CHAPTER 17
"Hm... What to do..." I'd been wandering around for the better part of an hour, and I couldn't find anything at all. NOTHING was happening, which was pretty strange for Ponyville. There's ALWAYS something going on. I was surprised that Pinkie didn't just pop up out of nowhere.
Wheeeere's Pinkie Pie?
What the-
HERE I AM!
PINKIE! NO! GET BACK IN YOUR UNIVERSE! How the heck did you get here anyways?
But I wanna spend time with you! And what's that thing in your lap? Oooooh... SHINY!
Pinkie, I'm only going to ask you once... Get back in your universe, or I'll make you go back. Like last time.
Awwww... Alright. Bye bye, everyone!
... The things I put up with... Now, where was I? Ah, right. Boredom.
"Maybe I could hang out with somepony for a change. I never really do that..." All of a sudden, a cyan blur appeared right in front of me, a rainbow trail following suit. "DASHIE!" I gave her a big hug.
"Hi Kyle. I was thinking we could go on a date today. I mean, we're married, and you never just hang out with me! What gives?" I facepalmed.
"Uh... I dunno. I'm just kinda oblivious like that. Sorry..." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek.
"Ah, it's fine. I think it's kinda cute when you're all forgetful and obli... Obilivi... Obluh..."
"Oblivious."
"Yeah. That." I chuckled a bit, and started rubbing the top of her head, and scratching behind her ears a bit. She LOVES it when I do that.
"So, what do you wanna go do? I've got nothing... Wait. Lightbulb!" I flicked my pointer finger up, mimicking those cliché "eureka" moments in the movies.
"What's up?"
"How about we go on a pranking spree... It's been FOREVER since I've thought up a good scheme."
"Oh man am I glad I married you..." She gave me a big hug, and then we were off. We started flying so that nopony would hear us scheming.
"So, who should we prank first?"
Dashie got an evil look on her face, and I loved it. "Rarity." I started laughing and almost fell right out of the sky.
"Yes! This will be done... Hehehe... And I think I have the perfect idea. She's always putting a load of time into her looks, right?"
"Right..."
"Well, what if we replace her makeup with itching powder?" We both went wide-eyed, and started laughing like maniacs. After a few minutes, it quelled down to nothing but a long-winded chuckle.
"That's genius! Where do you come up with this stuff?"
I tapped the side of my head with my finger. "C'est tout ici. It's all here. Now, let's go get some itching powder from Pinkie, and mess with some makeup."
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After some questions, Pinkie happily gave me some itching powder. She didn't ask much, just what we were doing. She asked if she could come along, but I told her that Dashie and I were spending some quality time together, and Pinkie didn't want to come along anymore. She said something about "Icky lovey-dovey stuff."
"You know, Dashie, I wonder where Pinkie gets all of this stuff from."
"Just Pinkie being Pinkie." She shrugged.
"Yeah, I guess so. Alright, so here's the plan, you take the powder, I'll distract Rarity. Wait outside when I go in, and come in when I signal you." I gave Dashie the jar of itching powder, and she placed it on her back with her wing.
"How'll you distract her?"
"I dunno, I'll think of something." Dashie giggled a bit, but she nodded. I was a little worried that she might drop the jar, but it seemed balanced enough on her back.
"Hey, Rarity!" I shouted when I opened the Boutique doors. She shot into the front room, and had a happy smile on her face.
"Oh THANK YOU for coming by! I'm ever so bored! I have no work to do! Nopony is making any orders at all, and I can't think of anything at all!" She looked really distressed. I almost felt bad for wanting to prank her. Almost, but not quite there.
"Well... I'm willing to talk." I looked out the window, and Dashie was still waiting for my signal. Rarity sat down on a sofa, and I sat down next to her. "So... How're things?' I did a little wave, and right before the bell above the door jingled, I let out a really loud, and really faked, cough.
"Oh my, are you alright, darling?" She put a hoof on my back. I couldn't hear hoofsteps, so I assumed Dashie was hovering to get around. "Smart move... Why didn't I think to do that? I wouldn't have to distract Rarity... Oh well. I'll take one for the team."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Something was just caught in my throat. Pas de quoi s'inquiéter." Her eyes went wide, and a huge smile shot across her face.
"You speak Prench?!" I almost burst out laughing at that.
"Yeah. I used to speak it well, and then I forgot it all. I dunno why, but it's starting to come back to me now."
"How much more do you know about Prance? I've always loved the culture." And this was the part where I ran out of ideas. Luckily, I payed attention in World Cultures, so a lot of world history is forever etched into my brain.
"Well... I know that they, uh... Made Prench Toast?" I smiled sheepishly, but what she said next almost made me drop my jaw right there.
"I know that!" WHAT. "But, what do you know about the culture? Or maybe a little history?" OK, I lied, I can't remember ANY of that crap from school. Luckily, Dashie flew down the stairs, as I could see out of the corner of my eye, and gave me a smile and a wink before she flew out the door.
"Oh dear, um... Rarity? I think I left the water running at home. AlrightIgottagoSEEYA." I bolted out of the door. I never really liked Rarity, and being stuck in a room with her for only a minute made me feel all low and down and stuff, probably because of the high class atmosphere she carries with her.
"Oh man, this is gonna be AWESOME! Now come on, lets watch through the window!" We flew up, and watched as Rarity walked into her room, and sat down at her makeup stand, and she picked up the brush...
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"GET BACK HERE YOU TWO CRETINS!" Rarity chased us through the streets, and she was carrying a brush with her magic... And using it to scratch her face. If it weren't for the fact that I was being chased by an insane fashionesta unicorn, I would have doubled over laughing.
"Oh man, *huff* Dashie, this is *huff* hilarious!" For some reason, I was running, as Dashie just hovered along next to me. I never really like to have an unfair advantage unless the situation is serious.
"Yeah, it is! Oh, hey, she's catching up to you." She spun around and floated with her back to the ground, and her forelegs behind her head. I looked behind me, and Rarity had gained A LOT of ground.
"ACK! CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP..." I continued yelling as I tried to speed up. I leaned forward, and I started pumping my arms and legs more, and I closed my eyes from the strain.
"SLOW DOWN SO I CAN PUNISH YOU!" EEP.
"Heh. You're outrunning her now." I looked at Dashie, and she was giving me a smug look.
"You're so *huff* lucky that you're *huff* my wife..."
"Or what? You think you can take me on? Tough luck, Kyle, but I'd lay you out in ten seconds flat." She landed and started running alongside me almost effortlessly.
"You are *huff* SO SMUG. But that's *huff* why I think *huff* you're so sexy..." And then, she tripped and tumbled a bit before landing flat on her face. I stopped, and helped her up, and we immediately took shelter in a nearby alleyway. My heart felt like it was in my throat.
Thump thump, thump thump thump thump... It was beating REALLY FAST. "Uh-oh... Just calm down... Breathe..."
"Hey Kyle, you OK?" I had my hand on my chest. Apparently, I freaked Dashie out a little bit. My heart slowed down a bit, and the small sting in my chest went away.
"Yeah, I'm fine... I meant that, by the way." She smiled and gave me a kiss, and you would have seen no objections from me.
"You're sweet, you know that?"
"Yes, yes I do." I grinned like an idiot.
"And you're also so modest..." She gave me another smug look.
"You're one to talk, Dashie." She frowned, and I started laughing again, but I managed to calm down again, but when I looked at Dashie, she looked like she'd seen a ghost.
"What's wrong?"
She lifted her hoof to point to something behind me, so I turned around. I saw a VERY pissed looking Rarity standing a few inches away from me.
"... FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"