Three weeks later
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am writing to you concerning my friend Cody. I have not heard from him since the incident at the court room. I want to know if he's ok, and I also want to know what you need from us, if anything, in order to send us home. We are willing to provide anything at all. Please tell Cody that I'm going to explain everything next time we meet.
Thank you, Your Majesty,
~Noah McDonough
Celestia let out a sigh as she finished reading Noah's letter. It was nice to know that Cody's friends still cared about him. Unfortunately, Cody's aggressive behavior had not subsided since he arrived, granted there was much less yelling and screaming. Now it was a more despisatory silence. He refused to speak with her or anypony who visited him unless he was forced and always glared at them with a deep hatred.
After the incident in the court room Celestia had teleported Cody into a room in the castle with a locked door and a window overhanging a long drop to the ground below. It was not something Celestia wanted to do, or perpetuate, but until she felt he could be allowed in society with guarantee that he wouldn't lash out and hurt someone, she had to keep him somewhere where he couldn't hurt anyone. While he had acted fairly aggressive upon his arrival, he was hardly a threat, just a lost colt who was channeling his fear into anger.
For the first few days when she would try to approach him he'd scream all manner of obscenities at her, demanding to be released and told where his friends were. Even through all the hatred, Celestia still pitied him. His anger was understandable and forgivable in her eyes, being dragged out of his world and into hers with no current way back known would be a devastating blow for anyone; she could even name one or two of her own subjects who would act just as he had.
For now he was still locked in his room and under guard, mostly for his own safety. She wasn't too worried about him hurting someone, as she was certain a guard would be able to subdue a young and untrained human before he was able to do anything to anypony. Still, it was rather....interesting having a child of such a species living in the palace. Just the mere thought of such a situation prompted a surge of interest from the princess. With a slightly exasperated sigh, she rose from her cushion and made for Cody's room. After a few minutes, she had reached the door to the room. A door. A DOOR. Not guards!
With an immense blast of magic, she flung the double doors open and ran inside. Both guards were hog-tied on the floor with fabric stuffed in their mouths. They looked at her with relief that they had been found then gestured as best they could to the...open window.
"Oh no..."
Two Weeks later
"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" The high pitched drawl was accompanied by a recurring feeling of pressure on Tylers chest. He groggily opened his eyes and nearly had a heart attack from adorableness at the brightly-colored ball of d'awww jumping up and down on top of him. Tyler looked to his left out the barn window, and noticed the lack of sunlight; he didn't have to get up for at least an hour.
"Applebloom, why am I awake before sun-up?" Oh God, they're rubbing off on me, he thought with an internal smile. It was internal because no one can genuinely smile that early in the morning. Except of course an overly-excited filly.
"Today's the first day of Show-n-Tell!"
"Uh...so?"
"Look what Ah found!" She then reached back and dug her face into her tiny saddlebag, and withdrew something. Something squirming. That she then dropped onto the top of one of her upturned hooves. "It's a field mouse!" The tiny grey furball looked blankly at Tyler, then patiently waited for the scene to end so he could go back to his trailer and get his check.
"Ok. Still not sure why I'm awake." That came out much more cross than he intended. He saw the results of his carelessness immediately when Appleblooms face fell. Oh crap, Tyler thought.
"Oh. Ah just thought ya'd like tah see..." Her voice sounded disappointed, and she replaced the tiny rodent back into her saddlebag. Her eyes stayed pointed downward as she turned to jump off of Tyler and down to the floor. Her actions were cut off when the platform she was standing on started shifting, and before she knew it she was immobilized in a tight hug from the significantly larger human.
"I'm sorry, Applebloom. I didn't mean to snap like that, I'm just tired. Tell me all about how you found it." He gave her a smile as he loosened his embrace, and that smile widened when Applebloom looked up at him with an even bigger smile.
"Well, I was out in tha orchard tryna figure out what Ah wanted tah bring and..." She told her story, and Tyler listened with enthusiasm. He wanted to sleep, but there was no way he could have passed up seeing Applebloom so happy. By the time he was done, the sun was over the horizon, which meant that Tyler only had about a half hour before he was supposed to be up, so he decided not to go back to sleep and just get started on his chores.
Tyler had been working on his chores and schoolwork more and more over the past few weeks, and he just kept on improving. However, his improvement was worrying: he had virtually become a hermit over the short time span of two weeks. He only socialized at school, and even then, he only talked to Noah, Andre and Adam, and even then it was only when they came by to see him. Applejack tried to get him to be more social by sending him into towns on errands, and while Tyler did what he was asked, he never stayed out a second longer than he had to. When Applejack finally mentioned to Tyler straight that he needed to be acting more sociable her would just smile and nod, then try changing the subject.
6:29 AM. Everything was quiet and still in the living room. Vinyl Scratch slept peacefully on one of her couches, snugly placed against a wall in the living room. Noah slept just as peacefully on the couch exactly opposite to hers. 6:30 AM. The room was instantly filled with an annoying high-pitched screeching. Vinyls eyes opened groggily as she attuned her mind to consciousness. She raised her head and looked over at Noah's couch with bleary vision. Her head plopped back down onto her pillow and she groaned at being woken up so early.
"Noah," she said, trying to get his attention. He still didn't budge. "NOAH," she iterated, this time with more force. His absent response communicated that he wasn't going to be woken up through his sense of hearing. A light blue glow crept around Vinyls horn, and it connected with a very large plastic bag filled with empty energy drink cans that the two had stockpiled over the course of a week and a half. She levitated the bag over Noah's couch, then promptly turned it upside down, allowing it's contents to cover Noah and most of the couch. Vinyl heard a small groan, and giggled as Noah's head emerged from the pile, a crumpled can sitting atop his cranium.
"Your alarm's going off."
"No it's not, don't lie to me," Noah said as he got up and turned off his phone, spilling no less than 80 cans onto the floor. Vinyl laughed a bit. She had grown accustomed to his somewhat unique sense of humor, and knew when he was trying to be clever. Vinyl was one of four people who really understood his humor now.
"Right. Well, it's Show and Tell day. I gotta figure out what I'm gonna present." Noah dropped down and began his morning routine, starting with push-ups. Every morning, he did some exercise, and had a bit of breakfast after he showered. Over the past few weeks, he had been feeling a lot more energetic. His social life had also been changed dramatically. Back home, he didn't have the means to hang out with his friends, nor did he have the desire. He always connected with them through the Internet or something. This new type of socializing was awesome, actually hanging out face to face with his friends, and meeting with real physical people rather then pixels on a computer screen was just so much better to him. Everyone he cared about was in the same small town as him. Everyone except his family and...Oh yeah.
While Noah had become better at just ignoring the fact that he might be in another dimension, he just couldn't get it off of his mind. He often thought of the scientific implications of this whole thing, then quickly stowed those thoughts away, knowing that he'd only hurt his head trying to figure it all out. After all, why not leave it to the magical Princess that moves a bucking sun every day? He stowed his thoughts away and focused on his chest and arms, waiting for that feeling that he was approaching muscle failure.
Vinyl watched Noah as he did his push-ups, still fascinated by the incredible difference in human/pony anatomy. He wasn't particularly muscular, but he had tone. She noticed the veins popping slightly on his arms as he did that pushy exercise. She traced his body with her eyes, from his arms to his back, then his legs, wondering if all humans were like that.
Noah had turned over onto his back and began doing 'crunchies', or something like that. It was supposed to work out abdominal muscles, or so he said. Vinyl didn't know since she'd never done them. As she stared, she wondered how similar humans were to ponies as far as social interaction, media, and all those other things. She broke her gaze after a moment and went into the kitchen, still within sight of Noah, to get herself something to eat.
Noah noticed his roomie leaving and looked as she left the room. Even since he had overcome his ADHD the year before, sometimes he just gets distracted. He had stopped his push-ups at the rest position, and stared at Vinyl as he got lost in thought, not abnormal for him. Thinking about everything, nothing, something in between, it didn't really matter. Sometimes he just daydreamed randomly during the day, thinking about whatever piques his interest at random times.
"Uh...Noah?" Noah snapped out of his thoughts and was aware that she was now inadvertently staring at Vinyl's flanks.
"Huh?" His eyes immediately rose to meet Vinyl's.
"Were you just staring at my butt?" Noah began blushing furiously.
"What!? No - I mean, yes, but, like, I didn't mean to." Vinyl grinned slightly.
"Ok."
"Not that I wouldn't want to," Noah blurted. He realized what he said when Vinyl raised her eyebrow at him. "I mean, someone may want to, but not me. Not that-"
"Hey. It's fine. I know what you're trying to say." Noah was so glad that he didn't have to speak anymore.
"Right. Good. I'm, uh, gonna go, er, shower." Without another moments hesitation, he got up and basically sprinted over to the bathroom. When he had shut the door, she immediately began to bang her head softly on one of the walls. "Stupid stupid STUPID!"
"Well that was odd," Vinyl remarked to herself, still standing in the kitchen.
Tyler eventually decided against bringing anything for Show and Tell, electing to use the time to sleep. Of course, he didn't tell anyone this. Not yet at least. He didn't want Applebloom or Applejack to make him bring anything for fear of painful nagging. He had just finished cleaning his bowl from breakfast, and walked out the front door of the farmhouse, being rushed the whole time by Applebloom, who was very insistent that they leave to make that they would be on time.
"Ok, let's -" Tyler started.
"FAHNALLY! Now let's go before we're late ya turtle!" Applebloom turned and immediately began walking at a fast pace towards the school, with Tyler walking alongside her. He was glad that he was so tall, otherwise he'd have to jog to keep up with her, and he didn't feel like running when he was so tired. They had just entered the town when Tyler saw a very familiar light-green pony trot up to him with a large smile on her face.
"Hey Lyra," Tyler said.
"Hey. Where you headed?"
"We're going tah Show n Tell!" Applebloom exclaimed. Tyler immediately looked away his face becoming bright red, embarrassed to be in the same level of schooling as a child.
"Yeah..."
"Oh, uh, cool." Lyra said. She immediately noticed how Tyler got uncomfortable. "Hey, Applebloom, why don't you go on ahead to class. I need to borrow Tyler for a minute." Applebloom opened her mouth to protest, but then remembered that both Tyler and Lyra were grown-ups.
And you never, EVER back talk grown-ups. My daddy beat my ass when I talked back to him. Just kidding, I'm black, so I don't have a dad.
"Ok, but don't you be late, Tahler!" With that, she continued to the school, leaving Tyler and Lyra alone.
"So, what'd you need?" Tyler asked.
"Oh, well, I just wanted to ask you something." Lyra's ears twitched slightly.
"Yeah? What is it?" Lyra's ears twitched slightly.
"Well, I haven't really seen you around lately, and I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to hang out sometime? Like, got to Sugarcube Corner for a milkshake or something?" She gave him a genuine smile. Tyler was still caught way off-guard though.
"Uh - sure." Lyra's face lit up and his acceptance. Tyler's, however, fell noticeably. Noticeable to all but Lyra of course.
"SWEET! Ok, I'll meet you there today at 7. Later!" Lyra turned and walked away, a very slight spring in her step. Tyler just kinda stared into space until that whole situation finally clicked into place: he and Lyra were gonna hang out.
"SHIT!" Why would I agree to that! Tyler's mind entered 'Doomsday' mode as he envisioned everything that could, or in his mind would, go wrong. Midst his panic, it did not notice the entity approaching from his right.
"Hey Tyler, what's up?" Andre said. "Dude, you ok? You look shaken up."
"What? Oh no, I'm fine." They stood for a few moments, and looked at each other.
"Well, we ought to get to class," Andre said.
"Huh? Oh right!"
Other than a menacing glare from Applebloom for nearly being late, the school day started off normally. Tyler, when asked about what he brought for Show and Tell, told Ms. Cheerilee about how he had nothing to show, then put his head back down on the table. Ms. Cheerilee walked up to his new, properly-sized desk.
"Tyler?" Tyler picked his head up off of the table and sat up straight.
"Yes?" Cheerilee leaned in close, scrutinizing him.
"Tyler, are you feeling ok?" Tyler blinked.
"Uh, yeah, why?" Cheerilee was now wearing a worried expression; the entire class just stopped.
"Well, you're more tired than usual. Are you doing more work at the farm?"
"What? Oh, no. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night." He glanced over at Applebloom, who just shrugged, then looked back at his teacher.
"What!? Tyler, you need to be getting proper amounts of sleep!"
"Yeah Tyler, get normal amounts of sleep," Adam chided.
"Well," Tyler started, "I usually get plenty of sleep, it's just that last night I didn't." Cheerilee stared at him for a moment with a concerned expression.
"Ok then. As long as you're getting enough sleep on a normal basis..." With that, she resumed the Show and tell presentations. Tyler thought it odd that she showed so much concern over one night of little sleep, but promptly began to rectify that issue on his desk.
The rest of the day was basically normal, the only thing out of the ordinary was that there would be a test the following day on algebraic functions. As the class began to leave, Cheerilee gave her last instruction of the day.
"Oh, and Tyler!" Tyler turned to face her. "Promise me you'll keep getting enough sleep, ok?" What?
"Oh...kay?"
"Ok then. You can go now."
"Well, that was weird," Tyler remarked as he caught up to his friends.
"What was?" Noah asked.
"Cheerilee seemed overly concerned about my tiredness. It was just...I don't know, weird."
"Well," Adam started, "maybe you wouldn't be tired if you went to bed at a reasonable hour instead of playing grab-ass with Applejack all night long." Three of them laughed, while Tyler only smiled.
"Yeah yeah, very funny."
"Tahler, what's 'grab-ass'? And why did y'all play it without me?!" Tyler looked down at Applebloom, realizing that he might be screwed.
"Great," he said, looking at Adam. "Now I have to explain this to a child. Good job Adam." He looked back to Applebloom. "He was kidding. AJ and I didn't play any games, and don't say that again. It's a bad word, ok?" Appleblooms eye got wide and...started watering. God dammit...
"P-please don't tell Applejack! Ah didn't know, I swear!"
"It's ok Applebloom, I won't tell Applejack, and I'm not mad. Well, not at you." With that he shot a venomous glare at Adam. If it wasn't for him, Applebloom would never have started crying, and no one makes Applebloom cry without vengeance. Except Adam, because Beard Powers.
Damn straight.
No! No, this is NOT alright! Adam is not the one of the four of us who should have superhuman-
Super beard.
-powers
It's ok, I can use my negro powers to trump his beard powers if needs be.
But what about Ultimate Beard Powers?
Fuck.
Don't worry, Andre. Negro powers, when in the presence of a police siren and flashing lights, quadruple in strength.
I think I can beat that.
No, you can't. There's a hierarchy.
You...you're just fuckin' with me, right?
Nope. It goes, from lowest to highest, beard powers, negro powers, Ultimate beard powers, negro powers when police are near, then the universe trying to correct its wrongs, and then, just above the infinite power of the universe, is a brony when a pony starts crying.
Lord help any unfortunate bastard that happens to fuck with a pony when we are near.
"Ya promise?" she asked with a sniffle. Noah, Tyler and Andre couldn't help but smile at the adorable adorableness.
"Of course," Tyler responded. "Now go on home and start on your homework. I'll be home in a few minutes." Tyler caught himself for a minuteHome? he shook his head No Im not starting to think of this place that way, just telling Applebloom to go back to HER home...... right? thus began one of Tylers heated internal conflicts and self berating for his method of thinking,
"Ok." Applebloom ran ahead of the humans in the direction of the farm.
"So, what are you all up to today?" Andre asked.
"I'm just gonna be working and doing homework. The usual," Tyler replied. Then he remembered. "Oh, and I'm hanging out with Lyra."
"Yeah, Vinyl wants to take me to some underground club over in Manehattan."
"Well," Andre started, "Fluttershy wants me to feed the animals and I'm done. But you're both busy tonight. Damn."
"I'M NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" came a familiar voice from above. Adam smacked against the ground with the dull thud of a hundred thousands grams of trans fat. "I'll hang out with you, Andre!"
"Sweet. What do you wanna do?"
"You two should go dick around in the Everfree," Tyler suggested.
"There is nothing about this plan that could possibly go wrong!" Andre said with an enthusiastic smile.
Several Hours Later...
Noah walked through the door to the club, totally unsure of what to expect. And he was not expecting what he saw: a normal club. But slightly fancier. And 'fancier' here just means it had slightly more expensive decor. It was still...interesting. The beats were pretty nice, the music was moving. Ponies of all shapes and sizes blah blah blah they were all dancing. The room itself was large, probably about as three times big as Vinyls ground floor. The walls were matte black with dark purple curving designs running up and along the surface of each wall. They looked like normal violet in regular light, but when the black light hit them, they glowed a bright brilliant white. The strobes went back and forth from low, white light, harsh red light, and a low, soothing black light. The overall effect was highly entertaining. Noah could have just sat in a chair and stared at the wall for an entire hour. Vinyl had different plans in mind.
"So, what do you think?" She had to shout to be heard over the impressive speakers, but she was still relatively clear since Noah was still pretty close.
"So far I'm likin' it. The strobes effects on the walls are cool, and the music isn't bad." Vinyl grinned at him.
"Oh yeah? Well it just so happens that I chose the line-up tonight. This song ends in about 30 seconds, and the next one is gonna kill."
"We'll see," Noah said - shouted. He turned his nose up, then opened one eye to look down and gauge Vinyl's reaction. Just as he intended, she was slightly incredulous that he would question her. When he had confirmed his ruse worked, he let his smile show. When it became apparent that he was joking, they both laughed at the passive and odd joke. Though to the other ponies they appeared silent and looked absolutely ridiculous. I mean, have you ever actually seen someone legit laugh their asses off with no sound coming out? Shit's freaky yo.
The song came to a nice end, and a beautiful moogish synth came one, followed by a deep, powerful bassline. With that, Noah and Vinyl danced. Vinyl was dancing rather slowly, having her muscles pull her body in different directions according to the beat of the music, being almost perfectly fluid. Noah was moving much faster, popping and locking somewhat well. Of course he knew that he still kinda sucked at it, but none of the ponies knew it. He occasionally dropped a power move for the Hell of it, thoroughly impressing everypony in the club. But he didn't care, he just wanted to dance. It was incessantly annoying to have to watch out for the ponies that always wanted to get close to him to watch him dance, because then his power moves made the immediate area very dangerous. Of course, they eventually had to rest their tired limbs. When they did, Vinyl showed Noah around to a small booth, where they both sat and rested. The music was much quieter here, as they were away from the speakers and around a corner, so they could speak at nearly normal volume and hear each other.
"So you made this lineup yourself?"
"Yep," Vinyl replied, smiling. "Nothing but the best tonight. That DJ up there is gonna get good press for sure, man."
"Well that was nice of you. Hey, maybe you can let me DJ sometime. I can't actually do anything, but I can sure as hell fake it." Vinyl chuckled a bit, and signaled a waitress. Why they had waitresses in a club, Noah would never know.
"Hey, what can I getcha?"
"I'll have an apple flavored martini," Vinyl said.
"All right, one appletini-" Vinyl put her leg around the poor pegasus mare and pulled her in close, giving her a look of pure hatred.
"I said an apple-flavored martini. If you come back with that fruity-ass shit water I swear to Celestia I will break your wings and use your limp body as a jump rope, do you understand me?" She practically hissed the entire thing. When the waitress was done sputtering a confirmation, Vinyl let her go and she darted off to the bar. "Some people, am I right?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's terrible," Noah agreed, wide-eyed and fearful.
"So, how's school? Are your grades good? Do any of the other colts steal your milk money?" Vinyl teased.
"Last time I saw anyone try and bully anyone else, I wadded them up into an oval and played a human sport with their body as the ball."
"So you beat up children?" Noah smiled, knowing he'd been beat.
"Yeah, I suppose I do." The pegasus waitress came back, trembling slightly, and dropped off the apple-flavored martini, muttered something about 'on the house', and darted away again, presumably to cry herself to sleep with a bottle of jack. Nobody knew it, but that pegasus mare has self-esteem issues and will probably come back in one of the future chapters. I mean, wait, what?
"So what's next? You gonna tackle an old stallion for not walking fast enough?"
"Not my fault, I didn't see him."
"And why was that?"
"I was busy looking up and running to try and catch the colt-ball." They both laughed at his remark, and Vinyl downed her drink in one gulp.
"So how do you make your music?" she asked, looking at him expectantly. Shit, Noah thought, knowing this question would eventually come.
"Well, I have this device. It's called a computer. It does stuff with electricity and inconceivable amounts of zero's and one's to do calculations and all manner of stuff, and these manipulations are instigated by programs, which are more one's and zero's. One type of program can be used for making music." Vinyl stared, expression completely neutral, as she tried to comprehend what he said. "Basically, I do it on my laptop."
"Oh. You should have just said that." Noah smiled and laughed, knowing that he over thought one of his explanations yet again.
"Yeah,. I'd love to make more on my laptop."
"Wait, why can't you make more?"
"It's out of power."
"What?"
"Okay, laptops have these things called a battery. The battery stored power in the form of electricity, and that powers the device."
"Wait. Electricity. Like, lightning?"
"Well yes, but much, much smaller amounts."
"Woooooaaaaahhh. Can we power it some other way?"
"Not that I know of," Noah said, sounding a little depressed. Not being able to make music sucked for the young artist.
Just for the record, I cringe every time you use archaic language unnecessarily like that.
Vinyl recognized the slightly depressed tone in his voice. "Do you wanna go dance some more?" That did the trick.
"Absolutely."
They danced for a couple hours, taking occasional breaks during which Noah would hydrate and Vinyl would down a drink or two. Despite her small size, she could hold her alcohol, or at least that's what Noah assumed. Either that or Equestrian drinks had less alcohol in them than human alcoholic drinks.
Now of course with all the hydrating, Noah eventually had to dehydrate.
Seriously? There was NOTHING better you could have used to say Noah had to take a piss? I mean Jesus Christ guys...
Now of course with all the liquid he drank, Noah eventually had to release the tides of urine from his penis.
There, happy?
You walked right into that one, Andre.
He went to the gentlecolts room while Vinyl was ordering her drink, and he didn't come back for some time. Between Noah's large bladder and his difficulty positioning himself over the tiny target, it was indeed difficult to use the facilities in this particular establishment since they were cramped stalls instead of actual rooms. But of course, that's the price you pay for wanting to avoid carpet bombing the floor with piss. As Noah was walking back to the bar, he noticed Vinyl becoming rather...friendly with a stallion the same color as the piss Noah tried so hard to get into the toilet. He only caught the end of their conversation as he got close.
"I would LOVE to go and crash at your place! Oh look, we can bring Noah too! It'll be a slumber party! *snort* Hahahaha!" The yellow pony eyed Noah carefully.
"Yeah, I was thinking more of a two person thing so I could get to know you better. Whaddya say?" Vinyl looked unsure while considering this statement.
"Uh...I mean, sure, I guess?"
"Oh really?" Noah asked hypothetically. "Cuz I think Vinyl's going home alright, but not with you, scumbag. Let's go, Vinyl." Noah put his hand on the back of Vinyls neck and used that to guide her to come with him. It was slightly awkward since he really wasn't sure where to put his hand. On a human, he'd just put it on the shoulder or grab the arm, but Vinyl was a foot and a half shorter than him, so he made a guess. He did not break eye contact with the yellow stallion until he and Vinyl were walking away.
The trek home was slow since Vinyl couldn't walk at her usual pace. She trudged along, giggling and smiling merrily despite her inability to walk correctly. After about 15 minutes, Noah stopped her.
"Hey, come on we gotta get home bro. What are you, tired? You slow turtle thing..." Heh. Better not let her know the things she says when she's intoxicated, Noah thought as he bent down next to her.
"No, it's just that I figured out a much faster way of getting us home." Vinyl had a look of confusion which turned into surprise when Noah put his hands on either side of her stomach. With a grunt, he lifted Vinyl up, putting his right hand along her side so his palm rested on the shoulder joint of her right foreleg. His left arm wrapped around her legs and pressed them to his torso so that the hold was secure, like how one would carry a lamb. When he felt his grip was right, Noah began walking forward at his usual quick pace.
"Woah, ok. This work I guess, hahah."
"I'm glad." For a few minutes, neither of them said anything. However, as time went on, Noah could feel Vinyls head start lolling around more and more, indicating that she was going to fall asleep. Her head finally landed softly against his left shoulder. She opened her mouth slightly and began muttering quietly.
"Noah, I'm so glad you're here." What?
"What?" Vinyl didn't respond. "Vinyl? What did you say?" Still no response. Did she say that she's glad I'm here? Well, I guess it's always good to have a designated driver...carrier. Whatever. Noah smiled as he finally fulfilled the calling he was born to do as a sober Mormon.
When he finally reached the house, he carefully pushed open the door, careful not to bump Vinyls head against the door frame. He walked up the steps and carefully slid into Vinyls room. He moved over to the bed, and carefully laid Vinyl down on it, and pulled a blanket over her body. Noah quietly closed the door, walked down the stairs, and sat on the couch.
"I'm not tired yet."
Earlier
Tyler stopped and looked up at the cupcake-shaped sign that hung over the entrance the Sugarcube Corner. He took a deep breath to stereotypically muster his courage, and walked inside. Ponies glanced over at him because the bell rang, and their gazes lasted a few seconds longer than they would have if he wasn't human. He was used to it by this point, but one pair of golden eyes caught his. The light green pony smiled widely and waved a hoof at him. Tyler returned the gesture with a half-hearted smile, and made his way over to the corner table.
"Hey, Lyra."
"Hey, Tyler, how you doing?"
"I'm pretty good. How about you?"
"Not too bad." She cocked her head slightly to the left, never breaking eye contact. There was something...weird...about her smile. Tyler sat down just as Pinkie Pie arrived to the table with a milkshake in a glass, two pink straws poking out of it.
"Here you are Lyra! With extra sprinkles and cream!" She hastily laid the glass down on the table, giggling furiously, and then quickly slinked away from the table. That's pretty unusual for Pinkie Pie to just leave without rambling on about something, Lyra thought. She leaned forward and began to sip from one of the straws.
"Oh wow, that looks good, Lyra." Lyra stopped drinking for a moment. "Does it usually come with two straws?" Lyra looked down at the milkshake, noticing the two straws for the first time.
"Oh. Uh, no. Usually only one straw. If you want I could order one for you."
"Nah that's ok, I'll just get it myself, but thanks though."
"You're welcome."
He waved Pinkie over and ordered himself a milkshake just like Lyra's. Pinkie Pie was somewhat confused when she saw that Lyra's milkshake was still not gone.
"What, did you two not finish the first one?" Us two? Lyra and Tyler thought simultaneously. "Alright, one super-duper awesome milkshake - right here." She materialized a milkshake and set it down in front of Tyler because fuck you, Pinkie Physics.
Tyler was indeed confused, but his confusion was lost the moment he remembered the milkshake. He picked up the cold glass and brought the straw to his mouth., and it was breathtaking: the milkshake expertly combined perfect levels of rich chocolate, birthday cake and cookie dough, with sprinkles throughout the mix bringing all the flavors together. It would have promptly brought him within the boundaries of any mare’s front lawn.
“Holy crap that’s amazing! Pinkie Pie you’ve outdone yourself!” His kind remark drew questioning looks from most of the patrons in the room. Lyra leaned towards Tyler, getting right next to him.
“Tyler,” she whispered, “that’s called the ‘House Classic’. It’s been here since they opened.” Tyler looked around the room, his expression perfectly neutral. He deliberately removed the straw from the glass, picked the glass up, and drained its contents in one gulp, all while wearing that same expression. He replaced the glass, stood up very casually, and walked straight out the door. I can never come back to this place again, he thought.
Lyra took one last gulp of her own milkshake then hurried after Tyler. What in Equestria has gotten into him!? she thought. Lyra easily caught up with him after a few moments, thanks to her much longer strides, but something was...off.
“Tyler?” She noticed he had his entire hand spread out over his face, and was very slowly pulling it down as he walked. “Hey what was that?”
“I was an idiot.”
“What? How?” Tyler removed his hand and looked at Lyra as he walked, and his face was as red as a beat.
“I said Pinkie Pie outdid herself when in fact she didn’t. I bet the entire place was laughing by the time I left. This is why I hate going out in public, I always say or do something incredibly stupid.” Lyra’s face assumed an expression of disbelief at hearing his explanation.
“What? It wasn’t stupid, you didn’t know! Hey, I did the exact same thing the first time I ordered the House Classic.” Tylers annoyed expression softened just a little bit.
“Really?”
“No,” she said, causing Tyler's expression to return and his gaze to looking angrily ahead of him, “but it’s nothing to be worked up about!” Tyler grumbled something in response, but Lyra couldn’t make out what he said. She looked down for a minute as they walked, not saying anything else. Come on Lyra, THINK! You have to salvage this hang out! Her head shot up with a wide smile as she got an idea.
“Hey Tyler.”
“Yeah?” His tone clearly showed his annoyance at himself.
“Follow me.” Lyra picked up her pace and was soon trotting faster than Tyler could walk. He picked his pace up as well, jogging along side her.
Fuck, running Tyler thought as he jogged. Though he was in much better shape than in previous months, cardio was still not among his list of talents. Unlike his smaller companions, Tyler’s fitness increase mostly revolved around fat trimming and muscle building due to all the heavy lifting but little runnign around he did on the farm., whereas Andre and Noah had mostly increased in physical stamina, while also gaining a little muscle.
Tyler jogged with Lyra, wondering all the while when they were going to stop. Tyler didn’t even notice the sky turn orange as the sun set beyond the horizon. Finally, after a good 20 minutes, they stopped. Lyra slowed to a trot, then finally to a walk as they made their way into a very large open field. Try as he might, Tyler just couldn’t figure out why they were there. He was relieved to be able to finally stop, but he was already out of breath, rendering him incapable of asking Lyra about their location.
“So, here we are.” Tyler just gave her a questioning look as he caught his breath. “Just us. Nopony around for you to be awkward in front of.” She gave him a genuine smile and laid down in the grass. Wow. She actually did this, came all the way out here, just to make me feel more secure? He gave a small smile of gratitude and sat down against a tree near them. For a short time, they were in silence. Silence which Lyra needed to break.
“So, what have you been doing since you...arrived?”
“Work. I work at Sweet Apple Acres and then I also do schoolwork.” Lyra turned to Tyler, again disbelieving.
“So, is that really all you’ve done since you got here? Farming?”
“That’s right. But there’s a lot more in me than farming.”
And with that, Lyra and Tyler launched into conversation. They shared information about themselves, and found that they had more in common than they previously thought. Their chat spanned a few hours, and when the sun had finally sunk over the horizon, they were content with looking at the stars. And that’s what they did.
“You know, I’ve always liked astronomy, even back home.”
“Is that the study of stars?”
“Yeah, I’ve always found it interesting. Just the thought of billions of tons worth of gas constantly burning in a fusion furnace which we then see billions of years later is just so...epic!” Lyra blinked, not really understanding what he was talking about, but decided to roll with it anyway.
“Oh yeah, I totally understand what you mean. Tyler, it’s been really nice hanging out with you.” Uhhh, what? Alright I guess it wasn't supposed to be a date then...
“Oh. Yeah, it’s been fun hanging out with you too. Well, it’s late, and I have a test tomorrow.”
“Awww, really?” Tyler blushed in embarrassment, knowing that he was taking a test meant for children and that it was getting in the way of his meager and pathetic social life.
“Yeah.” They both rose to their respective end-of-leg organ and began walking back to the edge of Ponyville. It was a long walk, about 20 minutes total, and when they got to the edge of town, they were about to part ways.
“So, we can do this...again sometime?” Lyra asked sheepishly.
“Uh, yeah sure. Whenever really.” Lyra’s eyes grew wide.
“Ok, awesome! Well, I’ll see you later!” Lyra turned and trotted off to her house, a nice spring to her step. Why is she always so happy around me? Tyler thought.
Lyra was pushed from his mind when he saw two figures coming from the opposite direction that Lyra went. As they got closer, he saw that it was Andre and Adam. They both looked they had been in the forest for a full day, but Adam also looked comically injured and scratched. When they met up, they gave the usual token greetings. As a responsible adult, Tyler totally suggested they go home, study, and get some rest. Just kidding. They went to the bar.
“And THEN he runs STRAIGHT AT THE FUCKING MANTICORE AND GRABS ITS GIANT-ASS PAW!” Andre said, causing Tyler to howl with laughter, spilling a bit of his cider. “Then,” Andre continued, “Adam looked at the padding on the things paws. Now, what were you doing Adam?” Adam didn’t answer. “Adam. What were you doing with the manticores paw?”
“I was checking for a thorn.” This caused laughter to literally erupt from his less sober friends.
“Why the HELL would you look for a thorn you dumbass!?” Tyler asked while laughing.
“Look, in my defense, any time a lion is pissed at you, that means that it has a thorn in its paw and if you remove it, it will be your friend.” Tyler and Andre simply stared at Adam with neutral expressions.
“That is the DUMBEST FUCKING THING I’VE EVER HEARD!” Tyler didn’t even finish the sentence before he and Andre were laughing again. They both finished with gulps from their mugs, still smiling and giggling.
“GUESS WHO IT IS!” came a voice from behind them. “I knew I’d find you losers in here!” They all turned around and greeted the final piece of their horrible puzzle. Noah sat next to Andre and put an arm around him like he always does to his friends.
“Hey, we need a virgin down here!” Tyler said to the bartender.
“Scratch that,” Noah said, “we already got three right here.” They gave a little recognition at Noah’s horrible joke, and then left it up to the readers to figure out which one wasn’t a virgin. They had a good time, all of them, mocking Adams ridiculous handling of a manticore, and three of them got plenty drunk. Their fun was brought to a screeching halt at about 12:30am.
“WHAT ON EQUIS ARE YOU FOUR DOING!?” The entire bar had gone totally silent. Many of the ponies from town knew that the humans were going to school with their kids, and so they knew of the relationship between them and Cheerilee. And because of that, they all had the fear of death in their eyes. “YOU HAVE A TEST IN NINE HOURS!” The humans looked at their teacher with a neutral gaze.
“Yeah? And?” Tyler asked boldly.
“AND!? And you need to get your butts home and study or get to bed!”
“But...no.” Also, it turns out Tyler gets ballsy when he’s drunk. The others were just looking back and forth between the two.
“Tyler! You will get home and go to bed or study THIS INSTANT! I will not tell you again!” Cheerilee said with authority. Tyler then began laughing.
Oh how fucking wrong he was. She was like an impossible purple blur. In an instant, she was pulling Tyler by the ear. Tyler yelled in pain as she dragged him by his poor little ear across the bar. She stopped, and turned back, giving a death glare to the other humans, who promptly caught up with Cheerilee and walked with her for fear of getting dragged by the ear as well. They walked for a little bit until they ended up back at Cheerilee’s house. She sat them all down in her living room, and told them to stay. She disappeared for a few seconds before coming back with three cups of a mysterious liquid.
“Ok, now you three are going to drink every single last drop of this medicine, understand?”
“Yes ma’am,” they all said in unison, Tyler while rubbing his sore ear. They took their cups and they all drained them, instantly coughing and sputtering. It tasted awful, as they knew it would, since all medicine has to taste like Satans fermented foot fungus in stories. After a few seconds, they all gripped their heads and began groaning in pain.
“What’s going on with them?” Noah asked.
“HANGOVER!” Adam shouted. “OH VISHNU, IT HURTS!”
“Yes,” Cheerilee confirmed. “It’s a medicine that speeds up the sobering process.” She walked over to a nearby table and picked up four copies of the same book and plopped them down on the floor. “Now you four are going to study for an hour then it’s off to bed! Understand?” They all nodded and picked up their books, lest they suffer anymore at the hands of the all powerful Overmare of Ponyville’s students.
Spike snored softly in his tiny little bed as he dreamed of crystals and gems. It was quite funny when he rose a foot into the air and turned over his bed when he landed. He burped loudly, causing a beautiful green smoke cloud which solidified into a nice little letter, stamped with the royal emblem. He took one look at it, then passed out again.
“Ugh...No, Rarity, I don’t like ropes.” Afterall, he was only a baby dragon.
“Un...Spike?” Twilight said, weariness in her voice. When no response came, she let out a slight groan and left her comfortable bed in exchange for the wooden floor to go see what caused the thump she had heard. She got to the foot of Spikes teeny bed. She was turning to go back to her bed when she barely noticed the bright royal emblem on the letter at her hooves. Her nerves jumped, causing her to instantly, if temporarily, wake. She quickly scooped up the letter and read it, using her horn’s glow to see in the dark morning. She read aloud:
“My Most Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,
There will be an international meeting in the coming months between Equestria and the surrounding nations. News of our human guests has spread among their representatives, and they have requested the presence of our guests for diplomatic purposes. The date and time have yet to be established, but it will take place at Canterlot Castle. Please forward this message to Tyler, Noah, Andre and Adam as soon as is convenient for you. I expect them to dress according to what is normally considered dapper for their species in order to help with sharing culture, as requested the Minister of Germaney. I suspect this is because he wants to share culture and other things. I wish for you and Rarity to instruct them in basic etiquette when dealing with representatives of a foreign nation. Please fill the humans in on anything that you feel they will need to know in order to function at such an event. Write back to me once you have informed the humans and they are aware of what is expected of them.
Cordially, Princess Celestia.”
"WE HAVE TO HURRY SPIKE, LET'S GO!" Spike groaned under the weight of the seven books he was carrying.
"Twilight, we don't have to -ung!- get there immediately! The letter said to go whenever it was convenient."
"The meeting could be at any time, Spike, and we have to make sure they're ready!" Twilight said as she piled three more books on top of her already overloaded assistant.
"Ack! And do we really need....all these books?" Twilight turned and practically got in Spikes face.
"YES! They have to know EVERYTHING about talking to diplomats if they're going to make lasting diplomatic relationships on a quantifiable, manageable juxtaposition!" Spike simply stared, not quite understanding half of the sentence.
"Uh. Ok." After stacking a few more books on Spike, Twilight teleported them to the schoolhouse in a brilliant purple flash. She hated to pull the boys out of school, but this, in her eyes, was so much more important. Twilight immediately rushed to the door while Spike hobbled along at his own pace, groaning under the weight of the heavy paper. Twilight opened the door, and looked around at all the eyes that were now looking right at her. It took her only a second to spot the large humans she was looking for.
"Hey! Noah, Andre, Adam, Tyler, I need you four to come with me right now!" And all at once, every single head looked at the humans, and then to Ms. Cheerilee.
"Hold on," Cheerilee interjected, "why do you need my students? Can't you see they're taking a test?" Twilight smiled reassuringly at Cheerilee as she responded.
"Well, I need them to come with me. We have things to discuss regarding Canterlot matters." Cheerilee was utterly and completely unfazed.
"Ok, well I'll have them go to your library as soon as they're done." Twilight gave a half-nervous smile at this, and rubbed the back of her head. This would not be easy, but at least she was going to get to say something authoritative.
"Well, see, the thing is that these four need to learn things to prepare for a meeting on the Princess' orders." She didn't show it, but inside she beamed with pride at being a courier for the Princess' wishes. She stood a bit straighter, smiling to herself.
"Hm. Well I'm sorry to hear that, Twilight. Whatever it is that they're going to learn will have to wait until this test is over." What!?
"Yeah!" Adam exclaimed. "I need to learn me an edjumuhcation!" With the entire room staring at him, he silently went back to his test; the rest of the foals and the other humans turned their heads back to the front.
"Ok, I know how important an education is, I really do, but-"
"Twilight, they are not leaving until they finish the test. I realize that the Princess may have asked for their cooperation, but as their teacher, I still have guardianship over them, and I have decided that they will finish their test first. Now if that will be all, please leave the classroom, we've distracted the class enough."
"Fine," Twilight said, turning to the door. She crossed the threshold just as Spike came through the door, panting from all the books he was carrying. As he finally dropped from exhaustion, Twilight tsk'd angrily. "Spike, why are you just laying around?"
"Why did you make me carry these books when we could have just walked the humans back to the library!?" Spike shot back angrily. Twilight thought for a moment, deciding that his question was indeed very valid.
"Uh, because, I...wasn't thinking?" She said, smiling awkwardly before quickly teleporting the books back to the library.
After Twilight and Spike teleported away, Cheerilee smirked to herself and returned to her desk. Her eye was caught by a hand, placed high in the air.
"Yes, Noah?"
"What did you mean when you told Twilight that you still have guardianship over us?" Cheerilee blinked in confusion.
"It means I have guardianship over you four. Simple as that." Noah frowned, still not understanding.
"Right. Since when to do teachers have guardianship over their students who are clearly adults?" Cheerilees eyes widened in sudden clarity, like someone who realized the condom broke mid-orgasm.
"Oh! You wouldn't know this. In Equestria, teachers act as a third guardian over their students. This includes extracurricular times as well."
"So...you have the same authority as a parent? Even outside of school?"
"That is correct," she replied, a motherly smile adorning her face.
"Hm. Alright." Noah dropped his head, looking back to and resuming his test, accepting this without any questioning whatsoever because it made perfect and total sense to him. Cheerilee smiled and looked over the classroom full of precious students for a few moments before picking up the days paper and resuming her reading.
"So you want the four of us," Noah said, gesturing to his friends, "to go to a formal diplomatic meeting?" Twilight rolled her eyes at the question.
"No, the princess wants you to go to a formal diplomatic meeting."
"Look," Adam said, "I'm not going and that's final. I do stupid shit but I'm not senseless enough to attempt such an event, so later peeps." With that, he showed himself out of the library, using his beard to open and close the door. Twilight opened her mouth to object, but knowing what she did about Adam, she knew that letting him go was for the best.
"Right, well that leaves three of you. You need to study," she said, her horn glowing as she levitated the small mountain of books she had picked out (had Spike pick out) just for them, "all of these by next month." With a loud thump, the book pile fell down in front of them. They all stared at the pile, then looked at Twilight. Tyler, standing slightly in front of his smaller friends, then looked at each of them in turn.
"That's not happening, Twilight. I'm sorry, but we're not going to study," he bent over, picking up the top book, "'Proper Handkerchief Etiquette.'" He looked at her with an 'is dis nigga serious?' expression, which she returned with disbelief.
"WHAT!? Guys, this isn't like going to meet a date or something, this is an actual formal event! This could quite possibly be one of the single most important events you'll ever attend! You need to know everything you can about these kinds of things before you go."
"No," Noah replied, "we don't. Andre and I are fine under pressure, and Tyler doesn't quite give a crap. If they have an issue with us, then too bad. We'll go for the sake of being able to say we did and meeting people from other nations, but we're not going to do," he gestured to the pile of books, "this. Right guys?" They both nodded their heads and gave verbal confirmation of what Noah said.
"I mean," Andre said, "it's not to be disrespectful, it's just that none of us have that kind of dedication, nor do we really care. We're all pretty well acquainted with formal scenarios to be able to bullshit our way through it anyway, right guys?"
"NO!" Twilight shouted fearfully. "You can't just leave something like this up to faking it! This is WAY too important!" It was evident that she was freaking out. Not only was her voice loud, but her mane was becoming slightly disheveled.
"I don't think you know who you're talking to," Noah said, stepping forward. "I am the master BS-er. I have BS'd every essay I have ever written with the exception of a very select few, and I have learned how to talk so that I sound competent when I'm really not." Tyler and Andre began to chuckle. "On a particular subject," Noah corrected upon realizing what he'd said.
"But...b-but-"
"I'm sorry Twilight. But you're asking each of us to read more books in a month than we have our entire lives." Tyler tried to sound apologetic.
"Well," Andre said, "I could pro-" His sentence was cut off by Noah placing his hand over Andres mouth.
"Shhh! Just don't," Noah whispered.
"I, you...alright, fine." Twilight began to put the books back. "But you'll at least dress nice, right?"
"Well of course we will," Noah replied. "We wouldn't want to show up unprepared, would we?"
A/N:
Thanks for talking about my genitals guys.That really means a lot to me.
I'm gonna play the role of the $10 hooker and say that I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole.
What if I pay double?
Ugh...saddle up cowboy, this is gonna be a bumpy ride.