Why am I in a cartoon?

by Frake

Chapter 5 (Easy like Sunday Morning) fixed

I had awoken in my room with a smile on my face from a job well done, for yesterday was no easy task and I wondered what I would do for my last day off. Soon I had an idea, I thought it would be fun to watch the previous episodes of the show and see everything from another perspective, so that was what I did. I found a few of the episodes on YouTube oddly enough and I started from episode three, but I soon noticed something a little funny.
"What the hell, that isn't what I said...... ah man, they censored me, well I guess that makes sense, it is a little girls show after all. Man this really is pretty good, leave it up to someone that created the Powerpuff Girls to get the job done... hmm I wonder what other cartoons or books are real? Now there's a scary thought, God, I hope the DragonBall Z universe isn't real, and I really hope that if it is, that I never have to interact with it. I would probably die in seconds, eesh, all of these probable realities across space and time nonsense is starting to really freak me out. Well hopefully what happened to me was just a freak accident; yeah that is how I'm going to look at it, less terrifying that way."
With that said, I passed the morning by while watching the show and found several more areas where I was censored or where what I did was just completely removed, but on a whole it didn't bother me to much. After an hour I had finished and I decided to head back to Equestria and see if I couldn't find something enjoyable to do, but little did I know that I would be taking part in something much more enjoyable than I bargained for.
It all started out normal enough; for I found myself in front of Twilight's library and everything looked rather normal, but underneath this normal exterior lay a bubbling pot of crazy with an unquenchable hunger. Being the unknowing dupe that I was, I thought it would be a great idea to knock and see what a small purple unicorn was doing. Twilight opened the door and looked plenty fine, well, that is except for her eyes, for her eyes shown a deep craving. What I didn't know was that that craving was for me. Twilight started to smile ever so slowly and said,
"Oh James, I was just thinking of you, please come in, stay a while." I agreed and ducked under the low door frame, when all of the sudden I heard a loud clicking noise. I turned around to see that Twilight had locked the door with several bolts, which unnerved me slightly, but ever the fool, I ignored it. I sat down on a small couch in the middle of the room and ever so slowly Twilight sashayed over to me with the same hunger look as before, only more noticeable. She took a seat right next to me on the couch and looked in to my eyes and at this point I also noticed a bright blush upon her face, but strangely it didn't look as though she was embarrassed at all. I asked,
"Twilight are you alright? Your cheeks are rather flush......... also do you smell that? I can't seem to place it, it has a bit of a musk to it." Twilight giggled girlishly and responded,
"Well I am feeling a little strange, but in a good way and I do smell what you are talking about, I find it very enticing and alluring." It was at this time that I was at full alert and decided to ask,
"Soooo, where is Spike, you know, the small child that you live with and who thinks the world of you?" Twilight smirked and said,
"Oh, don't let the way he acts fool you, he is much older then he would appear, I mean he is actually seventeen, but as to where he is, well, he went to Rarity's place and won't be back for hours." I was really starting to panic at this point, and to make matters worse, Twilight had been ever so slowly working her way in to my lap. I looked around for a way to escape, but all the pathways were to far away to get to without Twilight grabbing me with her magic, so with fear in my voice I asked,
"What were you thinking about when you thought of me, Twilight?" She drew ever closer to me with a predatory grin upon her face and responded,
"I'm glad you asked, you see, I want something from you, something I have wanted ever since I first lay eyes on you... James will you please..." I stopped her right there and yelled out,
"Twilight I'm not going to have sex with you, I mean I have only known you for a week!" Twilight jumped back with a look of horror and said,
"What?!" I nodded and flew off the couch, making my way to the door while screaming,
"I can read the signs and there is no way that you are going to force me to do this Twilight, I don't know what it is about you and your teacher, but I want nothing to do with your sick sexual fantasies!" Before I could make it to the door, I found myself floating in the air as a purple aura tossed me back the way I had come, so I continued my raving,
"Help! Someone, anyone, Twilight Sparkle is trying to rape me!" It was at this point that I felt something slap over my mouth and I no longer was able to speak. I looked over to find a furious unicorn staring daggers at me, but I found that I was powerless to do anything for defense. Twilight started to whisper,
"What are you crazy, I'm not trying to rape you, I just wanted to ask you questions about your world and species, and what do you mean about Celestia?" I found that my mouth was free of whatever was blocking it so I looked back indignantly at Twilight and said,
"Don't try to fool me, you locked the door behind us when you came in, stared at me like I was a piece of meat while talking about some sort of alluring smell, almost climbed in to my lap and lets not forget that you sent away the only witness for an unknown amount of time." Twilight looked at me defensively and said,
"I locked the door because I didn't want to be disturbed, I was staring at you because I was so excited to learn about your world and that goes the same for when I climbed in to your lap, the smell was that of all the books in the library and as for Spike, he left on his own accord. Heck, I didn't even know you would be showing up today." I looked at Twilight for a good long while, trying to decide if she was lieing, but all I saw in her eyes was the truth, so I asked,
"So you really weren't trying to rape me?" She shook her head violently and said,
"No! Why would you even jump to that conclusion and what were you saying about Celestia?" I grinned sheepishly and responded,
"Ha ha, well you see, one kind of leads to the other, but first off let me ask you how much do you really know about Celestia's sexual habits?" Twilight's snout wrinkled up in disgust and she said,
"I don't like to think about that to much, lets just say that she has wide and varying tastes, if the different creatures I have seen leaving her room throughout the years is any indicator." I slowly nodded, as this made a lot of sense in my mind and I said,
"Well, that hasn't changed, in fact, she asked me to mate with her at my party, but when I refused she just seemed to take it as a challenge. Anyway, do you remember that letter she sent me and how I am now going to the Gala?" Twilight nodded and I continued,
"After I shamed her for picking on you, she kind of got angry at me and told me that as punishment I had to go to the Gala, but not before saying how much it turned her on that I was strict with her. Anyway, long story short, your teacher is trying to seduce me and I do belief that I have only made it worse over time." Twilight looked dumbfounded and just sat for a while, then she finally said,
"I guess I can see how this is possible, I mean the two biggest turn on's for mares are a strong willed stallion and refusal to submit, seeing as most males are meek and lacking in such things." I looked at Twilight with a raised eyebrow and said,
"That is all kinds of messed up, so those that are unwilling are chased after by those that are denied? On my world, that would get you a restraining order and fast." Twilight laughed and said,
"I didn't say that it made any sense, It is just what most mares look for in a stallion, one that is aloof and able to take charge." I groaned and said,
"That's just my luck, I'm hunted by the most powerful creature on your planet and everything that comes out of my mouth makes her want me more." Twilight giggled at my pain and I just frowned at her until something unexpected happened, the front door burst off its hinges followed by all the other ponies I knew running in. Pinkie Pie bellowed out,
"Get your sticky little hooves off of James, Twilight; I called dibs remember, so you better not be doing what I think your doing!" I chose to ignore this over the much more pressing matter of how a team of ponies were breaking and entering, meanwhile Pinkie looked at us and smiled before continuing,
"Oh thank Celestia, I thought you might really be raping him." Twilight looked appalled once again and said,
"Why does every pony think that I would actually do that, I'm not that kind of mare! Anyway, why are you all here?" everyone piled in to the room and Pinkie opened her mouth once again,
"You see, I was walking by, minding my own business, when I heard James here scream that you were going to rape him. Thinking fast, I rounded up the rest of the girls to help stop you and then burst in here to make sure you weren't doing something like that." Twilight sighed at this and proceeded to tell everyone in the room what really happened, and at the end of it, one rainbow manned pony was giggling away, before she could finally make out words,
"eh hahahaha, oh my goddess Twilight, that is hilarious, only someone like you would get all hot and bothered at the prospect of getting to learn something new.... Bahahaha." The rest shortly followed and the room rung with laughter, meanwhile Twilight's face was a bright glowing red, like a cherry. After all the laughing died down, Twilight asked another question,
"Did any other pony hear James yell that I was raping him?" Pinkie shook her head no and Twilight sighed in relief before saying,
"Well that's a plus, but I don't think I have ever been more embarrassed in my entire life and all I wanted to do was learn about a new world." and with that being said she looked down sadly at the floor and the whole group felt remorse for laughing, but I felt the worst, like the worlds largest ass, so I said,
"Oh man, I'm sorry Twilight, I just didn't know, tell you what, why don't I tell you all about my world right now?" This seemed to perk Twilight right up and she said,
"Really? That would be wonderful." at which point she climbed back in to my lap and I let her for I knew how bad I hurt her. She pulled out a feathered pen as well as a notebook, seemingly out of nowhere, but I ignored this and started to run my hand down her back, which she seemed to really enjoy. So I started to tell them about everything on my world, from the giant buildings that reached in to the sky to flying machines and other amazing human creations. It turns out that ponies have some technology, but for the most part I would say that they are where the human race was about sixty years ago, but oddly enough they have been at this level of tech for the last couple of hundred years, which I found to be very interesting, if not all that useful. Anyway, I had been going on for a few hours when I noticed Twilight's purple aura just stop while writing mid sentence and her head hit my lap, followed by cute little snores. I giggled uncontrollably and poked Twilight who awoke and said,
"I'm so sorry James, it's just that what you are doing with your hands feels so very good, it is like having a massage and I guess I just sort of passed out." She had a sheepish grin while saying this and I had an overwhelming urge to hug her, so I did.
While hugging her I said,
"All you ponies are just so adorable... its just not fair, it must be an evolutionary trait that keeps predators from eating you or something." Twilight had a thoughtful look upon her face after I said this and I just smiled at her adorkablness, that is until Rainbow Dash asked a question that I had been fearing would come up.
"So I was wondering, how in the hay did you manage to get here, I mean out of all the technology that you told us about, you never once mentioned the ability to travel to other worlds." I sighed loudly and let the cat out of the bag about how their reality was a T.V. show on my world, which got results I wasn't expecting. Rainbow, Rarity, and Pinkie looked excited, Twilight looked like she was going to have a nerdgasm, Applejack didn't seem to really react at all and Fluttershy, well she just hide behind a potted plant, ah typical Fluttershy. Taking a moment, I asked,
"So no one going to freak out, except for Fluttershy that is, I mean I just revealed that your lives are viewed as entertainment, like a book someone wrote, and for that matter so is mine. So no existential freak out, no refusing to believe, nothing?" Twilight answered for the group,
"We all know we are real and since we have watched you just disappear from time to time, we believe you are telling the truth, so yeah." I sighed and said,
"Alright fine, but please try not to interact with the audience, I mean I have to live in my world and if they figure out we are real, I will have some serious problems." The girls agreed, but then Rainbow continued to make my life complicated by asking,
"So can we visit your world right now?" I gasped and said,
"What? Noooo! That is a terrible idea. So many bad things could happen with you in my world, I can't just allow that to happen with a clear conscious." I made a good argument, but sadly it wasn't good enough comparatively to the counter argument, which consisted of a room full of sad, pleading pony faces. I whispered under my breath,
"Oh son of a bitch, fine, fine, we can visit my world, but only my house, you all get that?" The group nodded, well, all accept for Fluttershy, she was still behind the plant, but Rainbow pulled her over in to the group and with that they waited for me to act. I hung my head as I pulled out my remote and told the ponies to grab on to me, for that seemed to be the best bet for making the trip work, they all obliged and I pressed return.

"Hello? Is anypony there, umm... where did you guys go? I'm going to eat all of these gems on this dress, If somepony doesn't show up soon. No Pony, no pony at all? Oh well, I tried." and with that Spike started to happily eat the gems off of a dress Rarity had been making.

I remembered the trip and even landing on my bed, but after that my mind drew a blank, that is until I found out I was covered in ponies and had a large bruise on my forehead. I guess traveling in a group is a dangerous way of doing things, or at least until I learned how to do it better. Anyway, turns out that these ponies aren't really all that heavy, for I was able to move them off of me with just a little effort, but what I found next was kind of shocking. The ponies had taken on more detailed forms, still extremely adorable, but now they look almost like a cross between a medium sized dog and large stuffed animal, it was rather surreal. Then they woke up and oh my God did they freak the hell out, Twilight cast a shield around herself, Applejack and Dash started screaming at each other, Rarity found my full length mirror and just stared with a slack jaw, Pinkie started defying the laws of reality and no I'm not going to define what she did, it's better for my sanity that way, and finally Fluttershy, she looked around my room for a potted plant to hide behind, but when one could not be found she just hide under my sheets on my bed. I opened my mouth and screamed,
"Enough!" (on a side note, I like using the word "enough" for situations like these, I find it has just the right amount of control without being overly scary or abusive. The more you know.) All eyes fell on me and I started off with,
"Okay, I understand that maybe I should have explained what would happen when you got here, so sorry, that's my bad, but there is no point in crying over spilled milk. Now I know you are all wondering what just happened, so here is it, I live on another plain of existence that is different from your own, that is why everything looks so odd to all of you, so calm down and just take a deep breath, for everything is going to be just fine." Everyone did in fact start to calm down, that is, except for a certain pony under my sheets, who was shaking like a leaf. I rushed over and said,
"Fluttershy? Are you alright?" I got a very quite "no" in response and I very slowly sat next to her on the bed. She continued to shake as I pulled off the sheet and pulled her in to a hug (because hugs solve all of life's worst problems) and I softly said over and over,
"It's okay, you are fine, no one is going to hurt you." meanwhile I stroked her back, which seemed to get her to relax and finally everything was in a calm state, or so I thought. Light moans could be heard from Fluttershy and her wings which I had been stroking started to extend, I looked around the room while this was happening and noticed a few blushes and snickering so I asked,
"Alright, whats going on?" Everyone averted there eyes except for Rarity who managed to get out,
"Umm, dear, you may want to stop stroking Fluttershy's wings, for you see, oh how should I put this...they are an erogenous zone." My eyes opened wide and then my hands flew off of Fluttershy's wings and I started to apologize profusely, but Fluttershy gave a light smile and said,
"It's okay, you didn't know, and I don't feel nearly as afraid now." And with that she removed herself out of my hug and move over to the rest of the group, all the while having a warm blush upon her face. Pinkie on the other hand stared daggers at Fluttershy, but Fluttershy just smiled sheepishly back. I looked on uneasily at this turn of events, but I powered through it, saying,
"Umm, right, so welcome to the planet Earth, but more precisely my bedroom..." Just then my door opened and my Mother said,
"Hey James, I wanted to tell you that......................................umm, am I interrupting anything?" I looked over with my jaw hanging open and tried to come up with something to say, but than Twilight decided that it was a great idea to say something,
"Hello mama, my name is Twil..."
"AHHHHHHH, HOLY CRAP IT TALKS!"
"Hey I'm not an it, as I was saying my name is"
"JAMES, GET YOUR GUN AND KILL IT, WHY ARE YOU JUST STARING?!" I facepalmed and tried to think of the best way to deal with this, but then Pinkie decided to intervene as well,
"Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie and I'm a super duper big friend of your son, he is really nice. Did you know that... well duh, look who I'm asking, you're his mother so of course you know, but that would be really weird if you didn't. I mean you would have to know almost nothing about him to not know that he is nice... oh maybe you have been separated from birth and are just now meeting him for the first time. Oh boy, that would be so touching, just like this one time when I got my cutie mark, hmm, do human even get cutie marks?" My mom looked at Pinkie with a confused look and asked,
"uhh, I don't...umm, what?" Well leave it to Pinkie to defuse the situation with the power of pure randomness. This did give me enough time to come up with something to say,
"Mom I need you to stop freaking out and sit down, oh and don't worry they aren't going to hurt you." She nodded lamely and took a seat on the opposite wall, free of ponies. I continued,
"Okay, to start with, I want you to hold all your questions until I'm done, no screaming, no running away and just know that everything is perfectly fine." she nodded,
"Good, now then, it all started a few weeks back..."

"...and that is why I now have a room full of ponies." I had held back the sexual parts, for I knew that she wouldn't be able to handle them, hell I could hardly handle them, but other than that, I gave her a complete retelling and she seemed to accept what I said and even followed every word that came out of my mouth like they were from God's lips. Although throughout the whole telling my mom had been eying Pinkie Pie with what I would describe as wonderment and at the end she said,
"So wait, does that mean that the first show was real as well?" I nodded and my mother screamed and continued,
"Do you know how much I enjoyed that show as a little girl? I still have the collectables in a box in the attic and you're telling me that it is all real? Well there is nothing for it, you, the pink one." Pinkie looked around before pointing a hoof at herself with a look of wonder. My mother nodded and said,
"Come over here." Pinkie jumped up and walked over like it was no big deal, before finding herself in a massive hug, (yes it runs in the family) and my mother stated,
"This is for every little girl that ever wanted to hug one of your kind and brush your mane." Pinkie giggled at this and oddly enough, the rest of the girls joined in on the hug, which even I found kind of sappy.
"Okay, enough with the hugging, I know how great hugs are but even I think this is getting excessive." For this I got a few Glares, but everyone separated and we returned to business. My mother had a thought and asked,
"So why are you all here?" Rarity answered,
"Well we wanted to see the world where James came from and seeing as James can't say no to a cute face, here we are." My mother laughed at this and responded,
"Yes, he has always had a problem with that, why I remember this one time that..." I stopped her right away and yelled out,
"NO! I know what story you are going to tell and there is no way in hell." She sighed, but relented and instead said,
"I wouldn't want to embarrass my son in front of his new friends, so instead I will show you his baby photos, tehe." she left the room and my eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as I said,
"What?! You can't be serious... mom, come back here... mom?! Ugh, l knew I should have burned those damn things when I had the chance." and with that said she came back in with an old photo album, after which all the ponies gathered round with excited looks upon there faces. I sighed for what seemed to be my tenth time today and looked on as comments like,
"You were just so adorable, are all human babies this cute?" and,
"Oh look at your cute little bum, oh ho ho and your little wee wee, you were so small back then, how precious." I buried my face in to my hands and moaned, 'I'm not sure what I did in a past life but it must have been unforgivable.' I thought as "aww's" and "ohhh's" were tossed about. This went on for some time, but then Fluttershy came up to me and leaned shoulder to shoulder with me while saying,
"You know she loves you right? I can tell by how much she treasures those photos, so don't be to angry with her, okay?" I nodded and said,
"I know, this is just what parents do, I just wish it she didn't take so much pleasure from it." Fluttershy giggled and nuzzled my cheek, which I thought was rather bold for someone as shy as her, but I payed no mind. With that I got up and said,
"Well girls, this has been... interesting but I'm sure you all have lives you have to get back too, so I better get you all back home." A loud group moan was heard, but after this there was begrudging agreement that they all in fact had things they had to do. So my mother said goodbye and we headed back, conveniently landing in the library and no one got hurt this time, which was a plus.
"Well girls, today didn't exactly go as I imagined, but there were a few fun parts, anyway I will see you all next week." With that we all parted ways and I learned a few valuable lessons, never assume your friend is trying to rape you, because they deserve the benefit of the doubt and your parents will undoubtedly embarrass you, given the opportunity.