Derring Do lay on her cot, staring at Rainbow Dash in the cell across from hers. They'd locked eyes for the last hour straight without so much as a breath to break the silence. They could hear muffled voices and shuffling paper from the office, and every so often a pair of royal guards walked down the hall between them. As near as Derring could tell, all the other cells were unoccupied. They probably hadn't been used in months... crime was almost unheard of in Canterlot.
A royal guard approached the bars and nodded to Rainbow Dash. "We managed to contact your friend, and she's agreed to post bail. As soon as the funds are transferred we can clear you for release."
"Thank you, sir."
The guard left them alone, and Dash turned back to Derring. "You don't have any money, do you? Why didn't you call someone?"
Derring remained quiet.
"There must be someone in this whole city who would pay to set you free. Even just one person." Dash tilted her head. "So I'm guessing... you don't want to be seen asking for help. Or you don't want to owe someone a favor."
Dash glanced down each end of the central corridor.
"You know, it's okay to ask for help. It's not a sign of weakness or anything."
Derring worked her jaw back and forth, grinding her teeth.
"So that's it," Dash said.
"Don't talk to me," Derring said. "Don't look at me... don't touch me... don't ever visit me again as long as you live."
Dash rolled her eyes. "...What a drama queen."
"Drama...!?" Derring's eyebrow shot up. "You humiliated me in front of an entire crowd of strangers. You threw a water balloon in my face—
"It was Miracle Medicine," Dash said. "Not water."
—you tore my dress apart... a rental dress that costs more than the building I live in!"
"Okay already! Geez!"
"And then! Then you had the appalling nerve to make fun of my wing... a crippling disability that's plagued me for years! You made an absolute mockery of me in public, all for some twisted, sadistic prank!"
Dash looked back at her, alarmed. "It wasn't a prank! I swear, that medicine was supposed to cure anything! I was only trying to—"
"Only trying to help!?" Derring tossed her head and scoffed. "Are you a doctor? Are you a pharmacologist? Do you know what kind of medication I'm allergic to? Did you even have that liquid examined by a doctor or a chemist? For all you knew, it could have been poison or acid!"
Dash recoiled sheepishly. "Well, my friend made it. She's a... well, a pretty good alchemist. Probably."
"Your friend made it? Oh, what marvelous credentials. Simply smashing." Derring pursed her lips and spoke in a mocking tone. "Oh, it's quite all right! My friend made it!"
Dash's lower lip quivered. "Hey, don't make fun of my friend!"
"You administered a medical treatment to me without asking for my permission! A medicine that didn't work as expected!" Derring stood up and turned around, slumping on the cot and facing away from her. "Well I've had quite enough of that already!"
Dash watched her for awhile.
"Derring-Do?"
Derring grunted.
"I'm sorry," Dash said. "What I did was wrong. I was only trying to make everything better... but that's no excuse."
Derring said nothing. After a moment, her shoulders began to shake.
"Miss Do? Are you okay?"
"Eight months," Derring said, her voice quavering. "I still remember when they rushed me out of the dig site and took me to a hospital. I'd been feverish with malaria for two days straight... I remember waking up and seeing myself in the mirror, with my hair all grey and faded, like an old mare's. I remember the doctor who told me my wing would never work again. I remember his face, his voice... I remember everything about him, like it was yesterday." She gazed up at something beyond the walls of the cell. "It took me eight months just to get out of the hospital. There were so many doctors after that, so many treatments and medicines... I went in for surgery five times a year, and it always took a month of physical therapy just to recover. One whole month of torture, just to learn how to walk again."
Derring slumped back on the bed.
"Running in place," she whispered. "All my life, it feels like I've been running in place... and I have to run faster and faster, just to stay where I am."
"I wasn't kidding about being a registered physical therapist," said Dash. "I know how much it can hurt."
Derring turned to her, suddenly bitter. "I hate you. I hate doctors and hospitals and medicine and surgery... I hate them all! Again and again they give me hope, and tell me not to give up... just hang on a little further, and everything will be better soon! But they never deliver!"
Dash shook her head. "No, you can't give up! You can't ever give up hope!"
Derring Shot to her feet and slammed a hoof against the bars. "Don't even try to feed me such garbage, because I'm not swallowing it! Not one more mouthful! They always say things will get worse before they get better, but that's not how it goes! That's not how the real world works! Sometimes things just get worse, and then they stay that way forever!"
Dash set her jaw. "You're a professor. An archeologist. You've published books and found ancient ruins and... and... everything! Derring, you do what most ponies can only dream of!"
Derring slumped back onto her cot.
"Come on, Derring! Think about everything you've accomplished!"
"I know," she said. "Filling out forms, alphabetizing magazines, sitting behind a desk..." She let out a laugh that was partly a wet sniffle. "I mean, who... who wouldn't want my life? Living in a filthy attic, eating nothing but barley broth and tea... scrimping and saving on laundry money all year to rent a fake dress and a fake carriage, just to have dinner with a bunch of rich ponies. It's my one and only chance, once every year, to beg for enough funding to run a project of my own... or even just a chance to tell people about my books. Maybe get a few more citations than last year."
Dash watched her slump further against the cot.
"Who cares anyway... it's just a stupid dinner. Just a bunch of big suits and fake smiles."
Dash stood up and approached the bars, but hesitated as she heard steel-shod hooves approaching. She waited patiently for the officers to finish their rounds and go out of earshot.
"Hey."
If Derring heard her, she gave no indication of it.
Dash licked her lips and straightened her posture. "Listen... that medicine? It came from the Crystal Empire."
Derring looked up at her, wearily.
"You know... the place where all the crystal ponies live. I actually met with their prince and helped clear up a big misunderstanding with his true love. She was going all crazy-wacko, blowing up all kinds of things and stealing magical artifacts."
"She did?"
"Nevermind that... the prince is the one who gave me that Miracle Medicine, and he said he knew how to make more of it. We should totally visit him! You and me! We could ask him about it, and maybe he can tell us why it didn't work!"
"You and me."
"Yeah!"
"Should visit the Prince of the crystal ponies. Whom you know personally."
"Like I said, he owes me a solid. So whaddya say?"
Derring gave her a bland look, her eyes half-lidded. "You, miss, are a functioning lunatic."
Dash stamped her hoof. "Oh, come on!"
"No, I really mean it. You're clinically insane, with just barely enough cognitive ability to lead a superficially ordinary life. You live in a delusional fantasy world and suffer from a truly frightening degree of megalomaniacal overconfidence."
"But it's true," said Dash. "I swear! Ask anyone who I am!"
"This comes as no surprise to me at all," Derring said as she stood up from her cot. "This is what happens to ponies who obsess over fictional stories as much as you do. You start to think the fantasy world is real, and it corrupts your perception of reality. I'm entirely serious... those ridiculous storybooks have warped your impressionable young mind beyond all hope of repair."
"Oh for pete's sake! Look, the next time the guard walks past just ask him who I am."
Derring scoffed and turned away.
"What have you got to lose?"
"My dignity," Derring said. "It's all I have left... and I refuse to throw it away to win a pointless argument with a psychotic, self-absorbed, irresponsible stranger that's already ruined my life and my career with her childish antics."
Dash watched her for a while, slumped on the cot. Eventually, a royal guard approached her cell with a ring of keys.
"Bail's been posted, miss. You're free to go."
Dash stepped out, but paused before leaving.
"Derring? You don't fool me. You're the functioning lunatic."
"Leave me alone."
"You're the angriest pony in the world. You cannot move. You cannot sleep. You can just barely talk... bound so tightly with tension and anger, you approach the state of rigor mortis. You ball the anger up inside you, and you think it's the only thing keeping you alive. But it's killing you."
"...I said leave me alone."
"It's not your wing that's kept you back all these years," Dash said, "you just gave up on your own. You need to blame yourself instead of your wing, and get on with your life."
Derring spun around and glared at her. "You shut your mouth!"
The royal guard kicked at the bars of her cell. "Don't you dare speak to her that way! Do you have any idea who this is, or what she's done?"
Derring flinched back in alarm. "W-what?"
Dash set a hoof on the guard's shoulder before he could continue. "Nevermind, Blazer... it's not important."
"Not important!?" he sputtered.
Derring glanced between them. "What are you talking about? What's going on?"
The guard straightened up. "This is Rainbow Dash, champion of the princess and wielder of the legendary Element of Loyalty. She's the close, personal friend of Princess Celestia's own protege, and they've saved Equestria from catastrophe more times than most people can keep count."
Derring's eyes widened. "She... what!? But that was all made up! She's just some deluded bully! Nothing more!"
The guard glared at her. "She's a hero, and you will speak of her with respect!"
Dash shoved the guard's shoulder. "Blazer, enough! It's cool!"
The guard calmed down, grudgingly, and led Rainbow Dash away.
Derring ran to the bars and waved after her. "Wait! Dash!"
She paused to look back at her.
"Why didn't you tell me who you were from the beginning? I had no idea, honest!"
"I wanted you to get to know the real me... to judge me for who I really am, instead of what everyone thinks I am." She lowered her head and turned away. "But I guess that's never going to happen."
Derring watched as she walked down the corridor and out of view, leaving her alone in the cell block.
The next day, Dash took her one and only luggage bag to Canterlot's magnificent Grand Central Station. After an hour or so of waiting in line, she went to the terminal deck and waited patiently for her ride to arrive. A constant stream of whistles pierced the air, each followed by a pony shouting the name of a city or country. She watched the trains go by, ever watchful for a glimpse of Ponyville's humble heraldry waving in the wind.
After a few minutes, a mare stepped up and waited patiently beside her. Dash continued to watch the trains, wordlessly. The mare checked her watch briefly.
Twenty minutes later, an old-fashioned steam train pulled up to the loading dock, pulling a long row of ornate, wood-fashioned passenger cabs. Rainbow Dash checked her ticket and used her wing to carry her luggage bag.
"You live in Ponyville?" the mare said.
Dash turned to her and flinched slightly. Sure enough, it was Derring-Do, but the depressingly modest dress was gone: She was wearing an olive drab vest, a set of hiking boots, and a pair of small but extremely rugged saddlebags. She was wearing a plain news-colt's cap instead of a solid pith helmet, but this was the only notable difference between her and the book illustrations Dash had become so familiar with.
Dash eyed her. "You talkin' to me?"
Derring gave her a casual shrug. "You see anypony else around?"
Dash glanced at the thronging crowd all around them.
"Something I can do for you?"
Derring arched an eyebrow. "...So I 'approach the state of rigor mortis,' do I?"
Dash bit her bottom lip. "Yeah... I kinda got all that stuff out of a book. I'm not exactly sure what it means, but it sounded appropriate."
"I guess."
Dash looked her up and down. "Going somewhere?"
"Somewhere," she said. "Anywhere. I don't care. Just not here."
"You didn't quit your job, did you?"
"No... but they'll probably figure it out when I don't show up tomorrow."
Dash frowned at her. "You're just gonna leave. With no luggage or money or anything."
Derring glanced at her own watch. "I still have some rent money saved up. It wasn't enough for next month anyways, so."
Dash looked ahead, frowning in concentration. Eventually, he eyes shot open. "Oh, no... I really did ruin your career, didn't I? You got arrested for brawling in the streets, and you missed a big fancy university thing!"
"They didn't fire me or anything," Derring said. "I'm just sick and tired of bowing and scraping, apologizing for every little thing, all so I can cling to my little desk job."
"Whoa, whoa... no-no-no!" Dash stepped in front of her. "But that was... that was my fault! I threw a freakin' water balloon at you! I ripped your dress! I twisted your wing all around!"
Derring rolled her eyes. "Does that sound like something a national hero would do? Clearly, it's all my fault."
"They stuck you with the blame for something that was completely my fault?"
"Sucks doesn't it?"
"Look, is this a trick? Are you just trying to make me feel like this is all my fault, and now I have to help you?" Rainbow Dash walked in place, nervously. "Because if it is a trick, it's working!"
"I don't want your help. I never did, and I never will." Derring glanced at a nearby train. "Look, I just wanted a chance to apologize to you. You were right. I am a pretty angry pony, and I think I've got some pretty darn good reasons to be angry. But you're not one of them. So I'm sorry for losing my temper."
"Oh, no you don't!" Dash grabbed her shoulder and locked eyes with her. "I'm not going to let this stand! I swear you won't get in trouble for this, even if I have to go to the princess herself."
Derring-Do scoffed. "For what? So I can go back to a job I hate?"
"Don't say that! You love your job!"
"I've hated it all along. You just pointed it out to me. Thanks, by the way... I mean it."
Derring moved to walk around her, but Dash stepped in her way.
"You hate your job, Derring. But this isn't the answer!"
"Oh it's not, is it? Than what is? This ought to be hilarious."
Dash held her shoulder and locked eyes with her. "You love archaeology... but you hate your job. They're not the same thing."
"My job isn't my job? I dare you to explain that."
Dash pointed a hoof at herself. "You know what I do or a living? I'm a weather pony."
Derring stared back at her, blandly. "...Bullspit."
"It's true. It's absolutely true."
"But that's... that's one of the worst jobs in the world."
"It is, yes. Completely. The pay is terrible, the hours are long, the working conditions are dangerous... most of the other weatherponies are volunteers, so they never show up on time and they never give you a hundred and ten percent... and does anypony ever thank me for a job well done? No! They throw potted plants at me because their precious tomato garden got too much water! The only time anypony ever notices the weather is when it goes wrong. And then I get buried under mountains of complaint letters!"
Derring stared at her. "Then why do you do it? Why don't you quit?"
"Because that's the thing! I love being a weather pony. I love flying, and I love sculpting the weather just right. And darn it, I'm good at it!" Dash stepped back and set a hoof over her heart. "Don't you see? It's the job part I hate: the part of my job that has nothing to do with the weather. But I never let that get in the way of what really matters."
Derring stared at her."You're serious... the Element of Loyalty is a lowly weather pony?"
"I tell ya, Derring: if they didn't pay me, I'd still do it for free."
Derring quirked an eyebrow.
"Come with me," Dash said, "and I'll take the blame for what happened. Promise."
"You'd do that for me?"
Dash shrugged. "I wouldn't be much of an Element of Loyalty if I let somepony else take the blame for something I did."
Derring's eyes flicked side to side. "What's the catch? What do you want in return?"
"Come with me and visit the Crystal Empire. Let's ask the prince about the medicine."
"That's all?"
"That's all."
"Well... okay. I guess." Derring shuffled her feet. "Should I go change into someth—"
"No, that's perfect!" Rainbow Dash grabbed her and pulled her along the platform towards a sleek, silver bullet-train made entirely of bright yellow topaz. She waved at the young colt working as ticketmaster. "Pardon me, boy! Is that the Crystal Empire choo-choo?"
"Track twenty nine?" The cold nodded. "You bet your boots it is! Do you have your fare?"
Dash stepped up. "No sir, but this is totally royal business."
He lifted his cap up. "Royal business?"
"Totally. I'm Rainbow Dash, and I need to—"
"Rainbow Dash? The Element of Loyalty!?" He opened the door wide and waved her in. "Say no more, miss! It'd be an honor to have you onboard!"
"Thanks!" Dash nodded backwards, over her shoulder. "Oh, and I need to bring her along. Because."
"Yes yes, of course. Not a problem. Go to cab three, row eleven to fourteen, and sit anywhere you like. I'll clear it with the terminal staff right away."
"Cool."
Dash stepped into the train, pausing for a moment to let Derring to gape in awe. She climbed in after her, and followed her in a daze.
"You... you just..."
"Yeah? What?"
"It's almost impossible to get an exception here. This train station is legendary for upholding the rules in the most literal and inconvenient ways imaginable. Ponies have had to wait weeks just to get their own luggage back, just because it was tagged incorrectly."
"Yeah, well, this is royal business. They don't make you wait in line for anything when there's an emergency going on."
"Unbelievable," Derring whispered. "I bet you don't have to pay for anything: restaurants, bus fare, postage stamps..."
"Trust me. I always end up paying for it someh—"
Just as they reached passenger cab eleven, a voice crackled over the intercom. "Good afternoon, fillies and gentlecolts, and thank you for traveling Crystal Express Lines. We'll be leaving for the center of the Empire itself in about fifteen minutes... and may I say what an honor it is to have the legendary Rainbow Dash, wielder of the Element of Loyalty and champion of Princess Celestia herself, accompanying us as a passenger."
The seated passengers all looked up at once, instantly fixating on Dash's colorful mane.
"Oh-mi-gosh, look at that!"
"Is it her? It is! It's Rainbow Dash!"
"This is so amazing! Dash, you're my hero!"
A stampede of excited ponies leapt up from their seats and rushed all around them, smiling and shouting, desperate for attention and autographs. Rainbow Dash smiled back at them charmingly, but sidled up against Derring-Do to keep from being completely overwhelmed. It was like being crushed in the center of a hurricane of bubbly excitement.
Dash leaned closer to Derring-Do and whispered out of the side of her mouth. "Like I said... I always pay for it somehow."