"And you're SURE this thing still works?" I asked Guardian. I was standing on the top of my base getting ready to test a new system that would allow me to jump from high places and still land safely.
"Of course, why would it not work?" He asked
"You know how my luck...work?" I said but my train of thought was interrupted. I was looking at what appeared to be a cotton candy cloud that was following a pony and raining chocolate milk.
"That's a new one" I said to myself "Uh, G are you seeing this?"
I was jolted from my observation by the blaring of an alarm. I quckly made my way to the bridge where Firestorm and Guardian were franticly trying to process the alert.
"Status report" I ordered as I skidded to a stop behind the mechs
"Captain, all hell has broken loose" I hear Firestorm say as she jumps from screen to screen.
"Affirmative" Guardian says "I am detecting an overwhelming number of anomolies in all sectors"
"A little more specific please" I said
"That's just it Captain, we've never seen anything like this" said Firestorm "it's complete insanity"
"Understood" I said as I ran to the armory "Get the Albatross ready, I need to get the others and get to Canterlot, ASAP"
I reached the armory and quickly gathered my gear: my AUG rifle with an underslung Masterkey shotgun, a pair of M9 Barretta pistols, ammo, my axe, and shield. I began strapping on my armor as Guardian updated me on the transport.
"Captain, the Albatross is ready for deployment" he said as I finished my armor and started installing a minigun
"Roger that" I said as I ran to the lift finishing and retracting the minigun on my right shoulder and starting on my left 20 millimeter cannon "you and Firestorm stay here and monitor the situation"
I took the lift to the launch bay as I finished installed my 20mm and boarded the Albatross: a jet-propelled version of the V-22 Osprey. I linked my systems into its controls and uploaded Twilight's magic energy signature.
"Albatross, seek out Twilight Sparkle" I commanded the autopilot, which answered by firing its jets and lifting out of the roof launch pad. Once hovering over the base, the Albatross tilted its thrusters and launched forward, already homing in on Twilight's magic. From my position in the Albatross, I could see the extent of the emergency: Pegasi were getting stuck in the aformentioned clouds , animals with long skinny legs were running wild, it was like a warzone in Ponyville and sanity was losing.
"Target located: descending"
The transport then came to a stop and dropped itself onto the ground. I hit the release switch, lowering the hydraulic ramp. I walked out, AUG ready.
"Captain?" I heard all the ponies say when I landed
"Get in" I ordered gesturing toward the Albatross "We're goin' to Canterlot"
All the ponies piled into the transport with me staying on the ramp. The ship then lifted off and I returned inside, closing the door as I went.
"Albatross: destination Canterlot Castle, Full speed" I commanded the ship as the ponies settled in. A series of beeps indicated the ship was en route. I sat down in my seat.
"OK, does anyone have any idea what the hell is going on?" I asked bluntly. They all nodded no.
"It's like all sanity has disappeared" said Twilight clearly overwhelmed by the failure of all logic.
"It's raining chocolate milk from cotton candy clouds!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash
"The animals are all running wild" squeaked Fluttershy
"And Sweet Apple Acres is covered in a layer a popcorn" Applejack said "and Ah don't think we got enough butter for all of it"
"I noticed" I said standing up and walking to the control panel "This really gives the Everfree Forest a run for its money in weirdness"
I paused and then remembered my manners.
"Oh and by the way: welcome aboard the V-23 Albatross"
"Where do you keep all this stuff?" asked Rainbow
"That's classified" I said turning my attention to the V-23's monitors "Wow, this stuff is happening all over Equestria"
I brought up a projection of all the data I had: pictures of snowman attacks in the north, dancing tumbleweeds out west, on and on.
"Captain, I have an update" said Firestorm over my radio
"Go ahead" I said
"It appears the disruptions are getting more severe and are spreading rapidly"
"Roger that" I answered "Have Guardian begin evacuating ponies to the town hall, and don't forget Zecora"
"Understood sir, be careful"
"What was that about?" asked Rarity
"These disturbances are getting worse" I said "I'm having Guardian and Firestorm evactuate the town and keep them at the town hall"
"Thirty seconds to destination" the autopilot said
"Wow, that was fast" said Pinkie as she looked out a window at the city
"Albatross, drop us at the palace door" I ordered as I drew my rifle and loaded a magazine as well as four Dragon's Breath shells in the Masterkey. The Albatross stopped and began its descent and turned so the loading ramp would lower onto the top step. I activated my helmet which unfolded and wrapped around my head. I lowered the ramp and ushered the ponies out.
"Albatross: maintain overwatch" I ordered the transport which imediatly raised its ramp and took to the sky
I turned back to the ponies.
"Let's hope Celestia knows what's going on" I said as the palace gate opened on its own. We all made our way to the throne room quickly dashing through the halls and past the frantic pony guards. We all burst into the throne room where a stressed-out Celestia was pacing the floor.
"Princess! We came as fast as we could" Twilight said
"I'm glad to see you all" she said in response
"I assume you're aware of the shitstorm of insanity that's raging outside, Ma'am" I said saluting the Princess
"Captain: language!" Twilight snapped
"What? How would YOU discribe this?" I responded defensively "I'm gonna be cleaning cotton candy out of Albatross' air intakes for weeks"
The Princess turned and walked toward a door behind the pair of thrones.
"Follow me, quickly" she commands. We all follow her into a long hallway filled with stained glass windows.
"This is a matter of great importance" the Princess began "It seems an old foe of mine, someone I thought I had defeated long ago, has returned. His name...is Discord" Fluttershy squealed in fear.
The Princess then began to tell the story of how she and her sister Luna had originally used the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord, the spirit of DIS-harmony, turning him to stone and freeing the ponies from his oppressive rule.
"This is Canterlot Tower" she continued "Where the Elements of Harmony are kept since the seven of you recovered them"
"Wait, we were suppose to give those back?" I asked as I retracted my chest plate's center panel revealing the five pointed golden gear "I just kept mine"
"Captain" Twilight said nudging me "don't interrupt"
"Sorry" I said replacing the panel
"I need you to wield the Elements of Harmony once again and save Equestria from Discord and eternal chaos" Princess Celestia concluded
"But why us?" asked Twilight
"Hey look" chirped Pinkie Pie "We're famous!"
Pinkie was looking at a large stained glass window depicting six ponies and one human firing beams at another dark blue pony. I guessed that was our battle with Nightmare Moon.
"The seven of you showed the Elements' full power by harnessing the magic of your friendship to defeat a mighty foe" the Princess explained "Since Luna and I are no longer connected to the Elements, it is you who must use their power to defeat Discord"
"Ma'am, yes ma'am" I responded snapping to attention
"Princess Celestia, you can count on..." Twilight began to say but was interrupted by Pinkie Pie
"Hold on a second!" Pinkie said "Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys. CHOCOLATE RAIN!"
"Good to see you're keeping everything in perspective" I said sarcastically
"Don't listen to her Princess" Twilight said with confidence "We'd be honored to use the Elements of Harmony again"
Princess Celestia nodded, then turned back to the massive security door behind her. She charged her horn and inserted it into the crest in the center, causing a blue light to radiate from the crack where the doors meet. the light slowly got brighter as the doors opened, revealing a very ornate chest on a pedestal.
"Ooooh" Rarity said gawking at the chest "You can keep the Elements. I'll take that case" I face-palmed
"Have no fear, ponies. I have total confidence that you will be able to defeat Discord with these!" the Princess declared as she levitated the box in front of us and opened it: revealing the void that was suppose to contain the other six Elements of Harmony. We all gasped in horror as Celestia dropped the empty box.
"Why doesn't this surprise me?" I asked rhetorically
"Well" said Pinkie "If anypony needs me, I'll be outside in the chocolate puddles with a giant swizzle straw"