//------------------------------// // Only Dreams // Story: My Little Titan // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// 8. Only Dreams Jinx and Robin worked carefully, pulling down the broken and weak branches on the trees around Ponyville in preperation for the storm. After using telekinesis to pull down a few of the branches, Jinx turned towards Robin. "I still don't understand how a scheduled drizzle from two weeks ago could have been missed, compelling such a powerful storm to be scheduled today." Robin pulled down another loose branch. "I don't understand all the magi-techno babble, but as I understand it, there was too much magic in the air after Twi banished the tarrasque to risk makin any rain. Apparently, strong magic and weather don't mix well. Took a week for the residue to dissipate." "Then why couldn't they have done it last week? Wouldn't that have worked better?" "Last week was the dragon," Robin replied calmly. "When it cleared the sky with that draconic word of power, it left even more magic in the sky. Had to wait for that to dissipate, and now we need a big rain squall to restore the balance." "Huh," Jinx said quietly. "Well, at least that's a better explanation than they forgot." "If ya say so." Robin pulled down the last branch. "There, that's everything. Now, let's get to shelter before the storm kicks in." "Say Applejack," Jinx interrupted, "have you seen Twilight or Spike lately? I haven't seen either of them since the incident with the dragon." Robin paused, tapping a hoof to his chin. "Can't say I have. Think we should check up on em?" "I think we should," Jinx replied, then paused. "Huh." "What?" Robin asked. "I'll tell you later," Jinx said as she headed towards the library. Rolling his eyes, Robin followed. When they reached the door, Jinx knocked. "Twilight!" she called out. "Are you in there?" "You wish to speak to Twilight?" Trixie asked, poking her head out of her trailer, which was parked next to the library. "Yeah," Robin replied. "We ain't seen her all week, after all." "She hasn't allowed Trixie in, either," Trixie replied. "She has missed two scheduled practice sessions. Trixie begins to think Twilight wasn't as serious about our discussions as Trixie first thought." "We're worried, too," Jinx replied. Trixie turned her nose up. "The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't know what you are talking about," she said, ignoring the slight blush on her own cheeks. "Trixie does not worry." Robin sighed. "Well, we're gonna check on her whether she likes it or not." He reached for the doorknob. "Trixie wouldn't if Trixie was you." As Robin seized the doorknob and attempted to turn it, there was a surge of magic and Robin found himself upside down against Trixie's trailer. "What in tarnation?" "Twilight has placed a magic lock on the door. Attempts to force it will result in explosive backlash." Trixie smirked. "Trixie tried to warn you." Jinx shook her head. "As much as I'd like to respect her privacy - and enjoyed seeing Applejack get flipped like that," she smirked at Robin's glare, "if she's this determined to be alone, somepony has to find out why. For her own sake." Turning, she examined the magic lock. After examining it for a time, she smiled, and her horn glowed. Inside the lock, within the anti-perception spells, a brief pink light disabled the magic lock. Having finished her work, Jinx opened the door. "Coming Applejack?" Getting up, Robin followed Jinx inside, grumbling. Inside, they found that the lights were out, dirt and dust gathered in corners, books were tossed haphazardly around the room, and various food waste was left on the table. "What happened here?" Jinx asked in shock. "What does it take to let ponies know I want to be left alone?" Raven said, climbing down from the upstairs. She looked a right mess, like she hadn't bothered to clean herself the entire week. Jinx gasped. "Raven! You look positively awful!" She started to push her towards the bathroom. "I can see that you're feeling poorly, but you musn't let yourself go like this. Even if you don't care about sickness and filth like this, that body is a loan, after all." All of a sudden, Raven shoved Jinx off of her physically. "...don't remind me," she said, no emotion in her voice. Jinx blinked. She watched as Raven staggered back upstairs. She then turned to Robin. "I think you'd better stay here, too. It looks like there's going to be a slumber party - of sorts - here after all." She rolled her eyes. "I didn't think we'd have to cover this episode, since you and I get along, but it looks like Raven needs this. ...but stay down here. Irregardless of your physical gender at the moment, you're still a boy." She suddenly smirked. "As far as I know." Robin just glared. "That joke's gotten real old, Jinx." "I'm sure." She then followed Raven upstairs. Raven was laying on her bed, which also looked like it hadn't been made the entire time. "I thought you'd leave." Jinx resisted the urge to start cleaning the place up. "Not until I know what's got you acting like this." "I want you to leave." Jinx lay down on the bed beside Raven. "You need me to stay." Raven turned away. Jinx noticed the signs of weeping. She sighed. "What did Beast Boy do this time?" "What makes you think Beast Boy had something to do with this?" "Because he's not here." Jinx wasn't about to say it was because she was certain that they were an item. "...good point." Raven stared at the bookcase. "It's...well..." She sighed. "This is kind of hard. Nothing against you, Jinx, but...I'm used to having my girl talk with Starfire. It would be easier if she were here." "Well why didn't you say so?" Star said as she appeared from between the books. Jinx jumped in surprise, then calmed down. "How long have you been there?" "Since Raven said my presence would make things easi-Raven!" Star suddenly started flying about the room, cleaning things up. "What could have caused such a horrible mess? Did a glathorbog do ichtoricals on your spikthoriad?" Raven raised an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you just said. Could you try again in Equesh?" Starfire paused. "...I am not certain it translates. It is a Tamaranian colloquialism. I believe the Earth equivalent might be the one about bombs and tornadoes." Jinx chuckled. "It does look that way, doesn't it? Raven was just about to tell us about what happened between her and Beast Boy to cause all of this." Starfire gasped. "Oh? Has Beast Boy confessed his feelings of undying love for you at long last, friend Raven?" She squealed. "That is most wonderful news, what with you having feelings of the same sort but being unable to act on them due to your powers..." She landed on the bed, the joy draining. "Or...is it?" Raven sighed. "It's...more compicated than that, Star..." She took a deep breath, and then let it out. "You see, it all happened last week after Melvin left. See, she let the cat out of the bag, and..." ---------------------- Raven stared up at Beast Boy as he stood on the stares, staring back at her. She swallowed. She didn't know how she was going to handle this. "Beast Boy..." He climbed down the stairs to sit beside her. "I knew." Raven blinked. "How?" "Lot's of little things, that I put all together. But...I didn't really see it until after we came back from Tokyo and everything...changed." Raven knew what he meant. He meant when Terra had lost her memory and rejected him. "I see. What do you mean about...little things?" "You were always watching me, Raven. Not in a bad way, but I noticed your attention. When Terra betrayed us, it was you who made sure I was left alone for a time. When I was upset over the Beast, it was you who came to comfort me." He tried to smile. "It's how it always was. When something was wrong, you were the one who tried to fix it, or just was there." He chuckled. "Kinda like what you said about the chicken I gave you. It let me know you cared." He sighed. "The big thing, though, was when I went through your mirror." "You mean when you were in my head?" "Yeah. Each of the three emotions I encountered - happy, timid, brave - they interacted with both Cyborg and I...but their focus seemed on me. Happy was mainly joking around with me, even saying my jokes were funny. Timid apologized mostly for things done to me. As for Brave..." He smiled. "I didn't catch it then, but a while later, I read up on some psychology of mental projections. The colors associated with different emotions are a good insight to how a person sees things. Happy was pink, Star's favorite color. No real surprise there, she always wants everyone to be happy. Timid was grey, the absence of color...alone. When no one's around, you feel afraid." His smile turned thoughtful. "Brave was in green. Brave was strong, determined, and unafraid, ready to face anything, embrace anything. Green makes you strong." He chuckled. "Don't know how accurate that is, but that's what the book said." Raven looked somewhat shocked. "I didn't even know then." Beast Boy looked at her. "When did you know?" "It...it was after Malchior." Beast Boy rested a clawed hand on her shoulder. "I was at my lowest, ready to just let go of everything. I...didn't want to come out of my room after that. But then you came and said those words." She closed her eyes against the tears. "You said you were sorry...he broke my heart. And you told me...I wasn't alone." She wiped her eyes. "I knew then...how much I needed you." Beast Boy remained silent, his arms wrapped around her. Raven then chuckled. "It wasn't long after that I realized you felt the same. Oddly enough, it was the Beast that told me." Beast Boy looked confused. "Say wha?" "When the Beast first started trying to break free, you started acting more aggressively, more primal. That's what led Robin to think the Beast was dangerous." She shook her head. "But when I really looked at your behavior, remembering how much of you was tied to the animals you become...I realized none of it was actually any different. How you interacted with Robin, Cyborg, and Star was the same, just more primal and dominant. Like we were a pack and the position had shifted, making you the Alpha." She smiled. "But your behavior towards me changed completely. While you didn't seem to care if the others acknowledged your dominance, you wanted me to. When looked at in animal behavior, it was pretty obvious what that meant." She closed her eyes, remembering. "And then when you actually transformed...at first, I could feel a crazed confusion of emotions from you, so I went to see what was wrong. But as soon as you saw me...your entire mind, primal as it had become, went instantly calm. It was like my very presence was enough for the Beast to decide everything was all right. ...and the Beast sensed Adonis' attack before I did, and leaped to protect me. And, when you were carrying me in your teeth...the others thought that was dangerous, but animals carry their young in their teeth. When I learned you had me by my hood, I checked...and their weren't even teeth marks. That level of gentleness made it pretty clear." Beast Boy looked at his feet. "And here I've been afraid of the Beast for so long. Afraid I couldn't control it. Stupid of me, huh?" Raven nodded. "So...when did you realize?" "Malchior. Before, I knew I wanted to get you to open up more, to spend more time with everyone. When you started spending all your time in your room, at first I was worried. When I listened, and heard you talking to a guy, I got upset. ...it didn't take me long to realize I was jealous." He looked away. "When I eavesdropped as a fly on your wall, every instinct in me screamed that Malchior was bad news...but he made you happy. So...I pushed my instincts aside and gave him a chance." He smiled. "That's when I knew. When I realized your happiness was more important than my own." He frowned. "After you sealed him back up, I went to comfort you. When...when you came out and hugged me, I...I panicked. I was afraid if I did something wrong, I'd just hurt you worse. So...I pushed you back. I wanted to talk to you, to comfort you..." "But Cyborg beaned you with the Stankball." "Yeah. And after the game the moment was gone. I could tell I'd done the wrong thing, pushing you away. So I tried to make it right, hugging you every chance I got." He looked down at his toes. "I was afraid I'd ruined any chance I had for...for us." They sat in silence, the room heavy with emotional tension, waiting for one of them to have the courage to point out the metaphorical pachyderm. Beast Boy finally spoke. "And now we need to talk...on equal terms." He shape changed, and stood before Raven as a purple and green Earth Pony with a green flame Cutie Mark, Spike ponified. "Why did you think you could never tell me?" Raven stared at him for a while, then turned away. "Because I can't give you the love you deserve." "What do you mean?" "My emotions, Beast Boy. I can't express them without risking something - or someone - being destroyed by my powers. The more focused my emotions are, the more likely their focus will be targeted. If...if I let myself love you...I could kill you without even meaning to." "Raven..." "I'll never be able to let myself love...laugh...live...No matter what I do, my powers are inextricably tied to my emotions, and the slightest wavering of my control will tear everything apart!" She sniffed, blinking her eyes through the tears. "I...I thought I could bear it. That...that I could be content, just having friends...that I didn't need to love. But then...we came here. Now, my emotions don't make my powers crazy unless I want them to. I can laugh...I can smile...I can cry...I..." As realization struck her, she turned to Beast Boy. "I can love...I lost my temper with Melvin, but nothing happened. I told her she was like a daughter to me - felt it with all my being - and my powers did nothing!" She suddenly leaped, knocking Beast Boy onto his back. "My powers are under control...Garfield, I don't have to be afraid any more." They stared into each other's eyes...and then Raven closed hers, slowly leaning forward...only to be stopped by a hoof. As she opened her eyes, Garfield stared back at her, his eyes showing agonizing pain and yearning. "Raven...as long as I've waited for a chance to show you how much I care, how much I love you...we have no right." "What?" Raven asked, shocked. "What do you mean?" He turned his head aside, and she followed his gaze to their flanks. The Cutie Marks. A purple star surrounded by white ones, and a green flame. "Twilight and Spike," he said quietly, the pain evident in his voice. "These are their bodies, not ours. We have no right to do this to them." Raven stepped slowly back. "We can't...not even..." She buried her face in a nearby pillow. "It's not fair!" Her body shook as she cried. "Raven..." Beast Boy started to walk towards her, to comfort her. "Please...just leave me alone..." Sighing, Beast Boy turned back into a baby dragon. "Alright," he said quietly, and walked out the door. ------------------- Jinx stared at Raven in shock as she finished her story. "Raven..." she whispered, not knowing what else to say. Starfire was bawling her eyes out, making an impressive Pinkie-style twin waterfall. "That's t-t-too sad! It's not fair!" Raven nodded. "He's right, though. As much as I wanted to...it wouldn't have been right to give Twilight's first kiss to Spike." Jinx and Starfire could have sworn they heard the sound of a scratched record. "...kiss?" they said simultaneously. "Yeah," Raven said. "Is it so much to ask to want just one kiss? But I can't take that from Twilight...or Spike." She looked up at her two friends. "Why? What did you think I was talking about?" Jinx was first to speak. "Raven, is Twilight's innocence rubbing off on you or something?" Raven blinked...then blushed. "Oh god, I didn't mean that! I'm nowhere near ready for that. I'm still getting used to expressing any emotion, let alone...Celestia's sake, you two are perverts!" Star and Jinx broke out in laughter. After glaring at them for a while, Raven laughed, too. Starfire went to the stairs and looked down. Seeing that only Robin was down there still, she called out, "Boyfriend Robin! Friend Jinx and I will be helping Friend Raven to do the cleaning up in the shower. As your form is currently that of a mare, would you care to join us?" "Starfire!" three voices cried in shock. Star glanced between everyone. "Have I made another of the faux pas?" Three nods responded. Starfire sighed. "Oh well. In that case, it seems you will not be allowed in the shower with three girls after all, Robin. My apologies." As Starfire returned to the upstairs, Raven and Jinx were holding in laughter. "Starfire, that was evil!" Jinx said at last. "Oh, I do not mean to be villainous!" "In a good way." "...how can evil be good?" Starfire looked more confused than ever. "It's a girl thing," Jinx replied. As Star nodded, she turned to Raven. "So where has Spike been this entire time?" "Canterlot!" Star said happily. "How do you know?" Raven asked. Star smiled. "I must have nat'20ed Pinkie Pie's Clairvoyance check." "No, if you'd done that, you'd know what he was doing there," Raven replied sardonically. Jinx stared at Raven. "How do you know about nat'20s?" As Raven stared at Jinx and Starfire's spreading grins, she facehoofed. "Buck," she muttered. ----------------------- Beast Boy entered Celestia's study quietly. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice," he said calmly. "It is no problem, Spike," she replied, watching him carefully. "You said you had a personal problem you wished to discuss face to face. I am glad to assist." She sat back. "What was it you wished to discuss?" Beast Boy glanced around. "Is there somewhere we can talk more...privately?" Celestia blinked at the emphasis he placed on the last word. 'Ah,' she thought quietly. 'It seems it isn't Spike who needs me after all.' "I believe there is," she said quietly, gathering her magic. In a flash of light, they vanished from the study to reappear in a room that seemed to be made of solid gold. Aside from the odd coloration, everything appeared to be a perfectly ordinary room, complete with...unmade bed, cluttered nightstand, broken desk and knocked over bookcase. "Oh dear," Celestia said, embarrased. "I could have sworn I'd cleaned up in here after my last visit. I must have forgotten." "What is this place?" Beast Boy asked, confused. "Well...as an immortal political figure, one gets used to everything in your life being scrutinized and made known to the public. Realizing how...straining that could be for us, Starswirl crafted a seperate plain of existence that alicorns could slip into that was completely imperceptible to the rest of existence. It's protected by the same spells that protect the Ponyville Library. There are rooms for every alicorn currently in existance, as well as others waiting for those alicorns who will one day claim them." Celestia smiled. "The only magic that works within each room is the magic of the alicorn linked to it, and only they can tap the spell that allows entrance and exit. Welcome to the Celestial Plain...and the Solar Retreat." Beast Boy nodded as he sat down on the only chair that was still in one piece. "I guess I can see why you would value privacy after a while." He sniffed the air. "But...why do I smell a stallion here?" Celestia blushed. "Well..." She shook her head. "Immortal or not, if you must know, I still have a physical body with physical needs. When I find somepony who particularly...stimulates me, I make private inquiries to determine their interest and...invite them to join me here for a time. I prefer my private affaris not become a matter of public attention, after all." "Okay, I can understand that," Beast Boy replied. "And...the state of the room?" Celestia cringed. "Well..." She grinned. "Let's just say that my last companion was...strong and vigorous." Beast Boy's eyes went wide as saucers. "...gotcha..." Celestia chuckled. 'He's so cute when his mind breaks,' she thought indulgently. "So...what was it you wished to discuss?" She conjured some tea for them to share. "Well, you see...it happened like this..." ... ... Celestia sat back as Beast Boy finished his tale of that day. "Well," she said quietly. "I can see that things are quite...complicated." "Yeah," Beast Boy said quietly. "It shouldn't be this hard to share a kiss..." Celestia blinked. "Indeed," she replied, maintaining a grip on her emotions. 'Must not squeal joyfully over how adorably innocent they are. I'm the ruler of a nation, I must be seen as in control of myself at all times, even if I'm not.' "The question then is...what are you going to do about it?" Beast Boy leaned back. "I...I don't know." He looked away, his face pensive. "What's wrong?" Celestia asked quietly. Beast Boy suddenly chuckled. "It's kind of funny. All of this hitting like this, and you know what I'm thinking about? Since arriving here, Raven's been cuddling me like a plushie to help her sleep. There was nothing especially romantic about it, but it was something she needed. And after all this emotional turmoil here, I'm wondering how she's been sleeping without me there to help." Celestia smiled, once more suppressing a squeal. "You want to be there for her." "Yeah." Beast Boy smiled, and stood up. "We may not have a solution, but at least I have a plan of action. Thanks, Princess." "Please, call me Celestia." He smiled. "Thanks Celestia." Warping them back to Equestria, Celestia bid him farewell as he made his return to Ponyville. She then warped back to the Solar Retreat to release the pent up squeals. ------------ It was the night after the sleepover. Jinx and Starfire had insisted on sleeping with her in order to further provide her with comfort (Robin was required to remain on the ground floor). While it had been comforting, she hadn't slept as peacefully as she usually did, although she had slept better than she had over the previous week. Now, as she got ready for bed, she wondered if she would sleep at all. As she curled up in the bed, ready to toss and turn the night away, she heard the sound of clawed feet on the wooden floor. "Who's there?" she asked. "...hi Raven." "...Beast Boy." She smiled despite herself. "You're back." "Of course." Lifting the blanket, he positioned himself between her forehooves, where he'd spent nights since their arrival. "You still need me." Raven blinked away tears. "Garfield..." "I'll always be here for you Raven. In any way you need. In any way I can." Closing her eyes, she let the bittersweet tears fall. She nuzzled his head. "Thank you," she whispered, before letting her head fall to the pillow. Their slumber, while not blissful that night, was at least peaceful.