Chapter 5- You’re Not Alone
For the rest of the day I spent laying on my bed, thinking about the past events. I disregarded lunch and dinner, but my body urged me to have something in my stomach. What good is food when it only creates a distraction inside your mind?
I laid on my bed as an hour passed, which felt like an eternity. The ceiling still stayed bright yellow with the sun glazing its light gently as if it were clear water. The sight of it calmed my mind. But, it wasn’t enough for me to forget what I did to Fluttershy. My heart thumped against my chest lightly and I swear it stopped for a second or two.
“Fluttershy…” I said softly.
The day went on and on so slowly that I wanted to tear the sheets apart. It was a strong urge but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. My Caretaker informed me of the Princesses coming tonight, but why can’t they arrive any sooner?
“I could be reading a book at the moment, yeah, a book would be good. Hmm, the Chronicles of Faith? Nah, I read that too many times. How about ‘Pony On’? That’s a pretty bad title if I do say so myself… Diary of a Wimpy Colt?”
I giggled at the thought of myself reading such a childish book. The last time I read a book like that was when I was in High school with Rainbow Dash!
“Diary of a Wimpy Colt, The Princesses Diaries, The Diaries of the Nine Mare-“
I stopped myself abruptly. The thought of reading suddenly sickened my stomach at the point where I wanted to spew my breakfast on the sheets. I quickly looked at my hoof again to still see the small dried crust of blood which rested on my hooves like some kind of spreading disease.
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours... Soon I felt myself plummet, just plunging through a deep dark void. My mane flapped against my face and my tail whistled with the wind. I kept my eyes closed, not even caring if there was a bottom.
Something wet dabbed against my forehead, and I opened my eyes to see droplets of red falling from the darkness above. More and more of the liquid engulfed me. I looked at my hoof where a small dried droplet of blood was supposed to be, but was now spreading, swallowing my arm.
I shook with all my might. Turning frantic, I shook it back and forth, tossing and turning around in mid-air. I looked at my legs, and saw that the red liquid from above has dotted its lines all over me. Suddenly, the small red drop that landed on my forehead from before started to spread across my face.
I felt weak, but I released a cry for help. I continued to scream and scream with all my heart and finally, there was a voice from above. A red droplet landed in my eyes but I continued to watch, I just waited and waited for help.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll help you…’
My eyes turned wide as there was a response.
“I’m here!” I screamed, “I’m here, please help me!”
There was a sharp pain in my chest and I placed a hoof over it. I felt my heart beat slow down, ever so slowly. Every second that passed I felt it slacken.
“Hurry,” I said weakly, “Please…”
I fell and continued to fall. What was I waiting for I don’t know. I just waited for something, just anything to salvage me. As the seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours I still continued to wait. Clinging on the small ray of hope, that voice... Who is it with the enigmatic voice? I wondered as I continually fell down to the bottomless abyss of darkness.
I felt my heart slow down to a dangerous level. It was just too slow…
‘My bodies enervated… I’m going to die here… Yes… I’m going to die…’
I looked at the sky of darkness to see anything, but still all I saw was the red droplets of blood continuing to fall.
I closed my eyes, and didn’t hesitate any longer. I felt the deep red gush cover me and I went limp. My body now lifeless and just falling, falling into the darkness… I will be forgotten, I’ll just be vanished from the books, vanished from life itself…
No pony can find me here…
There was a loud thump and my eyes jolted open. I was back on my bed which cradled me. I blinked a few times, looking at the ceiling to see the different color that greeted me in my horrid slumber.
The ceiling that once had the bright blaze of warmth was now replaced with a white glow which waved like transparent white silk. I turned my head toward the window to look outside and all I saw were the stars.
Slowly, I got up from where I rested and made my way toward the window. My mind resisted against my order to move forward, but I wanted to prove my brain wrong.
Painstakingly, I forced my mind to move forward. To keep on seeing what the future would be like for a pony like me. As I entered the jolt of light I stumbled upon blindly caught me unbalanced as I fell to the carpeted ground. I laid there for a few minutes, not wanting to get up.
‘Can’t I just rest in peace…?’ I thought to myself.
I moved my eyes toward the window again. I was only a few feet away from the window, why am I giving up now when it’s just so close?
I forced my body to get up, moving along with all my strength. My brain yelled at me to stop moving, to stop doing what I was doing, but I disregarded it. I was only a few steps away from the window and the light intensified.
“I want to see the stars… I don’t want to be in the darkness!” I whispered to myself.
I took another step and pressed my head against the window. My breathing was soft and calm as I stared at the night sky. Millions of the diamond pieces sparkled in the air like parts of a puzzle. There were streaks of light, piercing through the night.
“Shooting Stars…”
I closed my eyes and placed a hoof against the glass window.
‘I wish…’ I thought to myself.
Suddenly, images of my life passed through my eyes. Flashbacks of my adventures and images of my filly hood erupted in my mind like a volcano. Visions of my friends, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy streaked passed like a shooting star.
A tear rolled down my cheeks, why can’t they understand?
I slumped on the floor, my legs giving up any strength I had left. Everything was hopeless; I wasn’t going to get any help. I was just going to be a freak for the rest of my life.
A tear rolled past my face as I continued to think of my family and friends. That is if I had any friends to begin with.
I am now left alone in this world. That’s the thought that made me become vapid.
I was too preoccupied on my own thoughts to hear the door creak open silently behind me. There were light hoof steps echoing through the air and I just sniffed while I felt a hoof rest on my shoulder.
“Ms. Sparkle…”
I shifted my head a little to see my Caretaker’s face which had a faint smile across his lips. I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not, but I took it and I stared at the floor.
“The Princesses are here for you Madam-“
I laughed as he said ‘here for you’. They were here for me alright, here to tell me that there is nothing that they can do. That there’s no pony who can help me out of this chaotic hell hole.
“Do you need help Ms. Sparkle?” My Caretaker said, while I was stretching my hoof.
I stared at it for a few seconds and I raised my head to look at my Caretaker once again. His eyes sparkled brightly against the moonlight.
I shook my head and got up by myself, moving the hoof away from my face.
I stumbled and tripped a few times but I managed to finally stand up correctly and trudge toward the door.
“Would you like me to escort you Ms. Sparkle?”
I shook my head and continued to move forward, away from the moon light and into the darkness of the study.
“Ms. Sparkle…”
I stopped my hooves from opening the door and I turned my head to look at my Caretaker who was basked in moonlight. His face reflected deep concern; his smile that was there a few minutes ago was replaced with a sad frown.
“You’re not alone in this world Madam Sparkle and I’m not saying that just to make you feel better.”
I looked at the ground and I felt my face make a sad frown.
“Just remember…” My Caretaker said, “That we’re here for you.”
I turned to the door and opened it slowly. The sudden chill of cold air made me shiver as it penetrated my coat. When I closed the door behind me I heard a depressed sigh coming from behind the door. But, I knew better then to turn back.
----------------------------------
I trotted toward the balcony where I went to meet the Princesses. I’ve never been in this part of the hospital before, but I heard that it wasn’t like normal balconies, instead they were about half the size of the hospitals park. The entrance of the balcony was covered with a layer of curtains, which hovered slightly from the wind. The moonlight reflected shadows of the two alicorns who sat across from each other, their manes and tails waving in mid-air.
“I’m telling you Tia it’s not just her mind, an event happened in order to trigger this disorder!”
I heard Celestia sigh, “Dear sister Luna, you’ve been going on about this for a long time. Why would an event trigger these sorts of events? She was never in any real danger-“
“Sister please, maybe it wasn’t a mission that she has gone through, but something that happened in daily life... A miscarriage in magic perhaps?”
“Luna, why don’t we have this discussion later. I’m pretty certain you don’t want my student to learn a little too much in one talk.”
I let in a soft gasp as I saw the shadow of Celestia get up from her chair and trot towards me. I stayed frozen from the spot, was I going to get in trouble? Am I going to go back to that chaotic prison!?
“Boo!”
I jolted from my train of thought as I saw my teacher just giggle at my startled expression.
“My dear student, it’s undefined to listen in on some ponies conversation before you knock.”
“B-But there’s no door-“
My teacher just laughed again, “I was just kidding my student, Twilight.”
“O-Oh I see! Ha ha ha, you got me good there!” I felt my body intensify.
“Why not take a seat with us?”
I just nodded and followed my teacher back to the table where the Princess of Night and Princess Luna, was waiting patiently. She gave me a warm smile and I felt myself returning the favor, before I realized my own place.
Princess Celestia used her magic to pull my chair and I sat down gingerly, while whispering a soft “Thank you.”
“It’s not a problem my student, would you like some tea?”
I nodded my head slowly and the Princess poured a good dose of warm jasmine into a tea cup. I inhaled the sweet aroma and downed the hot cup within a few seconds. I didn’t know I was this desiccated.
Princess Celestia poured another cup of tea into my cup, “You must have been thirsty my student, you don’t normally drink a cup of tea in just one sip.”
I swallowed another mouthful of tea and released a depressed sigh, “Yes, I must have… after the past events of this morning I- I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I lost my strength to eat or drink anything.”
Princess Luna smiled, “That’s why I brought you this from the Hay and Daisy shop.”
I watched as the Princess of Night levitated a brown bag from underneath the table, and placing it in front of me.
I nodded in thanks and opened the bag.
Princess Celestia took a sip from her cup of tea and levitated the pot to Princess Luna, “More tea dear sister?”
Princess Luna shook her head and raised a hoof, “I think I’m finished with tea today, lovely sister of mine. I probably drank two pots of tea before Twilight came along.”
Princess Celestia just laughed, “Well then, more jasmine for me!”
For a few minutes we all sat in silence. I slowly chewed on my food which consisted of a hay burger and a stack of hay fries while Princess Celestia sipped on tea. Princess Luna stared at the night sky, tapping her hooves lightly against her chair.
The Princess of Night finally released a sigh and turned to face her sister and myself.
“You had a nightmare before you arrived here now didn’t you?“
“Luna!” Celestia said sternly, putting down her cup of tea.
“I’m sorry Tia but I had to let the water break loose. You know as well as I do that this meeting isn’t just for some snacks and tea. It’s about Twilight Sparkle!”
Celestia stared at Luna, then back at me. I didn’t say anything instead, I continued to eat my food in a temperate manner.
Celestia finally released a sigh, “I know that we might be rushing a few things but we must know dear student, what did you dream about?”
I swallowed a mouthful of hay burger and sipped my tea to wash everything down. I rested my hooves against my chair and closed my eyes.
“The dream… The dream was inane, it isn’t worth talking about.”
“My dear student-“
“Twilight Sparkle…”
I opened my eyes and turned to face Luna.
Her face showed deep sorrow and guilt, “You showed me the way, ever since you received the Elements of Harmony my life has changed. When I came down for the Nightmare Night festival, you showed me something that I haven’t experienced in a thousand years. You know what it was, don’t you?”
I shook my head, “No… No I don’t… I can’t distinguish what was real and what was not. For all I know and I don’t mean to be impertinent but for all I know, you both may just be a figment of my imagination.”
Both the Princesses looked down at the table with gloomy expressions on their faces. I didn’t mean to deter their attempts but it was true. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
Princess Luna was the first to perk up and continue, “It was fun Twilight… You just don’t know what it was like to have fun after a thousand years of loneliness. Not only have you showed me fun, but you have also helped me change my nature. To say, fit in with the new generation and era and for that I am deeply in your debt.”
I continued to stare at the table.
“It was dark and lonely on the moon Twilight Sparkle. I don’t ever want you to know what it’s like to be engulfed by darkness. Your name, Twilight Sparkle, is already turning into night. I have all eternity to recover from a traumatized state. But you,” She said patting my chest, “you don’t have all eternity.”
“Then why…” I said feeling tears swell up in my eyes, “Why do I feel like I’m already shrouded by chaos? By darkness…”
Princess Luna got up from her seat and trotted towards me, “It’s because you just don’t know reality from fiction… I know it hurts trust me I do.”
The Princess wrapped her hooves around my body and I looked up.
She smiled and rested her head against my mane, “It’s alright… You can let it all out.”
First, it came down in trickles, then in streams, and now it all came out. My tears, they rushed out like a river. Wave after wave of heart wrenching sorrow burst from my eyes, during my sobbing, the Princess of Night was whispering softly.
“Shh, shh, shh, it’ll be okay… We’re here for you.”
This only made me release more tears, I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t alone in this world.
I sniffed loudly with my breathing out of line. Princess Luna handed me a handkerchief and I blew my nose.
“There, there. ” She said patting my back, “It’s all going to heal, it’s all going to be alright.”
Celestia poured me another cup of tea and I wrapped my hooves around the cup, allowing the warmth to spread through my body.
For a few minutes, there was silence besides me sniffing and slurping tea quite noisily. I calmed down slowly, and I laid down my cup. Still, I had small remnants of the sniffles behind my eyes and nose, but I was strong enough to speak smoothly.
Princess Celestia stood up, “It’ll be a long road ahead my student, but it is your choice if you want to recover.”
I just nodded my head, “I-I-I’ll do w-whatever it t-takes.”
“That also means you have to be open to us Twilight. Your dreams aren’t inane, it’s a link. A key if you will.” Luna said taking her seat.
I shivered from the sudden chill that rushed through me. Above the stars blinked as if it were losing power, but suddenly it came back alive.
“W-Why are y-you helping me?” I said sniffling.
Princess Luna smiled, “It’s because we don’t want your life to be engulfed with darkness. I experienced it for a thousand years, and the outcome wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine.”
I cracked a smile and both the Princesses smiled back.
“You’re not alone Twilight,” Luna said, “Just remember that you’re not alone.”