TMP Prompt #288 - “Happy Pi(e) Day!”
Prompt: The most important pie in Equestria.
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Trigger Warning
“Don’t do it, Sheriff,“ Doctor Elecampane insisted. “Just ask him to go away politely, and—”
“And what, ma’am?” Sheriff Silver Star asked. “Let this critter head ta some other town and do the same things he’s been doin’ all over the West? Heck, no. We gotta stop him here.”
“But how?” Elecampane asked. “You know his reputation!”
“Ah didn’t say it’d be easy,” Silver Star sighed. “Ah guess Ah’ll hafta think a’ somethin’. But Ah do know he ain’t gonna go polite, fer sure.”
“You’re just trying to make a name for yourself!” Elecampane’s bottle-glass green eyes blazed. “You’re risking your life!”
“Ah didn’t know ya cared.”
“It’s my job to care, you—”
The sound of a stallion clearing his throat made them both turn.
Braeburn stood in the doorway of the Sheriff‘s office.
“Ah think Ah c’n help,” he said. “If’n ya’ll recall, Ah got a certain package yesterday…”
“Braeburn!” Elecampane gasped. “Your grandmother sent that especially for you.”
“Mah granny’d tan mah hide proper if Ah let this varmint run around hurtin’ other ponies when Ah could help stop him.” He looked to Silver Star. “Please. Let me help.”
Silver Star nodded.
“Stallions!” Elecampane tossed her auburn mane. “You’re all crazy! And I suppose you’ll expect me to patch you up!”
“Be right kind a’ ya.”
***
The paste-gray stallion showed a mouthful of yellow teeth as he leered at the serving filly.
“C’mere, sweet thing.” He took her around the withers. “Know what Ah’m ‘onna do to ya?”
She blanched as he whispered in her ear.
“Right here, right now. And ain’t no one gonna stop me.” He raised his voice. “Ain‘t that right!?”
He glared around the Salt Lick, and all the cowed cowponies within. “Heh.”
The saloon’s doors flew open as Sheriff Silver Star and Braeburn burst in.
“Trigger!” Silver Star pointed an hoof at the wicked stallion. “You’ve done a lotta horrible things, but it’s all over! Come in peacefully, or Ah’ll drag ya in.”
“You an’ what army?” Trigger snorted.
“Ah don’t need an army.” Silver Star drew something from his saddlebag. “Ah’ve got pie.”
“Pie?” Trigger rolled his eyes. “Please.”
“This ain’t yer garden variety Saturday Night Blue-Plate Special,” Braeburn piped up. “It’s a gen-u-ine Sweet Apple Acres pie. Made from only the best apples, the freshest cinnamon, an’ the flakiest golden brown crust. Ya feel lucky?”
“No,” Trigger gasped. “No way, copper! Ah’ll kill ya first!”
“Made with love,” Silver Star drew his hoof back. “Choke on it.”
Suddenly the outlaw charged them, leaping. Silver Star managed to dodge, but Braeburn was a hair too slow, and the stallions went down in a tangle of limbs.
“Braeburn!”
Trigger rose, his arm around the yellow stallion’s neck.
“Well, lookie what we got here.”
“You let him go,” Silver Star raised the pie again. “Or so help me…”
“You think you can take me?” Trigger raised Braeburn before him. “Go ahead on. It’s yer move.”
“Take the shot!” Braeburn cried. “Don’t worry ‘bout me!”
“Ah-ah cain’t!”
“You hafta! Do it fer the fillies and colts! Do it fer justice! Do it fer Aaaaapleloosa!”
The pie exploded against the left side of Braeburn’s face, fragmenting and hitting Trigger as well.
Braeburn slumped to the floor as the outlaw clutched at his eyes, screaming.
***
“You think you’ve won!?” Trigger cried, yanking angrily at the hoofcuff that held him to his hospital bed. “Yer a fool! Ah got friends! Ah’ve got a gang on its way! We’re gonna sweep across th’ west like a storm! Ya hear!? This one-horse town is done fer!”
“Thanks fer the heads-up,” Silver Star snarled and turned away, leaving the ranting crook and heading to the room across the hall.
The yellow stallion lay prone upon the bed, eyes closed, chest slowly rising and falling. Doctor Elecampane was taking his pulse, and favored Silver Star with a cold glare as he entered.
“What’s th’ news, Doc?”
“Food coma,” she said in a clipped tone. “I don’t know when, or if, he’ll wake up.”
“Ah...Ah see.” Silver Star took off his hat and held it over his heart. “He’s so young, too.”
“No kidding,” she snapped. “Well, was it worth it, Sheriff? Was it worth this?”
“Ya heard Trigger. There’s a storm comin’, an’ we just now got the word.” He put his hat back on. “Get Brae up an’ on his feet as soon as ya can, Doc.”
He turned and strode out the door.
“We’re gonna need a lot more pie.”