As the curtain rose, Pinkie bowed a few times to the audience before raising her hooves to indicate that she wanted silence. A hush fell over the crowd.
"Fillies and gentlecolts, welcome to the Canterlot Theater!" she said cheerfully. "Today, the Fourth Wall Theater Troupe proudly presents the story of Apple Bloom and the Timberwolf. It is a musical tale, where each character is represented by an instrument in the orchestra. In that sense, the musicians are just as much characters as, well, the characters are!"
There was a general muttering of confusion and comprehension amongst the ponies.
"Don't worry, it'll make much more sense when we get started," said Pinkie, taking out her own script. "And with that in mind, sit back and enjoy this story, symphony, thingie. *ahem* On with the show!"
Scene i
"We start our story early one morning in a meadow just outside Sweet Apple Acres, where young Apple Bloom has decided to go out and play."
On cue, Octavia played her cello beautifully, and little Apple Bloom tentatively stepped out onstage. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Apple Bloom frolicked through the meadow. Letting herself get lost in the music, she felt her stage fright melt away, and a big grin appeared on her face. When Octavia stopped, she lay down on the grass and breathed a great sigh.
"Told ya it'd be okay," Pinkie muttered to herself before turning back to her script. "Just then, Hummingway the hummingbird flew in to pay Apple Bloom a visit. He flittered this way, and he flittered that way. 'All is quiet! All is queit!' he chirped gaily."
Pinkie heard some snickers in the audience and placed her hooves on her hips.
"Not that kind of gaily," she growled. "Seriously, get your heads out of the gutter."
As she scolded the rude audience members, Hummingway continued to fly around Apple Bloom, chirping along with Spike's flute. Apple Bloom couldn't help but smile, but in the back of her mind, she thought that all was not so quiet anymore.
"Ugh, some ponies are so immature," Pinkie groaned, rolling her eyes. "Anywho, where was I? Oh yes! Hummingway wasn't the only fine feathered fellow who wanted to visit Sweet Apple Acres this fine day. For swimming in the pond was none other than Mrs. Duckworth, who, surprise of surprises, was a duck."
Although Babs Seed managed to get her cue right, Mrs. Duckworth was still nervous about going out on stage. With some gentle prodding from Fluttershy, she finally relented halfway into the piece, swimming up to Apple Bloom and Hummingway and giving a friendly quack hello.
"Hummingway flittered over to Mrs. Duckworth, looked over the larger bird, and shrugged his shoulders. How he did this mid-flight is anyone's guess, but whatever. Anyway, he had an interesting conundrum on his mind.
"'Now, what kind of bird are you if you can't fly?' he asked Mrs. Duckworth, to which Mrs. Duckworth replied; 'As a matter of fact, I can fly. I think the better question is what kind of bird are you if you can't swim?' And with that, she dove into the pond."
Mrs. Duckworth carried out the action in Pinkie's narration, splashing both Apple Bloom and Hummingway. Apple Bloom sputtered, while Hummingway began tweeting and twittering angrily.
"The two birds began to argue; Mrs. Duckworth in the pond, Hummingway hovering over the shore.
"'Birds aren't supposed to swim!' Hummingway tweeted.
"'Well, I'm insulted by your accusation that I can't fly!' Mrs. Duckworth quacked."
Apple Bloom was getting confused. Was this really what birds argued about? Or was this just Pinkie being Pinkie? Before she could contemplate further, she noticed a tuft of white fur poking out from behind the background scenery.
"As the birds quarreled, something caught Apple Bloom's attention," said Pinkie, as if predicting this development. "She noticed Rarity's cat, Opalessence, crawling through the grass."
Sure enough, Opal snuck through the grass as Slick Licks laid down his tunes. She looked over the scenery and eyed Hummingway with interest.
"'Ah-ha!' Opal thought. 'That bird is too busy arguing with the duck to notice me. Looks like I just found myself a little snack.' And so, ever so slowly, she crept up on Hummingway, waiting for a chance to get him in between her paws."
Opal's tail swished in time with Slick Lick's clarinet, and she kept a careful eye on Hummingway's every move. Just before she could strike, however...
"'Look out!' shouted Apple Bloom. And with that warning, Hummingway flew right into a tree!"
Both Apple Bloom and Opal were caught off guard by Pinkie's sudden narration, while Hummingway got away as quickly as possible. While they both tried to process this, Mrs. Duckworth began quacking at Opal.
"Mrs. Duckworth was none too pleased that Hummingway flew off before they could finish their debate," said Pinkie. "She quacked angrily at Opal from the safety of the middle of the pond."
Opal hissed back at Mrs. Duckworth, but when it proved futile, she made her way over to the tree where Hummingway was resting.
"Opal looked up into the tree and pondered, 'Hmm. Is it really worth it for me to climb up? By the time I get there, the bird will have flown away.' And of course, she was right. I gotta say, Rarity, you have a pretty smart kitty."
Opal purred at the compliment, while Apple Bloom simply tilted her head.
"Just then, Granny Smith came storming into the meadow, looking rather cross."
Unlike last time, there was no music from the orchestra pit. Pinkie raised an eyebrow and tapped her foot.
"I said, Granny Smith came storming into the meadow, looking rather cross," she repeated.
Noteworthy looked into the orchestra pit, and he had to smack his forehead with his hoof when he saw the problem.
"Oof! I don't know how you talked me into this," Rarity growled, sitting down while Sweetie Belle climbed onto her shoulders.
"Rarity, Mr. Noteworthy said that if I want to play in the band, I have to play the bassoon," Sweetie Belle grunted, struggling to get her footing. "And this is the only way I can play it. Don't you want me to get my Cutie Mark?"
"Sweetie, darling. You can't get your Cutie Mark if I *ow* help you," Rarity said.
Sweetie didn't really have a comeback for that. "Um, well... Maybe it'll give me inspiration to practice it on my own!"
Rarity groaned. "Sweetie, has the thought that I don't even know how to play the bassoon crossed your mind?"
"You just have to press the keys and stuff," said Sweetie. "How bad can it be?"
Noteworthy rapped the music stand with his baton. "Are we interrupting anything, ladies?" he asked.
Both of the unicorn sisters turned bright red.
"Um, terribly sorry," said Rarity. "W-we're just getting this sorted out."
Discord appeared out of nowhere and sighed. "Alright, I think you two have been embarrassed enough," he said with a snap of his fingers.
Rarity's horn then began to glow, and each of the proper holes were pressed.
"I just taught you a bassoon-playing spell. You're welcome," said Discord before giving Noteworthy a nod. "Anytime you're ready, maestro."
Everypony decided that it was better not to question it. Noteworthy raised his baton, and Sweetie Belle leaned forward towards the bassoon's reed.
"Sorry about that, everypony," said Pinkie, clearing her throat. "Now then, third time's the charm. Just then, Granny Smith came storming into the meadow, looking rather cross."
Unlike Sweetie Belle and Rarity, Granny Smith came in on cue, marching right up to Apple Bloom at her usual slow pace.
"'Apple Bloom, doncha know it's Zap Apple season?' she scolded the young filly. 'The timberwolves are gettin' restless. If one o'them critters were to wander out of the Everfree Forest and into this here meadow, what would ya do then, eh?'"
It took a bit for Granny Smith to catch on, but once she did, she successfully pantomimed Pinkie's narration. Apple Bloom was genuinely frightened by her demeanor.
"But little Apple Bloom didn't listen to her grandmother. 'C'mon, Granny!' said she. 'Ah ain't afraid of no timberwolf! Ah might even get mah Cutie Mark in timberwolf wranglin'!' You see, fillies her age simply weren't afraid of anything. Or at least, they acted like that."
Discord snapped his fingers once again, and Apple Bloom found herself holding a hoof puppet of a timberwolf. With a shrug, she started teasing Granny Smith with it, showing that she wasn't scared. Granny simply gave Apple Bloom a stern look and folded her forelegs. Noticing her grandmother's mood, Apple Bloom's expression drooped and she sighed.
"But alas, cooler heads prevailed. Granny Smith took Apple Bloom by the foreleg and led her home."
Granny did just as Pinkie narrated, leading Apple Bloom offstage as Rarity and Sweetie Belle played them out.
End of Scene i