//------------------------------// // Things That Go Burp in the Night // Story: So You Married A Changeling // by M1ghtypen //------------------------------// Everypony in Ponyville knew that Sugarcube Corner was the perfect place to stop for a snack, especially when the weather was cold and the pastries were hot and fresh. Summer had yet to bring the full force of its warmth to Ponyville, so the days were still bitterly cold as winter fought to maintain control of Equestria's thermostat. Unfortunately there were still slow days, and today business was slow as it could possibly be. This left Carrot Cake in the awkward position of having nothing to do during business hours. He couldn’t leave the register, but standing in one place all day would get terribly boring. Carrot always kept a book nearby for just such an occasion. He was halfway through a collection of old myths and legends, reading up on sea ponies and other ridiculous creatures. It seemed like a childish way to spend his time, but he had nothing better to do. One monster in the book seemed very familiar. He remembered his mother, a very superstitious pony, telling him stories about frightening bug-like creatures that could snatch up an innocent pony and assume his identity. The book named them in ominous, gothic letters at the top of the page: “changelings”. They fed on love to survive, but Carrot Cake’s mother had told him that they absolutely adored sugar and other sweet things. They reminded him of vampires, or perhaps some kind of giant leech. A loud crash came from the kitchen and Carrot ran to investigate. His wife was lying on her back, a dazed look on her face and a bag of flour on the floor next to her. A bowl of pie filling had been knocked over, evidence of a failed attempt at cherry pie. “Are you alright, honey bun?” Carrot asked. He helped Cup Cake to her hooves and gently examined her head to see how badly she was hurt. Apart from a small bump she looked alright. Must be all that padding, he thought with a grin. Being “pleasantly plump” comes with a few advantages. “I fell,” she mumbled. “I think I hit my head. The flour….” “Are you dizzy?” her husband asked, more concerned than amused now that she actually seemed injured. “Do you want to lie down? I can call Doctor Stable if you want.” Cup Cake shook her head, wincing only a little at the pain it caused. “I’m alright dear,” she assured him. “Maybe I’ll just rest for a minute. I’ll be right as rain and back to baking in no time at all.” “I’ll be here.” They shared a brief kiss and Carrot watched her wobble up the stairs, thinking that he could probably talk her into a quick visit to the doctor if she wasn’t feeling better when she woke up. He looked over the mess caused by Cup Cake’s spill and was able to piece together the events leading up to it. Obviously she had tried to reach the flour on the top shelf by standing on the countertop, lost her balance, and bumped her head against the kitchen table on her way to the floor. It was quite a fall, but she seemed mostly unharmed. Cleanup wasn’t difficult, especially since he had years of experience cleaning up after Pinkie Pie. Compared to the utter carnage that some of her culinary experiments had left behind, a spilled bowl of pie filling and some flour was nothing at all. It barely registered a 0.6 on the Pinkie Scale. With the mess cleaned up Carrot made one final pass to make sure that he hadn’t missed anything. He looked up at the shelf, thinking that he should really move the ingredients lower to the ground. Right now he was the only pony tall enough to reach them easily. Something on the ceiling caught his attention, and he pulled over a chair to stand on so that he could get a better look. There was a mark on the ceiling in front of where the flour was kept that looked quite a bit like a hoof print. How did that get up there? Mr. Cake wondered. Had somepony tried to steady themselves while reaching for something? No way, he thought. I’m the tallest pony in this household, and not even I can reach up there. Maybe it was just a smudge that happened to look like a horseshoe. And it suddenly appeared for no good reason, Carrot mused. He was sure that he would have noticed it before, so it had to be new. Oh well. He returned to the front counter and settled in for another few hours of waiting for customers. He continued to flip idly through his book, not really paying attention to what he was reading. One of the pages had a sketch of a changeling. There was very little detail in the background, but the creature itself was depicted very clearly. It was hanging from the ceiling and glowering down at whatever unfortunate pony was below it. A trail of hoof prints showed where it had crawled up the wall. Carrot thought back to the mark on the ceiling and laughed. Maybe I married a changeling. It’s all so clear now; soon she’ll start fattening me up so she can eat me. He smiled as he tried to imagine the spindly, nimble creature in the picture transforming into his stocky wife. Maybe it could tie pillows to itself to improve the illusion. ***** Later that day, after the bakery had closed and Pinkie Pie had set out to organize a ‘Thank Goodness It’s Friday’ party (on a Tuesday, no less) the Cakes went grocery shopping. They split the shopping between them to speed things along, and soon Mr. Cake was finished with his half. He found his wife in the baking isle, stocking up on powdered sugar and…not much else. “I think we’ve got enough sugar honey bun,” he pointed out. “We weren’t running very low to begin with.” Cup Cake gave him a peck on the cheek and they started toward the checkout line. “You’re forgetting the bag I dropped this morning, dear.” She licked some sugar from where it had stuck to her hoof. Didn't she spill flour? “Mmmm. We should bake something sweet when we get home.” Carrot chuckled and prodded her gently in the ribs, causing her to flinch and squeal. She had always been very ticklish there. “We spent all morning baking and you still can’t think of something else to do?” Cup Cake said something in response, but Carrot suddenly found it very difficult to listen. His mother had warned him to beware of any loved ones that developed a sudden sweet tooth, and now that warning demanded his attention. My honey bun has always loved sweets, he told himself. There’s no need to jump to conclusions. After buying what they needed and returning home the Cakes set about making dinner. Cup Cake insisted that they make a red velvet cake after they were finished. Carrot went along with it, knowing that there was no stopping her when she got a craving for something. They rested in the den behind the kitchen while the cake was baking, each occupied with a book. Reading was a popular pastime in Ponyville since television had yet to be invented. Cup Cake was reading Photo Finish’s autobiography. Carrot wasn’t sure how she could stand to read the ravings of a megalomaniac, but he had learned not to bother her about it. Occasionally she would mention something about her book, or bring up a completely unrelated topic. Carrot Cake would then respond with a similarly random thought. It was a familiar routine, and one that they both enjoyed. “Remember when we met?” Cup Cake asked. She snuggled against him on the couch and flipped through her book even though she wasn’t looking at it. “It was at…homecoming, I think. Maybe it was prom.” “Prom,” Mr. Cake assured her. “Your coltfriend had dumped you for a cheerleader.” Cup Cake sighed. “I still don’t know what you saw in him, apart from the insanely athletic build and rugged good looks.” His wife giggled. “You looked sad, so I said hello.” “I remember how handsome you were,” she said. “Looking back, not much has changed.” Mr. Cake cleared his throat uncomfortably. In his teenage years he was a scrawny, unhealthy colt with a minor speech impediment and serious self esteem issues. He sometimes wondered what his wife had seen in him, especially considering his fashion sense at the time. “I don’t wear thin white ties and hoof bracers anymore. That’s a pretty big change.” She draped her front legs over his neck and hugged him possessively. “I thought you looked cute,” she whispered into his ear. “It was so sweet when you showed up at the restaurant the very next day looking for a date. I thought a little rock star had come to visit me.” “Your boss was such a witch,” Carrot grumbled. “I still don’t see what the big deal was. You were a waitress, not a trauma surgeon.” The oven timer went off and Cup Cake crawled reluctantly off the couch. “I’ll set the cake out to cool and be back before you know it.” Carrot went back to his book, which suddenly saddled him with an uncomfortable bit of information. This says that changelings will often try to bring up happy memories to feed on the emotions they cause. Feeling more than a little silly, he set his book aside and quietly slunk to the kitchen door. He peeked in on his wife, who was setting the cake on a rack to cool. See? This is stupid. I don’t even believe in changelings for Celestia’s sake! He hurried back to the couch before she caught him watching. Then again, I didn’t believe in Discord either. I’ve been wrong before. ***** Long after his wife had fallen asleep, Mr. Cake lay awake in their bed. Something was keeping him up and he couldn’t put his hoof on what it was. He thought about his marriage and about the wonderful mare that had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. He rolled over to look at her only to find that she was gone. “Honey bun?” Carrot called. He rolled out of bed and stumbled into the hallway, groggy and bleary-eyed. He wasn’t sure why Cup Cake’s absence disturbed him so much, but he felt compelled to find her. He had always considered himself a bit of a coward; now he was all alone in their big, dark, empty house and he felt a growing sense of unease at how quiet it was. The window at the end of the hall was open. Carrot took a moment to close it before moving on to Pinkie’s room. The pink party pony was missing, but her pet alligator was sleeping peacefully at the foot of her bed. A noise from the bathroom startled him. “Is anypony there?” Mr. Cake called. “Honey bun? Is that you?” “Yes dearie?" Mr. Cake relaxed at the sound of his wife's voice. She trotted out of the bathroom and down the stairs. "Are you coming?" she called. "We don't have all night." Carrot followed her down to the kitchen, uncertain of what she wanted but relieved to no longer be alone. Everything seemed much more sinister with the lights turned out. "What are we doing?" he asked. "Can’t this wait until morning? Come on, let's go back to bed." "Who could sleep at a time like this?" Cup Cake asked. "Hurry up and lie down!" She pushed him toward a huge metal dish on the kitchen floor. The bottom was covered with lettuce and there was an apple lying in the center. "He'll be here any moment." "Who?" Carrot asked. "What's going on?" The kitchen's back door opened with an ominous creek. "Who is that?" he demanded. Something the size of a pony skittered into the room, accompanied by an awful clicking noise that made him think of a giant cricket. "Tell me what's happening! Say something!" The lights turned on and Carrot Cake took an involuntary step backward. "Hey there pun'kin," said a pony that looked exactly like him. It winked smugly, its eyes glowing with sinister green light. Cup Cake stepped up behind him. He turned around, expecting to see his wonderful wife, but the lights cut out before he could get a good look at her. He only saw fangs and green eyes as she lunged at him and buried her teeth in his throat. ***** "NO!" Carrot Cake shouted, jolted awake by the awful face that he had only managed to see in the corner of his eye. His heart was racing, but he soon accepted that it had only been a dream. Stupid story book, he thought sourly. This is ridiculous. I'm too old to be afraid of things that go bump in the night. I'm tossing that thing in the trash first thing tomorrow morning. He allowed himself to relax again, rolling over to snuggle up to his wife. Cup Cake wasn't sleeping next to him. Suddenly he wasn't sure that his nightmare was over. A loud clattering from downstairs made him sit bolt upright in bed. I feel a lot less ridiculous now that something is actually bumping! I should go check that out, he thought. It could be anything. Somepony might have broken in, or the boiler might be about to explode, or Pinkie might be trying out new loads for her party cannon. Or it could be nothing at all, Carrot told himself as he reluctantly got out of bed. I could live with that. He silently crept down the hallway toward the stairs. What does a changeling do with the pony it replaces, I wonder? Do they get eaten? Somepony had left the window open. Mr. Cake felt a panic attack coming on, but he tried to keep it under control. There was no reason to freak out. So what if things resembled his dream a little too much? It was only a dream, and he didn't actually think that his wife had been replaced by a changeling. Did he? I'll just have a quick look, he decided. No need to panic. Remember what the doctor said about minding your blood pressure. At this rate I'll have an aneurism before I make it to the bottom of the stairs! Carrot snuck downstairs and peeked into the kitchen. He saw Cup Cake getting a glass of water and a small slice of red velvet cake. There has never been a pony that felt more foolish than I do right now, he thought. It should be physically impossible to fit this much embarrassment into a pony. I should explode or melt or whatever it is that ponies do when they experience shame overload. Cup Cake looked around cautiously as she opened the pantry and pulled out a bag of sugar. Carrot Cake backed out of sight just in time. Still no need to panic. Maybe she's going to make a cup of tea. Maybe the cake isn't sweet enough for her. When she was confident that she was alone Cup Cake poured what must have been half a pound of sugar into her water. She tried to stir the resulting sludge with a spoon, then chugged it all like a college filly at a house party. That's disgusting, Carrot thought. His wife -or the thing that was pretending to be his wife- let out a loud belch and immediately covered her mouth. She coughed and blushed with embarrassment. That's adorable, he grudgingly admitted. Carrot Cake hurried upstairs and crawled into bed. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, threatening to cause another of his famous fainting spells. Cup Cake came up a few minutes later, quietly climbed into bed, and curled up against him. On any other night he would have felt completely at peace with her close by. Tonight was different. The thing curled up next to him was not his wife. It was a dangerous, possibly carnivorous creature that had stolen his beloved Cup Cake and taken her place. He had to do something! Cup Cake made a noise in her sleep that sounded almost like a laugh. Carrot was so startled that his delicate constitution was finally pushed over the edge and he fainted right there in his own bed. ***** Mr. Cake spent the next few days reading everything he could about changelings, which didn’t amount to much. They were fey creatures and valued secrecy, so information on them was scarce. Cup Cake’s impostor thought he was developing a strange fascination with fairy tales, but she let him have his fun. One of the books he found might have been helpful, but Carrot wasn't sure if he could trust it. Where the author's name should have been was only the word "Doctor." He decided to use it anyway since he had precious little else to rely on. Assuming that it was correct, changelings would molt every few months. The process sounded disgusting, but an old piece of exoskeleton would be exactly what he needed to prove that his wife was a soul-sucking nightmare creature. It would also prove that she’s a changeling. The inane thought made him giggle. He badly needed the proof, because he certainly couldn't take on the changelings by himself. His Cup Cake might still be alive, and he didn’t even know where to start looking for her. Nopony was going to help him based on a few sugar encrusted glasses and a mark on the ceiling. Mrs. Cake found him sitting at the breakfast table, staring moodily at his toast and eggs. "Is something wrong?" she asked. Carrot Cake forced himself not to lean away when she kissed him on the cheek. "We're closed for the day. We should do something fun." Carrot Cake pretended to agree and she trotted upstairs to get ready for the day. All the while her husband was wondering how he could catch her in the act of molting. He could keep a close eye on her, but he couldn't be with her all the time. Perhaps he would just have to watch closely and hope for the best. Eventually the creature would slip up. Until then he would just have to play along. He didn't like the idea of cozying up to a monster, but if he didn't.... If he didn't, he might never see the real Cup Cake again. The thought of what might be happening to her at that very moment made him want to dive tackle her replacement and demand information. But that isn't the way to do it, he thought. I have to be smart about this or I could mess everything up. I can't let her see that I’m angry or she'll know that I've caught on. I need to be careful! "Are you alright, dear?" Mr. Cake leapt out of his chair and spun around, his heart hammering in his chest. "Goodness!" the changeling exclaimed. She covered her mouth with a hoof and tried not to laugh. "I didn't mean to startle you!" Mr. Cake pretended not to be angry even as he felt the floor tilting underneath him. Cup Cake caught him before he hit the ground, having grown accustomed to such reactions long ago. ***** Eventually, after gritting his teeth through several days of things that he would normally love, Carrot Cake gave up looking for proof. He was ready to tell somepony the truth and hope for the best. If he kept waiting for the changeling to make a mistake he would grow old and grey with the wrong mare, and eventually he might forget about the real Cup Cake altogether. Changelings could play strange tricks on a pony's mind, and there was always a chance that she would brainwash him. Twilight Sparkle would be the right mare to tell. She had a direct line to Celestia and was powerful in her own right. He would slip out while the impostor Cup Cake was distracted, beg for help, and be back before he was missed. He waited until he was certain she was asleep, then tiphoofed downstairs. He was almost to the front door when he heard somepony calling his name. Pinkie Pie's voice drifted out to him from the kitchen, uncharacteristically sad. "Mr. Cake? Where are you going?" Carrot trotted into the kitchen to find his tenant sitting at the table and munching on a carrot. Her mane was lacking its usual volume, hanging down almost to her hooves in a glossy pink waterfall. "I have to go for a walk," he lied. Pinkie sighed and finished her carrot in a single, distressingly large bite. Carrot Cake hated it when she did that. "You've been acting really weird lately," she said. "You seem angry about something, and I think I know what it might be. You’ve noticed that something’s different about Mrs. Cake, didn’t you? I noticed it too." "Really?" Mr. Cake sighed with relief. "That's great. I feel like I’ll explode if I have to keep it a secret any longer. It’s driving me crazy." "She isn't cheating on you." Mr. Cake plastered a big, fake smile on his face even as he groaned inwardly. "You know what? You’re right. Thanks for the talk Pinkie, but I don't-" "Mrs. Cake loves you so much! She'd never even consider it, and you just need to ask her why she's acting so funny. I know she's been acting a little strange, and there's a toooootally good reason for it, but she toooootally made me promise not to tell!" "I just need to...wait, what?" Pinkie Pie ran to the foot of the stairs and looked up. She was so anxious that she was practically vibrating. "Please talk to her!" she whispered when she was sure that Cup Cake wasn’t listening. "I promised not to tell but it would be so, so sad if you two had a fight because I know you love each other so, so much!" As much as he wanted to hurry over to the library and be done with it, Carrot was beginning to think that he might be making a mistake. "Alright, I'll talk to her about it." "That's good." Pinkie wrapped him in a hug, which was the first physical contact he'd had in days that didn't make him want to start shaking all over. That might be more my fault than anypony else's, Mr. Cake thought. He left Pinkie to her midnight snacking and trudged back upstairs, all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts weighing heavily on his mind. What proof do I actually have? She hasn't done anything wrong. He thought back to watching his wife drink a cup of sugar cement. I could have been dreaming. In fact his medication was known for causing strange dreams, and he had already had one nightmare that night. An extremely unsettling train of thought was beginning to take shape in his mind. What if I did try to report her and it turned out that I was wrong? What if she got put through a bunch of awful, painful tests? She’d be so upset if she knew I didn't trust her. Mr. Cake saw the light on in the bathroom. He hurried to bed and pulled the sheets tight around himself to ward off the night's chill. His wife joined him moments later. "Love you," she whispered. What if I've been wrong all along? Carrot wondered. He felt a terrible, shameful weight tugging at his heart that he hadn’t noticed before. What if she's noticed the same thing as Pinkie? She'd think that I was mad at her, or that I didn’t love her anymore. It would hurt her so much, and it would all be because of some stupid superstition. He rolled over and wrapped his forelegs around her. "I love you too."