Ah Jesus, why does everything hurt... You open your eyes to inspect yourself, but, unfortunately, you don't even get that far. You were too distracted by the fact that this wasn't your cozy bed that you went to sleep in last night. You are on a concrete floor beside a swimming pool. "What the hell!" you shout, your brain in overdrive and out of control. "What is this witchcraft?" Unfortunately, the stress is just too much for your very frail and exhausted body, and you pass out again.
Your eyes flutter open as you begin to wake up. I feel like I was hit by a train, but now at least it doesn't feel like I was hit by three... You sit up from the couch and rub your head. "Oh good, you're finally awake." You look over to see who had just spoken and, to your surprise, there is an orange pony sitting across the room on a bed with a gold and orange duvet. "DAFUQ?!" was the only thing that was able to leave your mouth before you had fallen onto the floor. "Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" shouted the now very concerned pony as she rushed to your side to help you up. Or at least you think it's a she. It'd be rather disturbing if it was a male with a super feminine voice. You lift up your arm, which now has a cast on it and reply with a muffled "it's cool. I'm fine..."
She sighs with relief and begins lifting you onto the couch, but you stop her from doing so. "It's okay, I've got it..." She opens her mouth in protest but quickly closes it again, realizing that you were probably right. You stand up and sit back down on the couch. "So... what are you exactly?" asks the pony. You look at her questioningly, but then you realize that you weren't quite sure what she was either. "Well, I'm a human, and in the future, so you won't have to call me 'human', my name is..." Wait a minute... What was your name again?
You go over a list of names in your head.
Uhh... am I Steve?
No you idiot, your name isn't Steve! How preposterous!
Well, is it John?
Hell no!
Well, what is it then if you're so smart?
How should I know? I'm you!
Good point... Well fuck. I don't want everyone just to call me “Anon” or something, that'd just be stupid.
"You kind of trailed off there buddy, would mind finishing that sentence for me please?" You look at the pony again. "I can't remember..." The pony gives you a look of sympathy. "Well what would you like me to call you then?"
Hmm... soup?
No... that's just stupid.
Cucumber.
What the hell are you smoking, bro? Just let me pick... Let's see, our name is... Goyathlay Quigg Paul Ambrose Dahl! There, problem solved.
"Just call me Quigg I guess." The pony looks at you quizzically. "Quigg? Really? I'll just call you 'Q' for short, how about that?" You shrug, saying "Close enough. Anyways, what's your name then?" you ask. "Oh, I'm Spitfire! Wait a minute! I was supposed to contact the manager as soon as you woke up so we could bring you to see the princess! Stay here, I'll be right back." With that, she shot out of the room like a bullet, leaving you alone.
Hold up, hold up. I just had a conversation with a pony and I didn't freak out. I suppose that's good, but I really missed my chance to flip out, didn't I. You sigh, "Oh well, maybe next time I see a random pastel colored animal that can talk I’ll remember." You spend the next ten or so minutes inspecting your bandages. Just as you finish, Spitfire comes back into the room. "Alright, if you would just follow me, we're off to visit Princess Celestia now. It turns out she came here. She told us it'd be too risky if we took you outside the facility."
You get up to follow her and limp towards the door. The gash on your leg really wasn't helping you walk. You and Spitfire exit the room and went into the hallway. The two of you walk down the hall and exit the building which seems to be some sort of dormitory. You walk along a path to a bigger building, where Spitfire leads you inside and down more hallways until you reach a pair of double doors. I guess this is where I get to meet the 'princess'. With that, you push open the doors and step inside. "Okay, what the..."