"Would you like some more muffins, your majesty?" inquired the servant.
"That would be positively splendid. Please send for several dozen more."
"At once your majesty."
"Oh, one more thing!"
"Yes your majesty?"
"Make it chocolate."
"Of course your majesty."
The queen slowly and regally chewed her muffin as she watched her servant make his way towards the door. Once he had exited the room, she eagerly crammed the entire thing into her mouth, smacking her lips in approval of the royal chef's talent.
"Finished already? Not even Big Macintosh has an appetite quite like you do my queen," observed Celestia.
"Well, a queen needs her energy. I can't run Equestria on an empty stomach now can I?"
"I suppose not."
"Precisely!"
A few minutes later, the servant returned with his horn aglow, carrying two heavy trays loaded with chocolate muffins.
"Here you are, your majesty," said the servant.
"Thank you very much. You may take your leave now."
"Very well, simply call me if you need my services."
On that note, the stallion placed the two trays in the center of the dining table and took his leave. Queen Derpy, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadence each retrieved eight muffins from the trays and set them down on their plates.
"Alright girls," Derpy teased, "ready to lose to Muffin and I again?"
"Nay!" argued Luna. "Tis I who shall be victorious this time! Thou shall cower under my muffin-eating prowess!""
"I swear, that muffin you wear around your neck must be giving you superpowers," Cadence commented.
"Muffin here offers me encouragement, nothing more," replied Derpy.
"Thats right," Muffin concurred, "I merely cheer Derpy on. You girls need to step up your game!"
"Come on girls, let's show Derpy a thing or two about muffin eating," encouraged Celestia.
"Alright girls, on my mark, eat those muffins like there's no tomorrow!" announced Muffin.
Everpony took their respective positions and prepared for the eat off of the century.
"One!"
Luna squinted at Derpy.
"Two!"
Celestia adjusted her regalia.
"Three!"
Cadence prematurely opened her mouth.
"Go!"
"Derpy? Derpy! Wake up! Why are you on the floor?" said Pinkie as she repeatedly poked Derpy in a desperate attempt to awaken her.
Pinkie's incessant prodding slowly pulled Derpy out of her sleep. "Ha... you lose again Luna."
"Princess Luna? Where? Oh no! I had no idea she was coming! How am I gonna prepare a party on such short notice..."
Pinkie's inane chattering shook the last few remnants of sleep from Derpy's mind. "No, Princess Luna isn't here. I was just dreaming, sorry," apologized Derpy.
"Oh that's okay Derpy," assured Pinkie. "Although, I probably should throw Princess Luna a party in the future. I wonder what kind of cake she'd like. I know she loves Moonsugar. Maybe I could make a Mega Moonsugar Madness cake!"
"Sounds yummy!" said Derpy. "Anyway, what brings you back to my house?"
"Oh that's right! I came hear to tell you... wait... why was I here again?"
"Wait. You came to my house, but you can't even remember why you did?" asked Derpy.
"Nope!" Pinkie confirmed.
"Well alright then, say, would you like to say hi to Muffin?
"Sure!" Pinkie agreed.
Derpy led Pinkie into the living room. She flew up to her cardboard chandelier to wake Muffin up. "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" she cheerfully sang.
Derpy was flabbergasted as to why Muffin wasn't exactly where she left him yesterday. Derpy slowly began to panic.
"Muffin? Muffin! Muffin where are you?"
"Derpy what's wrong?" Pinkie inquired.
"It's Muffin! I can't find him!" Derpy panicked.
"Ooooo, I bet he's playing hide and seek with us!"
Derpy laughed aloud at her stupidity. Of course Muffin wasn't gone. He was just playing hide and seek with her. She would find him and they would be together again.
Muffin would never ever leave her. They were best friends. They would be happy together. Forever.
"You're right Pinkie," Derpy agreed. "Muffin is quite the playful one. I bet he's hiding right under our noses!"
Pinkie checked under her nose.
"Nope! Not there!"
"Let's see who can find him first!" challenged Derpy.
"You're on!"
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
By the time Derpy and Pinkie finished searching, the house was a complete mess. Random paraphernalia littered the floor, trays had been yanked out of wardrobes, the couch was missing several cushions, the fridge had been turned upside down and a rotten hay burger had been found under the carpet. The two ponies grew tired of searching, and decided to end the fun little charade.
"Alright Muffin you win," Derpy panted.
"Olly olly oxen free!" Pinkie shouted.
No response.
"Muffin, you can come out now, the game's over."
Still no response. Reality slowly caught up to Derpy. While their little game had been a minor distraction, Derpy couldn't escape the truth. It was an unbearable one which broke Derpy's heart, but it was still the truth, and Derpy wept because of it.
Muffin was gone.
"Pinkie, I think Muffin really is... gone. S-someone must've taken him or something."
"Oh my gosh! I just remembered why I came here in the first place!" shouted Pinkie.
"W-why?" asked Derpy.
"Well you see, last night when I was sleeping, my Pinkie Sense was warning that something bad was going to happen. I had hoped it wouldn't be related to you or Muffin. I came first thing in the morning, but... it looks like I was too late."
"But why? Why would Muffin leave me!?" cried Derpy.
"Muffin didn't leave you," assured Pinkie, "someone made Muffin leave you."
"But... but who could do such a thing? Ponyville is the nicest town ever. Why would anybody need to steal from me of all ponies?"
"I don't know why Derpy, but we're sure as sugar gonna find out. Now cheer up, we have a mystery to solve!"
Pinkie donned her detective hat.
"Pinkie."
"Yes Derpy?"
"Can I have a hat too?"
Joe's Donuts had closed early without notice, leaving customers disgruntled at the inconvenience. If you had asked one of them if anything interesting happened in their lives today, they would tell you about the interesting conversation coming from inside Joe's Donuts. One purple-maned unicorn in particular would have some juicy gossip material to share with her friends.
Joe had completely sealed off his shop from prying eyes. He wouldn't allow anypony to get any funny ideas about stealing his new muffin now would he? As he sat in his shop, he thought about how his very own Doughnutopia had been ruined last year, forcing him to combine efforts with the Cakes, and that griffin. That wouldn't happen this year, however. No, he would rent a private chariot and several bodyguards if he had to to ensure that his new creation would be in mint condition for the judges. The question, however, was how he was going to use his newly acquired muffin in his creation. He couldn't make Doughnutopia again could he? He may lose points for originality as another pony had submitted a similar creation last year, although, not quite as splendid as his own. Hmm... what could he possibly create that would unite muffin and doughnut in beautiful harmony?
"Joeeeeeeey! Dinner's ready sweetie!" shouted Joe's mom from upstairs.
"Not now, mom! I'm thinking!" Joe yelled.
"The only thing you should be thinking about is getting me some grandfoals! Why I believe that thirty-five years is quite awhile to go without losing your virg—"
"MOOOOOOM!"
"Alright alright I'll stop. But don't think I'm going to let you off the hook! Why when I was your age I was quite the mare. I swear I had at least five stallions after me until your father came along. "
Joe seethed in embarrassment. Well at least nopony could hear their conversation... right? Out of curiosity, Joe decided to pull back the curtains covering the window.
"R-Rarity!?" Joe gasped.
"Ah!" cried Rarity.
Joe violently pulled back the curtains, leaving a tomato-faced Rarity behind. "If it makes you feel any better, I think you'd look dashing in a tuxedo!" she called.
Joe stormed into the basement with his muffin, slamming the door behind him. He was interrupted from his thoughts by a low rumble from his stomach. He didn't feel like going back upstairs to grab a doughnut. In doing so, he would risk further embarrassment from his mother. Joe turned his attention to the muffin at his side. Perhaps a little bite wouldn't hurt. After all, he should probably know what it tastes like so he could properly compliment its flavors in his dish. Joe grabbed the muffin and slowly brought it to his face. At the last possible moment, he hesitated, and set the muffin back down. It felt wrong to defile such a work of art with his saliva. It had already been bitten a few times, but Joe didn't want to unnecessarily ruin it any further.
"Wait a minute, why am I worshipping a muffin?"
Joe made up his mind to take a small bite of the muffin, both to quell his hunger a bit, and to know what it tasted like. Once he had a general idea of its flavor, he could attempt to recreate it using his own expertise. Then again, could such beauty ever be recreated? Surely, a muffin this incredible must be ambrosia, sent forth from Celestia herself into the world. Joe ever so slowly brought the muffin to his lips and took a microscopic bite.
"I came!" shouted Joe. "This muffin was to be the most positively scrumptious thing I've ever eaten in my entire life! I must know how to make this for myself."
Joe carefully examined the muffin. Although it had clearly been bitten several times, it was a thing of beauty. He grabbed a notepad and quickly began to jot down notes for future reference. He noted details such as the fluffy texture, vanilla and chocolate frosting and the wide array of fillings.
"I could use this to make a new doughnut!"
Of course! Why hadn't he thought of it before? Rather than having to combine the muffin with his doughnuts, he could simply recreate a doughnut with the muffin's exact properties. After all, his name was Doughnut Joe and not Muffin Joe.
"I must get started at once!"
Joe began trotting back to upstairs so he could begin to gather the necessary ingredients. As his hoof reached for the doorknob his vision began to get blurry.
"Whoa, what's going on?"
Joe's pupils began to dilate, the muffin was slowly taking over.
"M... m... muffins."
Joe snorted and violently shook his head in an effort to clear his head.
"N-no... I like doughnuts more than muffins.
The muffin retaliated against Joe, it would not surrender so easily.
"Muffins."
Joe grunted and stamped his hooves against the floor. He wouldn't give up so easily either.
"Doughnuts."
"Muffins."
"Doughnuts."
"Muffins!"
"Doughnuts!"
Once the muffin had taken over, Joe felt the strange urge to change his name from Doughnut Joe to Muffin Joe, as well as make some changes to his store's inventory. Previous thought about the baker's competition were erased from his mind as one sole thought took over.
"Muffins... muffins..."