Chapter Nine: A Temporary Loss Of Self
~BlackRoseRaven
Scrivener Blooms sighed a little as he sat awkwardly in the cramped waiting room of Rogues And Studs, twiddling his front hooves nervously as he rested back in one of the tiny little chairs. He was somehow certain this was some kind of torture tactic, as he glanced lamely up at the desk, where a receptionist was working away with all the emotion of a machine, answering calls, jotting down memos, and occasionally giving a rude comment to anyone who approached the counter.
Barry kept shifting back and forth in the chair beside him, cursing every so often, and the larger charcoal stallion looked at him dryly for a few moments before he said finally: “Will you please stop fidgeting? You're making my nerves worse.”
Some other pony across the room looked up with a grumble from his newspaper, but Scrivener only ignored him before he leaned to the side moodily. What really bothered him was that this waiting room was all tiny and scrunched in a corner, but there was a big opening leading out into a giant, spacious foyer, with artistically-placed potted plants and a little enclosed garden in some giant brick planter-box monstrosity. Ponies out there were wandering around, looking at the expensive art on the walls and busily being self-important as they strutted around in front of the enormous glass-walled front of the building like they were expensive show animals proud to be on display.
Scrivener moodily smoothed out his white suit jacket: it didn't go so hot with the blue dress shirt he was wearing, and worse, it reminded him of Valthrudnir, but it had been the only dress jacket he'd been able to get on short notice that would fit him. Then he winced as something scratched against him, and he mumbled under his breath: “This was your idea, not mine.”
A bulge in his breast pocket shifted, and a moment later, a tiny Luna peered her head slowly up and out of the fabric. Barry winced a bit at how much the mare's sapphire body and glowing mane stood out against the whiteness of the suit jacket, even with how tiny she'd made herself, and Scrivener winced and hurriedly shoved her head down, making her squawk in indignation even as she shouted in a squeaky little voice: “Damnation, Scrivener Blooms, I shall pummel thou!”
The receptionist looked up sharply, and Scrivener faked a cough before making a high-pitched noise in his throat, pretending to clear it. He received a scowl before the receptionist returned to her work, and Barry grinned weakly before whispering in a strained voice through his painfully-clenched teeth: “This isn't going to work.”
“It'll work fine.” Scrivener muttered, although he didn't really believe that himself, but he figured that someone had to say it. He felt Luna squirming around in his breast pocket again, and then he asked mentally: And how long can you hold this again?
'Tis not... the most difficult polymorph I have ever done, and with us physically close I can draw upon thine own energies as well with ease. Luna answered after a moment, yet all the same Scrivener felt like there was a 'but' coming from her tone, and he wasn't surprised when a moment later she added grudgingly: The difficulty shall be when thou confronts the foul dragon in her den. Our emotions may cause me to lose concentration, which would prove... troublesome.
“Troublesome.” Scrivener echoed, and then he sighed tiredly and slumped back a bit in his seat, looking wryly up towards the ceiling and he absently rubbed at his breast pocket, and Luna shifted inside this, curling herself up with a mumble as she relaxed against the gently-massaging hoof. “Yeah. I'm somehow sure that's the perfect way to describe things.”
Barry looked nervously over at Scrivener, and the charcoal stallion shook his head and reached up to absently tap his own temple, saying dryly: “Sorry. Having a conversation with... the better part of me, so to speak.”
Cute. Luna intoned ironically in his mind, and then he heard her voice as clearly as if she were right next to his ear and normal sized, as she shifted in his breast pocket and mumbled: “'Tis stuffy in here, Scrivy. Stuffy and morose. Like thou art. I feel as if I am inside thou.” A pause, and Scrivener slowly looked down at his breast pocket. “In a bad way.”
“Do I even want to know what she's saying to make you look like that?” Barry asked moodily, and Scrivener shook his head and slapped at his pocket a few times, Luna squawking and then growling and huffing, shifting herself moodily around inside his jacket again and kicking uselessly at his chest. “And are you sure this is entirely necessary?”
“How long have we been here as it is?” Scrivener asked mildly, and Barry made a face and nodded: it had to have been at least thirty minutes, before the charcoal stallion added: “And this whole first floor is pretty much taken up by that giant open lobby out front. The offices must be above somewhere, where I'm sure I'll be doing who knows how much more waiting... Luna and I need to be... to be close.”
Barry looked apprehensively at Scrivener Blooms, and the earth pony glanced away, not wanting to talk any further about precisely how close he and Luna had to stay now before he cleared his throat and asked quickly: “So are you feeling... okay?”
The literary agent jumped a bit at this question, then he shifted a little and smiling a little too widely over at Scrivener, patting his own chest and saying finally: “Hey, champ, don't you worry at all about me. I'm perfectly fine... really, I mean, I was perfectly fine the moment the Baroness Celestia was kind enough to heal me but... now I'm really perfectly fine and dandy. I'm great!”
Scrivener looked for a few moments at the lamely-grinning lanky stallion, then he asked mildly: “Do I really still make you that nervous after all this time?”
“Yes.” Barry mumbled and slumped a bit, blushing slightly as he shrank his head back into his collar, and Scrivener only nodded agreeably as he looked forwards thoughtfully, before the literary agent blurted: “Well can you blame me? Every other day I open my mouth and it's 'Barry shut up or I'll fire you,' 'Barry, don't make me hurt you,' 'Barry, don't make me cut your head off and shove it down your throat.'”
“I don't think I ever said the last. I mean, it sounds like something I might say if you really pissed me off, but I mean I don't think I ever said that to you, anyway.” Scrivener said absently after a moment, leaning back and forth and grimacing as he shifted a bit, and Luna mumbled inside his pocket, drawing his attention for a moment as he reached up to absently rub at the visible bulge in his suit jacket again despite his best efforts not to.
Luna again grumbled, but almost pushed herself against his hoof, welcoming the contact even through the soft fabric, before she scowled as she heard the pony sitting across the room say flatly: “Can you two please just shut up? Some of us are here on like, very important business.”
“Referring to yourself in third person is bad enough. Referring to yourself in third person plural is much worse.” Scrivener replied before he could stop himself, and the strangely-dressed pony huffed, scowling out over his newspaper. His suit looked like it was stitched together – and badly – from several different sets of clothing, and his tie was knotted about halfway down, and Scrivener couldn't help but ask: “Punk rocker?”
The pony huffed and snapped his newspaper back up, as Barry looked morbidly over at Scrivener and asked finally: “You're getting this all out now, so that when you deal with Ersatz, you're gonna be on your best behavior, right? Right?”
Scrivener shrugged moodily as Luna grumbled inside his pocket, then crawled quickly upwards as she shook her head fiercely, her mane sparking once before it gradually became translucent instead of glowing. She peeked her head of Scrivener's breast pocket, glaring back and forth as Scrivener awkwardly leaned forwards and tented his front hooves in front of himself so she was hidden from view but could still peer around a little, before the two soulbound ponies and Barry looked up as the secretary said irritably: “Scrivener Blooms, Miss Ersatz is waiting for you in her office on the fifth floor. Please escort yourself there immediately. Mister Barry Barter, it's time for you to leave now.”
“I'll uh. Wait over at that place that serves the ten dollar coffees.” Barry said lamely, and then he grinned weakly as he punched Scrivener's shoulder lightly as the stallion got up, the movement making Luna wince and skid back down into his pocket. “Go get 'er, champ! We're countin' on you to... to look great and change her mind and uh... do... good!”
“Wow, and here I thought big and ugly was the stupid one. But I suppose you can forgive me for assuming.” the stallion at the other end of the waiting room said nastily, and Scrivener gave him a moody look as Luna poked her head angrily out of the breast pocket again, her horn sizzling before she sent a jolt of electricity chaining over into the stallion's face as Scrivener passed.
The stallion jumped with a yelp, the secretary frowning at Scrivener's back as the stallion gaped at the sight of the tiny winged unicorn glaring furiously out of the suit jacket of the unicorn, and Scrivener hurriedly reached up and pushed Luna back inside the breast pocket, saying awkwardly: “Sorry, I have uh... angry pocket syndrome. Still breaking this new jacket in and all. Excuse me.”
Scrivener strode quickly out of the waiting room, looking back and forth before turning down a narrow hall and towards a door labeled 'STAIRS,' as Luna grinned triumphantly despite being awkwardly curled on her back inside his breast pocket as she asked loudly: “Angry pocket syndrome, Scrivy?”
“Yes, angry pocket syndrome. And if you keep it up I'll make it... squished... pocket syndrome, too.” Scrivener mumbled to himself as he strode through the doorway and then grimaced as he looked moodily up the spiraling flights of stairs, saying moodily: “Why do I have the feeling this all seems way too easy so far?”
Luna only grumbled a little inside her hiding place, and Scrivener sighed tiredly as he began to trudge up the stairs, feeling nervously like he was entering the lair of some kind of pony-eating monster. But then he shook his head quickly and cursed himself under his breath, mumbling mentally: Come on, chin up Scrivener. You've fought far worse things than a bitchy critic. Why the hell are you letting her get in your head so much?
The stallion knew the answer, though, at least partly: it was because this was a different sort of battleground than what he'd grown used to, and because after all the years of keeping his writing safely between himself and a few others, it had become... a kind of vulnerable point for him, so to speak. And as he'd learn, physical pain passed quickly, but the pain caused by the right words, no matter often Scrivener reminded himself that words only had the power you gave them, well...
It wasn't even that Scrivener thought of himself as some great writer, or even entirely deserving of the fame and honor he had been given; it was that Ersatz was so damn good at her job, which was apparently right now just making him as miserable as possible.
Luna shifted in his pocket, then clambered her way back up to poke her head out, saying soothingly: “Come now, Scrivy, thou art... art being an idiot again. What thou art fearing is only thunder, not lightning. Thou can put up with this nasty creature long enough to push through this so-called 'interview,' then be done with her forever.”
Scrivener grunted moodily, not knowing if he wanted to agree or argue before he finally sighed and nodded hesitantly, as he continued to climb the curving, almost painfully-bright stairs. “Yeah. I know you're right, Luna, I just... I hate stuff like this. Anyway, you better hide and keep yourself calm. If you explode out of my pocket or something we can't really pretend that... you know. You came out of my chest or something like that.”
“Like a maiden springing forth from her god?” Luna asked ironically, and the charcoal stallion only snorted in amusement at this thought before the sapphire mare sighed and slid back down into his breast pocket, mumbling: “Fear not, Scrivener Blooms, I shall be a good little filly who is neither meant to be seen nor heard.”
Scrivener only smiled a little, sending soothing thoughts to the mare, and she grumbled quietly as she closed her eyes and shifted a bit with a mumble. But soon enough, she was settled inside his pocket, and Scrivener continued his trek upwards as the minds of both ponies rolled silently together, reflecting on how much things had changed... and how after so many years of almost only benefit, now they were beginning to face the dangers and consequences that came with linking their souls together.
Scrivy had dodged around the subject with Barry, not wanting him to know that he and Luna had to be within roughly fifty feet of each other at almost all times: even if he said they could spend an hour apart, that had been a generous estimate, and it fluctuated at times based on their emotions. Worse, when their time was up and their mixed soul began to cry out for the presence of its other half, mind and body both revolted and they were given the choice of either finding each other quickly or risking a slow, agonizing descent into pain-filled insanity and death.
Celestia and Twilight Sparkle both knew about their vulnerability, and had researched into it a little, but it didn't seem like there was anything they could do... apart from cutting their soul link. But that was likely no longer an option: they had intertwined so much with one another that it would probably kill them both, and that was if they were lucky. And it wasn't like either Luna or Scrivener were willing to sacrifice their link, anyway: it wasn't just love or selfishness anymore, either, it was the fact that they had simply... grown too used to what they had between them.
It was worrisome, sure, and for a slew of reasons: their link could continue to tighten and shorten the distance and time they could be apart further, and it was even possible that one day they would go to sleep, and the next they would wake up not just together, but together, merged into some unknowable entity like Gymbr had been. And there were other worries... yet for now, both ponies were trying to concentrate only on what was here, and remember the fact that weren't yet so bonded they had become one in the same... besides, it's not like me or Luna even want to be the same. We're... we have a lot of similarities, but we have our differences, too. And it's our rough edges that make us work more than it is the stuff that's the same between us.
Scrivener smiled a little to himself at this thought as Luna glanced up from inside his pocket, then shifted a bit and rested her head against the stallion's chest, closing her eyes. She could hear his heartbeat through the thin walls of fabric between them, and it made her smile a little, although there was a faint... sense of what was almost shame, too, as she fidgeted a bit and thought of the dark blood that was being pumped through Scrivener's veins. Liquid corruption, the stuff that powered nightmares... and Luna shivered a little as Scrivener halted on the fourth floor landing to glance down for a moment quietly.
But then she shifted and sent him a silent message, and he nodded after a moment: more to himself than to her as he continued to move upwards, trying not to peek too much at Luna's musings even as he naturally felt them whispering through his mind as well. That was another downside of the soul link: they could almost never just think something and keep it to themselves.
The stallion reached the fifth floor a few minutes later, then strode forwards and rested a hoof against the door before he halted as he felt Luna's thoughts, heard the undercurrent in them, and he lowered his head before saying quietly: “Luna... I... I don't mind being a Clockwork Pony or a monster, as long as I have you to... keep me in line, and help keep an eye on me. You're the reason I'm alive and you're the reason I stay alive and... I just want you to know that I love you. And I don't blame you for anything at all.”
“Shut up, Scrivy.” Luna murmured softly, but she smiled a little all the same, the faintest blush tingeing her cheeks before she added quietly: “But aye, fear not. I shall always ensure that I keep thee on a proper leash, beetle.”
Scrivener smiled after a moment despite himself, nodding a little before he pushed through the doorway and into the hallway. He immediately winced a bit at the hideous yellow walls and purple rugs underhoof, before staring upwards as he realized the ceiling was incandescent orange, and he squinted a little almost as if trying to stare at the sun as he mumbled: “I think I'm getting color sickness.”
Luna only covered her face with her hooves to try and block out the mental images of the narrow hall she was seeing through Scrivener's eyes, groaning as the stallion started forwards before he winced as he realized there were connecting corridors... everywhere. It was a maze of hallways, and designed so that they were all mostly hidden until you were right on top of them. Worse, the noise he could hear everywhere wasn't actually helping matters: sounds of conversation, typewriters clicking, and other business going on echoed up and down the corridor, distracting him all the further.
Scrivener looked blankly back and forth as he stumbled through corridors, wincing at the doors he passed as he noted each was colored differently: the only thing the same between them was the colors were always offensively-neon. They at least had nameplates, though, and Scrivener grimaced as he made his way through the labyrinth of halls, cursing every now and then when he rounded a corner and realized he'd gone in a circle.
After almost fifteen minutes, he finally arrived at a bright pink door with an enormous gold nameplate on it, reading: 'Ersatz Major, Critical Analysis.' For a moment, Scrivener moodily surveyed this door, and then he finally sighed before reaching up a hoof and knocking twice.
“You're late, Scrivener Blooms.” Ersatz's voice almost sang from behind the door, and Scrivener mumbled to himself before he headbutted the door, and there was a quiet laugh from inside. “Now darling, that's not how you open a door. But I suppose with your breeding you don't know better. Try the handle, dear.”
Scrivener glowered moodily, thinking about kicking the door down just to show his 'breeding' as Luna rumbled grumpily in his pocket, and then he sighed and instead grumpily forced himself to use the doorhandle, shoving it open and striding inside before letting the heavy door swing closed behind him.
He glanced absently over his shoulder at it... and stared as he realized the section he had slammed his head into was see-through. It was tinged pink, but he could see straight down the hall from here, and the stallion winced a little in surprise before Ersatz said pleasantly from behind her expensive, modernist desk: “That one-way distortion is a very useful tool for gauging whoever's come calling, Scrivener Blooms. You, for example, don't seem to be in the most pleasant mood.”
“I never am.” Scrivener replied dryly, turning around and grimacing a little: this office was... hollow. Smaller than he'd expected it to be, with no real personal trappings; just a few expensive-looking pieces of furniture and framed covers of Rogues And Studs that had been blown up to poster size, hanging on the walls unevenly, like they had been thrown up without a care.
Ersatz's desk was spotless, except for a notebook, a file folder, and a tape recorder that Scrivener realized a little too late was already going. She gestured almost kindly to a metallic-looking green chair in front of the desk, and the earth pony realized moodily that it was far too small for him: it looked like something made for a colt, while Ersatz lounged comfortably back in a large, cushioned blue throne of a chair. “Please, sit.”
Scrivener did so reluctantly, squishing himself into the little seat as Luna fidgeted in his pocket, and the earth pony carefully smoothed out his white suit jacket as Ersatz looked at him intently. She was wearing bright red clothing today, with matching ruby bangles jangling quietly over her forelimbs and a ribbon around her neck that reminded Scrivener of something a spoiled fat cat would wear, complete with a little bell. And again, her head was covered by a thick green wreath, adorned with beautiful red flowers.
The stallion honestly didn't know what the hell to think of her. All he could do was study her, and she looked back at him with the same intentness in her eyes before her calm smile spread wider over her features, and she asked in a soft voice: “Do you like the building?”
“I think it's atrocious.” Scrivener said blandly, and Ersatz smiled as she gave a nod of agreement, surprising him. But then the charcoal stallion glanced back and forth, at how... empty this office was, and he realized he shouldn't be so surprised after all. “So I guess this job... you don't do it because you like it.”
“Oh, I like what it gets me of course, Scrivener Blooms. And I particularly enjoy some of my interviews...” Ersatz knocked a hoof against her desk, gazing at him with a strange look in her eye. It was like a fondness that a predator would have for its favorite prey. “But no, I must admit I'm not entirely fond of my workplace, or the kinds of things I have to do and the people I have to put up with. But let's not waste time talking about me, Scrivener Blooms. I'm not important. You are.”
“Why?” Scrivener asked quietly, and Ersatz studied him as the charcoal stallion looked at her. He frowned after a moment as he met her pale blue eyes, then slowly roved down along her dark green coat. An earthy color, in spite of the fact that everything about her screamed 'pureblood,' from the way she treated him to the shape of her body. But he also hadn't failed to notice that she always hid her horn from view... and usually, that was the kind of thing unicorns always put out on display, unless...
Ersatz Major gave a quiet laugh, and then she shook her head slowly as she murmured: “You don't remember me, do you? But I can't blame you, Scrivener Blooms... I was even younger than you when we first met, and I was told not to associate myself with you, and to not mention you in the presence of my uncle.”
Scrivener frowned at this, and then he felt his mouth go dry, speaking wordlessly for a moment as a faint memory of the past he'd tried to leave behind came to mind. He couldn't speak, but Ersatz only smiled at him... and in his mind, he saw a young, curious unicorn filly leaning out from behind an enormous stallion, staring at him as he scrubbed the floor of his father's store with a wet rag, careful to keep his eyes from ever rising to meet even this other child's.
And then he was back in reality, as Ersatz said softly: “Do you remember me now, cousin? We only caught glimpses of each other, but I remember you. I never, ever forget you. And no, no, I see it in your eyes already, but don't assume it's because you're a shame on the family name... I've never, ever called you a 'slave hoof' and I don't plan to start now, either.”
The stallion only stared at her, trying to make sense of things as Luna looked upwards in disbelief inside Scrivener's pocket. And Ersatz smiled almost sympathetically over at Scrivener Blooms before she closed her eyes, saying quietly: “I know unicorns can be cruel, sweetie. I always heard ponies talking badly about my father... Aunt Belle's older brother. Just because he had such a dark coat, like an earth pony... and of course the purebloods gave me their own share of spite for the same. And to think, I lived in Snow Saddle, which was so... mild, compared to where you did...
“I pity you for what you went through, cousin. I honestly do. But you did something awful, too...” Ersatz continued quietly, her pale eyes locking on Scrivener's own. “You ran away. Without a word to your mother, one day you left on a delivery to a unicorn noble's house... and then you never went back home. You ended up in Trotronto, isn't that right? Where you had a book or two published, and spent your time getting drunk and wasting your life and stolen freedom.”
“What was I supposed to do, Ersatz? Stay in that hellhole, spend my life as a slave hoof, submitted to Bramblethorn and my mother like a good little colt?” Scrivener asked sharply, still feeling... almost numb with what he had discovered.
Ersatz shook her head firmly, however, frowning... but she seemed more disappointed than angry, as she replied quietly: “No. You should have told Tia Belle. Your mother loved you, Scrivener Blooms. But you never talked to her, did you? You never-”
“Ersatz, I... I do want to believe that Tia Belle gave a damn about me, but... don't talk like you know what my life was like!” Scrivener snapped, feeling... strangely hurt, breathing a little hard and letting his emotions get the better of himself as he sat up a little, continuing harshly: “Every day, working in the shop, only to always be followed up by Bramblethorn telling me what a failure and how worthless I was, and if he didn't feel like smacking me around or dragging me home so he could continue to order me around, then getting locked in that goddamn kennel in the back alley! And Tia Belle sat by for all of it, and went along with everything he ordered and... and... and Horses of Heaven know that she never acted like she gave a crowbait's flank until it was too late!”
He breathed hard in and out, trembling, tears starting to form in his eyes before Ersatz said softly: “Tell yourself that if you want, Scrivener Blooms, but I don't think you'd be so upset if you didn't understand on some level, you feel guilty. You know you did wrong. You know that you're responsible for what happened to her.”
Scrivener forced himself to get back under control, swallowing thickly and biting his lower lip with a muffled curse before he looked slowly up at her, and there was silence for a few long moments before he finally said quietly: “You don't know what it was like. You can't.”
“I have some idea, Scrivener Blooms. And I know that we owe it to our parents to give them second chances... because when we fail to, and we lose them because of our action or inaction... it hurts.” Ersatz smiled at him, and Scrivener shivered at the pain that lit up her hollow eyes before she reached up and calmly removed the wreath around her head.
The stallion reared back slightly in shock, his eyes widening as he mouthed wordlessly at her, and in his pocket Luna couldn't resist shuddering as what Scrivener saw seared its image in her own mind. Ersatz's horn was only a jagged, melted stump, with several hideous cracks through its body and the material turned all variety of rotten, ugly colors. Scrivener shook his head slowly, leaning back a bit, feeling almost sick to his stomach at the sight, and the way some kind of faint, poisonous light still tried to shimmer weakly out of the shattered spire...
“As I'm sure you know, Scrivener Blooms, our horns are made of alicorn... a near-indestructible material.” Ersatz said conversationally, her smile still on her face, but her eyes burning into him, making sure he was listening to her story. “But it can still be destroyed, oh yes. An buildup of intense magical energy, for example, can create so much pressure inside the horn structure it shatters... certain acids make alicorn brittle or soft... and there's a rare metal called gianttooth that can be made so sharp and tempered so solid it can tear through our horns. I'm sure you know all about that, though, Scrivener Blooms... how many foals' fables feature awful ogres that use graters of gianttooth to grind up the horns of misbehaving little unicorn colts and fillies?”
“Many.” Scrivener murmured quietly, looking at her horn again and wincing a little despite himself, before he asked finally: “What happened?”
“An accident.” Ersatz closed her eyes, then she reached up gently touched the side of her horn, saying softly: “I was trying to train to get into the magic academy in Canterlot... I wanted to make my father proud. There... there was only my father growing up, Scrivener Blooms, my mother was not... involved in any aspect of my life. But that's okay. My father was a wonderful stallion. A wonderful stallion who knew what my ambition was, and who used all his extra money to buy me an amplification ring. I needed every edge I could get, because I was all too quickly growing up, and soon, I would be too old to apply.
“And I was very, very foolish and impatient.” Ersatz smiled as she looked down and murmured: “It was only a simple spell to change the colors of an object. A party trick, really. But I was attempting to cast it on a large scale, to turn the whole exterior of the house we lived in bright pink. I thought it would make Daddy laugh...
“So, of course, I thought that I needed more power, not just more practice. And I had mastered a very simple amplification charm I used sometimes, in case I didn't have my ring...” Ersatz closed her eyes. “But I decided to focus all the power I could into this charm... and cast it on the ring already around my horn. I had been told to never amplify an amplifier, but... I was a silly filly.”
She gazed up at him, smiling once more, and Scrivener swallowed as Luna shivered and then forcibly repressed as much emotion as she could, keeping herself tiny and under control as Ersatz said softly: “The ring began to feel strange. I didn't understand that I had done worse than just amplify the amplifier... I had cast the amplification charm with the ring already amplifying it as well. And even though I was tired, I thought... I would try one last time to turn the house pink, with my amplifier's help.”
Ersatz Major touched her horn again silently, then said softly: “I don't need to detail what happened. Only that the simple, silly color spell backfired rather spectacularly. My ring shattered the moment I tried to draw energy out of it, and all that force was shoved into my horn at once. It... hurt, Scrivener Blooms, I cannot describe how much it hurt, and yet at the same time, it was like I wasn't even there, even as my horn... I wouldn't say so much exploded as melted away.”
She quieted, then murmured: “It also killed my father. No, not literally, of course, darling... but he blamed himself for what happened. He had bought me the ring, after all. And even though we were in Snow Saddle, well... the unicorns did not have sympathy for my plight, they only laughed at me, mocked me, looked at me with disgust. Poor father... he lost his temper on one of the poor foolish foals that was making fun of me and hurt the colt... very badly. He lost his job because of that, and it was my fault again... and then we received a letter, not from Bramblethorn but from the city of North Neigh, informing us that Tia Belle had died of unknown illness, and we had to come and pick up the body.”
She stopped, then her distant, hollow eyes looked at Scrivener as she gave that plastic smile once more, saying quietly: “I don't believe Daddy even saw Bramblethorn when he went to pick up the body and a few important possessions. I don't believe Bramblethorn even cared. He certainly didn't attend the funeral we held for her in Snow Saddle... I wonder sometimes how she even got to the hospital, how they even found her. I have this... terrible vision of her dying, and Bramblethorn simply shoving her out on the street...”
“That sounds like my dad.” Scrivener whispered, looking down for a few moments as he trembled, confused and hurt and... and scared. “You... your father gave her a funeral?”
“That's what big brothers do for their little sisters, as far as I know.” Ersatz replied softly, and then she looked away and added quietly: “Besides, it was his funeral too, you see. The next day, my father bought me a teddy bear and promised me that everything was going to be okay, as he sent me off to the private school he had used almost every last bit to get me into. Except for the bits he used for the poison, you see, that he took his own life with the next day.”
Scrivener turned his eyes down silently, staring at the tabletop as Ersatz reached out and quietly stroked the wreath of red roses beside her, smiling faintly. “All because of your selfishness, Scrivener Blooms. All because you ran away, like a coward.”
“How can you blame that all on me...” Scrivener asked weakly, looking up even as his heart thudded in his chest and he felt horribly, godawfully, unfairly like this somehow was his fault, with the way that Ersatz kept looking at him, kept speaking to him...
“Because it's true. Scrivener... no matter how Tia Belle acted, look at who she lived with. Bramblethorn was nothing but an awful beast. My father hated him, and I suspect your mother hated him too, but was trapped with him.” Ersatz murmured, stroking slowly over the wreath. “I would not be surprised if he turned all his bullying and anger on her after you left, Scrivener. I would not be surprised if he treated her just as roughly as he treated you, whether you recognized it or not... because she did love you. She was trying to protect you...”
The charcoal stallion looked up, and he didn't have to ask his question for her to answer, Ersatz saying softly: “I know, Scrivener Blooms, because Daddy told me that Aunt Belle was going to be bringing her son to stay with us for a while in Snow Saddle. I think she had plans to leave that monster, Bramblethorn... and if not, she at least had plans to bring you to a safe place. I was so excited, that for months I looked forwards to having a playmate in the household... and so young that when it didn't happen, I was crushed. And I can imagine if I was that badly hurt by not getting to know a total stranger to me... your mother must have been devastated by you vanishing. And it was only a few months later that she died, and even as a filly part of me understood that when Daddy said 'I'm sorry, your new friend can't come after all,' it had something to do with when he next told me 'Daddy needs you to sit down so he can tell you something sad.'”
Scrivener stared at her, and Ersatz looked back at him with her plastic smile before she closed her eyes and said gently: “And look at this... it seems that you interviewed me, Scrivener Blooms, not the other way around. I didn't expect to talk so much but I feel... I feel like I have this great weight off my chest, and I hope you understand now... why I want to hurt you. Why I have to punish you. Why I want to take this success you've enjoyed and turn it all into the failure and pain and suffering you deserve, because you don't deserve the life you've lived, and I don't deserve the life I was left with. Without a friend in the world, without my father or any other family, and all of it comes back... to you. Just because your life was a nightmare, Scrivener Blooms, that didn't give you the right to run away, and leave your mother to suffer.”
“Dominoes.” Scrivener laughed faintly, looking away before he closed his eyes and trembled, but he didn't know what to say. How to argue. He knew, he knew that what she was saying didn't make sense, it was all straw ponies and fallacies, and yet all the same... why the hell did her words almost make sense? Why the hell couldn't he just say none of it was his fault, because... it isn't!
He sat silently, and Ersatz looked across at him before she asked gently: “Would you like to leave, or shall we move on with the interview now that the pleasantries are out of the way, Scrivener Blooms? And, oh, just so you know... I can sense that your wife is nearby, although I'm not sure where, and I must admit I'm very impressed she managed to sneak in. You may have noticed that the ponies who work here are unpleasant and all.”
Scrivener looked up, not knowing what to say, and Ersatz smiled at him kindly, reaching up and tapping her horn silently. “I can't do any kind of magic anymore, Scrivener... but my horn tends to... buzz, when there's other unicorns around. It's hard to describe... a side effect, I think, of the amplification ring exploding.”
Scrivener nodded slowly, then he hesitated for only a moment before reaching up and quietly holding a hoof in front of himself, and Ersatz Major watched with interest as Scrivener's breast pocket shifted, and then the winged unicorn carefully crawled her way up and out of his pocket, the tiny mare hopping onto his hoof and looking across at Ersatz with... an awful ache in her eyes, as she simply stood there, looking up at her, hating the sympathy and the pity and the.. the same shame and guilt that Scrivener did, in spite of everything that cried out it wasn't the stallion's fault.
“That's wonderful.” Ersatz said softly, and the faint smile that spread over her face was a real one, leaning down a bit before Luna sighed and hopped off Scrivener's hoof to land on Ersatz's desk: at this size, it was like a flat-topped mountain to her. The unicorn marveled over the sight with longing and the faintest hint of bitterness, murmuring: “Such powerful magic...”
“'Tis only a polymorph.” Luna said quietly, and when Ersatz frowned and leaned down, the winged unicorn cleared her throat and shook her head quickly, then turned around and leapt off the desk as her body glowed: and a moment later, a fully-sized Luna was quietly turning back around to face Ersatz, as she said softly: “I apologize. I said, 'tis only a simple polymorph. It is one of the fields of magic in which I specialize.”
Ersatz Major smiled, and Luna hesitated for a moment before she said suddenly: “'Tis not Scrivener's fault, Ersatz, thou... thou must recognize this! I... I am sorry for what thou has experienced in life, and... I would even thank thee, or at least wish to honor thy father for his generosity in what he offered to Scrivy... I... I do not doubt thy words are true, thy voice and eyes make it clear that thou art not speaking any lies. But thou cannot blame and hate Scrivener for what happened.”
“I have to blame someone, and I can see that even Scrivener blames himself... but Luna... I don't hate him. I don't hate any of you.” Ersatz shook her head slowly, looking down as she reached out and opened the file folder beside her, slowly stroking a hoof over the picture on the front... and Scrivener stared in surprise as he saw it was a glossy black and white... no, not just that, it was one of the stupid promotional pictures Barry had made him sign a hundred or so copies of even though he was ninety-nine percent sure no one wanted a framed picture of him on their wall.
Ersatz was quiet, looking at this for a few long moments before she moved it aside, studying the file beneath it even as she continued quietly: “You talk about honor in your book, Scrivener. This is... similar to that, I think. You hurt me, and hurt my family, and are responsible for... my life being the way it is now. Dominoes, like you said... your actions create a chain of consequences, and it doesn't matter whether or not you understood what the ultimate end would inevitably be, how it would lead to... all this. All that matters is that you started it... and so, it has to end with you, too. Somehow, I have to shift all this awful karma back to you, Scrivener Blooms.”
Scrivener laughed weakly, shaking his head slowly as he said finally: “Did you really read my book or not? Because... I kind of have more than my share of bad karma, Ersatz.”
“Now, Scrivener Blooms, you say yourself that it was these bad experiences that have helped form you, and give more meaning to the good.” Ersatz replied gently, and then she looked up at him and met his eyes. “My goal isn't to make your life worse, Scrivener Blooms. It's only to take away... the rewards that you attained unfairly.”
“Then thou will have to take me away as well, won't thou?” Luna said sharply, straightening and glaring across at Ersatz, who looked up silently at the winged unicorn. “Enough, I shan't sit here and let thou speak anymore! Oh, aye, maybe thou has some... some distant, grabbing cause to hold Scrivy accountable for whatever pains thou felt as some poor filly, hoping for a brand new friend, but nothing else! And if thou does wish to stretch so blindly anyway, then forget not the sword cuts both ways: if thou had thy happy little playmate Scrivener Blooms, and he had lived in Snow Saddle, then never would I have met him, and from the very start Valthrudnir's machinations would have ended not in defeat but success. I would have been bested by a poisoned Celestia, or perhaps survived only to fall victim to Ignominious, or worst of all, struck down by the Jötnar himself... and whether thou knows or not what I speak of, only know that for want of a brother the entire world would have burned, and now, filly, who is the selfish beast here?”
Ersatz looked calmly up at Luna even as Scrivener looked silently away, still wracked with guilt he knew he shouldn't feel but... all the same was, like he'd lost control over his own emotions. Luna, however, was breathing hard, snarling as she stood in her husband's defense, leaning over the desk before Ersatz said quietly: “You're blinded by love.”
“And thou art blinded by the love and idolization of a dead parent.” Luna retorted unflinchingly, and Ersatz's features froze as she looked up, Scrivener clenching his eyes shut and grabbing at his head as the emotional pain worsened; he felt Luna's anger and his own pleas to stop, but the sapphire was bristling with fury.
Then Ersatz Major slowly took a breath, lowering her head and saying quietly: “If Scrivener wants to defend himself, he can defend himself, Miss Luna. No matter how much you want your husband to be perfect, though, he is not. At least he seems to understand he's at fault.”
The sapphire mare snorted at this, retorting: “Scrivener finds blame in himself for everything that goes wrong, even though 'tis rarely his fault whatsoever. And thou struck a needle into the eye of the cyclops, wretched creature.”
Ersatz only shook her head, replying softly: “And his sensitivity to the subject, the guilt I see in his eyes when I talk about it, only shows that he knows he did something wrong. I'm holding him accountable, Luna, because no one else will. I'm holding him accountable because every other pony seems to want to reward him for living a life based around running around and acting like a parasite.”
“Do not call him that, ever!” Luna shouted angrily, and Scrivener clenched his eyes shut, feeling his mind bubbling, his vision swimming as his link with Luna filled with static, and he heard them arguing and saw his mother and there was darkness, oh the darkness, it was all around him and burning in his veins and he could feel himself losing himself as stress made him vulnerable and blind and he was being crushed...
Luna halted in mid-argument with Ersatz when she felt the snap, her eyes turning sharply to Scrivener, staring at him as the charcoal stallion went limp for a moment... and then Scrivener looked slowly, calmly up, and the slightest of smiles spread over his features as he looked back and forth. And it chilled Luna's blood as she stared at him, before the charcoal stallion said pleasantly: “Excuse me.”
With that, Scrivener shoved himself out of the little seat and spun around, striding easily towards the door and letting himself out, and Ersatz Major sighed quietly and shook her head slowly. “I'm disappointed. For a moment, I almost thought...”
“Shut up, wench, thou hast no idea what thou speaks of yet again.” Luna spat, and then she turned around, then ground her teeth together loudly before adding in a frustrated voice: “I... I shall write thee a letter and we will meet again and settle this issue!”
“I would appreciate that, Luna. And until proven otherwise, I'll continue on my mission of getting justice by the means I must.” Ersatz said softly, and Luna blew a loud raspberry at the unicorn, but didn't have the time to manage any other kind of response as she hurriedly turned and ran into the hallway. Her link with Scrivener was still filled with static, but she could sense him clearly, the stallion leaving a trail that was almost visible to her eyes as she hurried after him and cursed under her breath... but felt like something was horribly, awfully wrong.
The stallion was moving with purpose, and Luna didn't catch up with him until she was in the stairwell and running down the steps, shouting in a frustrated voice: “Scrivener Blooms, stop!”
The charcoal stallion halted as Luna huffed and stepped onto the fourth floor landing, opening her mouth... and then simply staring in horrified silence as a pair of callous amber eyes looked over Scrivener's shoulder, a mocking smile on his lips as Valthrudnir's voice said pleasantly: “My apologies, Brynhild, but it seems Nihete is a little busy at this moment. Perhaps you can be of service to me, though, Valkyrie, since your kind is meant to serve higher-functioning beings in any event. Prove of use to me and I won't damage your precious husband's body too much while he attempts to decipher the way out of the half-collapsed labyrinth of his own drooling-idiot mind.”
Luna's mouth worked slowly, breathing hard, feeling fear wringing her insides as she shook her head weakly, shrinking back as she stared into Valthrudnir's eyes... and then her eye twitched as fear was replaced by tremendous rage that this monster would dare to try and steal her husband's body right in front of her eyes... and on top of that, he dared to order her to help him? “Thou hurt my husband? I shall show thee pain, carrion-eating corpsemonger!”
The sapphire mare leapt forwards as her wings flapped hard, swinging both rear hooves up to kick the charcoal stallion as hard as she possibly could in the ass, and Valthrudnir let out a yell of shock and pain as he was launched through the air to smack loudly into one of the curving walls above the stairs before howling as he fell, bouncing and rolling down the entire flight of steps. Luna winced, feeling every pulse of pain in Scrivener's possessed body, but if anything it only exacerbated her fury and frustration as she charged after the Jötnar-possessed pony.
Scrivener's body hit the third floor landing and rolled a few times, Valthrudnir's amber eyes still staring stupidly out of his sockets before Luna rammed headfirst into his stomach and launched him flying with a savage twist of her horn, sending him bouncing down the next flight of steps with a miserable yell and a flurry of loud curses. In Scrivener's possessed body, Valthrudnir was unable to do a thing to catch himself, only flailing all four of the pony's limbs wildly until he landed on his face on the second floor landing with a grunt and skidded forwards, then rolled over and scrambled to his hooves before staring over his shoulder in terror when Luna came shooting down the stairs with a furious roar.
The amber light blinked out of Scrivener's eyes in a moment, and the stallion didn't even have enough time to process what was happening before Luna's hoof slugged into his face, knocking him flying backwards to roll over the edge of the landing and onto the next flight of stairs, shouting profanities as he bounced the whole way down the stairs until he crashed into a heap on the first floor, laying in a sprawl with one of his legs pawing weakly at the air and staring dazedly off at the wall.
Luna strode moodily down the steps, breathing hard, a few bruises forming over her own features and a bit of blood leaking from one nostril, and she glared furiously down at Scrivener Blooms before leaning down and poking him firmly several times with her horn, muttering: “Wretched idiot. Wretched stupid idiot. Wretched stupid idiot beetle.”
Scrivener only sighed tiredly, his entire body aching and his mind swimming before he shook his head slowly, then trembled a little as he slowly rolled onto his stomach and managed to get his legs under him. But all the same, he only laid there for a moment longer, breathing slowly before mumbling: “So do you feel better now, Luna?”
“Only a little, Scrivener Blooms.” Luna answered grumpily, and then she shook her head slowly before hesitating and reaching a hoof down to rest on his back, asking quietly: “Wert thou aware of what was happening? That thou had been... damnation, Scrivener!”
Luna rose her hoof and slammed it down on his back, and the charcoal stallion yelped and then groaned, slumping on the ground as the sapphire mare looked down at him with a bit of a blush. But then Scrivener only grumbled and shook his head slowly before he sighed quietly and closed his eyes, murmuring: “I think... I think it was the stress. Every time I get too stressed or upset about something... that's when I hear Valthrudnir's voice, and I think that must be what lets him... dig into my mind. When I'm vulnerable because I'm...”
He quieted, then shivered and shook his head, slowly beginning to push himself to his hooves, and Luna looked at him worriedly with the way his body trembled. But Scrivener only smiled faintly, shaking his head and murmuring: “No, I'm... I'm surprisingly okay. I just feel... drained, I guess. Like all the life and emotion got sucked out of me... then again, maybe it's just because you bounced me down... five flights of stairs...”
He grunted and cracked his back with a wince as he spoke, then shook his head out as Luna smiled a little, saying quietly: “Nay, 'twas only four, Scrivy, fear not. Five would have been far too cruel to do to thee... besides, it... drove the Jötnar off.”
“That's kind of a relief. You just have to hit me really hard and I'll come back.” Scrivener smiled a little over at Luna, blinking slowly, feeling... exhausted. Their link was still sizzling with static, but he could feel that starting to restore little by little, and he couldn't sense Valthrudnir's presence at all... it was like the Jötnar had retreated completely into whatever tumor he was hiding in inside his mind.
The stallion shivered a bit, looking down and thinking back, and Luna pressed hesitantly: “Scrivy, art... art thou sure thou has... no recollection whatsoever of what happened? None? Does thou know... what...”
Scrivener shook his head slowly, then he finally replied, glancing over at her as the sapphire mare strode up beside him to look into his eyes: “No. I... I just saw darkness. Awful, choking darkness, all around me. I felt like I was tangled up in... I dunno. Something awful.” He halted, then bit his lip and looked down. “I knew... Valthrudnir had something to do with it, though. But I was stuck... and it felt so... so empty, wherever he put me. Like all the stress had become heavy rope, tying me down, crushing all the hope out of me...”
“Scrivener...” Luna studied him silently, but Scrivener only smiled faintly, keeping their eyes locked as he felt their link restoring. But when they were close, when they looked into one-another's eyes... it always came back quicker.
And after a moment, Luna finally sighed and dropped her head, murmuring: “Well, we should go, Scrivener. Get out of this den of inequity and... figure out what to do from here. At least thou can tell Underbrush why the foul creature hates thou so much-”
“Luna...” Scrivener said quietly, and Luna looked up in surprise, then blushed slightly and nodded with a grumble, looking down before Scrivener closed his eyes. “I'm not... entirely agreeing with her. But... I... I don't know. What she said, the way she said it, it... it... it hurt me. It hurt me in a way I think I'd only hurt if...”
“Scrivy, this... I cannot pretend to understand what thou went through, and what it must be like for thou with who Tia Belle was and what happened, but... this is... not thy fault. Come, thou art just being an idiot because of all the madness of recent and... we have much more to attend to. There are important things afoot, are there not?” Luna chided, and Scrivener hesitated before nodding a few times, smiling faintly after a moment. “Good. Come, Scrivener, there is much to be done.”
“Yeah, you're right.” Scrivener said softly, bowing his head forwards and nodding a little, and Luna gazed at him fondly before the stallion shook his head a little. “I'm sorry I get hooked up on the little things. And that apparently... even if Ersatz is... well... who she is, apparently stress alone is dangerous to me, now.”
“Valthrudnir, daring to possess thee in front of mine eyes, then speaking to me as if I would simply shrink and kowtow to his orders instead of doing something about it...” Luna spat to the side, then winced a bit when Scrivener reached up and gently brushed a bit of dried blood away from her nostril before she huffed. “Cease that, beetle. This is all thy fault.”
Scrivener smiled despite himself, then he shook his head slowly before the sapphire mare huffed and strode past him. Yet all the same, he could almost hear the worries in her mind even with their link still muted by static, adding to his own unease: did this mean Valthrudnir was growing stronger, or had the Jötnar simply found some new method by which to torture him after digging around for so long inside the stallion's mind? And was it only stress that would allow the Jötnar to take control or exert his influence, or would Scrivener one day be walking along only to suddenly find himself locked away in some unknowable place, while Valthrudnir did... Horses of Heaven knew what Valthrudnir would do with control of his body.
This time, he shivered for a reason other than the aches in his body, as Luna led him through the foyer and out the main doors. The guards looked stupefied to see the winged unicorn leave, but Luna barely seemed to acknowledge this... and considering the fact that normally she would be cheerfully crowing and mocking them, Scrivener saw it as a worrisome sign.
He hurried up beside her and nudged her gently, and she grumbled and nudged him back, the two ponies pushing at each other for a few moments before settling a little as they headed across the busy street. Neither of them cared about the looks they got, that Luna was faintly bruised or Scrivener looked bludgeoned and his clothes were all mangled: if anything it seemed to improve the sapphire mare's mood as she glanced around at the reactions while absently bodychecking Scrivener.
The stallion winced a bit, then glowered over at her as they approached a large coffee shop situated on the corner of the block, as stylish and expensive as everything else in this part of town was. Luna flicked her horn to knock the front doors swinging open, then strode proudly inside even as ponies stared, the mare looking back and forth absently before smiling as her eyes settled on where Barry was sitting alone at a side table, several empty coffee cups sitting over the polished surface in front of him as he leaned back in the cushioned booth and stared at the two. “Oh look, Scrivy! Thy pet at the very least has mastered sit and stay!”
“Luna, be nice.” Scrivener said dryly, and Luna huffed at him before glaring pointedly, and Scrivener rolled his eyes before reaching up and patting his suit jacket absently. “Alright. It feels like I still have some money so I'll go get you a coffee. Play nice.”
Scrivener turned to head to the counter as Luna strolled over to the table Barry was sitting at, ignoring the way ponies all around the coffee shop were looking at her before her horn glowed and yanked the half-full coffee in front of Barry across the table, the sapphire mare leaning forwards to sniff at this a few times before clicking her tongue thoughtfully. “'Tis very frilly smelling. I do not like frilly coffee.”
“Hey, it's just a cappuccino, it's not like... a deluxe strawberry smoothie or something.” Barry replied defensively, and Luna sniffed loudly before sipping loudly at the drink, then she smacked her lips thoughtfully as the literary agent slumped and mumbled: “God this is not worth it. I've spent like forty bits here in coffee, can... can we get out of here? Maybe to a hospital or something, because champ looks like he went ten rounds with Ersatz and she turned out to have a hell of a right hook.”
“No, that was I. I threw him down the stairs.” Luna replied informatively, and Barry stared at her, his mouth working a few times before the sapphire mare hesitated, glancing over at Scrivener before returning her eyes to Barry and adding softly: “But the subject of Ersatz is... a soft one for now. I... would ask thee politely not to mention her to my husband. And let him tell Underbrush in his own time.”
For a few moments Barry stared, and then he leaned back awkwardly and said finally: “I didn't know you could actually be... nice, girl-champ.”
Luna groaned at this, rolling her eyes before she glared at him, and Barry squeaked and winced, hurriedly shrinking behind the table. The winged unicorn snorted at this, then turned her glare throughout the rest of the restaurant, and for now tried to forget everything Ersatz Major had said in favor of enjoying the terror she struck in every other pony... even as worries nibbled at her mind, and the thought of what Valthrudnir might have up his sleeve for the future tickled a fearful claw slowly down her own spine.