King Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bon

by Fanon Canon


Luna the Laymare

"Sister." Luna pleaded at an all too familiar sight. " Why are you so concerned about one little old empire?"

Celestia stopped in her frantic pacing, turning to look down at her sister.

"Why am I so concerned?" She replied. "Why aren't you so concerned, sister. Don't you understand the magnitude of the Crystal Empire declaring itself independent means?"

"Well..." Luna said. "No I don't."

Celestia's eyes pierced Luna's with an immense suspicious glare.

"Well ain't that just dandy." The Princess remarked in a very un-regal manner. "Next you'll be telling me you don't know the origins of Hearth's Warming Day."

"Don't be silly." Luna said dismissively, though with a slight tone of alarm.

Celestia simply gave a grunt of disapproval, and once again resumed her frantic pacing. It was evidently apparent to Luna that this little ordeal of theirs with the Crystal Empire was not going to go away any time soon. Most of Luna was quite dismissive of her sisters concerns, but then again, she herself knew very little about politics, for she had led a very isolated life. Celestia on the other hand, had led a marginally longer life that had been packed with all sorts of events, ranging from the minuscule to the magnificent. She of all mares, really should have been the reserved one, while everyponyelse was all in a flutter. For as the saying goes; with age comes wisdom, and Celestia was both very old and very wise.

"Oh." The Princess moaned again. "Maybe if... no, no, no, that will never work. Mmm, where the devil is..."

But at that moment, the attention of both alicorns was drawn to the grand chamber's entrance as the doors parted way. The sisters observed the scene occurring at the far end of the hall, too distant to make out the details; the royal guards appeared to be engaged with somepony, but soon the commotion subsided and they could be seen escorting a pony up the chamber towards the Princesses.

The moment Luna could make out the mare's shape, she was caught in strange bewilderment. This particular had a light blue coat with a dark blue mane, a single white strip cut down the middle. But perhaps what was most peculiar was the uniform that adorned her, a strange garb that suggested immense authority, but also tardiness, like the mare had struggled in a brief period of time to fit it around her form. The mare marched right up to the Princess, a stoic look on her face, stopping a short distance in front of Celestia and saluting lazily with her hoof before she decided to speak.

"Sorry I'm late, Madame Princess." She announced in a formal drawl.

"Late?" The Princess parroted back, still in her state of agitation. "That's putting it lightly."

"Well I apologise for the Ponyville to Canterlot train being its usual slow self." The mare retorted, still formally but with subdued snide. "Maybe making it run on time should be on your agenda. That is, if you're not too busy worrying about the political state in the north, or whatever it is you felt the need to drag me up here for."

"Please, Gate this is serious." Celestia replied, clarifying what her tone had already made clear.

The mare would have replied, but Luna felt that she could no longer maintain this state of confusion.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced." She expressed quite loudly, for the mares seemed to have forgotten her.

"What, oh course..." Celestia caught herself, before clearing her throat. "Minuette, I trust you're already familiar with who my sister is. Luna, this is Colonel Minuette Gate."

"Col. Gate if you're feeling informal." The Colonel added.

"What's a Colonel?" Luna replied, her confusion only subsided slightly.

"Never mind about that, sister." Celestia dismissed her concerns. "All you need to know is that Minuette here is one of my most trusted advisors in matters like this."

"Just how did that come about?" Luna continued, still not satisfied with the intake of information.

"Well it's quite an interesting story, actually..." Celestia was about to begin, had the Colonel not interrupted her.

"Now hold up there, Madame Princess." She exclaimed. "I am now speaking to you, not as Col Gate, but rather Dr. Gate, and what you are about to say is in strict violation of confidential doctor- patient files."

"Oh." Celestia said, taken aback. "Are you sure, I mean..."

"Hey, the wellbeing of alicorn teeth is a very serious matter to dentists." The mare continued, heedless. "Revealing such trade secrets to those not of alicorn stock or dentist profession could have profound consequences, not just for the wellbeing of our patients, but for our professions as dentists as a whole."

"But I'm an alicorn." Luna said perkily.

"Oh." The Colonel said, pausing. "Well, there's no time anyway to be discussing these things, I thought this business was a matter of great political significance, Madame Princess."

"Yes, quite right you are." The Princess responded, making the decision to cut right to the heart if the matter, lest they risk being distracted yet again. "Now Minuette, you are no doubt aware, the Crystal Empire is once again resurgent. And you're probably more than familiar with our policies of accepting foreign nations under our monarchy banner."

"Yeah yeah." The Colonel followed her. "Still not seeing the reason for dragging me up here though."

"But what you didn't know." Celestia continued forebodingly. "Is that they have recently declared their intentions to remain independent of the monarchy."

"Well that ain't nothing new." The Colonel replied, growing irritated. "We've got plenty of independent nations, it's their right. Not seeing your angle here, Madame Princess."

"Did I mention..." Celestia said, intentionally pausing for drama. "That the Crystal Empire, in it's prime, has vast reserves of magicka dust."

That caused a reaction in her sister and the Colonel. Luna reacted pretty much the same way she had to every new development regarding the Crystal Empire: with confusion. The Colonel, on the other hoof, let out an extremely subdued sigh, which likely would have turned into a curse, had she now reminding herself that she was in the presence of royalty.

"Well, that is... quite the development." She said. "Quite the development... and they are still in possession of this mineral?"

"I'm not sure." Celestia replied. "But since they've declared their independence, well..."

"I'm sorry again." Luna spoke up. "Just what exactly is this..."

"Madame Princess, if I may make an honest suggestion." The Colonel interrupted her. "The display of ignorance your sister is presenting here is quite frankly both detrimental to this conference, and embarrassing to herself. I think it would be within the best interests of us both if we were to continue this discussion in private."

"Just what are you playing at, Colonel?" Luna turned on her, attempting to put special emphasis on the last word, as well as trying to hide her embarrassment.

"Sister, please." Celestia heeled her, with surprising sincerity. "I for once, happen to agree with Minuette here."

"What are you on about?" Luna pleaded, turning round to face her older sister.

"You're proving a distraction right now, I'm afraid." The Princess continued. "I'm sorry, but could you perhaps let us continue this in private. We'll call a conference tomorrow in the War Room to discuss it in full."

"Yes, don't you have a moon to attend to, Princess." The Colonel added, faint traces of snide present.

"Now don't you tell me..." Luna began, her temper rising, as well as her voice.

"Please, sister." Celestia pleaded, her voice still with the same polite constraint to it, all the more obvious of how hard she was keeping back letting her real emotions shine through.

"...Okay, sister." Luna conceded. "I apologise for my attitude. I will leave you be."

She bowed her head to the elder alicorn, making it clear that she was only doing this because of her, and not the Colonel. Celestia nodded a firm nod in return, the look on her face inducing shame on Luna, who soon removed herself from the chamber, hanging her head low, both remorseful as well as deliberately avoid the mare in the suit.

"Now then, Madame Princess." The Colonel said, once the doors had shut soundly behind the Princess of the night. "Magicaka dust..."