The Onion: Equestrian Bureau

by The Read Later List


Hall and Oats Day

Hall and Oats Day

Canterlot, Equestria- Today marks the 2000th anniversary of Hall and Oats Day, a holiday established upon the founding of the greatest band of all time. Thousands of ponies flocked to the Canterlot amphitheater to hear the best bands of today emulate the perfect sounds of Hall and Oats, a feat that while sounds ridiculous in itself, is a lot of fun to try, mess up, and then burst out into a fit of laughter at the idea of even matching the level of greatness achieved by Hall and Oats. Each band/artist goes on stage and attempts to create their own rendition of Hall and Oats classics such as, Private Eyes, Mare-eater, and Out of Touch; all un perishable classics that will be listened to for the next 2000 years before the eventual resurrection of the band so as to perform new songs once again.

"Oh yea, I come here every year," said an ecstatic pegasus named Scootaloo. "Hall and Oats is my favorite band of all time. I love to watch the other ponies who try to play their music. They usually start off pretty good, but it always falls apart when they try to sing the beautiful lyrics crafted by the angels that played in the original Hall and Oats band. Then everyone laughs and we listen to more Hall and Oats for another couple hours before another band tries to play. It's so much fun!"

While most ponies celebrate the day with a high amount of enthusiasm, unmatched even by Hearth's Warming Eve, some ponies are not so convinced that we are providing the great ones with the level of respect they deserve.

"I grew up listening to Hall and Oats, often enjoying throughout the day and night, and into the early morning hours," stated an elderly fan named Bit Twist. "These young ones who try to play their music are insulting the band's greatness by even considering themselves worthy of playing their music. I once thought that with enough hard work, I would be able to play a Hall and Oats cover band, but when my father heard of my foolishness, he put an end to it before I made myself look sacrilege in front of the spirits of the band's members. From then on I swore my life to protecting the band's sanctity and honor."

While many are enjoying the festivities today, the ponies of Equestria are about to begin preparing Princess Celestia Day which consists of a variety of sermons administered at local town halls for about thirty minutes before going home and watching sunday night hoofball.