Thorsday, October Fish, 2012, 2:06 pm EDT
Kay had bought a few things to make the trip more pleasant, which all have the vague scent of “PetsMart” to them. My parents were wearing seat belt harnesses that let them sit more comfortably. Various pillows were scattered about the back seat, and a Great Dane-scaled dog bed made the cargo bed more tolerable, even if my twisted horn kept poking the ceiling.
There was only so much interstate scenery I could tolerate, so I spoke up. “Kay? Do you have a wireless hotspot on your phone?”
“Huh?” She asked distractedly from the driver’s seat. “Oh, sure.” She almost unthinkingly lifted the phone from between the seats and ‘handed’ it back. I caught it in the grasp of my magic and brought it back through the bars of my safety cage. It was only the purest luck that I had a stylus instead of a pen or pencil to use my laptop with. A couple minutes of wrangling electronics, and I had my laptop connected to the internet.
Thankfully, all the updates were up to par so I could get right to the browsing. I popped over the my now-inaccurate Facebook page. And found a reply to one of my attempts at communicating with the Mane Six.
“So I hear you're Cadance! Or at least have her form. I have the body of the Pinkinator! And the scientific inquisitiveness of Bill Nye. So let's conduct an experiment shall we?
First, get yourself a comfy couch, make sure it's really comfy, and I mean comfy. Now make yourself a plate of plain old crackers. Don't matter the brand, just hard and crunchy and a lot of them. Also, music! Music is important. Very important, relaxing music for the Cadenza. Do all of this before reading any further.”
I absently noted the box of Triscuits my sister had bought before and tilted my head as the latest poppy . . . thing . . . played on the radio. ‘Enh. It’ll do.’ I returned to the message.
“I'm serious. Get your big fluffy tail to the kitchen and get yourself those noms. They must be bland.
Did you get the noms? Are you relaxed? Cause if you aren't the experiment's not going to work.”
“Yes, Pinkie,” I subvocalized and rolled my eyes. ‘Hey, you never know, she might be fourth-walling me as I’m reading this.’
“Now that you have noms and comfy resting, I need you to figure out telekinesis for me. Just, you know, anything. I'm no unicorn, though I met one yesterday, so I'm not sure what to tell you. But don't think with your horn is my guess. Think with tentacles of magic, grab a cracker and eat it. Do this again until you've got a rhythm, don't read any further.”
“I take this cracker, and eat it!” I try to joke, though it comes out flat, morose, and surprisingly like the Death Note character’s voice. I shake it off and return to reading, but leave the crackers alone.
“No I'm serious. Again. Don't read further. There's a reason for this, trust your Auntie Pinkie. She's got a lab coat and goggles so she's clearly a scientist.”
The burst of laughter startles me and my parents in the seat in front of me. Oddly enough, I felt lighter than I had since the church. “I’m okay, just someone responding to me on the internet,” I say to ease their fears.
“Have you got down nomming regularly? Good. Now I need you to answer one question, and I need you to answer it very, very, very, very calmly, because this is for science and your emotions going wild will ruin the results. Are you ready for this? Are you? Huh? Well then....
What color is your magic?”
Already knowing the answer, I worked up my response, trying the “tentacles of magic” to work the keys on the battered laptop.
“Thanks, I needed that. the presentation of the inquiry was just humorous enough.
My answer: Green.
Unfortunately, I don't need the experiment. As you may have seen or heard on the news, Discord spelled it out for me. In the middle of a group hug of 'primary demographic.'
Bless the little girl screaming 'changelings need love, too' as her mother dragged her away. Also, unless Discord was messing with us: Churches are safe, or at least old Catholic cathedrals are, anyway.
-- The Pathetic Leech,
Eljay-Chrysalis”
Still feeling a little stuffed, and not really feeling like unnecessarily making my sister’s phone bill atrocious, I decided to set my current status to ‘Changeling Queen in transit,’ shut down my laptop and take a nap.
Instead of the usual muzzy and fitful doze I had come to expect from trying to sleep in a moving car, I found myself in what looked like a throne room based on the "bee levels" from the various Donkey Kong Country games. Half of it looked dark and forbidding, the other half was warm and inviting. I momentarily paused to realize I was back as the version of myself from yesterday, and Chrysalis sat on a twisted throne in the dark half.
"Mm, yes," she drawled languorously. "Welcome to my parlor; I hope you enjoy your visit."
I quirked an eyebrow. "Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure that the actual royal chamber at the hive looks nothing like this."
"Well, my side is almost right... But, that's the badlands for you." She smirked. "Why do you think I started the invasion?"
"Resource mismanagement followed by jealousy and a poor grasp of your diplomatic options." I stated baldly.
She harrumphed and stood from her throne. "Be that as it may..." She strode to the border between dark and light. "We do have some issues to discuss."
I sighed. "Yes, we do." I strode to the border myself, and when I was close enough, I latched onto her in a carapace cracking hug. "It's all right, Chrysalis. We'll figure out a way to keep ourself fed morally. And our little changelings, too."
She stiffened in the hug. "I-idiot! I meant being able to work our disguises."
“Mm, yes.” I drawled back at her. “Of course you did.” I blinked, momentarily disoriented from a small case of double vision.
The Queen’s grin widened fractionally. “Well, it seems you’ve already started picking up on the hive mind.” She crossed the demarcation between light and dark and the two throne rooms began to blend. He eyes flashed brightly for a moment before she nuzzled me. “Now to begin your lessons. First, we need to prime your pump . . . ”
The near familial hug I’d initiated was now like a lovers’ embrace, a metaphor Chrysalis seemed happy to strengthen as she began a trail of kisses down my face, beginning at my forehead. Each kiss lit a bit of warmth within me that grew in intensity with the next kiss, so that by the time she reached my mouth, the spot on my forehead was almost painfully hot.
:: Oh, my, yes! :: I exulted . . . to myself? :: Let’s try an old favorite again, Eljay. ::
The fire that had begun on my forehead consumed me, and a similar green fire surrounded Chrysalis. I found myself looking down a white muzzle at the lovely pink face of Cadance.
Chrysalis-as-Cadance danced back and gave me a long, considering glance. “Not bad, not bad at all. Now, grasp that fire and pull it around you like a blanket while thinking of somepony you’d like to be.”
“O-okay. . .” Shining Armor’s voice answered my call. I gathered what I could still feel of that fire and began to pull it around me . . .
“Don’t think of Princess Luna!” The Changeling Queen called, teasing.
“Wh-what?” I stammered, as the adorable tones of Season One Luna answered me.
“Mm-hm-hm!” Chrysalis throatily chuckled. “I see now why Mother pulled that on me as I was learning. It’s hilarious.”
“Verily,” I sulked. “‘Tis to laugh.”
“Don’t be such a whiny larva. It’s not behavior befitting a Queen.” The faux princess of love glided around me, Chrysalis’ ‘damn, I’m sexy’ walk subsumed under the smooth, regal gait we’d had as Cadance. “Hmm, yes. Quite a good job, if I do say so myself.”
“Thanks be unto thee, ever so much, Your Majesty,” I replied. :: Sarcasm, just one of the many services I offer. ::
“Oh, I’d noticed. It’s definitely one of the traits we’d shared before this whole fiasco.” Chrysalis nodded before reverting to her normal form.
“Well, ‘twould seem We have acquired some modicum of skill at metamorphosis. Fain would We have such at basic daily tasks...”
The Queen hooded her gaze at me. “Try somepony else or revert; I’d forgotten how much Luna’s archaic speech annoyed me. Just take that fire and blow it out like a candle, or squeeze it into a ball at the base of your horn. Rather, where your horn would be if you happen to change into a pegasus or earth pony.”
“Okay...” I did as instructed, but instead of returning to my bipedal self, I seemed to be looking Chrysalis in the eyes.
Her hooded gaze of annoyance shifted to sultry bedroom eyes. “Why, Eljay, I didn’t know you liked my form that much!”
“Mercurial much, Chryssy?” I drawled back to her.
She barked a laugh and sat down on her haunches. “Shapeshifting will do that. Our instincts help us fill our roles, after all.” She sharpened her gaze and I had the distinct feeling of someone rummaging through my head.
I grimaced slightly and mentally reached for Chrysalis’ head. Turnabout was fair play, after all.
“What are you doing?” She frowned at me.
“You’re digging in my head... I thought I’d reciprocate.”
“Fine,” she snorted. “Just don’t whine at me if you don’t like what you find.”
I snorted my self and grabbed a ‘file’ that looked promising, before it exploded into a flurry of images that jolted me awake.
I got control of myself back in my sister’s Nitro with a mouth full of plush and stuffing. I spit it out and observed the fang marks in a heart-shaped pillow. “Apparently, to gorge on storge gives me nightmares. Good to know.”
I looked ahead towards the front of the SUV, and noticed that Mom and Dad were snuggled together on the back seat, and each of them also had a pillow in their mouths. It was incredibly adorable.
:: And potentially delicious. ::
I rolled my eyes. :: Yes, but we’re still quite full. :: I continued my survey of my surroundings, and my sister was playing some Mexican pop over the stereo, concentrating on her driving. I was about to ask where we were, until I saw the Basketball Hall of Fame pass by on the right.
We were now halfway to New York.