Progress:
Luna versus Ponyville
Part 1: Television
By Andrew J. Talon
- - - - - - - -
Celestia did not often sigh in frustration. She found more positive ways to deal with negative emotions, such as channeling them into productive pursuits. Or causing solar flares.
True, the latter happened more often than she liked but she had long ago learned how to keep it under control. For the most part.
That airplane had been just fine though.
“Luna... Luna...” Celestia called out in the center of the library. Receiving no answer, Celestia hummed and flew up. She cast a tracer spell, but found it picked up multiple returns for Luna’s location. The Princess of the Sun hummed thoughtfully, then smiled.
- - - - - - -
Luna had sequestered herself in the basement of the library, where numerous ancient records and volumes resided. Indeed, many of the records in this section were at least as old as Nightmare Moon. It was dark and dusty, thousands of bookcases arranged in a labyrinth the librarians had devised when bored.
Luna had gotten through it in just under an hour, and now sat at the lone desk in the exact center of the maze. She was reviewing some ancient documents, abacus clicking under her nervous hoof.
A flash of light filled the dark library, and Luna looked over her shoulder to scowl at Celestia.
“You’re not supposed to teleport in here!” Luna protested.
“It is the simplest way to get through a maze, isn’t it?” Celestia asked with a smile. Luna’s scowl deepened.
“That’s cheating!”
“I prefer to think of it as ‘creative problem solving’,” Celestia chuckled. She looked at the tomes Luna had out, trotting next to the desk. “Hmm... Aristallion’s Rhetoric and Ethics?”
“I did not get to see his finished works before Nightmare Moon,” Luna said. “They-They are very good!”
“Hmm... Yes, they are... But there are copies of his work in the library above,” Celestia said. She nuzzled Luna affectionately. “My dear little sister, whatever is wrong?”
“... It’s... Sundance, Sister,” Luna admitted. Celestia blinked.
“Whatever did she do?”
“Nothing!” Luna said quickly. She pulled out a copy of Platony’s Republic and covered her face. Celestia leaned in closer to her, still smirking. Luna peeked at her over her book.
“Nothing?” Celestia asked.
“Yes! Nothing!”
“Must have been quite the nothing,” Celestia observed. “Come now Luna... Was it really that embarassing?”
Luna slowly peeked over her book, letting Celestia spy red spots on her cheeks.
- - - - - - -
Luna flew in through her bedroom window, baring groceries in her mouth.
“Oh Sundance...”
“Oh Hoyden...!”
“OH MY!”
The milk smashed as Luna turned tail and flew for it, leaving a pair of very embarrassed ponies.
“... Well, at least I know this isn’t a dream.”
“HOYDEN!”
“What?!”
- - - - - - -
“... N-No, not embarrassing,” Luna mumbled as she covered her face up with her book.
“Oh. I see,” Celestia said with a nod. She leaned in really close, to the point Luna could feel her breath on her ear.
“You saw them together, didn’t you?” Celestia smirked. Luna eeped and fell out of her chair to the floor.
“S-SISTER!”
“Ah, adorable,” Celestia sighed. Luna got back up and scowled at her sister.
“That-That isn’t funny! I have disgraced them and myself for viewing them in such... Such... Viewing them!” Luna sighed. “I do not think I can face either of them.”
“Well, probably not right away,” Celestia said. “However, hiding in the library basement won’t help.”
“I’m willing to try,” Luna mumbled, returning to her books. Celestia sighed again. Twice in one day.
“I have another reason for finding you,” Celestia said smoothly. “I need you to go down to Ponyville for me.”
“Ah? Ponyville?” Luna asked, peeking over her book once more. Celestia nodded.
“Yes. The town has been through many stressful situations in the past few months and I want to see how everything is doing.” She smiled. “It will also give you the chance to meet with some of the ponies who aided you.”
Luna shook her head. “I... That doesn’t seem-”
“Miss Applejack certainly held no grudge,” Celestia said gently. “I doubt that any of the others will.”
“But I have-”
“Nothing else to do today, because you are so very studious,” Celestia said with a gentle smile. Luna huffed.
“I could just defy you,” Luna said. Celestia nodded.
“Yes. You could.”
The two sisters stared at each other for a long moment. Luna fidgeted. Celestia remained serene. Luna finally heaved a sigh.
“Fine.”
“Wonderful,” Celestia said cheerfully.
“May I at least go in disguise?” Luna pleaded. Celestia nodded.
“Of course my dear little sister. Your entrance will be quite subtle. I will make all the arrangements.”
Luna stared for a moment.
Trumpets blared, pegasi in the air corps flew in formation overhead, and fireworks went off as Celestia stepped out of her chariot with a smile.
“Mares and gentlecolts, allow me to introduce to you... Miss Selene. A perfectly normal, average pony.” Celestia looked over at Luna, who was covering her head with her hooves as everypony stared. “Say hello, Selene!”
“I think I know the way,” Luna said quickly. “Don’t worry about me.”
Celestia just smiled. “Of course...”
- - - - - - -
Ponyville looked quite pleasant and quiet as Luna approached it, trotting at an easy pace from where she had landed. As she entered it, she appreciated the old fashioned architecture, the bright colors of it’s painted buildings, and the numerous ponies going about their lives. She smiled a bit nervously whenever a pony smiled back as she continued on her journey towards the center of the town.
Luna was unsure of where to start with the town, much less the ponies within. How could she even start? In the central square (which was a circle), she stopped by a barrel and looked around carefully, considering where to go.
I suppose I could find one of the six... It’s not like they’d recognize me.
“Hello Princess Luna!”
“EEP! Who?” Luna jumped, looking over at the source of the voice. A bright pink pony with poofy hair grinned at her from out of the barrel.
“Wecome to Ponyville! Have you been here long? How long are you staying and-MMPH!”
Luna covered the obviously insane pink mare’s mouth with her hoof and gave a nervous grin to anypony around. Most seemed oblivious to what had happened, for which Luna was very grateful.
“Eheheheh...” She turned and whispered in the pink pony’s ear. “Please, don’t say anything please please please?”
The pink pony nodded as Luna withdrew her hoof.
“Ohhh! I get it! You’re here incognito!” Pinky Pie said loudly.
“Shh!” Luna hissed. Pinky Pie’s eyes widened, and she nodded.
“Oh! Right! Sorry... What is your name, new pony I have never met before and is not in any way Princess Luna?” Pinky Pie asked Luna. Very, very loudly, to the point multiple eyes were on them both.
I wonder if I could just crush my own head with my magic right now, she thought to herself as she slowly looked up, bringing her eyes to chest level at the very least.
“Um... Selene,” she said. Pinky Pie laughed and jumped out of the barrel, hugging and tackling Luna in the same moment. “OOF!”
“Welcome to Ponyville Selene! This is going to be great!” Pinky Pie said loudly. “I’m Pinky Pie, pleased to meet you!”
“Um... Yes... You too,” Luna said as Pinky Pie gave Luna the biggest, most obvious wink in the universe. The pink pony got up and off Luna, allowing the Moon Princess to get to her hooves as well. Not a moment before doing so, however, and Pinky Pie already had a hoof on her shoulder and was dragging her off.
“Come on! I have to throw you a big welcome to Ponyville Party!”
“I-I’m not going to be staying that long,” Luna protested. “I-I don’t need a party!”
Pinky Pie stopped, and turned her head very slowly to stare at Luna. Luna could swear her hair became a little less poofy.
“You don’t?” She asked. Luna coughed, feeling very uncomfortable.
“Ah... Well... Not right away, perhaps you could simply show me around the town, perhaps your home?” Luna quickly suggested. Pinky Pie’s hair returned to full poofiness and she smiled cheerfully.
“Works for me! Come on!” Pinky Pie said, cheerfully bouncing along. Luna followed at a slower pace.
What have I got myself into?
- - - - - - -
“Well! What do you think?” Pinky Pie asked cheerfully as she grinned in the center of her home. Luna looked around, noting just how... Pink the place was.
She could blend in and attack like a pink cobra, she thought to herself.
“You have a lovely home,” Luna said with a smile. Pinky Pie laughed and bounced over to the kitchen.
“Sit down! I’ll make us some cupcakes!” She said cheerfully. Luna sat down on a couch, and looked around. Before the couch sat a contraption that Luna first mistook for a microwave, but a moment’s thought reminded her of the proper term.
A television set, she thought. It uses an electron gun to project images onto a florescent screen. She trotted up to it, and examined it. Sundance did not own a television set. She watched it with Hoyden when she was over at his home, but hadn’t gotten one for herself. Luna hadn’t asked why. She was busy coming to grips with everything else she was being confronted with.
This must be the on switch, she thought, and pressed the button. The screen came to life with a high pitched hummed, and soon images and sound came forth. Luna sat back on the couch, and began to watch as an older colt walked into a home to a song played on a piano. He smiled at the camera as he went to the closet and changed out of his suit.
“It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...”
He sang the song cheerfully and Luna became enthralled.
“Yes, I would like to be your neighbor,” she said softly.
“Hello Neighbor. How are you doing today?” The colt asked.
“Good,” Luna said. Something about the colt was very trustworthy, despite only seeing him on a screen.
“I’m glad. It was very rainy today outside, so my suit got wet. When it’s raining, it can be very frightening. All that thunder and lightning,” the colt said. “A friend of mine once showed me a scary movie with the lights off and a storm going on outside. That was really scary.”
So hypnotic... Why can’t I look away...? Luna thought. I just so want to be this colt’s neighbor...
“It’s all right to be scared though. Sometimes it can even be fun, a sharp little bit of excitement. Kind of like a roller coaster,” the colt continued. “Other times though, the scaring can go a bit too far... As Lady Elaine Fairchilde will learn in the Neighborhood of Make Believe. Would you like to go see it?”
“Oh yes, I would,” Luna said.
“Here comes the Trolley to...”
The sound fell and soon the TV was mute. Luna blinked and looked around.
“Huh? Why did that happen?” She asked aloud. She wiggled her bottom, before feeling some plastic. “Hm?”
Luna moved off the couch and looked down down at a black plastic rectangle buried between the cushions. She pulled it out and studied the buttons.
This is some kind of control mechanism... I must have made the sound drop, she thought. She scowled as she looked at the remote--The only buttons with labels had numbers. She sat back on the couch and shrugged.
The heart of science is in experimentation, she reminded herself, and hit a random button.
“COME ON DOWN!” Bellowed a voice, and Luna eeped and fell off the couch. “To honest Carlyle’s Used Wagon Emporium! We’ve got carriages, we’ve got wagons, we’ve got cabs, coaches, phaetons, troikas, drays, chariots, and after-market used CIDOMOS!” An image of a brightly painted cart appeared, where a pony was strapped in with a smile. This smile turned into fear as the wheels on the cart popped off and fell back, taking him with it. The loud announcer leaped into frame and spread his hooves to try and hide the disaster behind him.
“Yes! Cidomos! Extra cheap with low mileage! Your family will love them!” He said quickly. Luna made a face. She hit the button again.
“AHA! Gentlecolts! You will always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Sethisto-!”
Luna hit the button again. Come on, where was it...?
“Here on the summit of Mount. De Laurentiis, the young Lavan spawn crawl out of the lava to take their first breaths...”
Fascinating, but not right, Luna thought. She hit the remote control again, trying to determine the precise input to use. Hm... Perhaps I should just keep hitting this one. It seems to increase the number on the channel indicator. I’ll reach the right channel eventually.
And so Luna did, scanning through the channels. She lingered for a few moments on various programs that seemed interesting, but the simple joy and kindness of the colt in the jacket and tie compelled her to continue.
By everything I hold dear, she has a lot of channels! Luna thought. She hit the button again, but nothing happened.
“Huh?” She hit more buttons. The channel refused to change.
“Hmph,” Luna grunted, and set the remote down. She looked up at the program. Apparently she had just come to the start of it, which had the title of 'Cupcakes’.
“Hm... Well, how bad could this be?” Luna shrugged, and settled in to watch.
- - - - - - -
“All right! These are going to be great cupcakes!” Pinky Pie said aloud as she put the finishing touches on the cake. She then hummed and rubbed her chin.
“I feel like I’m forgetting something though...” She grinned and, in defiance of the laws of science, snapped her hoof. “Of course! The Princess! I forgot to ask her what kind of cupcakes she likes!” She took a cupcake pan in one hoof, and the knife in the other. “Maybe she’d like to help!”
After all, the poor Princess looked like she was incredibly stressed. No need to add to it with a surprise party. Just a nice introductory party, a Pinky Pie classic.
She entered the living room and saw Luna watching TV. She grinned.
Well, maybe just a little surprise, she decided.
- - - - - - - -
Luna’s hoof was pressed to her mouth, though whether it was to keep her from screaming or throwing up she didn’t know.
Who made this?! What sick, twisted monster would do such a thing?! She had tried to summon the will to turn off the television set but like a trainwreck Luna found herself unable to turn away from the gruesome atrocity taking place before her eyes.
It... it’s not even a good plot, her mind fiercely argued. A pink pony invites her friend over for a party... Just so she can gut her, dismember her and turn her into cupcakes? That’s ridiculous!
“Hey, Princess! I forgot something I need from you!” Pinky Pie called.
“Oh? What?”
Luna slowly turned her head.
Pinkie Pie stood back on her hind legsHer bushy hair blocked out the light from the window nearby, casting Luna in shadow. Her wide eyes and wide grin suggested mischief and madness tied together in one bright pink package. Her front hooves slowly rose like the blade of a guillotine, and in the sunlight they shined. In one hoof, glinting like her smile, a long cruel knife ascended, ready to plunge down into Luna’s wildly beating heart.
And in the other was a well used cupcake pan, with red splotches all over it.
"Who's ready to make dessert?"
- - - - - -
To be continued...