//------------------------------// // Conditions and Formal Introductions // Story: Canine Complications // by Wages of Sin //------------------------------// "So I was thinking Twi, why don't you go see Zecora? She's helped with things like this before, maybe she knows something that can help." Applejack said between bites of her flapjacks. Twilight gave a weary glance to the door. "Oh yeah, uh... Why don't I go with you? That'll help keep ponies from freaking out right?" Twilight looked up from her plate and gave Applejack an ' are you serious? Do you really believe that will work?' stare. "You got any better ideas?" The wolf returned a shrug as she licked her plate clean. "Then we'll leave right after breakfast." "Now where'd she get too?" Applejack cursed as she ran through the streets checking every alley and listening closely for any shrieks of terror from across the town. -20 minutes earlier- Applejack and her carnivorous friend left the farm expecting to head straight for Zecora's. The ponies of Ponyville had a different idea. "Now Twilight, I need ya ta' stay close or else we'll cause a panic." Applejack said as they approached the town proper. Twilight nodded absently as she looked to the storefronts just starting to welcome their first customers of the day. Things were going great, ponies were jumping at the sight of the large predator walking through town, but to Twilight's amazement, they were behaving as Applejack expected, waving to her and calming down as soon as they saw the orange mare walking alongside the fearful beast. Everything was fine until one pony decided to jump off the roof of Sofas and Quills with a Pinkie-class comically oversized net. "Don't worry citizens! The Ponyville dog catcher has saved you from your almost certain fate! Never more will you have to fear this foul creature! Why, I would even go so far as to say-" he stopped as he saw the looks he was getting from the few ponies out on the street. "What? Do you not realize what I have done?" "Yeah! Ya just spooked a big-bucking predator away from the mare that was helping it out of town!" the Sofa clerk shouted, "Not to mention tore off part of my gutters!" The previously ecstatic dog-catcher-extraordinaire looked back at his net. True to the shop owner's words, the net was empty of his great prize, and the mare that had been near it was running full gallop down the street. Part of the shop's gutters also lay on the ground behind him, the rear end of the net's handle pierced through the twisted metal. The handle must have gotten in the way of his decent, throwing off his aim and allowing his prey to escape. "Buck..." the net-flanked pony thought as he bemoaned how much more work he'd need to do now. He couldn't even pass it off as outside his jurisdiction now, no doubt the city would blame him for spooking it if it happened to run anypony down. "Great. Just great." he had a job to do. Applejack turned down another street just in time to see a pink tipped tail turn the corner a block ahead. "Twilight!" she yelled after it, receiving no break from fortune. By the time she turned the same corner she had lost sight of her target. "Come on Twi. There's nothing to be afraid of." she said to herself as she began her search again, this time in the direction of the disappearing pink tail. "Yeah! You better be afraid ya' mutt!" The valiant dog catcher was in pursuit. Well... He sure was screaming as if he was. Passersby would take note of the very critical absence from the equation: the dog. Twilight meanwhile had taken shelter far from the hustle and bustle (and giant net wielding base jumpers) of the market. She was now taking refuge behind Ponyville General Hospital. She had a lot of experience with the place, having been put into a double front leg casts (and horn-powered wheelchair) after falling down the stairs into Applejack's new apple cellar in one of the 'ear-flop eye-flutter knee-twitch' incidents. She also got a nice look at the hospital’s interior when she visited Rainbow. The staff were nice, caring ponies (when you weren't leading them on romps around the town over a break-in for a book) so Twilight knew that they wouldn't want to hurt her even if they found her. "Hey! Hey! Over here!" Twilight looked over to a nearby window where a blue mare with a white mane was calling out to her through a tiny open window near the corner of the building. "Hey! Are you hiding from someone?" she called over. "Um... Yes? ...not that you'll-" "Well than come inside! -the door key's under the mat!" the mare welcomingly called once again (much to Twilight's surprise). Twilight more than happily obliged the mare's invitation. She levitated the mat aside, found the key, and used it to gain entry to the sanctuarious hospital. "Come on over dear!" Twilight heard from down the hall to her left, "Don't be shy now! Come on over!" She followed the voice to a very unassuming door at the very end of the hall. "Come in, the door's unlocked." Twilight pushed open the door to be met with a sight she had not anticipated. Food poisoning, maybe a broken leg or two, even a burn or something probably would have been Twilight's guess at the patient's condition, but she was quite a ways off. And the room itself showed why. The floor, walls, and even ceiling were covered in thick white padding. The light, far out of reach was covered by a fine metal grate, enough to protect the bulb, but not enough to allow tampering or to support any significant weight. In the corner there was a discarded cylinder of mesh with rubberized ends and straps with simple buckles and slots for locks: a muzzle. Most strikingly to Twilight though was the mare's clothing: a strait jacket. The refugee wolf began to back out of the room. "Now I know what this looks like, but I'm not dangerous or anything! I've never bitten anyone (who didn't deserve it.)” "Uh, what's... If I may ask, why are you in here? You don't seem too out of it for being in an obviously low-security, yet evidently high-risk cell." Twilight asked keeping her running legs primed and her door-slamming paws at the ready. "Oh, you know, same reason as everyone else: being around without an owner. It's not that bad actually, all the others talk about the pound like some kind of dump, but it isn’t bad at all! The feed me three times a day, and we go on walks every-" Twilight backed out of the room somewhere between "owner" and "pound" to read the chart on the outside portion of her door. In type it had a long paragraph under the "Condition:" heading, but from what Twilight could interpret of the overly complicated (and in some places misused) terminology, she learned the mare inside the room's condition: dementia leading to the belief of canine being. She thought she was a dog. Twilight re-entered the room. "The door says you think you're a dog, is that right?" the wolf-that-thinks-herself-a-pony asked the pony-that-thinks-herself-a-dog. "Yup! We’re talking aren’t we! And besides, what else would I be?" she responded with a head tilt and questioning look. "Twilight, where the heck are ya' girl?" Applejack had been jogging around town for what seemed like (and had probably been) hours. "You!" someone shouted from behind her. Turning, she saw the crazy net-wielding roof-jumping stallion from before running at her. Thinking fast, she side stepped him as he recklessly charged to where she had just previously stood. She extended a hoof in his path. "What're ya' trying to do!" she shouted at him as he tumbled to the ground. "Ouch… Why'd you trip me?" he said as he got up, rubbing his flank. "Why were ya' charging at me like a madmare? Somepony comes at ya like a stallion possessed out of the blue of course yer not gonna take too kindly to that!" "Sorry, I'm just excited... Do you know where that big wolf-dog went?" "Ya mean after ya scared her off while I was walking her out of town? No! I havn't seen her, and I've been looking since ya jumped us! I don't know what you think you were doing, but if she's hurt or anything it's on you, and trust me when I say: if Celestia hears you hurt her- If that wolf comes to harm, you will regret it." *gulp* "Uh, sure... Wa- Was there something special about that wolf?” "Ya better believe there is! She's..." "So you’re saying that I'm actually a pony that just thinks I'm a dog?" Twilight had spent her time in hiding trying to approach this topic with the mare, but had no success until now. "Yes! Finally!" Twilight was ecstatic that her effort was finally meeting some success. "...says the wolf that claims to be a pony." Or maybe "success" was not the right word. "Listen to me! You are just confused! I'm a unicorn that had a little magical mishap. I AM a pony and so are you!" "I think you are the confused one. You. Are. A. Wolf. I. Am. A. Dog. Simple as that. Now if that's settled, let's begin the formal introductions." Twilight was not going to try to approach the subject again if the mare was just not going to listen. "Formal introductions? Ok, for starters my name is- WHATTHEHECKAREYOUDOING!?!"