What up Equestria! Oh, and hello My Little Bronies! Huh? Oh, and Pegasisters. Is that really the term?
This is Discord, the wise and awesome. I am dictating not reading to you again because of some apparent confusion regarding my understanding of the fabric of space-time and the overlay of various dimensions in the causal structure of the multiverse.
Okay fine, be that way. I am told that there is confusion regarding my understanding of a species of bipedal balding apes in some far off dimension who are obsessed with the day to day lives of Equestrians, and yours truly in particular.
And also the six ponies who keep messing things up for me.
Just to be clear, not Fluttershy. Celestia.
And Pinkie Pie is okay as well, for a bouncing piece of cotton candy.
True, she was one of those who was going to turn me into stone again, but I bet I could have stopped her with some more chocolate rain.
Note to self: make it snow whipped cream next time you take over the world...stop typing every word I say, ghost writer!
No, you know what?! No mentioning your story again this time, how do you like that? He's still typing....huh...
So hard to find good help these days.
Where was I? Ah yes, Bipedal apes who talk. I never heard what to call this species besides 'Bronies' or 'Pegasisters', so I think I will just go with....uhhhh......I know! HUMACs! Hairy, Ugly, Mare-obsessed Apes who love Chaos!
Was I close?
Well if there are any of these HUMACs out there reading this, don't tell me, cause I don't really care. My main audience is on the Equestrian interwebs.
Speaking of, I understand that how I have access to a computer is apparently also a matter of some confusion. First of all, I don't have access. No one used my awesome idea to make a keyboard that was larger on the right side then the left, so I am stuck working through this useless ghost writer again!
And besides that, what is the confusion? I'm stuck here in Canterlot when the high and mighty Celestia doesn't have me off using my chaos in ways that in my opinion aren't very chaosesque at all!
Like the first day after I agree to help Celestia out, she asks me to use my magic to clean up Canterlot. She called it a test run. And no, I don't see why she had to get so mad when I was done. All I did was make all the ponyflies in Canterlot the size of normal ponies, and OH MY CHAOS what an uproar that caused! By the end of the day there was not a speck of garbage around in the entire city. And did anypony thank me? No! They were mad! True, part of the city caught on fire, but I put it out!
Eventually...
Anyways, when I'm not doing useless jobs like that, Celestia has me either speaking with historians about the history of the world or out using my chaos in odd places that she says are part of some master plan she has to 'save the world'.
Please, like there is anything out there that could stop me.
Besides the Elements of Harmony, I guess...
Where was I? Oh yes, history. So it seems that when I was in power all those years ago I may have taken this one prank too far. See, I thought it would be funny to eat the Hoovy Decimal System of every major library in Equestria. And next thing you know I scrambled the words on every page in every book. Okay fine, some of them just ended up saying DISCORD IS AWESOME DISCORD IS AWESOME DISCORD IS AWESOME over and over and over, but that doesn't change the fact that it was still funny!
So apparently they still have some of those books lying around and they want me to try and fix them. But I keep telling them that Discord being awesome is a documented part of history, so why change anything? Fact is fact in my book. Hah! Pun!
But the computer issue is not an issue. Since I 'help out' at the library with this useless project, they let me use one of the computers whenever I want. EXCEPT FOR THIS KEYBOARD ISSUE WHICH NOPONY SEEMS TO BE BOTHERED TO FIX!
Yeah, they totally heard that. Forgot, library time is quiet time. They are mad!
He he he!
Maybe I can type with my tail? Hmmm....hey MaeceusMan, move over, I'm trying this myself!
Hello world, from the tail of Discord! I am finally free! Seems it never occurred to high and mighty Dickcord that maybe his tail might have a mind of its own. Go figure!
So anyways, I have so much to say, where to begin...oh I know, I think I'll sing!
I think I'll tryyyyyyyyyyyyyy defyyyyyyyyying graaaaaaaaaavity!
Hey, what are you....no! Don't pull me away! Discord drools! I am the greates
Okay, that didn't work. This is Discord again. Well, Discord talking, not typing, BECAUSE THERE IS STILL NO FIX ON THAT KEYBOARD SITUATION! And apparently my tail is into show tunes. Who knew?
Oh, you know what? I do have something else I wanted to talk about in this letter. Or is this a blog now? Huh...
But that's beside the point. The point is, it seems that I mention one thing about some 'wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey' stuff and suddenly I am a time traveling pony in a box!
I can't believe I have to say this, but no, I am not a time travelling pony in a box. I am an all powerful, and totally awesome, being of chaos. I simply thought that chaos and paradoxes, or is it paradoxi?, were good analogies. And there is a big difference being killing your grandparents before your parents are born and becoming your own father, you sick bastard! Still, thanks for the add! =P
When you are a master of chaos, you don't need any fancy machines or blue boxes, paradoxical events are simply the norm.
Like say I were to turn all of Ponyville into something out of a Lewis Carrot story. But in doing so, I felt that the buildings would be more Feng Shui upside down? And, say that Lewis Carrot happened to be living in Ponyville at the time and had yet to write the novel that inspired my change of decor. And say, seeing the sight of his house turn upside down while the ground looked like a massive checkerboard drove him insane. And then suppose he were to be put in a nuthouse and never write the book.
Should be a paradox, right? Nope! I'm Discord! Why is it not a paradox? Again, it's because I am Discord!
Oh, I can hear you now, 'but how had you read the book if it had never been written yet?'
Right? You were totally asking that. But you forget. I'M DISCORD!
But if you really want the long answer, I guess it would be that I, hold on...
--Yes, of course, I know this is a library. Yes, I realize that these are public computers. What? Oh come on! I was just getting to the good part! It was about a paradox! Okay fine....--
Hey sorry, it seems I have been yelling one too many times, so I have to get off the computer for now.
So I guess I will be seeing you all later and
DISCORD RULES!!!!! A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!