam stood just after transforming and he just about died.”	 He was an orange unicorn, sort of tall and gangly. Just like he was in his human form. He was a dark shade of orange, not one of those light or neon colors. His curie mark was a simple, brown cross. I suppose it makes sense, though. Priest. Cross. You get the idea.
“Uuh, actually I did die. Later on,” I corrected.
She glared at me and quietly mouthed, “Not really a good time.”
I shrugged as the aging priest chuckled. “You really weren’t kidding about the sensation. Pain first, then ecstasy as the pain fades. So… interesting.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, interesting was the word I used the first time.”
He laughed again. “I’m not sure I want to know the wording you used exactly. And that’s just based off of listening to you for the last half hour or so.”
I started to come back with something witty, but Luna pointed a warning finger at me.  “That is true. Much of what he said during that journey cannot be repeated to a priest. But come, you should see what you came here to.”
We gave him a hand up, or rather a hoof up, after we each had transformed into our own pony forms. We were at the bottom of the hill, so we took a slow, leisurely walk up to the gravestones. We chatted a little bit on the way up. “So, everyone who comes to Equestria for the first time turns into a pony?”
Luna nodded, perhaps a bit hesitantly. “Well, yes and no. Typically yes. Adam did not because he had enough magical capability in his body to make him an alicorn, whom are commonly viewed as a step down from the goddesses. He had so much ethereal possibility, for lack of a better phrase, that even the magic rich lands of Equestria could not affect him.”
“And just being a regular unicorn means that I can be influenced by the inherent magic here?”
Luna and I both nodded. We didn’t say anything else since we were at the top of the hill. We let him look at the graves in silence. He put his hoof on my gravestone and rubbed some of the dirt and overgrowth off of it. He sighed and let his head fall to his chest. “My God,” he whispered. I couldn’t help but scoff, and though I tried to cover it up the old man still noticed it. Sharp old fart. He opened his eyes and looked over at me without moving his head. “You mock the Father?”
I cleared my throat, a little embarrassed. “Well, not… I didn’t… Sorry. Kind of. It’s just, I died. I didn’t see god. I didn’t see the great power. I was welcomed to eternity by another mortal man who was taking a break from everything. Nothing more. God is still up there, sure. He just doesn’t mess with my life much. Certainly not recently. And not in Equestria. So, just… save your awe and wonder of god for somewhere else, preacher. No offense.”
He groaned a little bit and stepped to the next grave over. “I suppose doubt is inevitable after an experience such as yours. Who’s grave is this?”
He wiped the dirt off while Luna and I looked at each other nervously. “Well, that’s where Nightmare Moon rests,” I admitted. “I insisted that she be buried here with me when we made the preparations.”
He nodded as he looked at the stone. He cracked a small smile, but it quickly faded. He was clearly trying to learn as much as he could without clouding my answers with his own emotions. “Why? Why have the woman who caused you so much pain buried next to you? Why show her any kind of compassion?”
I laughed again. “You’re trying to trip me up. You know damn well why. Sorry. I showed her compassion because she needed it, not deserved it. Same thing you preach every week.”
He smiled. “Actually, this week was abstinence. But I doubt you would have listened to that lecture either. But perhaps God does help you in more ways than you know.”
I knelt next to him and helped polish off Nightmare Moon’s gravestone. “Yeah, right.”
He smiled. “I’m serious. Think about how much compassion that shows. The willpower it takes to forgive someone who did you so wrong? That’s an act of God, son.”
I scraped the last bit of dirt out of the inscriptions of her stone. “So, either you just called me god, or an awful man who was thrown a bit of grace. I’d like to think there’s a happy middle ground.”
He settled into his spot in the grass. “The middle ground is a good man who gets thrown grace. That’s you. And a bit of heaven.”
This time Luna was confused and I knew exactly what he meant. She tilted her head and simply asked, “What heaven?”
He smiled and held out his hoof. She got the message and put hers in his, and he put his other hoof on top of that. “You, Luna. You are likely the grace and compassion that God has visited upon him.”
“Uuh, visited?” I smiled. “I’m in the wrong line then. I’d like to play for keepsies.”
Both Luna and the Father smiled. Luna sat down next to me and put her head on my shoulder. Father Ed stood and moved in front of us. He set a gentle hoof down on my head, then Luna’s. “And I hope, I pray, that the two of you will live long, happy lives. It would be my honor to marry so fine a couple as you.” Luna and I smiled and looked at each other. We kissed once, and the Father looked a little wry. “Though only as humans. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with marrying two horses. Ponies.”
We each laughed. “That’s ok, Celestia handles royal weddings in Equestria,” I explained.
He laughed with us. “That sounds fine by me, so long as you two are comfortable with that. And speaking of comfortable, can we go home now? This is a lot and I think I could spend a few hours in quiet contemplation.”


…


Honestly, I didn’t blame him. I wish I had been able to take some quiet time out for myself when I first got to Equestria. But noooo. Nightmare Moon needed to be defeated. I wasn’t allowed to be dead. I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital bed. Picky, picky, picky. Luna can be so mean.
We set the date and thanked the good father for his time. We flew away and were soon at home. She went straight back to the couch with her planner, I picked up my GameCube controller. While she magically opened the fridge and levitated a root beer to herself, I put a pot of tea on the stove. She noticed and looked at me curiously.
“You’ve been drinking more tea than usual. Something wrong, dear?”
I shrugged and looked at her like I was clueless. It was a natural feeling look. “I dunno. Nothing?” She looked at me like she clearly didn’t believe me. “What? It’s just tea! I like tea.”
She visibly stopped herself from rolling her eyes. “Since when?”
I shrugged again. “Since always. Whys it such a big deal?”
She turned her eyes back to the planner. “It’s not, I suppose. Just curious.” I shrugged and let the subject drop, turning back to my game. She kept stealing glances at me, like I was supposed to be doing something productive. By the time the water was boiling, she seemed actually agitated. I stood and she held out a hoof to stop me. “What are you doing?”
I darted my eyes around my room like I was looking for an excuse. “Getting my tea?”
She shook her head, but let me go to the kitchen. “I mean besides that. With the game. Why are you playing videogames while I’m trying to plan our wedding?”
I finished pouring my water and chose a bag. “Dragonfruit and acai berry, I think,” I muttered to myself. I went quickly back to the couch and settled back in. I didn’t turn the game back on, but just sipped and looked at her. I cut my sip short as I burned my lips a little, but I kept the cup in my hand. I looked over the rim of the cup at her with clueless eyes. It was essentially my masculine version of puppy eyes. “I don’t know what you mean, Luna sweetie.”
She scoffed and put the planner on the coffee table. “You do so. Why are you playing videogames while I actually work.”
I took another small sip, blowing the steam away first. Just right. “I’m thinking.”
She frowned a little. “Thinking about what?”
I sighed. “I don’t suppose I can say this is a secret and that you’ll be pleasantly surprised?” She shook her head. “Please?” Head shake. “Pretty please?” She frowned even more. I groaned. “Ok, fine. I’m trying to think of my vows.”
She leaned back in her seat. “Come on dear, is that the best you can do?” I stared blankly. “You mean to tell me that Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is part of your marriage vow thinking process?”
I nodded. “It’s either this, pooping, or a seven hour bubble bath. You’ve got to hand it to Spike, he knows his bathing.”
She coughed a petite little cough as a puff of steam wafted into her nose. “Or you could be more traditional and lay on the couch in your underwear with a rhyming dictionary and a can of chili.”
“Then what am I going to do for my thinking about Halloween pranks?”
“In March?”
“I’m a go getter.”
“Since when?”
“I’m trying to think of my wedding vows before the week of. Doesn’t that count for something?”
She picked up the equivalent of a spoonful of tea in her magic, making it float like it was in space. Like how the space station videos look when the astronauts squirt orange juice into the air. “And what proof do you have?”
I smiled and picked my controller back up. “I don’t need any. I know I’m telling the truth.”
She separated a drop or two from the body of the tea and let them fall onto the top of my head. “Yes, that will hold up in a court.”
I kept smiling. “I move we put this debate in Celestia’s court. She’ll back me up.”
She snorted. She didn’t snort very often, but it was cute when she did. “Yeah, right.” I raised an eyebrow and she thought an extra second. “Well, ok, maybe in this case. Maybe.”